I shook my head. ‘No. Because I might risk yours. And your son’s.’
Cal held out his hand, and I looked at it, wanting to take it. I wanted to take his hand and I wanted so much more but –
‘Lexi, stop thinking for a moment and just listen.’
Lifting my gaze to meet his, I saw the faintest of smiles shadow his lips as he wiggled his fingers towards me. Reaching out, I took his hand and as he pulled me close, his arms wrapping tight around me, one large hand cradling the back of my head.
Immediately, I felt some of the knots begin to loosen. This was where I should be. In my heart, I knew it. But the problem wasn’t my heart. I’d always been sensible and practical and over-ruled the silly whims of my heart. The one time I hadn’t, it had ended in pain on both sides. And this time would be so, so much worse. The question was whether I was willing to take that risk again. To take a chance on Cal Martin. On myself.
Cal gently pulled us both down onto the well-loved sofa and we sunk into its comforting depths. He kept his arms around me, and leant his head gently on mine.
‘Lexi, do you really think I haven’t thought this over a million times?’ He breathed a kiss into my hair. ‘I grew up protecting myself from anything and anyone that could hurt me. I swore to myself I’d never let anyone in enough to risk any sort of damage to my feelings, and when George came along, I knew that I’d do everything I possibly could to give him a happy home and would never do anything to risk his happiness, or put confusion into his life.’
Cal sat up a little and turned me, so that I was facing him. ‘The only thing you’d be risking, if you let yourself, is adding more happiness, more joy, and more love to both our lives.’
I met his eyes and saw the honesty in them. He believed every word and I knew that I did too.
‘But what about …’
‘More children?’
My gaze dropped to his chest, and he hooked the side of his finger under my chin, bringing it up. He waited until I met his eyes before speaking.
‘If it happens, I’ll be incredibly happy. But if it doesn’t, I’ll still be incredibly happy because I’ll have you, which is more than I ever thought I’d find. I love you, Lexi, and so does George. I will always love you, whatever happens. And I will be right beside you, always. For the good times and the bad. That’s what love’s about. Whatever happens, we’ll be in it together, and being together is already more than enough. I meant everything I said before. I want you in our lives. That’s the most important thing to me. Anything else is a bonus.’
He brushed back a lock of my hair that had tumbled forward. ‘I love you.’ He gave me the smile that had caused my stomach to do backflips from the very first time. ‘You have no idea how much! If you give me the chance, I promise to show you every day.’ He took my hand. ‘But I can’t do this alone, Lexi, and I know it’s scary. I’ve never done this before either – given my heart over to someone so utterly and completely and it scares the life out of me, if I’m honest, but it also feels like the only thing I should be doing. It feels more right than anything I’ve ever done in my life.’
I leant forward, and kissed him, feeling the hesitation in his body. Pulling back, I met his eyes, wary.
‘Please don’t tell me that was a goodbye kiss,’ he whispered.
I shook my head, the smile spreading on my face. ‘No. It wasn’t. It was a time to be brave kiss.’
‘So, you’re saying yes?’ The surprise in his voice tore at my heart. He’d opened himself to me, laid himself bare, knowing, even expecting to be turned down. His honesty, and bravery, breached my emotional dam entirely.
‘I am. I want this. I want you, and whatever does or doesn’t happen. I want it all.’
Cal touched my face gently, his long fingers sliding back and entwining themselves in my hair, his eyes never leaving me.
‘I used to be a daredevil as a child. Nothing fazed me. But somewhere along the way, something happened; I lost some of that bravery. I lost some of that self-belief. Now it’s time to get it back. It’s time be brave about something that really matters …’
I barely had time to take a breath before Cal’s mouth was on mine, his arm wrapping around my waist, as the other cupped the back of my head, his fingers splaying as his mouth delivered a kiss that stopped me thinking about anything other than how good it felt to be here, being kissed by this man, and feeling his solid, broad body pressing close to mine as his mouth moved and began trailing down my neck …
Chapter Twenty-Two
Outside the snow was already half a foot deep at least.
‘Are you going to be all right getting back?’
