Praying for Grace

by M. Lauryl Lewis

  “Clark, we need to move the shrubs back to block the opening,” said Gus. His voice echoed off the rock walls. “Dan, there’s a flashlight in my pack. See if you and Abs can check out the next fifteen feet or so of the tunnel. We need to get the packs on high spots in case it floods in here. Hoot, mind giving us a hand with the entrance?”

  “Is it safe to head deeper in?” asked Abbey.

  “Assume it’s not,” interjected Clark. “Be careful.”

  “I’ll help you with the entrance,” said Katie as she moved toward the men.

  “I’ll check out the mineshaft with the kids,” offered Hoot.

  “I’m gonna sit for a while,” I mumbled. My back was killing me and my belly had grown tight from a contraction.

  Gus nodded at me, and his face told me that he was worried. I broke my gaze with him and I scooted down the wall until I was sitting. The ground was cold and uneven. I adjusted until my butt was clear of a rather uncomfortable lump of rock. I breathed through the brutal contraction and tried to relax my shoulders. We had walked so far that I wondered if my feet were covered in blisters. My body grew warm with a hot flash, so I shrugged off the jacket I was wearing and slid off my tennis shoes. I would have rubbed my own feet if it weren’t for my enlarged belly being in the way. I couldn’t recall exactly when I had been this big with Molly, but I was sure it had taken far longer. Finally, the contraction ebbed and took with it part of my discomfort. I closed my eyes and relaxed against the cold stone behind my back.

  “Abbey?” I called out when I felt another contraction begin.

  “Yeah?” her voice echoed back.

  “Can you bring me a bottle of water?”

  I breathed through this one, which was more painful and lasted longer. I knew I was likely just dehydrated, so was glad when Abbey knelt beside me with water in hand.

  “Are you ok?” she asked quietly.

  I opened my eyes and smiled at her. “I’ll be fine. I just need some water and to stay off my feet for a few.”

  “Want me to get Gus?”

  I drank deeply from the bottle of water before nodding. A third contraction of equal, if not worse, intensity was building. I finished the water while she went to the entrance of the mine to fetch Gus. The trio outside managed to pull enough shrubbery and pieces of wood frame back in place that our natural light supply was nearly gone. It wasn’t long before Gus was at my side. The others were making their way farther into the tunnel, either to give us privacy or to distance themselves from the wet ingress and the storm that still fought to enter.

  “What’s going on, darlin’? Abs said you aren’t feeling well.”

  “Braxton Hicks, but they hurt,” I groaned slightly.

  “You already drank water?”

  “Yeah. We’re running low, though.”

  “We’ll find more soon. Rivers and creeks will be flowing pretty well with the glaciers melting for the summer.” He reached into a bundle beside him and handed me another bottle of water. “Drink mine.”

  I knew better than to argue, so guzzled the second bottle.

  “Let’s get you onto your left side for a while and see if it calms down. We haven’t talked about it, but there’s really no way to figure an accurate timeline on your pregnancies. I think this one’s growing faster than the last.”

  “Molly.”

  “Yes, Molly.”

  “It’s ok to use her name, Gus.”

  “I know, darlin. I know.”

  He ran a hand over my head gently.

  “Have you felt this one move yet?”

  “Yeah. A lot.”

  “Ok. Is it alright if I look you over real quick?”

  “Sure.”

  Gus took his jacket off and bundled it into a ball before motioning for me to lay down. I put my head on the makeshift pillow and did my best to adjust the rest of myself until I was reasonably comfortable. My eyes had grown used to the dark, so when Gus turned a flashlight on I squinted. I closed my eyes and tried to think of something pleasant. Anything. I failed. I jumped in my own skin when I unexpectedly felt Gus’ cold fingers graze the taught skin of my belly as he pulled my shirt up.

  “God, Zoe, why didn’t you tell me about this?” he asked quietly.

  “About what?”

  “The lines in your skin. The green ones are back, mixed with the white ones.”

  “It’s been like that for a couple days,” I admitted.

  His warm hands explored the bulge in my abdomen. His touch was reassuring and familiar, and I realized just how much I had missed it lately.

