Letters to Kelly

by Suzanne Brockmann

  Because attraction had nothing to do with love. Love hinged on trust, not on broken promises. But hormones—now, that was an entirely different matter. Kelly’s hormones didn’t care that T. Jackson hadn’t proved to be especially honor-bound. Her hormones only saw a tall, blond, handsome man with a killer smile and a body to die for.

  “It was nice meeting you, Kelly.” Stefanie interrupted her thoughts. “You should come out to the Cape and visit us sometime this summer.”

  “Gee, what a swell idea.” Jax grinned as he helped Kelly into the hotel. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

  “Thanks, Stefanie.” Kelly ignored Jackson. “It was nice meeting you, too. And I really do enjoy your books.”

  “Gotta fly,” Stef said. “Emilio’s waiting for me.” She smiled at Jax. “See you when I see you, darling.”

  With a flash of blond hair and long legs, she disappeared, leaving Jax and Kelly standing in the posh hotel lobby.

  “If you don’t mind, I would like to change,” Jax said.

  He began walking toward the elevators, past the entrance to a lounge. To his surprise, Kelly went with him, rather than offering to wait for him in the bar.

  “This is a nice place,” she said, looking around at the elegantly decorated, airy lobby. The colors were muted shades of pink and rose, with a green-leaf print thrown in for good measure. It was all very soothing and quiet, with thick carpeting and overstuffed furniture to help absorb any excess noise. “I’ve never been in here.”

  Jax pushed the up button, and as they stood waiting for the elevator, he watched Kelly. Had she really relaxed enough around him to be comfortable waiting in his suite while he changed his clothes? But she didn’t seem relaxed. She seemed quiet, thoughtful almost to the point of distraction.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

  Her eyes focused on his face. “I was thinking that it’s a shame you don’t write anymore.”

  Jax smiled. “Well, I do a little bit here and there.”

  “But it’s not what you do for a living,” she said.

  The bell rang for the elevator, and Jax held the door open so that she could step inside. As the door slid shut behind him, he pushed the button that said Penthouse. “I’m a Winchester,” he said easily. “I open dividend checks for a living, remember?”

  “I thought you wanted to write screenplays.” Her tone was faintly accusing. “Or novels. Whatever happened to that?”

  “Actually, I started a screenplay,” he said.

  “But you didn’t finish it?”

  “Other obligations got in the way. I haven’t stopped thinking about it, though. The same way I never stopped thinking about you.”

  “Smooth line, T.” Kelly glanced over at him. “But somehow, I have trouble believing it.”

  “I guess you don’t have to believe it,” Jax said. “But it is true.”

  He was leaning casually, nonchalantly against the wall of the elevator, feet crossed in front of him, hands in his pants pockets. His hair was mussed and still wet from the rain. He smiled at her perusal, his eyes warm and very green.

  Was this elevator shrinking? Kelly looked up at the numbers that were changing above the door. Eight more floors ’til they reached the penthouse level. What was that old saying, out of the elevator and into the penthouse? Why did she ever come up here with him?

  “What do you want from me?” she asked, point-blank.

  He answered with the same laid-bare honesty. “I want to marry you.”

  Stunned, Kelly heard a ding as the elevator reached the penthouse floor, and the doors glided open. She stared at T. in shock. He held the doors back with one hand and gestured with the other. “After you,” he said calmly, as if he hadn’t just told her that he wanted to…marry her.

  He wanted to marry her.

  The initial shock was starting to wear off, and as Kelly walked down the long hotel corridor, she began to laugh. He said he wanted to marry her. What a hoot.

  Unperturbed, Jax used a plastic key card to unlock the door and opened it wide, stepping back to let her go in first.

  His hotel suite was enormous. It had a spacious living room tastefully done in the same subdued colors that had decorated the lobby. But the best part of the room was the wall of glass that overlooked downtown Boston. The view was breathtaking.

  As Kelly walked toward the windows, she saw a set of French doors that led into a huge bedroom. The bed itself was almost the size of her entire apartment. She pulled her eyes away, not wanting to be caught staring.

