‘Lexi. It’s bound to be hard, and I doubt it was a picnic for you either.’
I moved my head in a way that suggested he might not be too far off the mark with that assumption. ‘In the end, I told Marco that it was over, and that I’d be gone by the end of the day.’
‘How did he take that?’
Memories flooded in and I could feel tears pricking at my eyes as I remembered it all. ‘Not exactly well. As far as he was concerned, this was just par for the course. He accepted that the problems conceiving had been difficult but told me he’d been looking into IVF and he was sure that would work for us. Being who he is, he had access to the best doctors and treatment centres, and he might have been right. It might have worked. He was convinced that our relationship had just been going through a rough patch, like everyone does, which of course is true. But it wasn’t just a rough patch. I knew that, and I think Marco did too.’ I stopped for a moment as I rummaged in my pocket for a tissue.
‘He wanted to work things out?’ Cal asked softly as I swiped at my eyes.
I nodded. ‘He did. But Dan and Claire have been through IVF and I know how hard it was for them. What a strain it puts on things, on top of everything else that’s already going on. A relationship has to be incredibly solid to survive that. Ours was already fracturing, and I knew it wouldn’t survive that. But that wasn’t the only reason I walked away. I loved him but I couldn’t deal with it all. The side of the life he loved: the publicity, the constant questions. Never being able to just chat to someone casually in case they were actually a pap, trying to get some sort of scoop. I couldn’t adapt to all that and in my heart, I knew I couldn’t make him happy.’
Cal remained silent.
‘I couldn’t make you happy either,’ I said miserably, leaving the tears to flow unchecked.
‘I disagree,’ he countered, his voice calm. He lifted his free hand and, cupping it around my face, brushed my tears away with his thumb.
‘Cal! Look at the state of me! Do you think I’d be doing this if I thought it could work? Putting myself, and you, through this! I care about you way too much already, which is why I have to tell you all this. To make you see it won’t work. It can’t. It’s painful enough now, and I don’t want to think how much worse it would be if we let ourselves start something and I ended up completely head over heels for you. It has to be this way. I can’t give you the family you need, and deserve. You missed out as a child and I’m not going to be the one to make you miss out as an adult.’
‘You’re already making me miss out. I’ll be missing out on you if you’re determined to end something before it’s even begun.’
I shook my head. ‘It’s better this way.’
He gave me the stormy look I’d seen the first time I met him.
‘I know you don’t think that at the moment,’ I said, ‘but you will.’
He opened his mouth to argue, but I stopped him. ‘Cal. I hurt people. I don’t mean to, but I do. I hurt people I care about and it’s awful, knowing that someone is suffering and you’re the cause of it. It was bad enough with Marco but I know that with you, it would be so much worse. I just can’t take the risk.’
‘Life is all about taking risks, Lexi. You’re the last person I thought I’d ever have to say that to. I’ve heard quite a few of your daredevil tales from your family.’
‘That’s different. The worst thing I ever did then was break an arm. Taking a risk on this could result in something far more important getting broken and, to me, that risk is just too great. I’m sorry.’
I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment. ‘You don’t know how very sorry I am.’
Chapter Seventeen
‘Just lunch. Surely you have time for lunch?’ Marco’s charmingly accented voice drifted down the phone and I could almost see the perfect, wide smile he was so well known for.
‘An hour. That’s all.’
‘Hmm, OK. It will be plenty long enough to tell you what I need to, but it’s still not long enough for me personally.’
‘It’s practically Christmas, Marco. One of the busiest times for us.’
‘It sounds so strange listening to you talk about this. It’s like a different life.’
‘It is a different life,’ I replied quietly.
‘And do you like it, this new life?’
‘It’s … different.’
‘So you said.’
‘Can we not leave it at that then?’
Marco made the audible equivalent of a Gallic shrug.
I sighed in response. ‘I don’t know, Marco. I guess I do. I mean, yes. I do. But I also know it’s not what I’m supposed to be doing.’
