by Lilian Jade
“No thank you, Mr. Worthington,” she said. “There will be no need for that. I just want to pay the hospital bill now so I can get home and get my papa back to Scotland as soon as possible.” She spoke so fast, her words such a jumbled mess that she was sure her grandfather’s lawyer missed everything she had just said. But he smiled kindly at her, nodding his head to acknowledge her wishes.
“Well, Ms. McGregor, that’s the next subject on my list to discuss.” Mr. Worthington bent and picked up a black leather suitcase she hadn’t even noticed him carrying on their trek to the cafeteria. He placed it firmly on the table. To Lilith, it sounded heavy and foreboding. She knew that what came next was a list of all her grandfather’s bills that he had been unable to pay. She loved her papa dearly, but between them, there wasn’t much put away in savings. She knew that from helping him handle his mail.
Please, Lilith thought. Please don’t let these debts be more than I can possibly handle.
“Here,” he opened the case and handed her a single sheet of paper. “This is a list of payments that have been made to the hospital, church, crematoria and next week’s rent and power bill. So you don’t have anything to worry about regarding those arrangements. Your grandfather didn’t want you to worry, Ms. McGregor.”
Lilith couldn’t think, let alone speak. Did she hear the man right? She felt her eyes must have been bulging out of their sockets. “Wh-what? Are you sure? I mean, you must have the wrong Mr. Donahue. We don’t have that kind of money … we never did.”
Mr. Worthington looked at her dumbfound, as if she had grown two heads. “Miss, I know for a fact that these bills have been paid in full. And I never forget a face—your grandfather paid for everything the day he came in to see me. I’m leaving all the paper work here with you, and all you have to do is sign this form right here; it states that I have given you all that is in your grandfather’s will.
Lilith picked up the heavy pen. She signed her name and dated the piece of paper with shaking hands.
“Ms. McGregor, if you happen to get home and find that you have questions, here is my card. You can ring me any time, day or night.” He handed Lilith the files and his card, looking hard at her with those soul-seeking eyes.
“Thank you, Mr. Worthington, for all your help. If there is a problem, I will call you.” Lilith carefully handed him the document. She couldn’t bring herself to offer to shake his hand—her heart still felt as if it was stuck in her throat. “Sir, you’re positive that you have the right family? I’m not the kind of person who steals for a living.”
He stood and gathered up his messenger bag and his briefcase—the one she thought was stuffed to the brim with lists of payments she owed. He gave her a small smile. “I am very positive, Ms. McGregor. Oh, and one more thing—don’t forget to see the doctor before you leave to sign your grandfather’s release forms. Take care, young lady. I am very sorry for your loss”
Lilith watched him go, unmoving, her hands clinging around her disposable cup of coffee.
What the fuck just happened? How could her grandfather pay for everything? More to the point, how did he see his fate before his eyes?
Lilith got home just after six that night. She had made sure to pick up a copy of the hospital bill receipt on the way out, checking that all was well with Papa before she left. Not that the dead were in need of amities as the living were—but he was still her papa, and she would do all she could to make him feel loved for her own benefit. Feeling tired and lost, thinking too much about how their home wouldn’t be the same anymore now that he was gone, Lilith lay there soaking in a steaming hot bath, hoping that some frothy bubbles and lavender-scented bath oil might soothe the crushing mental exhaustion she was feeling.
But her mind continued spinning. The first thing Lilith had done the moment she got home was check the mysterious box that Mr. Worthington had acted so strangely about. The things hidden within had been beyond anything Lilith could have imagined.
The cardboard box contained a smaller box made of pure gold, intricately designed in Gaelic patterns. The beautiful box held one unopened letter addressed to her, a key to a bank deposit box, land and house title papers for a property in Scotland, and a check deposit slip stating five million dollars had been put into an account that she would be able to access on the date of her twenty-first birthday. Lilith struggled to stay above the water as her mind kept reeling over the news she’d just discovered. From barely making ends meet to fucking having it all handed to her on a golden platter. Literally.
