Corrupted

by Alexis Noelle

  “I . . .” My voice is so weak from not using it for so long. I clear my throat. Can I do this? I need to do this. I can’t give Amy anymore power than I already have. She probably thinks she’s won. Anger fills my veins. “I saw my sister, Amy. When I did, memories I forgot, or tried to forget came flooding back. All the emotions I’ve pushed away hit me. It was like an explosion in my head. It hurt so badly. I felt like my head might explode from everything that I dropped to the floor.”

  I see the concern on his face. “Baby, I told you we took care of all of them. You don’t need to worry about it anymore. None of them can hurt you.”

  “You didn’t know everything. The reason Amy triggered me is because she was part of it. She befriended me because they told her to. She was the reason I was there that night. She told me if she didn’t get out that night she would kill herself. So I made Danny take me. Then I heard my uncle say that they had her do it. She was working with them. She set me up.” My voice breaks at the end of it. Trying to push away those memories. The nightmares that came next.

  Jordan’s face twists in anger. “She’ll pay.”

  I think of how Amy used my past, my pain against me. “As much as I’ve always hated violence, I want to be there for it. I want to face her.” His eyes go wide as he looks at me.

  “Lucy I don’t—”

  “I need closure.” I think of everything that has happened to me, of everything that I’ve lost. I lost myself—the girl I once was is gone, and I don’t know who I am anymore. She did that to me. It’s like a switch flips inside of me. I’m filled with so much anger that it’s almost overwhelming. “I want to be the one to do it.” His eyes grow wide as he looks at me. Amy took so much from me when I was willing to risk everything to save her. She sacrificed me to someone she knew would probably kill me, then moved on with her life. She seemed so happy the day I saw her. She robbed me of my happiness. Not only that, but she robbed me if my child.

  “Lucy, you need to understand what something like this could do to you.” His voice is soft.

  “It can’t cause more damage than she already caused me. I need this to heal. To move on.”

  I’m begging him.

  If I have any chance at recovery, this is it.

  I will never be the same.

  Maybe I have a chance to be normal though.

  I sit on the bed in my room still trying to even myself out. The door opens and Twisted walks in.

  He stands at the edge of the bed his hands in his pockets. “So, Whip says you remembered some shit. You’re back to feeling like yourself again?” His eyes are focused on mine watching me like a hawk.

  We were really close before everything happened. I take a deep breath. “Not completely. I’m a work in progress.”

  He sits down on the edge of the bed. “You really scared us all, Luce.”

  I look at him. I want to give him a hug. To show him a form of comfort that I used to have no problem giving. It feels foreign to me and scares me. I bite my lip at the thought of having to endure any physical touch. “I know. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to explain it.” I run my hand through my hair. “It was like I knew how much I cared about all of you, but I just couldn’t feel it anymore. I couldn’t feel anything. Nothing mattered. Then today everything just came rushing back, it was all so overwhelming, and painful. I’m so confused and torn right now between the person I used to be and the person I’ve been forced to become.”

  His head shakes. “I know everything that happened to you. That is shit that no one should ever have to go through. You’re still you though.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong.” I close my eyes trying to remember that girl. “I’m not her anymore, and I can’t be. He took that girl away, and I can’t get her back. The innocence she had, the way she assumed the best of people, and the way she trusted with all her heart. I will never be her again. She died in that basement long before you and Jordan came to rescue me.”

  “So what now?” He looks over at me.

  “That’s the million dollar question. I don’t know.” I hang my head feeling completely defeated.

  “Fuck that.” My head snaps up at his harsh words. “You don’t give up, sis. You do that and even in hell you’re letting that asshole win. You may not be the girl you used to be but that doesn’t mean your life needs to be over.” He stands up and pulls his cut off. Turning his back to me, he reaches back and pulls his shirt up his back. My loud gasp fills the room. He turn to face me showing me his bare chest and I raise my hand to cover my open mouth. “Don’t ask because I’m not going there.”

  Twisted’s entire upper body is covered in scars. Different shapes, and sizes but all over. He lets his shirt down and his eyes focus on me again. “I don’t let many people see this side of me, but you need to know shit can only destroy you if you let it. You do not let this shit destroy you. Take it in and use it to become a stronger person. And don’t you dare say you can’t because you have it in you, if you didn’t you wouldn’t be sitting here right now. You would have given up before we got to you. You’re a fighter, Lucy, so start fuckin fightin’.” With those words, he picks up his cut and leaves the room.

  I sit there digesting everything that just happened. I can’t help but wonder what he’s been through to cause all of that and how he survived it all.

  Then I think about what he said about me. Am I strong enough to come out on top of this? To face my demons and go on living? It’s so hard to try to move on from something that you can’t stop reliving. If you can’t escape it, then how can you forget it?

  I lay down on the pillow needing to close my eyes for a minute. I feel a hand touch me and I scream, lashing out in defense of whoever is trying to hurt me.

  “Lucy, it’s just me.” Jordan is standing in my now dark room. “You fell asleep. I didn’t want to wake you up earlier but the guys just got back and they have your sister. Are you sure about this?” His eyes watch me as if I am a glass vase teetering on the edge and about to break.

