‘But she knew about your childhood?’
‘Vaguely.’
‘And she didn’t see that what she was doing might be a little insensitive to someone who’d spent their early years the way you had?’
‘Are you asking if I felt rejected?’
‘Did you?’
He ran his finger along the scar on his hand. ‘I’m not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt. I know we weren’t in love but I did think we’d meant more to each other than a signature on a dotted line and a cease and desist letter. But to be honest, I didn’t have too much time to dwell on it. I had the prospect of a new baby to think about – something I literally knew nothing about – and a successful business to run. Something that was even more important now that I’d have a child to support. And then I had George. Right there in my arms.’
I kept silent, not knowing what to say. Or even if there was anything I could say. My throat felt raw from the pain this man had suffered in his life, and the way he just boxed it away, almost accepted that that was how things were. That was how people got treated. The knowledge that I’d never once had to feel like that, never been left alone, or made to feel like I had no one, that no one cared, nearly broke me.
‘Thankfully, everything went to plan with the delivery. . But when it was all over, she wasn’t interested in seeing the baby or holding him at all. He had a little cry and then he was just there. Helpless. This tiny little boy. But as far as she was concerned, her side of the deal was complete. Before long she was back on the phone arranging meetings.’
‘Wow.’
‘Yeah. I know. I, meanwhile, had lost every last shred of machismo and was standing there, holding this tiny little baby and blubbing more than he was!’
My throat felt raw as emotion pushed itself up. ‘I think that’s lovely.’
‘I couldn’t believe she didn’t want anything to do with him. He was so perfect.’ It was hard to tell in the low light, but I was pretty sure Cal’s eyes were shining with remembered emotion.
‘Do you think she’ll ever change her mind?’
‘She signed a legal document that she wouldn’t.’
‘But?’
Cal let out a sigh and glanced down at his hands, resting loosely in his lap. ‘I’d consider it. She’s his mother. But I really don’t have any expectations. I sent her a picture of him on his first birthday, you know, in case she was regretting anything. She sent it back saying that she hadn’t, and wouldn’t, change her mind about anything. She told me that, in reality, she had been nothing more than a surrogate and would appreciate it if I “would desist with contact”.’ He pulled a face.
I didn’t know what to say in response to that.
‘Does George ever ask where his mum is?’
‘He has a couple of times.’
My heart broke at Cal having to have a conversation with his son like that.
‘I just tried to explain to him that there are all sorts of different families …’ He shrugged. ‘I had no idea what to say really. I’m not about to tell him at this age flat out that his mother wasn’t interested in him. I know all too well what that’s like, and what that can do to you. As he gets older, I know he’ll have more questions and we can talk about it a bit more then. That’s why it’s been so good coming here. Everyone just mucks in and he’s treated like one of their own, especially with your family. It’s gone a long way to helping him not feel like he’s different. And there are a couple of other single parents in the village too. Sasha was really helpful when I first got here. It’s sometimes good to know you’re not the only one, in any situation.’
‘Sasha?’
‘Yeah. Quite tall, blonde?’
My mind cast back to the uber stylish woman with whom Cal been talking at the late-night opening.
‘Oh. That’s good,’ I said brightly, desperately trying to muster more enthusiasm than I actually felt at this knowledge. I really was glad that Cal had support in the village, but it was pretty obvious to anyone that Sasha wasn’t just offering this out of the kindness of her heart. Even my brothers had made the odd comment in this respect, and they were normally the last ones to notice anything in that sort of vein. I hadn’t realised exactly who’d they been referring to at the time, but putting two and two together now, my maths was perfect.
‘Yes. Obviously I’d have loved for George to have a loving mother too – even if we weren’t together. He’s such a good kid.’
‘He’s lovely. He kind of stole my heart the moment I looked up from stabbing my thumb with that holly.’
Cal smiled. ‘Yeah, he has a knack for that kind of thing. And obviously we come as a package.’
‘I don’t think anyone could fail to fall in love with him.’
Cal stretched, shadows under his eyes telling tales of some late nights catching up with paperwork. ‘I agree, but I might be a little biased. But yeah, I’m not ruling out the possibility of him having a loving mother figure in his life, one day. And believe me, a year ago, I’d have never thought I’d consider that a possibility either. This village definitely has some sort of magical power, I think.’
I shuffled myself on the sofa in my quest to sit up a little from where I’d comfortably slunk down in the cosy warmth of the room. ‘It’s certainly special, that’s for sure.’ I smothered a yawn. ‘I should get going. I have to be in the shop early to get some orders packed. Claire’s been a bit under the weather so I said I’d do it.’
Cal nodded. ‘Will you be ok? Driving in this, I mean?’ he asked as we headed back to the hallway.
‘Yes, fine. It’s just a bit of rain,’ I said, aware that this was an understatement as the gale outside lashed the downpour against Cal’s front door. ‘My little car is more than up to this.’
He smiled. ‘Text me when you’re back.’
‘Yes, Mum.’
He shook his head at me and took the woolly hat I had in my hand, pulling it on and down over my eyes.
‘That’s a good look, I think. Although probably not practical for driving,’ I said, laughing as I pushed the brim back up a little.