“Who the fuck owned that much money, for fuck’s sake!” Lilith had shouted to the empty house, unable to fathom where any of it came from. Lilith held back her tears that were burning so hot behind her eyes. Lilith was so taken aback she didn’t know if it was wise to be happy or angry at her grandfather for keeping this fact from her. Massaging her temples, Lilith tried to relax in order to discard her built-up tension. Why would he have cause to lie to her, and why all the secrets between them? Most importantly, why the fuck would he live a bullshit life like this when he had money coming out of his ears? “Fuck sakes, Granddad,” Lilith whispered. “I would give anything to have you here with me right now.”
Wondering why her papa never mentioned to her that he was some rich man living a poor man’s life. He could have left her when he was a little older than she is now and live his life up large. He could have remarried and fathered more children of his own. Lilith always wondered to herself why she never had a gram, or why her papa never spoke of her, he would just evade her questions. Wouldn’t a family of his own make him happy, or at least taken up a lover, instead he chose to stay and care for her and become something of a Hermit. “Why, Papa? Why did you stay and look after me when you could have enjoyed your life the way you should have, young and free?” She closed her and eyes and leaned her head back against the cool porcelain of the tub.
I love you, Papa. You meant the world to me. You always have and always will. Papa …” She knew she must sound crazy, talking to herself. She couldn’t help but wonder if there was some possibility that somehow, somewhere, he could hear her. “I don’t know how I can go on living without you. Why did a man like you have to die? All the good you have done for me … I’m so sorry that you had to take care of me. You should have had a wife, children, and home with all the love in the world. You didn’t have to be a dad to me—please forgive me, Papa. I will never forget what you have done for me.”
Lilith held on to her last thin thread of sanity. If her papa was here right now, he would tell her that none of this was her fault, and that he loved her like his own. He’d say that he would rather spend his days with her, watching her grow into a bright young lady.
Sighing, Lilith took a deep breath. And then another. She pulled out the bath plug before she got to her feet and grabbed one of her plush, blue bath towels. She wrapped it around her wet body, then took another towel to dry her hair, going through the routine motions like a robot. Lilith walked to her room and headed straight to her nightstand, opening the top drawer to pull out her pen and writing notebook “Where to start?” Lilith mumbled. She began scrawling down a to-do list on the vanilla-scented paper with her gold pen:
8:00a.m. clean house (from top to bottom, cobwebs and all)
Ring Uncle Sam’s Caterers for 1:00p.m.
Ring church to book for service
Ring crematorium (remind the undertakers to drop papa at the church and pick him back up after service)
10:00a.m. mall—buy black dress, heels, coat (drop off papa’s clothes on the way to the mall for service)
11:00a.m. buy plane ticket
11:30am noon: hand in tenancy notice
With that Lilith put the pen and paper down on her bedside table. She yanked down the comforter, removed the towels wrapped around hair and body, and then hopped into bed. It took quite some time before she drifted off to sleep.
Lilith woke up just before sunrise to the sound of birds chirping outside her bedroom window. She
was surprised she had slept like a baby. No bad dreams or weird feelings—just peace and quiet. She didn’t want to leave the cosy warmth of her bed, but she knew that there was so much to do and so many people she had to talk to. Sitting up in the bed, she rubbed her eyes and pulled her hands through her tangled hair. She pulled her knees to her chest and sat still, looking around the room, feeling the heavy emptiness of the house. How odd it felt living here now without Papa downstairs singing while cooking breakfast, or mowing the lawns out in the hot summer’s day. The phone rang, bringing Lilith out of her trance.
Throwing the blanket off, she got to her feet. She grabbed an oversized t-shirt from her drawer, pulling it over her head and down over her naked body. Lilith hurried downstairs to the kitchen, the phone’s ringing incessant. Her heart rate quickened. Early as it was, obviously the call was important.
“Hello, Lilith spea—”
“My poor girl!” a voice on the other end nearly shouted, cutting Lilith off before she could get her greeting out. “I’m so sorry to hear about Young Devlin. How are you keeping? Oh, you must be so distraught.”
