“It happens every trip.” He took a sip and sighed in appreciation. “People think it will happen to someone else, never to them. Other people will lose their animals and their wagons will fall apart. They think their water is endless.” He drained his cup. “I’m sorry to be a bother. Your wagon looks good. You two can lead today if you can start the line right away. Remember, Luella, you’ll have to walk.”
“I know, Captain. I’m ready.”
He handed her the empty cup and tipped his hat to her.
* * *
It was going to be a long, hot dusty day, but she was ready. She had vinegar and flour in her basket and planned to see who needed what. She’d bet more people than admitted to it drank the water. There were many faces she hadn’t seen all morning, though, and she was growing concerned for them.
“What are you up to?” Declan asked, amused.
“I have vinegar and flour in my basket. People are sick, but they have asked no one for help. They just seem to be missing. I thought I’d walk and offer anyone who wants a cure for the alkali poisoning. It’s not as near fatal as dysentery, but it’s as painful.”
“Are you sure you’re up to tangling with some of these people?”
“My spirit might be bruised, but it is far from being broken. I still do not know what I have done, but I figure I can be more mindful of helping others. We have been so blessed to have a wagon.”
“Don’t overdo.”
A wider smile had never graced her face. He really cared. “I won’t.” She felt suddenly shy.
“Wagons Ho!”
She stayed next to their wagon for a bit and then dropped back. It was easy to tell by the awful smell if there was sickness within each wagon. Many folks had their own supplies and thanked her for her advice. A few had her mix the concoction up and drank it down. It wasn’t the most pleasant tasting thing to drink, but it aided with the painful symptoms. She felt good about herself, being able to help people.
“It’s not going to work, you know.”
She didn’t even look to see who was behind her. At one time it would have been a sullen Zander giving her grief, but he seemed to keep more to himself these days. “Heath, please leave me alone. I don’t want to come between you and your brother.”
He snorted. “That’s a good game you’re playing. You haven’t apologized to me once for all you’ve done.”
She stopped, and the horse came dangerously close to running her over. “All I have done? Please Heath, list these sins I have committed because I don’t know what I’ve done to earn your ire.”
“You don’t know the first thing about being a wife. You don’t share a bed with your husband, and that is the main wifely duty. You interfere when you shouldn’t, and you made my family a laughingstock. People laugh behind your back, and more importantly, behind Declan’s back. I don’t know where he’ll end up settling when we get to Oregon. It’ll have to be far away from anyone in this party if he expects to be respected.” He kicked the sides of his horse and rode away.
Stunned, she stood in place as other people just walked around her. What was she thinking? She had to get away from these people. One minute she was so happy, and the next she was beyond despair. Even though her life had been difficult, she’d never felt such despair before her father kicked her out of his wagon.
She swallowed hard and, holding her basket close to her, she walked on—alone. She no longer had it in her to offer her cure. Others probably knew about it anyway. Her grandmother had taught her that recipe. So, she’d just keep to herself from now on. If a body didn’t care it wouldn’t hurt.
The white alkali on top of the sand was blowing harder, and it felt like tiny pieces of glass slashing her skin. The wagons were corralling, but they looked to be so far away. How had she come to be so far behind? She held her head low and watched where she walked. It would stop soon. It was as though she was walking two steps and pushed back one. It was getting difficult to breathe, but with determination she’d get there. Looking up to see how far away the wagons were, she cringed as sharp sand cut into one of her eyes and then she couldn’t see much of anything. She rolled into a ball and put her arms over her head, hoping the wind wound die down soon.
But it only blew harsher and more fiercely. The land was so flat there was nowhere to hide. She heard horses, and people yelled out names of others they were looking for, but her name hadn’t been called. She just hoped no one would trample her. Finally, she heard Declan.
She stood and threw her arm over her eyes. “I’m here! Declan! Declan!”
No response came. Had the wind taken her words away?
But he was at her side a moment later. With efficient movements, he wrapped a cloth around her eyes and then led her to his horse. He climbed on then grabbed her arm. “Sit behind me so I can block the worst of it,” he shouted, and she just barely heard the words over the roaring wind.
She put her foot on top of his in the stirrup and she swung her leg over the horse’s back. Before long, she was settled with her arms around his waist and her face buried against his back. It was a short ride, and then she hopped off and Declan followed.
“Get inside the wagon,” he yelled, and helped her up and in. “I need to take care of the horse. Cinch the canvas if you can.”
The wagon swayed mightily in the fierce wind. She put just a corner of a cloth into their precious water and washed around her eyes so she could see more easily. Then she cinched up the canvas. Her face burned as did her arms and hands. She wished she had her vinegar; it might have taken the sting away, but she’d left her basket out on the trail, and there was nothing for it now. She decided it was an emergency and she put her cup into the water barrel and filled it. She drank it slowly, delighting in the wetness of it. Fearfulness for Declan was edging into her consciousness when he came through the front of the wagon.