  “Has she been moving a lot today?”

  “A fair amount. I started feeling her about a week ago. She’s always kicking more when I’m not moving around.”

  “That’s pretty normal.”

  “I think the water’s helped. The contractions aren’t as strong.”

  “That’s real good, darlin’. You warm enough?”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  The rain continued to fall steadily outside and the entrance to the mine was soon coated in a slick wet layer of mud. Yellow-orange flashes of light streaked the sky and played across the stone walls of our temporary shelter into the late hours of the night. I had assumed the phenomenon was a meteor of some sort when I first saw it the day we landed on the shores of Tatoosh Island, but now I was even more perplexed. I had come to accept that we’d never know what was causing any of this. The world had gone to shit and we were as good as alone.

  CHAPTER 13

  By morning the storm had passed. The landscape was left in a layer of damp that matched our moods. My ankles were still swollen but my contractions had subsided. Gus offered to stay behind with me in the mine for a couple of days while the others moved on in search of Clark’s house, but I was determined to not separate from the rest of the group.

  “You said it’s about a day’s walk?” I asked Clark as we followed the path of a dirt road that had long ago been carved into the mountainside by either loggers or miners.

  “If we’re lucky. We’ll be exposed at night but I haven’t seen any sign of the dead up this high.”

  “So far,” echoed Katie from behind us.

  “Do you think they’ll come up this high?” asked Abbey, which led to a small coughing fit. I thought it was a good question.

  “I imagine so,” said Hoot, giving his honest opinion.

  Morning mist was giving way to the brightness of the sun, and I welcomed the warmth. The night had proven to be cold and damp and we had all woken with stiffness and hunger. We had eaten two cans of carrots between the six of us, leaving us all miserably hungry.

  “Look,” said Danny suddenly, causing us to all stop.

  “What is it?” asked Gus.

  “Huckleberries! They look ripe.”

  He and Abbey ran toward a large bush that was growing from the ruins of a fallen tree. The shrub was delicate looking with small branches and leaves, and tiny bright red berries.

  “Are they safe?” asked Gus.

  “Huckleberries? Completely safe. Just small and bitter,” chimed in Clark, who obviously knew the mountain. “We’ll stop here to rest for half an hour and eat lunch. There’s a lake coming up that we should reach before sunset. We’ll stay the night there. If we’re lucky we’ll have fish for dinner. I brought hooks and lines from the RV.”

  “Let’s go get some berries,” I said to Gus just before grabbing his hand and pulling him toward the bush.

  We walked gingerly over the rocks that covered the side of the old roadway and Gus helped me up the small incline to the berries.

  “Oh my God, look!” I cried out.

  There were hundreds of them farther up the hill. Blackberries too. I let go of Gus’ hand and ran toward them the best I could. The seven of us ate berries until our bellies were full, and packed what we could into the leftover carrot cans from the night before. We brought them with to use for water. Abbey had the forethought to crush the berries once they were in the cans, allowing
us to pack more into each can.

  We arrived at the lake by late afternoon. It was beautiful and unlike anything I had seen in months, seemingly untouched by the horrors of our new world. The water was crystal clear and the color of blue ice. It reflected its surroundings like a mirror. Mount Rainier’s peak was centered behind it yet also looked like it was upside down beneath the water. A meadow full of tall grasses and wildflowers in yellow, purple, and blue led us to the water’s edge. Evergreen trees stretched as far as the eye could see. The air smelled of sweet honeysuckle instead of death and decay.

  “We’re here,” announced Clark with a wide grin. “Reflection Lake.”

  “It’s beautiful,” I whispered.

  “Can we go swimming?” asked Abbey eagerly.

  “I suppose so, but we should try to catch some fish first,” answered Clark.

  “Think there are any?” asked Danny.

  Clark chuckled heartily. “Son, I’ve been fishing this pond since I was two years old. It’s full of crappie, bass, trout, and catfish.”

  “Glad you thought to grab the fishing gear,” said Gus.

  “I’ll tell you what. You all go around the bend to wash up and I’ll fish down this way. Just keep the noise down, ok?” instructed Clark.