Lilith thought about the use of her grandfather’s name; she knew Maggie always referred to her papa as Young Devlin. “I don’t know how I’m doing, Maggie, but I do know that I will be okay eventually—if not for myself, then for my papa.” Lilith sighed. Maggie must have been beautiful in her youthful days with her slightly faded beach blue eyes, rustic mocha coloured hair with highlights of silver running through it. Her old wrinkled skin lightly tanned, summers here in NZ would do that to a person’s skin, slim build, and of five feet she was just downright gorgeous, such a kind woman just too damn nosey. Lost in thought Lilith was aware of the long drawn out pause between them, so she added, “He’s already paid for everything—I don’t have to worry about a thing, Maggie.”
“Oh, my darling dear, I didn’t mean to seem nosy, but now that you mention it, I’m quite happy all is well. Although I don’t know how your grandfather came up with all the money … surely his job didn’t pay that well, my dear.”
What was Lilith to say to that? She didn’t mind that Maggie was the type who liked to be informed of everyone’s wellbeing in their small town, known as a gossip to most people. “He had insurance, so I guess that’s how he managed it.” It wasn’t the whole truth, but it would do just fine for Maggie. Papa and Maggie had been friends and neighbours since Lilith could remember.
“Oh of course, my dear, of course,” Maggie said.
Lilith shook her head as she listened to Maggie. She didn’t want to chat, let alone ring her papa’s friends and get them to come to his service. She cleared her throat. “So, will I be seeing you and Jacob at the church service?” Jacob was a sweet heart always the ever caring guy, never once was he jealous of her papa and Maggie spending time together, perhaps Jacob was assured by papa that he wasn’t any threat to their relationship. Lilith gave Maggie the information on where and when the service would take place, and asked if Maggie could pass the word around to all Papa’s friends.
“Yes of course, dear, I can do that for you. I promise that you will be seeing me and my Jacob at the service. I’m sure you will be fairly busy, so again we send our condolences, my dear. I’ll let you get back to your day.”
“Thanks Maggie. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your help with this.” Lilith hung up the phone. She sat in the kitchen chair, staring at the phone before her. She might as well start making her calls—there was much to plan.
When Lilith finally finished her calls, she decided to make a quick clean-up around the house. She tackled the laundry, washing everything and hanging it all up to dry. Scrubbed all the dishes that had been neglected in the sink without missing a beat, she moved right into vacuuming, doing the rounds on all the rooms in the house and pulling out rubbish from wherever she found it. Lilith threw away any old or expired or unnecessary thing she could find in their small, three-bedroom house. It felt good to purge the space of all the clutter, while the task gave her something to focus on. Still, her grief over her grandfather’s loss and the confusion she felt about his will was there at the back of her mind. All the cleaning in the world couldn’t stop her brain from mulling over the issue at hand.
With the chores done, Lilith went about finding a nice set of clean clothes for her papa. She wanted to make her grandfather look his best. Opening up the door to her grandfather’s closet, she picked out a nice, white, short-sleeved shirt. She found a black leather jacket and a pair of faded denim jeans, along with some clean socks and his favourite slippers. To some people, these clothes were probably not the fanciest, but they were the kind of clothes her papa liked to wear.
Papa was a tall man and built like a soldier. For as long as Lilith could remember, her grandfather had shaved his head and without fail, he had kept his face clean-shaven as well. To this day, Lilith wasn’t sure what colour his hair was. She knew the outfit she picked would fit him well. “I know you’ll be very comfy, Papa,” Lilith murmured to herself. With that she hurried out of his room as fast as she could. It hurt too much to be in his personal space without him there. Taking a deep breath, she placed her grandfather’s items in a pre-used designer bag and headed to her own room, where she threw on a pair of faded, green cargo shorts and grey flip flops. Lilith noticed the unopened letter from her papa on the bedside table wanting to open it so badly, but also feeling a sense of foreboding holding her back. There scrawled a little message on the front of the envelop in her papa’s handwriting writing stated:
Must not open until after the funeral. I love you, Lilly.
Papa
Lilith felt she had no choice but to do what he bid of her.