“The sand hurts like the very devil.” He cinched the front end and made sure the canvas was tightened down. Then he took off his leather gloves and lowered the cloth that covered his mouth and nose. Gently, he cradled her face in his hands. “You must be feeling a world of hurt. It hit so suddenly, and I couldn’t find you. I never thought you’d be that far back. Then I thought you might have been given a ride by someone else. I’m glad I kept going, though, so grateful I found you. It was smart to curl up the way you did.”
“I… I fell behind,” she choked out.
He kissed her cheek. “I’ll get the witch hazel to put on your pretty skin.” As he turned from her, he said, “Take your dress off. You can cover yourself with a quilt.”
She smiled. He knew her so well. She took her dress off and the difference between her exposed skin and non-exposed skin was like night and day. “I looked burned.”
Declan turned back and used a clean cloth to wipe her skin with the witch hazel. That soothed her skin, and the way he looked at her soothed her heart.
“We’ve only had a few peaceful moments since we’ve been married,” she murmured. “I wish we’d been busy making good memories instead of being constantly unsettled. Declan, I know you love someone else. You were truthful about it from the first. You can’t turn love off—or on, for that matter.” She offered a shaky smile that she didn’t feel. “I want to reassure you we’ll part once we reach Oregon. You can have your dream of working with Heath and Zander. I also think it best that when we talk, we do it so no one can hear us and mistake what we are saying. I have come across as a harpy, and that leaves you to be the weak husband. I never meant to get between you and your family. The three of you share a unique family love, and I’m not part of it and that’s fine. I can’t make people like me. I don’t want you to go one way and your brother and your friend the other. That’s not your dream. Having me a part of your family will just bring everyone shame, and it will make it hard for Heath and Zander to find decent wives.”
He opened his mouth and drew a breath.
“Before you say anything—” She held up a hand. “— just know I�
�ve made my peace with it. God will show me my path. I have faith that I will be just fine.”
“You think people will believe we haven’t lain together? It doesn’t work that way.”
“Heath knows, and he told me I wasn’t doing my wifely duty.”
“What else did my brother have to say?”
“He's mad that I never apologized to him for all the trouble I’ve caused. He said I made you and your family a laughingstock and no one will respect you when we get to Oregon.” She released a heavy sigh. “You’re a good man, Declan Leary, and I will not be your downfall. Even you said I’m more child than woman, and it’s true. It must be; because I don’t know how to address his accusations. He’s really mad about the water.”
“You look thin.” Declan angled his head and studied her. “Have you been eating?”
“Not as much as usual. I have no appetite, and I think it’s the heat. I was thinking I could plead with my father to take me back.” A big gust of wind tipped the wagon a bit, and she grabbed onto Declan. “I don’t want to die.”
“I think we’ll be fine.” He laid a hand over one of hers as the wagon settled again. “Listen. You will not talk to your father. I have love in my heart for Alana still but I also said goodbye to her, and I know she’d understand. You haven’t made me weak. In fact, I feel stronger when I have you near. I wish people would stop their wagging tongues, but you’ve done nothing wrong. My brother has his knickers in a twist because of the water. He doesn’t take kindly to being told what to do. Lord knows you should have been welcomed by both Heath and Zander, and I don’t know what’s gotten into the pair of them.” He pulled her onto his lap. “But I’m not sorry we married. I never thought about looking for a wife, but here you are, and I’m not giving you back.” He shifted and took her hands in his. “What if my dreams have changed? What if they include you now? I know we could make a good life for ourselves and any children we are blessed with.”
Her mouth opened and he covered it with his own, kissing her until she tingled from head to toe. He pulled back and looked at her.
“The wind has died down,” she said softly.
“So it has.”
“I say we hang ’im!” a man outside bellowed.
“Oh, dear. I guess we’d better get out there,” she said.
Declan ran his thumb over her lips. “Yes, let’s go.”
Declan climbed out first and lifted her down and this time his touch meant so much more to her. They held hands as they walked into the circle of the wagons. One wagon tilted lying partially on top of another wagon. The air was heavy with the smell of alkali.
Two men held Tomlin between them. “Caught this one sneaking into the wagons that my girls were in. This time he needs to be taught a lesson!” David Turney told all. He turned his furious gaze on Luella and Declan. “If Luella was still keeping Tomlin happy, he’d have no reason to look at my girls. Etta, Aurora, Lorelei are you all right?”
She stiffened but pretended she was fine.
Declan let go of her hand. “I believe you owe my wife an apology. She had nothing to do with that man. She has more self-respect than to get involved with a man like him. Besides, her father never let her out of his sight. She did all the chores, so I don’t know when she would have found the time.”
Luella’s mother struggled to get free from her husband’s grip. She stepped next to Declan. “She never had a moment of peace. My husband worked her from sun up to past sun down. Luella is a good girl, and I’m tired of her name being tossed in the mud. Shame on you all, for gossiping so cruelly about my big-hearted girl!”
Many of the travelers looked ashamed.
“My apologies, ma’am.” David Turney had the grace to look embarrassed as he addressed Luella. “My temper has gotten the better of me. I often saw how hard you worked and knew you didn’t deserve to be gossiped about. I want justice though.”
Her eyes misted. “Thank you.”
Captain London took one look at Tomlin and shook his head. “I told you you’d be left behind. You can wait here for another train to come by. I’m done with you.”