  T. Jackson hung his wet sport jacket on the back of a chair, and as Kelly turned to look at him, she saw that his shirt was wet. He had been soaked by the rain clear through his jacket.

  Slowly, she put her backpack down on the floor.

  He smiled at her as he pulled off his tie and kicked off his shoes. “I’ll be right back,” he said, unbuttoning his shirt. “Help yourself to the bar.”

  There was a wet bar on the wall next to the TV, and Kelly tried to focus her attention on the various bottles of alcohol and soda, rather than the glimpse of hard, tan muscles she’d seen before T. had left the room.

  She poured herself a tall glass of seltzer, added a few ice cubes and turned to look around.

  There were a number of books scattered about the room. Two of them were Jayne Tyler’s most recent releases. A third was a galley copy of what Kelly assumed was to be Jayne’s next book, entitled Love’s Sweet Captive. Seven titles that she recognized from the New York Times bestseller list, both fiction and nonfiction, sat on an end table. A week’s worth of the Boston Globe lay in a pile on the floor. Premiere magazine and Writer’s Digest were open and out on the coffee table, along with several news magazines.

  “Grab me a cola from the fridge, will ya, Kel?” Jax called out from the bedroom.

  She pulled a can of soda free from a six-pack that was in the refrigerator as Jackson appeared in the bedroom door. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a smile, turning a T-shirt rightside out.

  Kelly tried not to stare. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t ever seen him without a shirt on before. But, Lord, he looked good. His body was well-toned and his skin was smooth and lightly tanned.

  His muscles rippled as he pulled his shirt over his head and down across his broad chest.

  “What do you really want from me?” Kelly heard herself ask. Her voice sounded faint and breathless.

  His fingers brushed hers as he took the can of soda from her hand. “I told you,” he said easily, his teeth flashing as he shot her a brief smile. “I want to marry you. I wanted to marry you seven years ago, Kelly, and I still want to marry you.”

  Kelly felt a prick of anger and she clung to it, unable to deal with the other emotions that were assailing her. “After all this time, you’re finally ready—”

  “No.” He shook his head, his green eyes unyielding, pinning her in place. “You’re finally ready.”

  “The hell I am,” she said with an exasperated laugh. “I’ve just gotten out of one foolish marriage. Do you really think I’d be so eager to get into another right now?”

  “Do you really think marriage to me would be foolish?” he countered.

  “Absolutely.”

  T. took a step toward her, setting his can of soda on the coffee table. “Why?”

  He moved another step forward. His eyes were green crystal, his face unsmiling and serious.

  Kelly crossed her arms defensively, determined to stand her ground. “Oh, come on, T.,” she said. “Why do you think?”

  “I don’t know,” he said softly, shaking his head. “Seven years ago, you seemed to think marrying me was a good idea.”

  T. Jackson had that burning light in his eyes as he took yet another step toward her. He was getting too close, close enough to be able to reach out and touch her.

  Kelly stepped around him, bending down to pick up her backpack and jacket. “I took you seriously then because I was too young to know better.” She put more sp
ace between them. “But I know better now.”

  She had to leave before the horrible memories of the hurt she had felt when he left brought the pain back. But he was standing between her and the door, blocking her way out of the suite.

  “I know I disappointed you,” Jackson said softly.

  Kelly laughed. “Yeah, I’d say I was disappointed,” she agreed. “For God’s sake, T., you left the country without even saying goodbye to me!” She pushed past him toward the door. “I’ve got to go—”

  Jax caught her arm. “Please, Kel…” He suddenly wished desperately that real life could be as simple as fiction. He wished he could go back and rewrite some of the scenes in his life. But he’d made so many mistakes with Kelly, it was hard to know where to start. He wished at least he’d had a chance to make love to her, to show her how much he loved her. Suddenly he was glad that he had added that love scene between Jared and Carrie to his book. Their one night of love was what bound them together, and it would keep them bound together even as they faced the trials and tribulations he was going to send their way.