Picking up her handbag and Papa’s bag of clothes, Lilith headed out of the house and locked the front door behind her. She walked across the small square of front lawn and made her way through the gate to the old Morris Minor. The drive into town was quiet and peaceful, and Lilith was glad for that. She kept the music off, her brain still in overdrive. “Where to first?” she mumbled to herself.
She decided that she would head over to the realtor and hand in her vacating notice. Lilith realized that it wasn’t even nine o’ clock yet, though it felt like she’d done a full day’s work. The mall wouldn’t open for twenty minutes, and the only other stores open were the bakery, gas station, K-Mart, and the realtor’s office.
Lilith got a spot on the street just across from Jim & Sons Real Estate. Just as she crossed the road, she caught a glimpse of a customer and one of the “Sons” chatting away through the large glass windows. Since she was in for a wait, Lilith decided that she would head to the bakery and order something sweet to nibble on. Her stomach seemed up for the idea, growling ravenously at that exact moment. She realized she hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before.
Walking towards the bakery, Lilith was slammed with the sweet scents of baked breads, doughnuts, and pastries. Her mouth was watering like crazy by the time she got in the door. “Hi, Liz,” she said. Liz was Lilith’s kindred spirit at heart. The woman was gorgeous with her chocolate-colored hair and cocoa-colored skin. Such a bubbly soul when Lilly was but nigh eight years old Liz was always sneaking her free sweet pastries each day before school, Liz would watch after her as she ran down the road squealing with her friends over their sweet loot. Lilith had known Liz for a good thirteen years. “Can I get two custard swirl sticks and one chocolate-filled croissant, please?” Slowly Lilith raised her head to meet Elizabeth’s concerned stare.
“Sure can baby girl….. Lilly, I’m so sorry about your papa. Maggie just rang and … I know that you must be trying so hard to be strong for him, so I’ll hurry up with this and let you get on with your day. But just so you know, I will be at the church for the service. Here you go, lass. Paying for her sweets Lilly plastered a small smile on her face.
This shit was so much harder than she had ever imagined it would be, seeing people’s pitiful looks over the death of her papa. People kept saying “I�
�m sorry”—did no one understand that none of this was their fault? That to look so downcast was worse than saying “I hate you” to her? Checking the time on her watch, Lilith decided she needed to make a quick run to grab a hazelnut coffee from On-The-Go Café, the coffee shop adjacent to the bakery.
Thank God no one over at the coffee shop knew who she was; Lilith didn’t think she would be able to handle more of the condolence-bullshit everyone was dishing out. Harsh as it seemed, Lilith knew that the most she could stomach at that point was an understanding look. A silent, understanding look. Nothing more.
By the time she made it back to the real estate agency, both of the sons and their dad were watching her from the window, all of them looking grim.
Lilith braced herself for what was to come and hoped like hell she didn’t cry. She wished she could come up with some way to avoid the situation. These three men were very good friends of her grandfather’s, and they had known her since she was a child. Jim had even babysat Lilith on occasion while her papa had other things to attend to. So Lilith sucked in a deep breath and pulled open the door. She walked in and plonked down in the first seat she saw. With a loud sigh she said, “Let’s hear it. I don’t have all day, so let’s get this over and done with.”
Of course it had to be Jim. He pushed past his two sons got down on both knees, grabbing Lilith’s hands. He said nothing—just held her hands in his, tears pooling in those big brown eyes of his. Lilith couldn’t do anything but stare back into his eyes and capture all his hurt. Shit. So much for the silent and understanding bullshit. This hurt just as much as the talking did. Jim was another one of papa’s closest friends, a big brutish man always at papa’s side drinking down at the local pub like University blokes.
She gasped as her body started to shake uncontrollably. She had to say something before she lost all sanity. “Jim, everything’s okay,” she said in her most soothing voice, trying to be strong for him as she sat rubbing his hands soothingly. “Devlin made sure that I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore.” Lilith smiled to reassure dear old Jim. This was going to be a lot harder than she thought. She sucked in deep gulps of air to help calm her nerves.