“You can’t keep me from following you!” Tomlin spat.
“True enough, but if you come near our wagons, you’ll be shot. Now get out of here. You’d best be away from us in ten minutes’ time.” He turned and walked back to his wagon.
“I don’t want to watch,” Luella said.
Declan led her back to their wagon. “I don’t think anything is dust-free. I’d best grease the wheels and oil my firearms.” He put his hands on her waist. “But first I think I need a kiss to keep me going.”
She laughed but stopped when he kissed her. This man was her heart. And finally some broken places began to heal.
Chapter Seven
The next day was harder than the one before as far as water and heat went. The amount of livestock that died was criminal. Declan wanted to shake some sense into the people he traveled with. They had refused to lighten their loads, and now they were left wondering what to do when their animals died. Declan had no pity for those who were stuck.
They’d seen everything on the side of the trail from furniture to cook stoves to old moldy flour and rancid bacon. The people who had come before hadn’t listened either. Bleached bones of oxen, mules, and horses were scattered about.
All of Harrison’s animals had been well cared for. Harrison had an extra water barrel in his wagon for the animals. Things had calmed down between Declan and Heath. Declan felt like he could breathe again. Plus his wife smiled at him often.
He looked back, and she was walking with her basket that one of the scouts had found. Cora and Essie were now helping Luella pass out the cure. Luella told him she could smell sickness in some wagons, but the drivers continued to deny it. But why? They couldn’t figure. Maybe they were too proud to take the help offered.
The wagons ahead had come to a halt. Declan waited for a scout to ride down the line and tell them why. Soon Tom Simps rode by and told Declan there were graves to be dug. Luella caught up and Declan gave her a hand up so she could sit on the bench next to him.
“What’s happening?”
“Simps said they were digging graves.”
She sighed. “I hope they don’t have to dig many. It’s sad isn’t it?” She leaned her head against his shoulder. “I keep thinking about how you defended me yesterday. I’m so proud to be your wife. My heart had been broken and near empty, and now I feel it filling with my love for you and it’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever experienced.” She twisted against him and gazed up. “Especially since I trust you not to break it again. I want that dream of yours. I want the land, the horses and cattle. I want to have your children. I can picture our children playing with Heath and Zander’s children. So you see my love, you are now stuck with me.” Her face glowed.
He started leaning to kiss her, but they got the signal to circle up. He squeezed her hand. “Let’s just pray it’s not as bad as I think it is.”
He drove the wagon into place and helped Luella down. Hand in hand, they went to an area where graves were being dug. There were five already dug.
“Oh, no,” she said as she covered her mouth.
One whole family of four, plus three children from another family and two adults. It was sad.
“I tried to help that family, but they told me to go away,” she told Declan when she learned their names. “I didn’t know about the rest.” She nodded at the men with shovels. “They are digging even more graves.”
Declan glanced over, saw who they were carrying to the graves before she did, and pulled her into an embrace, cradling her face against his shoulder. She struggled to find out what he was protecting her from, and when she did see, she sagged against him.
“No! Oh, Declan why? It can’t be. Not all of them. They knew I could help them but… why didn’t they just ask?”
He swung her up into his arms and started to carry her back to their wagon.
“No, I need t
o see them properly buried.” Her body shook as tears streamed down her face. “We just saw my mother. She was fine.”
His heart wrenched for her grief. “We’ll say a few words over them. Come and rest for a bit.”
“Please put me down. I must—I need…”
He set her on her feet, and with his arm wrapped around her waist, walked her to the graves where her entire family was being lowered.
“At the dawn of this day, I was positive nothing could ruin my day. I was the luckiest woman alive,” she whispered through her tears. “Who knew what grief this day held for me? I have lost my family, and though I was ready to never talk to my father again, I never would have chosen his death.”
“They are with God now. It doesn’t stop the hurt, I know it doesn’t.”
Cora came running and hugged Luella then held her as she cried. Harrison stood next to them all, looking the way Declan felt, helpless.
Declan wanted to curse the fates, but it would do no good. There was no changing things. He knew grief, Lord knew he knew grief. So he’d help her through it as best as he could. In time, after she mourned, he’d have his sweet glowing wife again. In a long time. He sighed and took Luella into his arms. She held on so tight. He could feel her need of him to be strong. He could do that, be there for her, supporting her. That could be his redemption to her.
The graves were covered with dirt, and the reverend said a few words. It was probably much more than a few but Declan couldn’t seem to pay attention. In the distance, he could see a great rock. He’d always know where they were buried.
* * *
There wasn’t enough for a proper goodbye. So much wasted time. She hadn’t talked to her brothers in what seemed like forever. They hadn’t tried to talk to her, but she had understood that no one had wanted to cross her father. The saddest part was giving their wagon away. Luella didn’t have much time to take what she wanted out of it. She kept a couple of books that belonged to her brothers and her mother’s trunk along with a few tapestries she had needle pointed. She almost left her father’s pocket watch behind, but in the end, she took it.
Luella’s Longing: Romance on the Oregon Trail Book Two Page 10