He grinned. ‘See? Smart as well as pretty.’
I felt myself blush, and this time had no chance of using the fire as an excuse.
‘It’s kind of cute when you blush.’
I felt myself get redder. ‘You’re not helping.’
‘I know. It’s actually quite fun.’
‘You’re meaner than you look.’
He grinned and the full wattage of his smile warmed up places other than my face.
‘Thanks for this evening. The meal and everything.’
‘You’re welcome. I enjoyed it.’ His eyes locked on to mine, darkening as they held my gaze. ‘Very much so,’ he added, his voice soft.
For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. And right then, despite all my reasonings and the knowledge that it would be a Very Bad Thing, I wanted nothing more than for him to do exactly that because the truth was I had the feeling being kissed by Cal Martin would actually be a Very Good Thing.
And then he pulled back. Just a fraction. But the moment was gone. ‘You’d better go before that gets any worse.’
I nodded, unable to speak as emotions tossed around me. I adjusted my hat, and yanked on the leather gloves dangling from the ends of my sleeves. ‘Thanks again,’ I forced out eventually, my hand on the catch.
‘Hey?’
Glancing back over my shoulder, I saw that Cal had spread his hands. ‘We share a meal. You unwittingly initiate me into the blurt and blab club, and I don’t even get a goodbye hug?’
I turned more, leaning against the door. ‘Initiate you into the blurt and blab club?’ I laughed.
‘Seriously! What you got tonight is the equivalent of a full confessional in my world.’
‘Wow.’
‘I know. Believe me, you aren’t the only one who’s surprised.’
I dropped my gaze, focusing on my boots for a moment as I turned a thought around in my mi
nd.
‘Are you sorry you told me?’
There was no hesitation as he shook his head. ‘Not for a moment.’
I smiled, happy that he felt relaxed enough to share something with me.
‘Don’t get used to it though.’
I laughed. ‘I don’t think there’s any danger of me doing that.’
Cal put a hand on the catch, above my shoulder, and his gaze settled on me, but I couldn’t work out the expression behind it.
‘No. I don’t suppose there is.’
‘Cal –’
A heft of wind slammed into the door I was leaning against and the hall lit up as lightning split the sky. In the distance, thunder rumbled low and ominous.
‘Go on. Get yourself home before that gets any closer. And don’t forget to let me know when you’re back.’
‘It’s just down the road!’
Saying nothing, he fixed me with a look.
‘OK, OK.’
‘Thank you,’ he said, pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and, for a moment, just enjoyed the feeling of being close to him, feeling his arms holding me tight against his chest. And then it was over.
‘Drive carefully,’ he said, dropping a swift kiss on my cheek before pulling open the door onto what had turned into a decidedly foul night.
I nodded, and called that I would as I ran to the car, unaware if my answer ever got to him or was just cast away by the wind. Pulling open the door, I slid quickly into the seat. I yanked hard on the door to shut it against the wind. In front of me, broken twigs whipped up in the air, and soaked leaves whipped up into tiny little whirlwinds on the spot. I watched them for a moment as the headlights shone out and knew that, if I could see them, that was pretty much what my emotions would look like right now.
Chapter Twelve
A few days later, Cal and I had both been up to our ears in work and helping out with the arrangements for the Christmas Festival. My own family had always been involved in a big way but Cal was kind of new at it all and had got roped in by Sasha to help out with a few chores. We’d chatted a little on WhatsApp and had grabbed a quick conversation or two in the village hall during some preparation time.
I’d found myself looking forward to every meeting, every conversation. And from the look he’d given me the last time he’d seen me enter the hall, I had an idea I wasn’t the only one feeling something.
As we lay together underneath the big old convertible Mercedes that had served as the basis for Santa’s sleigh for longer than I could remember, freezing our respective behinds off, Cal rolled his head towards me.
‘I’m out of practice at lying on cold, draughty floors tinkering with cars. I’ve gone soft. I like a nice warm, clean workshop.’
‘Why do you think I’ve still not got around to doing up Dad’s old Jag since he gave it to me?’
‘I thought that was because you were never here long enough.’
I swallowed at the accuracy of his statement, and tried to ignore it. If I took this job, I’d be away again and the beautiful car that Dad and I had spent many happy hours together tinkering about with, and driving down country roads on, would sit and rot quietly even more.
‘I’m used to a lot more high tech than this too. This past year doing bits and bobs back in normal garages was a shock to the system! And not a pleasant one, that’s for sure.’
‘Then what are we doing lying down here?’
I looked at him, my mouth forming an “o” of mock shock. ‘This is for Santa!’
I saw the smile and then the laugh burst from him as he shook his head. ‘You’re bloody nuts.’
‘Thanks. That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.’
Cal laughed even more until a rather plummy voice cut through our giggles. ‘How are you getting on?’
We both looked back up towards the front of the car where a pair of slim legs topped off with five-inch heels stood. From this angle, I could see the red sole.
‘Yep. Not too bad, Sasha,’ Cal called out.
I widened my eyes. The truth was we hadn’t actually done very much at all apart from moan about the cold, and giggle.