‘That’s why I wore these.’ He wiggled his feet like a clown in funny shoes, but the expensive hiking boots were far sexier. Although to be fair, everything Cal wore was far sexier, precisely because it was him wearing it.
‘Good thinking. I guess you won’t be needing them in Antigua.’
He pulled a face. ‘No. Probably not. I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t booked that now.’
Giving a shiver, he turned his collar up against the snowflakes sneaking their way down his back. I reached out and grabbed a scarf from my coat stand.
‘Here,’ I said, wrapping and knotting it around his neck.
‘Thank you.’ His voice was so soft it almost drifted away on the gust of wind that blew across the steps, adding to the snowdrift building up against the side of the house. ‘I’d better go.’
I nodded. ‘Can you text me when you’re in, just so I know you didn’t turn into Mr Frosty on the way home.’
‘If you promise to go right to sleep straight after.’
‘That sounds like a bribery line you’d use on George.’ I smiled.
‘I employ it whenever and wherever I need to. So, do you promise?’
‘I do.’
‘Good.’ He swooped in for another kiss and my hands slid behind his neck, resting on the scarf, pulling him closer.
‘I wish you hadn’t booked it too,’ I said as we broke from the kiss.
Cal rested his forehead against mine. ‘I’m pretty sure it’s going to feel like the longest week ever. Especially as George still hasn’t forgiven me for us not getting to spend Christmas at your parents’ place with his friends.’
‘He’ll be fine once he gets caught up in all the holiday excitement, I’m sure.’
Cal pulled a face. ‘We’ll see. I’m not about to place any bets.’ He gave another yank at his collar as the wind blew across the steps.
‘Go on,’ I said. ‘Before you let all the snow in.’ The last thing I wanted right now was for Cal to leave but we both knew staying wasn’t really an option tonight, not with little George at home and them heading off to Antigua tomorrow.
‘I’m going,’ He threw me that grin that always turned my insides deliciously liquid as soft laughter bubbled from him, its sound being absorbed into the landscape now muffled by its thick layer of soft white.
Cal half slid down the banisters, lifting his legs and letting the muscles in his arms support his weight until he got to the bottom where his feet landed with a soft squish in the snowdrift that was building at the foot of the steps. He turned, raised a hand, and then trudged off towards the gate. As he got to it, he waved again and blew a kiss.
I closed the door, gave a quick shiver, and then threw the double lock before hanging the key on the hook next to the door. Resting my head on the solid oak of the door for a moment, I knew I had to keep my brave pants on and take another risk. Checking the clock on my dresser, I picked up my mobile and dialled. It rang twice before being answered.
‘Hi, Marco. I have an answer for you.’
***
For the first time in weeks, I woke without a knot in my stomach, and I smiled to myself at the lack of tension in my shoulders as I moved. Rolling over, I grabbed the remote control from the other bedside and aimed it roughly in the direction of the TV. The red light went green and then BBC News came up.
�
�With the worst snowstorm to hit the south-east for several years, people are being advised not to attempt travel, with airports and many roads being closed.’
The reporter was in the standard North Face jacket with a woolly hat and full make-up. Frankly she looked like she was freezing her arse off and that her first call when she got the feeling back in her fingers was going to be to her agent.
‘Now back to you, Ariana, in the studio.’ She didn’t exactly say ‘you lucky bleep’ but the suggestion was definitely there.
‘This is BBC News. It’s eight forty-seven. Here are the headlines. A major snowstorm has engulfed the south-east of England with falls in some areas of at least …’
I had a day off today and although we’d all eaten enough for the entire village last night, astoundingly my stomach was now grumbling and requesting to be fed. I kicked my feet out from the covers and headed into the bathroom, running the toothbrush around my mouth in an attempt to get rid of the dried-up bird cage feeling.
Shoving on my Ugg boots out of habit, I quickly remembered what lay outside, and instead rammed my pyjamed legs into wellies and layered my cosy down-filled coat over my dressing gown. I definitely wasn’t going to win any fashion awards but that was the last thing on my mind right now. Admittedly, that was never the first thing on my mind but even less so today. Opening the door, I scooted down the steps and tramped through snow that hovered dangerously close to the top of my wellies before almost tumbling in the back door to the kitchen.
