‘Don’t, Marco. Please! I hate thinking of that day.’ I tried to turn away but he stopped me.
‘You should think about it. You should think about it every day. I know I do. It’s what keeps me going. It’s what keeps me feeling alive and going after what I want, even if I know there’s a good chance of me failing. It’s what made me kiss you because, even though I pretty much knew you were going to reject me, I had to try. Don’t waste something this good, Lexi. Please! You have to try. You have to stop being afraid of taking a chance on love. You’re fearless in a lot of ways, but when it comes to your heart?’ His voice was softer now and his smile gentle. ‘Not so much. I’ve seen the way that man looks at you. Hurting you is the last thing on his mind.’
‘But what about me hurting him?’
‘Why don’t you let me worry about that?’ Cal’s voice from the doorway made me jump. Marco merely turned, calm as ever, accepting the almost imperceptible nod that Cal gave him.
‘How long have you been standing there?’ I asked, quickly dragging the heel of my hand across my cheeks.
‘Long enough.’
‘It’s rude to eavesdrop. Didn’t your mother ever …’ I stopped, suddenly realising just how inappropriate my automatic response was. I’d been trying to cover just how excruciatingly awkward I felt and had now managed only to add to the very feeling I was trying to alleviate. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean … I wasn’t thinking.’
‘It’s all right, Lexi.’ His voice was soft, and with the way he was looking at me, I got the distinct feeling his response wasn’t only in reference to my spectacular foot-in-mouth moment.
Marco broke the spell. ‘I should go before this weather really sets in.’
‘They’re saying there’s a big storm headed this way. You going to be OK getting back in that?’ Cal nodded at the window, indicating the outline of the sleek Lamborghini parked there, its matt black body slowly being brought into the spirit of the season thanks to the tiny snowflakes that were now settling gently and decorating the dark paintwork.
‘Yes, thanks. If I leave now, I’ll be back in London before the roads are too affected.’
Cal nodded, and Marco turned to me. His eyes were kind as he took my hands. ‘Thank your family for having me tonight.’ We all threw a glance as a big whoop went up from the other room. God knew what they were up to, but from the gales of laughter that followed, it was something fun. A smile tempted my face. How I’d missed the sound of that laughter for all those years. And how I’d miss it if I left again. But I had to. Didn’t I?
‘I’d say it myself but I don’t want to interrupt whatever’s going on in there. And congratulations to your brother and his wife. I’m so happy for them.’
‘Thank you. Me too,’ I croaked, my throat raw from tonight’s assault of emotions.
‘Have a think about everything I said.’ He put a hand to my cheek for a moment. ‘The job is still there if you want it. But it’s only yours if it’s for the right reasons. And I’ve known you long enough now so don’t even bother trying to fool me.’ He bent and kissed my forehead and pulled me into a long hug. ‘You have to take a chance at some point, Lex,’ he whispered. ‘And I’m thinking now would be a pretty good time.’ Marco let go and stood back. Turning to Cal, he held out his hand. ‘I’m fairly sure you overheard me say something about kissing her but as you haven’t punched me yet, I’m hoping you’ve decided not to.’
Cal took his hand and shook it. ‘As it’s nearly Christmas …’ Humour glinted in his eyes.
Marco gave a conceding nod. ‘Then I wish you a very merry Christmas. And the best of luck.’
Cal caught the meaning. ‘Thanks.’
Marco opened the back door. ‘I’ll call you soon.’
I smiled. ‘Text me when you’re home, OK?’ I said, glancing past him and looking up at the clouds now sending down larger flakes.
Marco grinned and shrugged at Cal who had now come to stand at my side. ‘She’s worse than my mother sometimes.’
‘And like her, just because you’re world champion doesn’t mean I’m going to go all reverential around you. Just send the damn text.’
Marco dashed another kiss on my cheek. ‘So feisty.’ He winked at Cal before hurrying out to his car and quickly ensconcing himself inside. The engine burbled into life and, without drama, Marco gently steered the car out of the drive and turned out into the road. In the still of the night, we heard the engine open up as its owner drove away from the sleepy village and back to the lights and noise of the city.
