Seven Guilty Pleasures

by Jeannette Winters

  Even after all the time they’d lost, there was no one else she wanted to discuss this with. No one else who’d understand.

  “Yes. I wanted to let you know we are home,” Ziva said.

  Home. That’s something she wasn’t ever going to get used to hearing. “Good. And how is my niece?”

  “She was thrilled to see us. She’s daddy’s little girl. Alex walked into the room and she reached out her arms. Of course, nothing was going to stop him from swooping her up in his arms either.”

  It was still so hard for her not to tense up thinking of Ziva with a Henderson. Thankfully Ziva understood her reservations. After all, she’d been the baby sister left behind. The girl who mourned her elder sister’s abduction then did such an amazing job to not only protect herself but to free others. Ziva was so strong, and a part of her felt so proud. I wish I could’ve been that strong back then. My life would’ve been so different. But Isa hadn’t been given the same opportunity as Ziva, and nothing was going to change that. They had different paths, which led to different choices. Ziva had made hers. Isa had to remember that Alex was now her family. If her parents were still alive, they’d have expected her to welcome Alex into the Grzyb family. I’m the eldest, so I better start acting like it.

  “You need to send me some pictures. It sounds so . . . cute.” Isa loved hearing the joy in Ziva’s voice. If they were in the States, Isa would visit them on her days off. Since Ziva insisted on returning to Tabiq, that was impossible. Even if I wanted to go, I couldn’t afford it.

  “I’ll send you a video tomorrow. But I didn’t call just to talk about me. I want to know how things are with you and Drake.”

  Isa wasn’t sure what to say. They had a sister bond but had never been given the opportunity to share things as adults. It felt both odd and wonderful at the same time. Isa decided to start slow. “Things are good. Work today was busy.”

  “I didn’t ask about work. Drake seems really fond of you. I wanted to ask you while I was there, but it wasn’t something we could talk about with the guys around.”

  She was glad that conversation didn’t take place in the lounge. Isa had struggled to maintain her dignity. At that time she still wasn’t sure where she and Drake stood. Not that I know much more now.

  “I . . . I don’t know. We connect on so many things, but we are as different as night and day. It’s not something that will last.” Isa knew it was her own mind messing with her heart. But following her heart might get it broken. She didn’t want that either.

  “Why do you say that?” Ziva asked.

  Was it the conversation with Janet that had her thinking that way? It wasn’t about Drake. “I’m not the type of person he needs.”

  “And what type is that exactly?” Ziva asked. Isa couldn’t respond. “You’re judging him. That’s not fair to him or to you.”

  “But the timing is all off. I’m not ready for—”

  “Timing is what you make it. If you’re waiting for it to be right, you’ll be waiting forever.”

  Isa had never thought of it that way. When would be a good time? When would she be ready? It’d been twenty years since . . . the incident that changed her life. What if it was another twenty before she was able to trust fully and commit herself? Drake was wonderful, but there was no way could she ask him to wait.

  “Ziva, my instincts are to push and run. What if it’s too much for Drake? The constant unknown of which woman he’ll be dealing with. The happy, loving sweet Isa, or the Isa who can’t forget and hates everything his money and status remind me of.” The man who paid for my virginity. Who stole me from love, family, joy. Tears were bubbling up and she tried pushing them back, but it was too late. At least her sister couldn’t see them.

  “Are you crying?” Ziva asked.

  Sniffing, Isa replied, “No. I’m washing my makeup off. Got a bit in my eye.” She hated lying to Ziva, but with the distance, it would only make it harder. The last thing she wanted was Ziva feeling guilty for leaving her and going back to her family. It’s where she belongs. Charisa needs her. And the many women she rescued too.

  “Okay. But I need you to understand that what you’re feeling is normal.”

  “Normal? For who?” Isa blurted out.

  “I was the same way with Alex. When I first met him, all I wanted to do was . . . strangle him, I guess. I was out to prove he was anything but what my heart was telling me. It took almost losing him before I realized I couldn’t live without him.”