‘Hello, darling,’ Mum said, looking up from where she was stirring something on the hob. ‘Would you like a cup of tea? I’ve just boiled the kettle.’
‘I’ll make it. Do you want one?’
I saw her give me a little sideways look. ‘I’m not sure there’s enough water in there for three.’
I frowned. ‘Three?’
Mum lifted her head as she tasted whatever was emitting the most delicious smell from the pot in front of her. She didn’t say a word but her eyes spoke volumes.
‘Cal is not in my …’ I stopped just in time before the word “bed” popped out ‘… flat,’ I finished. Mum tilted her head.
‘And yet you seem different. Relieved. Happy.’
I handed Mum her cup of tea and kissed her on the cheek before taking a chair at the table. Apollo stretched on his bed by the Aga, lifted his head and, in a tangle of long legs, righted himself and plodded over to me. Sitting with his hip against the chair, he doinked his head against me. I rubbed his head and dipped down to plop a kiss on the solid, warm bulk of it.
‘Maybe that’s because I am.’ I took a sip of the tea and felt it rush warm and soothing through me. ‘Actually, I have something to ask you.’
Mum put the spoon down and faced me, a cautious smile hovering around her mouth.
‘How does one go about applying for a permanent position at The Four Seasons?’
***
Apollo hadn’t been enthused about this walk. In fact, his excited dance when I picked up the lead stopped almost immediately the moment I opened the door and he looked out at the alien landscape. Smothered by snow, everything looked different, softer, curvier and most of all, as far as the dog was concerned, colder. He gave me a look, and then scooted back to his bed by the nice warm Aga, trailing the lead across the kitchen. I toed off my boots and tramped across.
‘Come on, lazy bones. We have to catch them before they leave. It’ll be fine once you’re out there. You’ll enjoy it.’ I bent and picked up the lead and waited. Apollo gave me another look. I wiggled my fingers in my jacket pocket and his ears perked up. ‘There’s a treat in it for you if you do.’
He appeared to consider this for a moment and then scrabbled up, his nose immediately prodding at my pocket.
‘All right, hang on. I can’t get my hand out with your big beak in the way.’ I laughed. ‘Here,’ I said, holding my hand flat with the piece of sausage on it. Apollo hoovered it up and looked up at me for more, ever hopeful. I laughed again. ‘In a bit. Come on.’ He followed me back and I shoved my double-socked feet back in my wellies and headed out the door.
The snow was a little deeper than I anticipated in places and I was inordinately glad we had a Great Dane and not a Chihuahua. Once he’d got over his initial sniffy disdain about coming out with me, Apollo had decided that actually this white stuff was pretty fun and had spent the entire walk charging about through snowdrifts, more often than not showering me with overspray as he made himself into a doggy snowplough.
Thankfully the weather had changed today. Above us stretched a beautiful cobalt blue sky, the. sun hung bright within it although with more show than function. It was still bitterly cold and I’d lost all feeling in my face within minutes of leaving the house. We made our way to our intended destination and I was relieved to see Cal’s car still in his driveway. Of course, he could have arranged a cab. Caught up in the emotions of last night, I’d forgotten to ask how he was getting to the airport, or what time he was even leaving. He’d told me he’d call when he was there though as I hadn’t had a call yet, I just had to hope I hadn’t missed them.
I rang the doorbell and quickly set about drying off Apollo with the little microfibre towel I’d stuffed in one of my pockets. The fabric quickly wicked off the moisture from his shiny, caramel coat and he dutifully lifted each paw without any fuss for me to give it a wipe. Just as I was finishing the last one, the door opened and I straightened, shoving the towel back in my pocket as I did so.
‘Hi!’ Cal smiled down, evidently surprised to see me.