‘Supposed to be doing?’ he echoed.
‘Yes. You know. The racing stuff. It’s what I’m trained to do. What I’m good at.’
‘Forgive me if I mention that you sound less than enthusiastic about what you are “supposed to be doing”, then.’
‘Oh. Ignore me. I’m just tired. And I guess it’s a little frustrating that I’m going to this team several steps below where I’d worked myself up to. You must understand that.’
‘I do. Completely. So, you’ll meet me for lunch?’
***
Marco had reserved a table at a ridiculously exclusive restaurant about a half hour drive from the village. As much as I enjoyed spending time with Marco, especially having lost his friendship for a time, the shop was busy and I didn’t want to let my family down either. A lunch hour at the pub would have suited me but that wasn’t exactly Marco’s style and when I explained it to my family, they immediately rallied round and my afternoon shift at the shop was soon covered.
They didn’t ask but I hadn’t missed the hint of concern in a few of their expressions when I’d said I was meeting him. I wasn’t entirely sure what it was they were worried about.
Unlike many people these days, my family – thankfully – weren’t the type to be impressed by either fame or fortune, illustrated by the fact that Joe had given a little raise of his eyebrows and my mum had just said ‘Oh, that’s nice’. Joe had never been able to keep his thoughts from showing on his face and my mum was terrible liar. It’s where I got it from.
‘It’s just meeting up with a friend. Nothing for anyone to get excited about.’
‘No one’s excited,’ Joe replied, before heading past me on the way to the office above the shop. I stood and blew out a sigh. Dan stood from where he’d been sat warming his feet on the Aga door and emptied the remnants of his mug down the sink before popping it neatly in the top drawer of the dishwasher.
‘Don’t worry about him. Cal’s a good friend and everyone knows how he feels about you.’
‘And despite appearances, he’s enjoying having you back. He’s under the impression Marco’s got plans to whisk you back out of everyone’s life.’
I threw up my hands. ‘Oh, for goodness’ sake! Mum, is that what you think too?’
‘I don’t know, darling. We all know he was broken-hearted when you left.’
‘Which is exactly why we’re now just friends. And I’m lucky he’s even talking to me these days. I hurt him really badly and I’m not about to do the same thing again – to him or anyone else! Honestly, the last thing Marco is going to want is to start something up again with me. We both know it was a mistake. It’s completely over! I am certainly not about to swan off to Monte Carlo to live with Marco.’
‘Nobody’s saying you are.’ Dan’s tone was even and calm. In complete contrast to mine.
‘That’s exactly what they’re saying!’
‘Lex. It isn’t. We’re just loving having you back in the fold, so to speak. That’s all.’
‘So why is everyone being so weird about me meeting Marco for lunch?’
‘Because it’s a long way for him to come just to have lunch.’
‘Not for him it isn’t! These people don’t live their lives like we do. He’ll go to Capri just for a party! This is nothing to him.’
‘All right. Then drive care
fully and enjoy yourself.’
‘I will. And thanks for covering my shift for me.’
‘You’re welcome. Now, I’m just going to pop home and check on Claire. She’s feeling a bit tired again today so I’ve told her to stay in bed for a bit.’
‘Is there anything I can do?’
‘No, but thanks.’
‘OK. I’ll send her a text to say hi. Just let me know if you need anything.’
‘Yep, will do. Thanks, Lex.’
***
Marco had offered to pick me up but I opted to meet him there, rather than having him double back on himself to get me. He’d promised that he didn’t mind but I’d insisted. Now as I parked my sporty little Fiesta among the assortment of super and luxury cars decorating the parking area, I tried to keep up with my resolve that this had been a good idea. I’d been to some pretty nice places over the years but it had usually been either with Marco or as a group, and now it was hard not to feel a tiny bit intimidated at the thought of walking in this place on my own.