  “What do you mean, you almost lost him?” Isa hadn’t known anything about how she’d met Alex.

  “It wasn’t easy for us. Alex had come to Tabiq looking for answers. I thought he was like his . . . father. I judged him quickly . . . automatically . . . when I shouldn’t have. But then I saw he was trying to stop the cruelty in Tabiq, to turn the tables on those who had ruled us. Suppressed us. They even kidnapped us both and tried using me to get him to bend to their request. Alex was willing to give his life to save mine.”

  “I didn’t know. I’m sorry.” They had intentionally left out any painful topics when they’d met at the lounge. They both had their own share of demons to deal with, and she hoped in time they’d get to share those parts of their lives as well.

  “If Alex hadn’t come when he did, I think Tabiq would be exactly as it was when you left. Instead he and the other Hendersons have literally fought for our human rights. And Isa, they’ve won.”

  Could it really be? The son of the one she considered the devil was the one who saved them? Was Tabiq finally liberated? She could hear the passion and strength in Ziva’s voice as she spoke about the changes. This wasn’t just hope, but had it become reality? If a country that had suffered for years can heal, then there’s hope I can too.

  “It sounds like my brother-in-law isn’t who I thought he was.”

  “You’re right. And I have a feeling if you give Drake a chance, you’ll find a similar man. Alex has spoken about Drake. He respects him. That speaks volumes in my book.”

  “Ziva, that’s because they do business together—”

  “Isa, I know exactly what you’re doing. Stop denying what you know is in your heart. If you love him, and I believe you do, allow yourself the one thing that scares the crap out of you. Be—”

  “Happy,” Isa said softly, her voice cracking slightly. Until Drake, she’d forgotten what it was like. Her life from eighteen on had been one of mourning. And even though she wasn’t a negative person, it would take time to adapt. She wanted that happiness, and she wanted to be able to have faith in someone again. Would it be possible?

  “Yes. It’s probably the hardest thing for us to do without feeling guilty,” Ziva added. “When are you seeing him again?”

  “We’re going out for a bite to eat when we finish our call.”

  “Then what are you doing talking to me?” Ziva asked.

  “We have so much catching up to do,” Isa replied.

  Ziva laughed. “Isa, I hope you know you can call me anytime, for anything. There is no reason why either of us have to go through anything alone ever again.”

  “I know, Ziva. We’ve plenty of time to catch up.” And build new memories. Keep the Grzyb bond strong. Like it used to be. “Love you.”

  “Love you too, Isa. Remember what I said. Timing is what you make it.” When did my younger sister get so wise?

  As she ended the call, she hoped Ziva’s positive attitude would be contagious. Right now she was fighting all kinds of doubt. Different from any she’d experienced before. At times it felt like overwhelming excitement, and at other times, it knocked the breath out of her. That didn’t mean she wasn’t still looking forward to seeing Drake.

  READY?

  Perfect timing. YES.

  LOBBY IN FIVE.

  There was no hiding whatever it was they had. The lobby was busy at all hours. She’d have preferred meeting someplace away from the casino, but as they say, he’s the boss. She also tried to remember Janet’s words and not worr
y so much about what others thought of her. Baby steps, Janet, baby steps.

  * * *

  Drake couldn’t wait to hold her again. It’d been practically all he’d thought of the entire time she was working. He’d been so tempted to show up with an excuse that he was there for a drink. But she needed to do this on her own terms, and he respected that more than he could tell her. Even if he hadn’t fallen in love with her, he knew she’d have advanced in his company. She was a force to be reckoned with. She’s management material, and she doesn’t even know it.

  As she exited the elevator, he didn’t hold back. He walked right over to her, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her lightly. “I’ve missed you.”

  Isa giggled. “You just saw me this morning.”

  “I could look at you all day and never grow tired of it.”

  He loved how Isa wrinkled her nose before saying, “How about grow hungry, because I think you promised me a late dinner.”