  I understand his reservations completely. “I’m sure. I need this.” I stand up and stop in front of Jordan.

  As we face each other, neither of us really know what to say or do. I know that he has no idea how to act around me, and I’m not really sure what I want him to do. “Lucy, I’m following your lead here. You have to let me know what to do. I don’t want to push you too far too fast. I love you.”

  The problem is that I don’t know what I need from him right now. I don’t even know what I need from me. “Thank you. I just don’t know what I need right now.” I can see the disappointment in his eyes at my response. He needs more from me. That’s when I spot it. Maybe I can’t figure out what to say right now, but this might help show him how I’m feeling. I walk past him, and grab my property jacket. Slipping it on I look back at him, the smile on his face is all I need to know that I’m on the right track.

  “I’m ready.” I follow Jordan to the garage and see the other brothers gathered around.

  Pres is there and when we walk in, he comes up to us. “Nice to see you feeling better. You should know though that this ain’t what we normally do. Special circumstances.”

  I nod at him and he leaves along with the rest of the boys except for Twisted and Jordan. I walk closer to Amy and Twisted removes the gag they had over her mouth.

  “Please let me go. Please don’t kill me!” She is pleading with them and completely ignoring me. “I won’t tell anyone I promise. Please just let me go,” she cries as Twisted holds her up.

  “It’s not up to them,” I say as I look at the girl I was ready to sacrifice myself for. I was so desperate for some sort of blood family that I was too blind to see what was right in front of my face.

  “Lucy? I didn’t know you—”

  “What? Lived? You thought he killed me? I’m sure you would have liked that. Then no one would have known that you helped them. That without you they wouldn’t have gotten to me.” I take a step closer to her. “I felt sorry fo
r you. You used my past against me, my pain as leverage. You are as horrible of a person as they are.”

  She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I just did what Daddy wanted me to. They told me I would be punished if I didn’t. What was I supposed to do?”

  “You could have said no! You could have told me!” Tears sting my eyes. “The things that happened to me down there have changed me for the rest of my life and that is all because of you. I lost my child because of the things they did to me.” My voice is loud and cracking with emotion.

  “You can’t kill me, I’m your sister! You love me! You’re not a killer, Lucy. You aren’t that person.” Her eyes plead with me.

  “I wasn’t that person before, this is what your actions have turned me into. You created this monster, and now this monster is going to destroy you.” My voice is cold. Any love or feelings I had toward Amy have long since died.

  Jordan steps up next to me, and hands me his gun. “You ever fire one of these?” I shake my head at him. “You ready?” I nod. I want this to be done. This chapter in my life needs to be over. “Don’t touch the trigger ‘til you’re ready to pull it. When you do pull it, it’s gonna be loud.”

  I take it from him, the weight in my hand making my stomach drop. The confidence I felt walking in here is seeping out of me. I take a few steps toward her so that we are about six feet apart. Twisted releases her and she falls to her knees. Her words are now unrecognizable mixed with sobs and cries. I should feel compassion for her but I don’t. I gave Amy everything I had and she only gave me deception. I lift the gun my hands and arms visibly shaking.

  “Lucy?” Jordan’s voice sounds behind me.

  “She has this, bro.” I hear Twisted’s voice. I think about the talk I had with him in the room. The way he told me that only I had the power to move past all of this shit and come out on top. There is no way I can move past anything knowing that she is living her life, that she got away with what she did.

  My finger slides over the cool metal toward the trigger.

  This is the start of a new life.

  A new attitude.

  A new outlook on life.

  A new Lucy.

  Bang.

  Two months later

  Today is family barbecue day and I have been cooking all day. I hear the tell tale sound of Tracie’s heels clicking and smile. “Damn, girl, it smells fantastic in here.”

  “Yeah, thanks for all your help,” I say sarcastically.

  “Hey, you should be thankful that I didn’t help.” She grabs a few trays and we start to bring them out to the picnic table, wanting to get everything set up before the boys get back. They ended up getting delayed on their run but should be back soon. “You really outdid yourself today.”

  I look at the three picnic tables set up with food, and that’s not counting what the other families will decide to bring. “I know, I guess I just wanted today to be special. It’s the first one since everything happened.”

  She wraps her arm around my shoulder. “I know, Mama, and can I just say that you’ve been doing fuckin’ fantastic. I mean I loved you before but bad ass old lady Lucy rocks.”

  I smile at her as we walk inside. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “I’m talking about the fact that you have really conquered your shit and come out on top. Not only that but you’ve changed for the better. You grew up and everyone’s seen it.” She grabs a couple of beers from behind the bar and hands me one.

  “You gettin’ all sentimental and shit on me now?” I crook my head to the side.

  “Hell no. Just happy to have my best friend again, and now this version likes to curse. I knew that boy would corrupt you.”

  I smile at her. “I guess that depends on your definition. Most people think corruption is bad but if the club corrupted me, I swear I wouldn’t change a thing. I feel like in a way I was corrupted when I got here. My view of the world and the way it works was so far from normal.”