I undid my coat and straightened my dress, hoping to goodness it was the right thing before wrapping my coat back around me to keep out the cold. My fun little roller skate of a car looked cool, if incongruous, tucked between a huge Bentley and a rather beautiful Noble. I gave it a comforting pat on the roof.
‘You’re just as good as them,’ I said quietly, a part of my mind knowing that the pep talk was quite possibly for more than the inanimate object I was leaning on.
‘I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your car-whispering skills.’ The cool French accent drifted across the still air, the damp of the morning still clinging to the rest of the day. A tone of amusement laced the words.
I jumped, my hand flying to my chest. ‘Bloody hell, Marco. How many times have I told you not to creep up on me?’ His laugh was relaxed, his eyes shining with the joke and my remonstration.
I looked down at the ground. It was gravelled. ‘How the hell did you even manage to be that quiet on this?’
Marco hugged me, placing a kiss on both cheeks, one hand staying at my waist. ‘That, my beauty, was entirely down to you. I did call you but you were off in a little world of your own.’
I wrinkled my nose as I looked up at him. ‘It’s all a bit posh. I was psyching myself up.’
‘And are you psyched now?’ He was making fun of me, I knew. But I also knew it was meant in fun. There were a lot of egos in the paddock, and of course, Marco had one too. He had to. It was part of having the desire to win, to challenge, to fight in such a competitive world. But luckily it wasn’t the size of a small planet like some. Working with him had been enjoyable but I knew some engineers struggled at times with other drivers who had a tendency to believe their own press a little more than Marco did.
‘I think I’m as psyched as I’m ever going to be.’
He grinned down at me. At six foot one, he was close to being ineligible for the type of racing he’d chosen. Any bigger and he’d likely not fit in the car. Although …
His smile faded. ‘You’re looking at me funny.’
‘You’ve put on weight.’
He slowly raised one eyebrow at me. ‘And if I had been the one to say that I’m pretty sure I’d be on my knees by now, clutching some items very dear to me.’
I squeezed his arm and laughed. ‘It’s a possibility. But you’re far too polite to say such a thing.’
‘Whereas you, apparently, are not.’
I shrugged. ‘You get what you get with me. You know that.’ I winked.
Marco studied me for a moment. ‘Yes. I do.’
‘Anyway, I meant it in a good way. It suits you. You always were too skinny for your height.’
Marco indicated the way and hooked my arm over his as we headed towards the large Jacobean house where our table awaited.
‘You know what it’s like with trying to get everything lighter all the time. Including the drivers!’ He pulled a face.
‘I know. I just always had an urge to feed you cake.’
‘I would have taken it if you had, damn the consequences!’
‘You look good for it.’ We stepped through the large wooden door and into a marble-floored hallway.
‘Thanks. I feel good for it. At last.’
His tone caught my attention. ‘Marco? Did something happen?’
‘Ah! Mr Benoit. It’s so good to see you back. Your table is waiting.’
Marco nodded at him. ‘Thank you,’ he said, then turning he gave me a quick squeeze and dropped a quick kiss on the top of my head, ‘Everything is good. And, hopefully about to get even better. Come on. I’ll tell you over lunch.’
The food was amazing and I could see how the place had kept its stellar reputation, not to mention several Michelin stars, for so long. The menu didn’t have prices and frankly, I was kind of glad. In all likelihood, I’d have probably just ordered tap water if I’d known what they were charging. When Marco had suggested this place, I’d countered with my own classy suggestion of Pizza Express, which would at least have given me the option of paying half the bill. He’d pretended to think about it and then rejected it, along with my argument of wanting to pay half.
Marco had insisted that as he was going to be asking me for some advice at some point during the meal, that it was a business lunch. And because he was the one asking for help, then he should also be the one to pay. It was pretty thin reasoning to my ears but he clearly wanted to eat here so I’d accepted his terms, albeit grudgingly.