  “I’ll stay and help keep watch,” offered Gus. “I don’t mind waiting to bathe until after supper.”

  “I’ll wait with you,” I said. I didn’t want to wade into the water without him, and I didn’t want to go in with other eyes on me.

  “I’ll gather some firewood,” offered Hoot. He was still suffering so from his sister’s death. He seldom said much.

  ***

  The others walked the shoreline until they found a spot to enter the water that was well away from where the fishing lines would be. They were quiet aside from a few gasps resulting from the shock of the cold water. Gus set to work on starting a small fire. It was the best time of day for it, right at dusk, so that neither smoke nor flame would be well seen by searching eyes. I helped Clark tie a length of fishing line onto a stick. He seemed impressed that I was skilled at tying hooks. He used his knife to cut a lock of my hair off, with my permission. I was amazed at the makeshift “fly” he fashioned.

  The fish population of the lake had flourished, it seemed, from lack of recreational fishing. We caught three large bass within the first twenty minutes or so, all thanks to my hair trimmings tickling the surface of the water. I found the process fascinating so offered to keep fishing while Gus and Clark cleaned the catch and began cooking chunks of fish using sticks as skewers. Sitting on the bank of the lake was the closest I had been to being happy since before Boggs had died.

  The sun was setting, lighting the white-and-blue glaciers afire in a blaze of red. As I cast my short line out to bobble on the surface, Katie sat down beside me.

  “The water’s cold, but it feels so good to be clean again. Want me to take over so you can get cleaned up?”

  I looked over at her lazily. “Do you know how?”

  “Looks easy enough, but you can show me real quick.”

  I smiled softly at her. I had secretly hoped that she and Boggs might find comfort in each other. I squashed that thought out of my mind and nodded at her.

  “Just toss the line out a few feet and slowly drag the fly back toward shore so they think it’s alive. You’ll know if you catch one. If you do, just stand up and walk in onto the beach. Whack it on the head with a rock to kill it.”

  “Nice,” she mumbled.

  I demonstrated casting once before handing her the makeshift pole. I stood clumsily, using her shoulders as a handhold. I put my hands on my lower back to stretch and smiled softly as Gus stood and approached me.

  “Ready for a swim, darlin’?”

  “Will you come with me?”

  “For sure. The fish will be done cooking in about twenty minutes, so let’s hurry.”

  He took my hand and we walked farther down shore together, passing Dan and Abbey on the way. They both looked refreshed. I could tell that Danny was constantly watching for danger, and was glad he was protective of Abbey.

  “It’s good to see you smiling, Zoe,” said Gus. “I know it’s been miserable for all of us, but especially for you.”

  I squeezed his hand gently and sighed. “I know we haven’t talked about it all much. I know you’re hurting too. I know you loved her, Gus, on some level. I don’t think I’ve even told you how sorry I am.”

  “You don’t have to. I know already.”

  We hugged, and it felt good. Almost as if a cloud were lifting.

  “Gus?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I don’t want anyone to see me naked. Not with my skin like this.”

  “We’re far enough down shore, babe. Don’t worry. Plus it’s getting dark.”

  He began to undress me, and I allowed him to do so. Like a gentleman, he kept his body between mine and the others back at the fire. I could see longing on his face as he touched my cheek with the backside of his left hand.

  “Ready to get wet?” he whispered somewhat seductively.

  I nodded. He quickly stripped out of his own clothes, still shielding me from view with his own body. Unexpectedly, he lifted me into his arms and walked with me into the lake. The same time my feet hit the water, he gasped. I knew that his privates had come into contact with the cold water. It made me chuckle.

  “Ok babe. There’s no better way to do this.”

  I felt his body tense as he suddenly submerged us both. I held my breath, and held onto him. The water was even colder than I had expected, causing me to yelp underwater from the shock. As quickly as we had submerged, we resurfaced and I gulped a breath of fresh air.

  Gus shook water from his hair and grinned at me. “Now that’s a bath!” he exclaimed.