I closed the door against the cold and glanced over at Apollo. He’d shuffled himself onto his back and was now lying with all four paws in the air, his front legs loose and floppy, his back haunches folded, and everything overlaid with gentle, contented snores.
‘Very elegant, Apollo.’
Cal’s gaze followed mine and his beautiful face, moments ago serious and concerned, creased into laughter. I loved his smile, the sound of his laugh, and the way those hypnotic eyes became twinkly and full of joy. I loved the way his long legs covered the distance between me and the dog in a couple of strides and the soft look on his face as he crouched down and carefully lifted Apollo’s head from where it was lying at a decidedly odd angle off the edge of his bed. Without waking him, Cal gently manoeuvred him back into a more comfortable position. Standing, he looked back to where I had remained by the door.
‘I’ve never had a dog so I don’t know whether dogs can get a crick in their neck or not but …’ He shrugged, a slightly sheepish look on his face.
‘He won’t now. Thank you.’ Silence drifted over us. ‘Have you thought any more about getting a dog of your own?’ I piped up eventually, in order to break it.
Cal shoved his hands in his pockets, dropped his head, and let out a big sigh. Bringing his head back up, he caught me in the tractor beam of that intoxicating gaze. ‘Is this the bit where you say everything and anything in order to avoid talking about the things that really matter?’
I pondered a moment. ‘Pretty much, yeah.’
He walked back over to where I’d remained, almost fixed to the floor since Marco had left, half of me wanting to get over the fear I had about what might happen next, and half of me wanting to do exactly what Marco had said I always did. Run away. My eyes flicked to the door handle.
‘Don’t even think about it. Unless it’s just to go somewhere else to talk. Which, from the bit I overheard is something we definitely need to do.’
‘Oh, there you are!’ Giselle appeared, slightly pink-faced from the warmth and general busyness of the party that was now in full abandon in another part of the house. ‘We’d wondered where you’d gone.’
‘Marco was leaving. I … we … were just seeing him out.’
Xander wandered up behind his wife and I saw them both look curiously between me and Cal. ‘Are you all right?’ he asked.
Giselle was next to me now, peering at my face. Without a word, she tugged me over to the light. ‘You’ve been crying.’
‘It’s nothing. Really.’
The look she gave me showed just how little her kids were going to get away with if they ever tried it on with her.
‘Honestly. It’s all … fine.’
Actually, I had no idea what it was, so fine would have to do for the moment.
Giselle was having none of it but she’d known me long enough to know when not to push it.
‘OK. Obviously, I don’t believe a word but I’ll leave you both to it. Are you coming back in?’
‘I don’t really know, Gis.’
‘She hugged me. ‘Is it Dan’s news that’s upset you? I mean, I know you’re not upset for them but …’
‘No! I’m thrilled for them! I’m a bit tearful about it, yes, but it’s for all the good reasons. Just like I was with you. I promise.’
Giselle rested her head against mine for a moment. When she’d first told me she was pregnant, she’d admitted that she almost thought about hiding it for a while beca
use she was worried about my reaction. But then she realised by doing that, it would have made it so much worse. And that was true. Life was what it was. I didn’t want people treading on eggshells around me about stuff. Admittedly, some tact was always appreciated, which even my lummoxes of brothers realised. But apart from that, life was there and generally you just had to deal with it. I could be sad for me, but I would never let that affect the joy I felt for the people I loved.
‘We’ll leave you to it, then.’ Xander verbally nudged Giselle.
She gave me a private grin and rolled her eyes. ‘He’s so subtle.’ Giving us both a quick kiss on the cheek, she stepped back towards the other room. ‘Call me if you want anything. It doesn’t matter what the time is.’
‘Thanks, Gis. I will.’