‘So. What’s this advice you wanted?’ I asked, finishing the last of my cheesecake. It had been passion fruit and something else with a fancy name that I hadn’t been entirely clear on. What was clear was that it had been delicious and I’d happily have eaten it all over again given the chance. It had also been nice to see Marco digging into proper food and enjoying it, rather than some of the meagre portions he’d sometimes had to restrict himself to, to maintain the weight needed for the car.
‘You haven’t heard anything then?’
I frowned at him. ‘Heard anything about what?’
Marco looked at me. ‘Anyone else, and I’d think they were playing me. But you, I give the benefit of the doubt to when it comes to honesty.’
I gave him a look. ‘Wow. Thanks,’ I replied flatly. ‘And for your information, I am being totally honest. You’re going to have to give me more of a clue as to what you’re talking about before I can tell you whether I’ve heard anything about it or not.’
‘How in touch with the world of F1 are you at the moment?’ he asked as he signalled a waiter for coffee.
I shook my head. ‘Honestly? Not at all.’
I saw the shadow of surprise flit across his face.
‘I know. I never thought I’d want a break from it either. But actually? It’s been really nice. I’ll always love the sport but I gave it a lot, and spending the past year banging my head against a wall trying to get back in was hard. I’ve got this other offer now so I’ll catch up then but for now, I’ve kind of kept out of it all, purposely. Going home and getting involved with the shop again has been different, that’s for certain, but it’s been good. And I’ve loved being close to everyone again, knowing I’m not rushing off in a couple of days and having to try and cram everything in.’
‘You sound like you’ll be a little reluctant to go back, if you take this other job.’
I fiddled with the sugar tongs, which was probably against etiquette but I had a fidget gene so by my reasoning that excused me.
‘I will, in a way. But it’s sort of like when you’ve had a lovely holiday and you know you’ve got to go home, but you don’t want to. You know it’s going to happen and once it does, it’s fine. But until then you want to make the most of the holiday.’
‘What if you had a better option?’
‘Huh?’ I was pretty sure saying “huh” in such an establishment was another social faux pas but oh well.
He studied me for a moment.
‘Marco, what’s go
ing on?’
The smile he was so well known for spread across his handsome features. ‘I have some news …’
***
Marco walked me back to my car. The light was already gone and the damp air of earlier had grown colder and now seeped down collars and up sleeves until it made its way to our very marrow, chilling us from the inside out. I shivered and wrapped my coat tighter. Marco gently tugged my collar up.
‘An apartment in the south of France doesn’t seem like such a bad idea now, does it?’
I gave him a look through my lashes and he laughed. ‘I have to try.’
‘Of course.’
‘But you will think about it.’
I nodded, not quite meeting his eyes.
He caught my chin with the side of his forefinger, and tilted it up. ‘But I think you may have already made up your mind?’
I wrapped my hands around his. ‘No. I promise I haven’t. I will think about it. It’s just that it’s a lot to think about, and very unexpected so it’s sort of taken me by surprise.’
‘I’m sorry to have … sprung … is that the right word?’ He furrowed his brow for a moment and I nodded. ‘OK. Good. Yes, to have sprung it on you. I did think you might have heard something. You know how the gossip mill is always working in racing.’
‘Oh yes, that’s for sure.’ We both knew all about the gossips in the paddock and beyond and had always done our best to ignore them.
‘But you’ll think about it?’
I laughed and gave him a gentle tap on his arm. ‘I said I would! Stop hassling me!’
He grinned. ‘Actually there’s something else I’d really like you to think about too, if you get time?’
‘Something else? You didn’t think that was enough?’
He did the Gallic shrug thing. ‘It’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about for a while but it never seemed the right time.’
‘OK. Let’s hear it then. May as well get all my thinking done in one –’
I jumped back from Marco’s kiss in shock and whacked my hip on a gold-wrapped, pimped-up, and frankly quite hideous Range Rover, which only served to add insult to injury.
Marco shoved his hands in the pockets of the made-to-measure wool car coat. ‘That wasn’t exactly the reaction I was hoping for.’
The Best Little Christmas Shop Page 21