  Taking her hand in his, Drake led them outside to the waiting limo. “Don’t ask me what I’m in the mood for eating, because I promise you, they don’t have you on any menu.” Isa slapped his arm playfully. “Okay, I’ll be good. For now. But I do remember reading something about chocolate on that list of yours. Would you mind having dessert at my penthouse?” He felt Isa tense.

  Shit. I’m pushing again. Alex had warned him to let her take things at her pace. They’d made love several times. It didn’t seem too much suggesting a little playful loving. Guess I was wrong again. Damn. I seem to be doing a lot of that lately. Was he that naïve regarding women, or was Isa so different from the rest?

  “I thought you’d like to stay with me at my apartment again. I know it’s not the most comfortable, but it’s away from all the activity of this place.”

  She sure as hell was right about that, but comfortable wasn’t a way he’d describe her place. He didn’t care if he was sleeping on a bed of nails, as long as he was holding her. “Only if we can go to the diner down the street for breakfast.”

  “You drive a hard bargain,” Isa teased.

  You have no idea. He gave the driver the change of location. Originally he wanted to take her to a five-star restaurant on the east side of the city. Her refusal to go to his penthouse was a reminder that she enjoyed things out of the spotlight. He had to admit, so did he.

  When they arrived she said, “I heard they have the best roast beef sandwiches in town. I’ve wanted to try one for months.”

  “Add mushrooms and Swiss cheese and I’m sold.”

  “I hope this time I can eat my own fries without your assistance.”

  Drake winked. “No promises.” He loved her sense of humor. It had been such a long time since he’d had someone treat him like this, and he found it refreshing and . . . freeing in a sense. She makes it possible for me to be real.

  The waitress took their order and scurried away. Drake needed to bring up a topic he wished could wait. He hadn’t planned on leaving so soon. The last time he’d spoken to Dean, it seemed as though there’d be a delay in the groundbreaking in Tabiq. It’d been Drake who’d been the one pushing this project forward quickly. Now he was wishing for more time. Time with Isa.

  “Isa, do you remember me telling you I’m going to be building a resort in Tabiq?”

  Isa nodded and turned her head to look down. He knew talking about that place was going to be like pouring a bucket of ice water on them, but he would’ve talked more earlier except that conversation was difficult when holding her in his arms in bed. Why disturb heaven?

  “It’s moving more quickly than I’d anticipated. The blueprints are complete, and we’re ready to break ground. I have them in my office if you’d like to see them.”

  Isa shook her head. “I’m sure it will be nice.”

  Drake reached out and touched her hand, rubbing it gently. “I know you don’t like talking about Tabiq with me.”

  “I don’t like talking about it to anyone,” Isa said in a firm tone.

  Although he was glad it wasn’t just him, he’d like to be considered somewhat special and the exception. That was probably asking too much about something too fucking painful. He’d spent some of his time in the office, researching effects from such abuse. No matter how much he read, he couldn’t relate to it. The most he could do was empathize and sympathize with the victims. Isa wasn’t just a person he read about on the Internet. She was here right in front of him, and she’d been through hell. He might have built a billion-dollar business, but she . . . she was a survivor. One hell of a woman. He couldn’t risk fucking this up.

  Drake had planned on asking her to come with him to Tabiq. She could’ve spent time with Ziva while he handled the business side, but he knew better than to pose that question now. “I can’t back out, not that I want to. This project has become important to me.” Just like you have. “But I need to be there, on site, and settle a few things. I won’t be gone long, but I have to go.”

  She was staring at him as though pleading for him to change his mind. Drake wished there was another way.

  “When do you leave?”

  “I was hoping to leave tomorrow. If you need me to stay, I can put if off a few more days.” It would be inconvenient, but he didn’t care. He wouldn’t abandon her.

  “No. Don’t postpone it on my behalf. I have to work anyway. I have so much going on myself it might actually be best if I wasn’t so distracted by you all the time.”

  Drake wasn’t buying her act one bit, but he’d play along. “Sweet distraction, I hope.”

  Isa rolled up the paper from her straw and tossed it at him. He caught it in midair. “Are you trying to get me to tell you that I’ll miss you?”