  But he and Kelly had had no such night. He had never even said the words I love you to her.

  She pulled her arm away and stared at him, anger and hurt in her eyes. “I loved you so much, T. But it was just a game to you—”

  “No!” He raked his hair back out of his face with his fingers. “That’s not true—”

  “The truth is, you were doing Kevin a favor by taking me to the prom,” she said hotly. “But you went kind of overboard, took it a step too far.” She reached for the doorknob, pulling the door open. “Well, not this time, Jackson.”

  But he pushed the door closed with the palm of one hand, and brought his other hand up against the door on the other side of her, effectively pinning her between his arms. “No,” he said very definitely. “I won’t let you run away. You’ve got to give me a chance to explain.”

  T. was standing so close, Kelly could feel heat radiating from his body. She could smell his sweet scent, a mixture of after-shave, shampoo and his own, individual familiar aroma.

  “God, you even smell the same,” she said, looking up into the swirling colors of his eyes. I give up, she suddenly wanted to say. Take me to dinner. Take me anywhere. Take me.

  She knew all she had to do was ask. There was no mistaking the desire she could see in his eyes.

  He leaned toward her, as somehow she knew he would, and he kissed her, also as she knew he would. What she didn’t expect was the total meltdown she experienced as his lips touched hers.

  Her bones became liquid, her muscles useless and her arms, the evil betrayers, wrapped themselves around T. Jackson’s neck, pulling him even closer to her. She heard him groan as his tongue pushed past her lips, tasting her, possessing her.

  Nothing had changed. Seven years had passed, during which time Kelly had been married and divorced, yet all it took was one kiss from this man and all the old feelings came flooding back. As her fingers became tangled in his soft, blond hair, she tried to stop herself, but she couldn’t.

  He kissed her, harder, pulling her body in more tightly to him, his hands cupping the softness of her derriere, pressing her hips against him.

  He lifted his head then, and Kelly stared into the turbulence of his eyes. “You know what I want,” he said, his voice thick, raspy.

  There was no mistaking the hardness of his arousal as it pressed against her stomach. Even though he hadn’t asked a question, Kelly nodded, unable to speak.

  “I wanted to make love to you the morning after the prom, too.” He kissed her neck, her throat, running his hands lightly up her body, touching the sides of her breasts.

  She closed her eyes, wanting him to touch her, wanting…

  “I wanted you so badly,” he whispered. “But you were only sixteen. And I—I didn’t even care. I was so crazy in love with you, I couldn’t see straight. If Kevin hadn’t found us, if he hadn’t stopped me, I would’ve done it. I would have made love to you right there on that beach. You were just a kid, and I didn’t even have any protection, and I still would have done it, and, Kel, that scared the hell out of me.” He shook his head, still amazed that he could have felt so out of control. “So I lost it, I totally lost it. Kevin was beating the crap out of me, and I didn’t fight back because I knew I deserved it. And those things he said…I didn’t deny it because I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t even think. But I didn’t take you to that prom as a favor to your brother. After I saw you in that dress, I begged him to let me take you. I promised him I’d take care of you, and instead I nearly took your virginity—”

  Kelly pressed her fingers to his lips. “You weren’t the only one there that morning,” she said steadily. “I was there, too. And I wanted you as much as you wanted me.”

  “Kel, you were a kid—”

  “So what, T.? I knew what I wanted.”

  “How could you have known?” he asked. “You were only sixteen—”

  “I’m not sixteen anymore,” she said.

  And then she kissed him.

  It was a kiss of passion and need, filled with fire and heat and the promise that all they’d started seven years ago would not remain unfinished business. Not for long.

  Kelly’s backpack dropped to the floor as Jackson pushed her jacket off her shoulders. He heard her inhale sharply as his hands caressed her arms, and he was overcome by the need to touch more of her, all of her. He tugged at her shirt, yanking it free from the waistband of her pants, and groaned as his fingers found the soft, warm skin of her back and her belly. He was lost, lost in the depth of her kisses, consumed by wanting her. Even after all those years, his control was still shot to hell when he held her in his arms. He was possessed, utterly, totally possessed by his burning need.