Cal held up his finger to his lips, which only made me want to laugh even more. His eyes glittered with humour as he waggled his eyebrows. I snorted as I tried to stifle a giggle and quickly turned it into a cough.
‘I think we’ve isolated what the problem is now,’ Cal said, giving a bit more flannel and seeing I was about to lose it, stuck one large hand over my mouth.
‘Do you want anything, Cal?’ Sasha asked.
I gave my own eyebrow waggle and got a warning glance. I had the full-on giggles now and pulled at his hand but it wasn’t moving.
‘Ummm, no I don’t think so. But thanks.’
We all stayed still momentarily, and then Cal picked up a spanner and knocked on the chassis a couple of times with it. Tears streamed down the side of my face. The red-soled shoes turned and began click clacking across the concrete that separated the barn where the Merc lived from the village hall where all the other prep was taking place. I managed to peel a couple of fingers off my face.
‘If you don’t move your hand, it’s in dire risk of getting something other than grease on it!’
Cal burst out laughing again, but removed his hand.
I fished around in the pocket of my overalls and found a tissue to blow my nose on. ‘Why does laughing make your nose run?’
Cal grinned and shook his head.
‘Well, I guess we’d better fix this now you’ve just told Sasha we’ve isolated the problem.’
His grin turned into a chuckle.
‘Oh wait. I think I know what the problem is.’
Cal turned to me as I made my declaration. Taking the spanner he’d used earlier, I tapped the same spot on the chassis. ‘Yep, that’s definitely it.’
‘Give me that.’ He laughed, reaching over to grab it back as I tried to hold it out of reach. But Cal was bigger than me and his fingers caught it easily. However, in doing so, his body was now rammed up against mine in the close confines under the car, our faces almost touching.
‘Have dinner with me tomorrow.’
‘What?’ I croaked, my mouth feeling dry as the sandpaper I’d been using earlier to deal with some rust.
‘Dinner. Tomorrow. You and me.’
‘Why?’
One side of that tempting mouth curved up. ‘Because we both need to eat. Because I want you to. And because I think you want to as well.’
Was I really that obvious?
‘But you said …’
‘I know. I know what I said but … it’s just dinner.’
Was it?
‘OK.’
Uh-oh.
‘Good. Now come on. Let’s get this bloody thing sorted before bits freeze and drop off.’
‘Off the car or you?’
‘Both.’
I reached for the lamp to focus on the area we were working on. ‘Well if that happens, frankly Sasha’s welcome to you.’
The thought of dinner with this man scared and excited me. In fact, it scared me just how much it excited me but right now – freezing my backside off but warmed by his laughter – I knew there was no place I’d rather be.
***
‘What about this one?’ Giselle was holding up a red dress for me to consider. I’d called an Emergency Wardrobe Meeting following Cal’s invitation, deciding I needed professional help in finding the right outfit for tonight’s dinner.
‘That’s nice,’ Xander offered through a mouthful of biscuit from his slumped position on an oversized beanbag.
‘You said that about the last three,’ I said.
He shrugged. Well as much as you can shrug ensconced in such a chair. ‘They were.’
‘I don’t want “nice”.’
‘What do you want?’ He frowned at me.
Giselle was hanging the dress back up. ‘She’ll know it when she sees it,’ she said confidently.
>
I flopped onto the floor beside Xander and took a biscuit from the packet. ‘Don’t bet on it.’
Giselle turned and folded her arms at us. ‘Stuffing biscuits before your dinner isn’t something I’d advise.’
I took another one and bit off a chunk. ‘She’s going to make such a great mum. She already has all the catchphrases perfect.’
Xander and I were grinning like we were five years old again and Giselle was doing her utmost not to join us.
‘Honestly,’ she said, flicking through my wardrobe, ‘I don’t know why I bother.’
‘Oop! See, there’s another one!’
‘Oh, be quiet, you. Now what about this?’
‘God no!’
‘Why? It’s lovely.’
‘It is. On the right occasion. Definitely not this occasion.’
‘Why not?’
‘Way too much boobage.’
Xander snorted. ‘You wish.’
I hit him with the biscuits.
‘Ohh!’ Giselle held the dress out in front of her a little more, ‘Oh yes. You’re right. I didn’t realise it was the same one. Looks different on the hanger.’
‘Probably not that much different. That hanger’s got about as much cleavage as Lexi has.’
Like having three brothers wasn’t enough. I had to have an honorary one too.
‘Don’t be so rude!’ Giselle actually wagged her finger at him, pulling off the gesture without looking ridiculous. ‘She’s got just the right amount for her frame and in this dress with the right bra … well! Let’s just say Cal wouldn’t be able to concentrate.’
‘Isn’t that what you want? For him to fall down with his tongue lolling out?’
‘What an attractive picture you paint. And no. That isn’t what I want. I want him to be able to just sit and talk to me. Properly.’
Xander blew out a dramatic sigh. ‘Why do girls always want to talk so much?’
‘Here,’ I said, handing him the remote, ‘put some cartoons on and amuse yourself.’
He pulled a face, stuck out his tongue, and began channel surfing.
The Best Little Christmas Shop Page 13