  I let go of him and kicked myself away, enjoying the cold water on my skin. We had all been sponge bathing for so long that even though I was freezing, I was so glad to be submerged. I floated on my back and stared at the darkening sky. My belly was protruding from the water awkwardly and I tried to not feel like a whale. The smell of cooking fish reached us and I flipped over to swim farther from the shore. It was too deep for me to touch bottom, reminding me of the pond where Gus had almost died beneath the water when his foot had gotten caught in submerged branches. I shivered at the memory.

  “Don’t get too far away,” whispered Gus, startling me.

  “I won’t,” I answered quietly.

  Slowly swimming toward me, his gaze was full of mischief. I retreated, but not in a true attempt to get away from him. I allowed him to close the gap and embrace me in his arms. The heat from his body was in stark contrast to the temperature of the water. His hands caressed my sides as he held me close.

  “Sorry we don’t have soap,” he whispered close to my ear just before nuzzling my cheek with his nose. His beard had grown long enough that it was soft against my skin.

  “Not here,” I mumbled. “They can see us.”

  “They’re not watching,” he said as his lips found my earlobe and his arms tightened around me. “It’s been so long since you’ve let me hold you, Zoe,” he said breathlessly. “Just let me hold you for a minute. Both of you.”

  I looked into his eyes and cupped his cheek with my palm. He moved his hands from my waist to my hips and silently slipped beneath the water. His face caressed my belly lovingly, followed by both of his hands. I reached under the water to caress the top of his head. Once again I felt the slightest bit of electricity run from him through me. It was like a breath of fresh air. As he ran out of breath, his head emerged in front of me.

  “I felt the baby move,” he said with a silly grin as water ran from his hair down the sides of his face.

  Unable to resist, I smiled back at him. “I felt you.”

  Suddenly, he pushed back from me and went under again. I followed suit, stretching my own arms and legs before using my hands to wash myself. The last rays of daylight were fading behind the tre
es to the west and the smell of cooking fish filled the air. I took a deep breath, held it, and dunked under the water again. Even without soap, the clean water felt heavenly as layers of dirt and grime rinsed away. Upon resurfacing, I noted that I had swam out farther than I had meant to. Not knowing how deep the lake was beneath me, I felt unsettled and searched around me for Gus. Not seeing him, my breathing quickened and I began kicking my legs and pulling the water with my arms to reach shore. I fought the urge to scream when I felt arms encircle me from behind.

  “Slow down, darlin’. It’s just me. Are you ok?”

  I turned to face him and forced my breathing to slow. “I just got creeped out.”

  “Let’s go drip dry and grab some dinner.”

  “Just one more dunk. Stay close?” I pleaded.

  “Ayup. Always.”

  I looked down at his bare chest and bit my lower lip for a moment, deep in thought.

  “What is it?” he whispered while using his index finger and thumb to lift my chin.

  I looked into his eyes. “Don’t leave me again,” I said quietly. “Don’t walk away again. I’d rather die.”

  He enveloped me with his arms and stroked my hair while I rested my cheek on his shoulder.

  ***

  No more words were said between us until we had gotten out of the lake, drip-dried, and dressed.

  “The fish should be ready by now,” said Gus as we carefully walked back to where the small cooking fire was still burning. Night had taken over for the day. The others had carefully placed rocks around the small fire pit to help hide the dying flames from the view of anyone who might be lurking in the distance.

  “Hey, you guys ready?” asked Danny.

  “You have no idea,” answered Gus.

  “How many did we get?” I asked no one in particular.

  “Four,” said Abbey. “I helped gut one. Blech.”

  Dan rolled his eyes dramatically.

  We sat on fallen logs that had been smoothed by weather and time. My clothes were still a touch damp and the night had quickly cooled. Fish was passed around in chunks suitable for eating by hand. The fish itself was very bland, and Katie discovered that it was better if dipped into the blackberry and huckleberry mush that Abbey had thought to bring with. The rest of us agreed and soon the meal was gone. Hoot buried the fish skin, innards, and bones in a shallow grave to keep wild animals from going after them. We sat talking for a while as the fire died down. Luck was on our side that night with clear skies and relatively mild temperatures.