‘Although, between the hours of nine and five would be – Oww!’ Xander teased before getting a whack from his wife. He winked at me over the top of her head. Like Giselle, I knew he was there for me wherever and whenever I needed him no matter what he said. They disappeared from sight, and headed back into the throng of the family party.
‘I’m thinking it might be better to go somewhere else. Somewhere we can talk without any interruptions,’ Cal suggested.
Right now I was OK with the interruptions because it stopped me having to face up to him and what that might mean. As if reading my mind, he gave a head tilt.
‘Why do I get the feeling you wouldn’t mind if your whole family suddenly trooped in here right now?’
Even in the low light of the lamp I knew Cal hadn’t missed how I was now blushing as red as the poinsettia Mum had on the windowsill. Busted.
‘That’s what I thought.’
‘We can go next door to mine, if you like.’
Cal rolled his lips together for a second. ‘If I were a lesser man, the entire lack of enthusiasm in that suggestion might bother me.’
It was my turn to look sheepish. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like that.’
He reached his hand out and warm, long fingers gently laced themselves through mine. It was such a simple gesture but I felt the sparks shoot through me at his touch. He turned, his eyes on mine, and the sparks exploded like fireworks on New Year’s Eve.
This wasn’t me. I was good at compartmentalising. Or running away, if that’s what’s Marco wanted to call it. Whatever it was labelled, I did it. And I was good at it. I put things in a box. Put them away. Moved on. Done. But Cal refused to conform to my method. His face, voice, body all invaded my thoughts when they weren’t supposed to. This wasn’t how it was supposed to work. But I couldn’t stop it.
‘I can practically see the steam from here.’ His mouth curved up a little. ‘Don’t get yourself worked up overthinking. I’m not asking for anything from you, Lexi, apart from for you to let me in. Let me be a part of this decision you’re making to push me away.’
‘It’s not what I wanted, Cal, I promise. I never meant to fall for you. It all just sort of happened.’
‘Some things are meant to happen. George wasn’t “meant to happen” but I guess sometimes the Universe, or God, or whatever you believe in has other ideas for us.’
Another whoop of cheering and laughter went up from the other room.
‘Come on, let’s find somewhere a bit quieter. We can always come back later. They’ll understand.’
‘I don’t want them thinking –’
‘Lex. It was your mum who told me to come and find you as I was stood in there pretending to join in.’
I looked up at him. ‘She’s pretty good at that whole mind-reading thing, isn’t she?’
‘So good. It’s kind of disturbing. How did you lot ever get away with anything?’
I shrugged. ‘We didn’t. We’ve all had years of practice with her and still can’t fool her for more than a minute.’
‘I’m glad she insisted.’
‘Are you?’
‘Yes. Because at least now I know how you feel, which is something you had omitted to tell me.’
I didn’t answer and Cal didn’t speak, concentrating instead on lifting my coat from the wooden row of pegs on the wall. He draped it around my shoulders before grabbing his own and slinging it over his arm. Opening the door, Cal gripped it firmly as a flurry of snow blew in on the icy draught. We shoved ourselves through the door and quickly closed it behind us, keeping the heat in the house.
Cal took my hand and we half ran through the now-settling snow to the steps, duly gritted earlier, and raced up them. I grabbed the key from my pocket and quickly plugged it in the lock and turned. The cosy warmth from my little flat enveloped us as we stepped in, shutting out the weather – and the world – leaving just me and Cal. The softly changing lights from the small fibre optic Christmas tree I’d chosen provided a gentle, comforting glow.
‘I … can I get you a drink or something?’ I asked, suddenly feeling a little awkward as Cal took the coat from my shoulders and hung it alongside his on the shabby chic hat stand behind the door.
‘I’d really just like to sit and talk before I explode but if you want a drink, you should have one.’
‘I don’t really.’
‘Stop procrastinating then and get that cute butt over here and sit down with me.’
I hesitated. Cal was doing his best to keep things light, as though coaxing a wary animal towards safety, knowing all the time that it might bolt and shoot straight out into the road.