  “If you think this shit is normal, Mary, we need to get your head checked.” She winks at me before walking away.

  I hear the sounds of engines approaching and know it’s the guys. My anticipation to see Jordan grows. We have grown so much closer than we ever were before. I thought after I had pushed him away that we wouldn’t be able to get that back but things have been even better. The only thing that still stands between us is that we haven’t slept together and that’s on me.

  I’m scared.

  Scared of it hurting.

  Scared that it will trigger a memory.

  He has been so patient with me, more than I thought he would be. Never once has he gotten frustrated with me, or pushed me farther than I was ready to go.

  The door opens and the boys start to pile in. I stand up, once I see him walk over.

  Jordan picks me up pressing his mouth to mine. “God, I fuckin’ miss you when I’m gone.”

  I smile against his mouth. “Then stop leaving.”

  “Lucy, you trying to fatten us all up, girl?” Torch calls from the tables as the boys begin to swarm around the food. Cars start to pull in as the families begin to arrive.

  “How was the run?” I hand Jordan my beer knowing he likes it more than me.

  He takes a sip. “Long and lonely.” He sits down on a chair, pulling me onto his lap.

  I turn my head to face him. “I was lonely here too.”

  His arm tightens around me pulling me close to him. This is where I want to be every minute of the day. Pressed against him, in the place where I feel like no one can touch me. I miss being close to him in every way, even sexually. The way his hands used to touch me and hold me.

  I try my hardest to rarely think of that time anymore. I’ve moved past it as best I could. This part of our relationship is the only lingering side effect. The only thing unresolved from that. I want to change that. I need to. I have let that part of my life hold us back for long enough. It’s time to fully be free.

  I turn to Jordan. “I want you.”

  “Sweets, you’ve had me since you were fourteen years old. Except, keep that quiet around Pres, he still thinks I was innocent ‘til you were eighteen.” He winks at me and I nudge him in the chest.

  “No, I mean tonight. I want you. I’m ready.”

  Realization crosses his face and he immediately stands. Taking me with him and heading for the door.

  “Whip, where the hell you going?” Twisted stops us on the way out.

  “I’m taking Lucy home. Not sure we’ll be back anytime in the next year.”

  “About fuckin’ time,” Twisted says as he laughs.

  Jordan carries me out to his bike. “You remember when you turned eighteen, I carried you out to my bike the same way. The day I claimed you.” I nod.

  Jordan does the last thing I expect and kneels in front of me. “Lucy, you are the only woman I have ever loved. The only one I would lay down my life for. You are so strong for living through everything that you have and I am so damn proud to call you my old lady. Now I’m asking you to let me call you my wife.” He pulls a small black box out of his pocket and opens it revealing a gorgeous ring. It has a large diamond in the center with a smaller one on each side.

  “Yes,” I say tears springing to my eyes.

  Jordan slips the ring on my finger and I hear clapping and cheers sound from behind us.

  Everyone is standing there.

  My arms wrap around Jordan’s neck. “You have made me so happy.”

  “I can’t wait to make you happy at least six times more.” His eyebrows wiggle a little and I can feel my cheeks heat.

  He climbs on his bike then offers me his hand, helping me on. I follow suit and wrap my arms tightly around him after waving goodbye to everyone.

  As we drive, a feeling settles over me like everything has finally fallen into place. All of the pieces make sense.

  Even if tonight doesn’t go as planned, I’m not worried. I know in the end I have my real family now, and that they will alwa
ys be there for me.

  Even if tonight doesn’t go the way I want it to, I know that it won’t matter.

  I’ll be all right because I finally have a family.

  I finally have someone that loves me.

  I’m finally happy.

  Turn the page for a sneak peek at the first chapter of Heinous Twisted’s story releasing 4/18!!!!

  Married.

  I can’t believe my little sister is fucking getting married. I take a swig of the beer in front of me trying to swallow the information she just dropped on me.

  In one month, her rich fiancée and family are flying everyone out to some damn beach so she can marry the son of a bitch. I’ve never met the guy so I don’t have anything specific against him, but no one has ever been good enough for my sister.

  Then she throws in that she is hoping to book two tickets for me, like I’m gonna bring some damn date. Yeah, right. Could you imagine me showing up at some five star resort with one of the club whores draped on my arm? I laugh to myself at what their faces might look like. As much as I don’t want to go, there is no way I won’t be there for her. I have protected Lizzie since she was born and I won’t stop now.

  My phone buzzes on the bar, I look down at it to see a text from my brother.

  Jesse: You talk to Lizzie?

  Me: Yeah.

  Jesse: You coming?

  Me: Of course.

  Jesse: Just be careful, brother. Our sister has an itch to be matchmaker and she doesn’t seem to be dropping it this time.

  Fuck. Lizzie just does not want to hear that I have no interest in a damn relationship. I’m perfectly content filling my bed for a couple hours each night then sleeping peacefully alone without all the bullshit having a woman brings. You get all the best parts of a relationship, and by the best parts, I mean pussy without having to deal with any of the clingy jealous pain in the ass shit that goes on after.