  She moved away from him slightly to pull her shirt over her head. As if in a dream, Jax watched his hands unfasten the front clasp of her bra, releasing the soft fullness of her breasts. He wanted to take his time, to look at her, to touch her slowly, but he was on fire, and he couldn’t hold back. He touched her almost roughly, driven nearly mad by the heavy weight of her breasts in his palms. Greedily he lowered his head and drew one taut nipple into his mouth, hungrily tugging, sucking until she cried out with pleasure.

  Kelly pulled at his shirt then, and he quickly yanked it off. She reached out to touch him lightly, and the sensation was too exquisite, too intense. He crushed her to him, exalting in the feeling of her skin against his as he kissed her frantically. He was unable to think coherently, unable to think at all.

  Jax felt her fingers at the waistband of his jeans, unfastening the button, tugging at the zipper.

  “Kel,” he groaned, knowing that if she touched him there, he’d never be able to turn back. “Kel, what are we doing?”

  Her laughter was low and sexy. “Don’t you know?”

  He kissed her neck, her throat, letting his hands explore her body. Her hair felt like silk, her skin like satin. His fingers swept lower, and he realized with an electric jolt of pleasure that her leggings were gone. She’d somehow kicked off her cowboy boots and her pants, and now stood before him, naked.

  She was beautiful—incredibly, perfectly beautiful.

  He felt her tugging at his jeans, pushing them down.

  “Oh, Jackson,” he heard her whisper as she freed him from the confines of his shorts. And then she touched him. He nearly lost it right then and there, simply from the touch of her hand.

  Seven years. For seven years he’d been waiting for this moment.

  He touched the softness between her legs, feeling the heat and wetness that proclaimed her desire. Kelly opened herself to him, pressing against his exploring fingers. “Please, T.,” she breathed, “I need you now…”

  She had a condom. She must’ve had it in her backpack. She handed it to him and, as quickly as he could with shaking hands, he covered himself.

  And then the waiting was over.

  He lifted her up, and with one fierce thrust, h
e was inside of her. She cried out with pleasure as he plunged into her again and again.

  Kelly’s back was still to the door, her arms and legs wrapped tightly around T. as she moved with him. She’d never made love like this before. She’d never felt so desperately wanted, so fiercely desired. T.’s eyes were lit with a wild passion that both excited her and frightened her—frightened her because she suddenly doubted that making love to him once would be enough.

  He pulled her down with him then, down onto the floor. He covered her body with his own, increasing the tempo of his movements. She met each thrust by lifting her hips, pushing him even more deeply into her. His hands and mouth were everywhere, adding to the sensations, driving her closer and closer to release.

  And suddenly she was flying, hurtling through space as waves and waves of pleasure rocketed through her.

  “Yes,” she heard T. say through the storm that possessed her. “Come on, Kelly.” And somehow, some way, she went even higher.

  Jax had only imagined how good this would be, but his imagination hadn’t even come close to the reality. As the last tremors passed through her, she gazed up at him. “Oh, T., we should have done this seven years ago,” she breathed, still moving with him.

  She smiled up at him then, and it was the love he was so sure he saw in her eyes that pushed him over the edge.

  He exploded. It was amazing, incredible, impossibly wonderful. He wanted to laugh and cry and…

  And she held him tightly, her arms around him, until his breathing slowed. He rolled off of her then, pulling her into his arms. He could feel Kelly watching him staring at the ceiling for several long moments before he glanced at her out of the corners of his eyes. He laughed, not without a certain amount of embarrassment.

  “I have such amazing finesse,” he said, more to himself than her. “I had seven years to plan the perfect way to make love to you for the first time, and what do I do? I don’t even take you into the bedroom. I end up nailing you to the wall.”

  She laughed. “Is that what that’s called? I liked it a lot.”

  Jackson moved his left arm out from underneath her so he could use it to support his head as he looked down into her eyes. “I’m glad,” he murmured.