  He grinned. “Damn straight I am.”

  Isa rolled her eyes. “Fine. I’ll miss you.”

  Drake turned her hand over and massaged her wrist with his thumb in a circular motion. “How much?”

  Isa closed her eyes and let out a soft moan. “Too much.” When she opened her eyes she asked, “How long will you be gone?”

  “Two weeks tops.”

  Her eyes widened. “That long? I thought maybe—”

  “Sorry. I don’t want to leave either. And if it was anyplace else, I’d ask you to come with me.” Shit. Timing sucks.

  “You don’t have to apologize for doing your job. It’s just that . . . that . . .”

  “Honey, this changes nothing. I’m going on a business trip. But I’m coming home to you as soon as I can.” He could see fear building in her. That this would be the end of them. That wasn’t the case. Drake couldn’t think of his future without her in it. Just not ready to say it yet. Not here at least.

  “I know and I really have so much I need to focus on myself.”

  “I wish I was going to be around to help you move. Maybe you can hold off until I return?”

  It brought a faint smile. “I’m hoping that has changed.”

  It better have. Scott said the landlord agreed to give her more time. Drake was positive Scott had crossed his normal HR directives to convince the guy, but whatever it took, he was pleased with the results.

  “Thinking about staying there?” Drake hated almost everything about the apartment. It was so small and cramped. The sofa couch wasn’t made for the type of loving he wanted to show her. Hell, it’d break if I did.

  “I got a bonus today.” Isa laughed. “What am I talking about? You know that of course. Thank you by the way. This money will come in handy.” Well done, Carlos. Glad she had no clue it was all about her.

  “Everyone has been working so hard, and I thought it was due.” It’d been a wise choice to extend the bonus throughout the entire company. Employees had thanked him as he’d passed them in the hall. But the truth was, his motivation had been to help Isa without her knowing it. And I better keep it that way.

  “I don’t think you understand what your generosity means to some of us. I don’t have much, if you couldn’t already tell from my apartment.” He nodded. “But,
Drake, this money might have made it so I can continue living in my apartment.”

  He’d rather put her up in one of the suites at the High View Falls Hotel, but Isa was a proud and intelligent woman. Offering such an option might result in getting slapped across the face.

  “That’s a good thing.” Someday he hoped that would change.

  “The options weren’t pretty. I was close to being homeless.”

  Drake arched a brow. “And you wouldn’t come to me for help?” Isa shook her head. “Why not?”

  “I really like what we have, but I don’t want to feel as though I owe you. It would make this . . . messy. So now you know I’m not with you because you’re rich, and I know you’re not with me for—”

  “I’m with you for one reason only.” He brought her hand to his lips and said before kissing it, “Because I love you.”

  Isa blushed. “I love you too, Drake. And if I wasn’t looking forward to that roast beef sandwich the waitress is carrying over, I’d say let’s skip dinner.”

  Drake didn’t have a chance to respond as the waitress said, “You two look famished. But save room for dessert. The cook made a chocolate mousse cake. Either of you like chocolate?”

  They both nodded and once the waitress left Isa said with a smirk, “Maybe we can stay a bit longer.”

  Drake laughed. “We’ll stay for dessert here tonight. But I brought my own chocolate for later.”

  Isa’s eyes widened. “Are you trying to tempt me?”

  “You better believe it,” Drake said, meeting her gaze.

  “Is there such a thing as eating my cake and having it too?” Isa asked.

  He laughed. “Hmm. I’m not sure, but I guess we’ll find out when we get back to your apartment.” He called over the waitress. She rushed right over. “We’ll have two pieces of cake to go.”

  Isa smiled. “If she only knew.”

  No, honey. If only you did.

  Chapter 14

  Isa had thought their separation would do them both good. He’d accomplish what he needed, and she’d figure herself out a bit more. But instead of focusing, she found herself thinking of him more than ever. They spoke each night after work, but it wasn’t the same. It was so darn foolish, because she’d spent most of her life alone and that was how she liked it. Since when did she start yearning for a crowded bed?