‘Please, Lexi.’ His voice was low and his expression looked almost haunted. ‘I know what you said, about being friends and all that. But it’s not working for me, and I don’t think it’s working for you either.’
‘I’ll make it work … I have to. It’s for the –’
His head snapped up as his brows drew together. He shot up and immediately gained the height advantage. I tipped my head back to meet his eyes and almost wished I hadn’t. The pain in those grey eyes shot into my chest with a force that felt almost physical. He was done with the coaxing.
‘If you’re about to say it’s for the best, then save your breath. I know it’s not and so do you. What’s it going to take to get you to realise that? What do I have to do to prove to you that, whatever you think, all I want is you?’
‘That’s what Marco thought too, at first,’ I cried. The guilt at seeing the pain in his eyes kicked me automatically into defensive mode.
‘I’m not Marco.’
‘Why would you be any different?’ I threw up my hands, turning away. I couldn’t face him right now because he was different. I knew that. I’d never felt like this about anyone and if this was how excruciatingly painful it was to love someone this much, then I was going to make sure I never did again.
‘Because everyone’s different, Lexi!’ I could hear the hurt and the tension in his voice and wrapped my arms around myself to prevent me from wrapping them around him. ‘And because I bloody well love you more than I know what to do with and I know you love me too. All that put together means that I’m different. That this –’ he waved his arm in the air between us ‘– is different. And if you’d just give us a chance, we can prove it.’
The silence hung between us. A soft swishy noise signalled that the snow was falling harder, settling quicker. I swallowed the lump I felt in my throat and looked towards the window as thoughts swirled through my head, just as the flakes outside tumbled in the air.
‘He’ll be OK. He’s probably nearly there by now.’ Cal picked up on my thoughts about Marco. Marco was a good friend. Better than I ever knew if I was honest – his actions tonight showed me that. All everyone saw was the playboy side, a side he admittedly played up to. But there was so much more to Marco than that. I knew that. And tonight Cal had seen that too.
‘Call him if you’re going to be so worried that you can’t concentrate on anything else. It’s OK.’ His voice was calm now. Understanding. He’d told me that he’d seen the media coverage of Marco’s accident. There’d been a photo of me taken a little after the accident whe
n I’d returned to the garage. Its focus was slightly blurred thanks to the length of the lens used, but there was no mistaking the utter distress on my face. I’d been mortified at the intrusion. At the world seeing my emotions so raw, so visceral.
Marco was used to being in the public eye, but I wasn’t. I’d never got used to it. I had no wish to be seen at parties and I’d certainly had no wish to be put on display like that. Once Marco knew about it, he’d put his lawyers on the case and had managed to get hold of the photo, but by then it had already been seen around the world. And one of those people who had seen it was Cal Martin.
Whatever Marco said, I knew there was someone better for him, more suited to that lifestyle he favoured. But I still loved him, like family now. I knew I’d never forget that day, and the fear, and with Joe’s recent accident still in mind, I knew I was on edge.
My phone let out a soft ping, signalling the arrival of a text. I walked over to the tiny console table near the door where I’d left my mobile earlier this evening. I pressed onto messages and saw an unread one from Marco.
Home. So you can stop worrying now. Talk to him!!! xxx
‘He OK?’
I replaced the phone on the table and hovered there for a moment, my fingers fiddling with the petals of the impossibly real-looking cream silk roses displayed in a cut glass vase.
‘Yes. Thanks.’
‘Good.’
‘He told me – again – to talk to you.’
‘And are you going to take his advice?’
I let my hand drop to my side before I risked destroying the flower display entirely.
‘I’m scared, Cal. And I’m not used to that. I never baulked at going for the biggest jumps on my mountain bike, or following my brothers to the highest branch in the tree. That was just a challenge to me. And I like challenges. But this feels like so much more. And, honestly, I’m not sure if I can do it.’
‘Because you might risk your heart?’
The Best Little Christmas Shop Page 26