‘Hi, I …’ My words faltered a little. God, he was gorgeous. The smile tilted a little more as he waved us in through the door. Wearing a black cashmere jumper, dark-wash jeans and – thanks to the underfloor heating that ran throughout his house – bare feet, he looked relaxed, understated, and sexy as hell. I stepped in, unclipped Apollo’s lead, and told him to stay as I accepted Cal’s assistance with the removal of my coat. As I did so, I caught sight of myself in the large ornately framed full-length mirror that took up a portion of wall in his hall. I, most certainly, did not look sexy.
‘Oh my God, I look like Rudolph!’ I said, my hand flying to my nose.
Cal let out one of those deliciously deep laughs and turned me to face him.
‘You look lovely. Like always.’
I peered over my shoulder at my reflection again. Resting his hands on my shoulders, Cal gently turned me back again. ‘I said you look lovely.’ His hands went to my face and he bent his head down towards me. Sinking into the kiss I sighed, and I felt him smile against me and realised that had been out loud. And I didn’t care, pressing myself as close to him as I could, wanting to make up for all the weeks I’d wasted. Time that I could have been spent in far more enjoyable ways, just like this …
Eventually we broke apart and Cal grinned, then pointed at my hat. I frisbeed my hat over to him and he stuck it over my jacket. Having pulled off my boots, I was finally done.
‘I won’t stay long. I know you’ve probably got to leave any time for your flight. Actually I wasn’t sure if I might have missed you, but –’
‘Lexi! Apollo!’ George came hurtling down the corridor, sliding on his socks and careering into me. Apollo, being a bright dog, did a neat little sidestep in order to avoid the small child-shaped projectile.
‘Hi, chilli bean!’ I said, hugging him and dropping to my knee. ‘You all packed for your holiday?’
George gave me a quizzical look, looked up at his Dad, then back at me. ‘We’re not going to Antigoo, Lexi. Didn’t Daddy tell you?’
‘Oh!’ I said, standing back up. ‘How come?’
Cal pointed outside. ‘That has cancelled our flight.’
‘Oh dear. That’s awful,’ I said, feeling the biggest grin I owned slide onto my face.
‘I know. It’s really terrible,’ Cal replied, his smile as wide as mine.
‘George, why don’t you take Apollo into the living room. I’ll be there in a second.’
/> George charged off calling the dog who loped lazily beside him. Moments later, peals of childish laughter rang out from the other room. George popped out of the doorway, his face shining with laughter. ‘Apollo just farted really loudly!’ He informed us with glee before disappearing again, more giggles drifting out almost immediately.
Cal smirked. ‘It has to be said that the level of humour bar is set quite low in this house.’
‘That’s OK. When it happens while we’re at the table, you’d think we were all George’s age. And that includes my parents.’
Cal grinned.
‘I really hope it’s just noise and that my dog isn’t actually gassing your child.’
We walked up the corridor and stuck our heads into the living room. Apollo seemed unfazed by his behaviour and, luckily, hadn’t seemed to have left too much of a pong.
‘All clear.’ Cal chuckled and led me through to the kitchen side of the bright, open-plan room.
‘Coffee?’
‘Thanks,’ I accepted and Cal started moving around grabbing mugs and coffee pods from the cabinet. ‘So, I hope you don’t mind but I called your mum earlier to see if that offer for Christmas Day dinner was still on.’
‘I’m guessing by George’s happy little face that it is?’
Cal stepped towards me, closing the gap until there was none, his large, warm hands resting on the curve of my hip as he drew me closer still.
‘It is. And George has been invited to go and help Harry and the gang make iced biscuits to hang on the tree. Matt’s coming to collect him in about half an hour. And then I’ve got some ideas that might lead you to getting to see my happy little face …’ His smile was an enticing combination of desire, teasing, and pure mischief. And I loved it.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The Christmas Village Festival was a big event in our little corner of the world and I had wonderful memories from my childhood of the parade and getting to stay up late, not to mention all the goodies being sold on the little stalls that set up in the tiny market square. Each little hut was topped with a white waterproof felt covering, giving the impression of a snow-covered roof. Tonight, however, nature was giving a helping hand. Gentle snowflakes fluttered down, catching on everything, including the long dark eyelashes of the man currently stood next to me.
The Best Little Christmas Shop Page 27
