by Lilian Jade
Mike, the older of the two, gave Lilith a look filled with worry, hope, and sadness. Standing opposite his brother with both hands dug deep into his pockets, he looked as tense and uncomfortable as he could get. “That’s great, Lilith,” Mike said. “Dad, did you hear that? Mr. Donahue is a very clever, Man. I told you he would never let his granddaughter worry over him.”
Lilith wanted only to reassure these men that she was okay and well cared for. “Yes, Mike, you’re right. Dev made sure that I didn’t have to lift a finger for the rest of my life. And I thank you all so much for caring for us when we needed it.”
Jim curled over her and gave her a mighty hug, as did Mike and Colin, the youngest brother, was the charming of the two, with his tall, semi-rough build, hazel eyes that burnt like malt whisky. The scholar. Mike, oh now he was anything but sweet, sandy blond hair, spiky as an untamed mane, taking after his father he grew to become a man of reason, viciously proud, terrifyingly seductive, and trustworthy as hell, a defender to the bitter end.
Always telling Lilith to be good in all things “Be good Lilly….never stray…..I’m watching you…always” his words always stayed with her, as she grew into the woman she is today eyes burning, all Lilith wanted to do was cry her heart out to these strong men like a wee baby.
Pulling away, Colin tried to cover his tears with a manly grunt before speaking. “So, if you’re not here to pay rent, I’m guessing you’re here to hand in your tenancy notice, love.” That’s why Lilith loved Colin the way she did. He was the type of guy who never beat around the bush. The other two men looked from Colin to Lilith, waiting for her reply.
“Well, yes of course I’m here to hand in my notice,” she said softly. “I don’t think I could carry on living in that house. You know I just can’t do it … all of those memories. And Papa has yet to be returned to his home. It’s my job to take care of that.”
“Want me to come with?” said Colin. “I’m positive I can take time off work to see you safely halfway around the world.”
Lilith looked to Colin and smiled. “No thank you. I’ll be fine.”
With a grunt of agreement Jim stood and went to one of three desks where the trio did their work and returned with a file in his hand. “All you have to do is sign here, love, and that’s all your hassles sorted. Just you keep in mind that we are your family too, so don’t be a stranger. Lilly, you will always have a home with us.”
Lilith grabbed the pen and paper from Jim. She lowered it to the table and scrawled her name as best she could on the paper with the day’s date. At that moment, all she could feel was a heavy sense of foreboding in saying her goodbyes to the people she called family. After signing her name with shaking hands, Lilith handed back the paper and pen. They all said their strained goodbyes, each of them trying to hold back more tears. She turned to make her way out of the small office. The trio stood frozen, watching as she walked out the door. Lilith knew that if she even tried to take the slightest of looks back at them even once, she would lose it, and now was not the time. There were too many things that needed her attention. She had to follow through, and do everything right. For Papa.
Calling her grandfather by his first name in front of Jim and his sons made her feel like she was on the same wavelength as them. Lilith knew that she always had a home with old Jim and his family, and that they were the next best thing to an extended family she had. She loved them all dearly, but now, she was unsure of so many things. Was Devlin even her grandfather’s real name? Of course it was on paper—deeds, birth certificates, photo ID … but surely a man who hid that kind of money could chop and change his true identity-couldn’t he? Lilith had some digging around to do if she wanted answers.
Lilith made her way to the morgue to drop off her papa’s clothing. The short drive over was a blur. Being in an actual morgue and knowing that the dead resided within made Lilith cringe to think of her papa being there. The smell of antiseptic smothered the air in order to hide the smell of decaying old flesh or suppose … burning flesh. Lilith quickened her pace through the stark white corridor. There was no sound to be heard in this dreadful place other than her resounding echo of her footwear slapping at the white marbled floors. Lilly handed over her papa’s belongings to the two interns in charge of prepping her grandfather for the church service. The two emo interns gave her a bubbly thanks, while she barely managed a mumbled response before hurrying out of the building. Catching her breath, one Lilly failed to realize she even held, slumping against the car for a few seconds to collect herself.
At the mall Lilith found a plain and simple black dress with a little feminine flare to it, the hem resting just above her knees. Lilith also bought a black leather jacket and strappy sandals to boot. It felt strange to Lilith to go shopping for things without fretting over the price and worrying about how the purchase would hurt her wallet. It was something she had never experienced before.
Next on her list: Air New Zealand. Lilith had never flown on her own before; she had no knowledge of how to book a flight, let alone how to go about taking an urn to another country. It was yet another challenge she had to figure out on her own, without the help of her papa.
Lilith pulled into a car park at the airport and fed the meter before making her way to the information desk.
“Hi there. Can I help you?” came the voice of a tall, slender blond. The woman was stunningly beautiful with her slim frame and her perky hair tied back into a pony tail. She had cheek bones that made Lilith downright envious. There was a warmth to her full smile that Lilith found … attractive. Well, she might have if it weren’t for the grief that veiled everything she looked at.
“Hi. It’s my first time here, and I wanted to ask about a couple of things I don’t know how to go about getting done.”
The tall blond looked down at Lilith with her bright, lovely smile. “Okay, love, what’s the first thing that you need help with?”
Lilith thought it through before saying each one in turn. “Well, it’s a bit unusual, but here it goes. How do I go about bringing an urn on board with me? Also, how do I book myself a one-way ticket to Inverness, Scotland? And I need it for tomorrow.”
The lady nodded and kept her calm, encouraging smile. “All you have to do is bring in the certificate of cremation to the checkpoint as authentication that your baggage is in fact cremated ashes. They must be contained in a snap-lock plastic bag, glass, or wooden urn. The urn may be stored in your carry-on baggage, but will have to be removed from your baggage at the security checkpoint for the purpose of undergoing our X-ray scan. From there on, you can hold it on your lap so we don’t cause you anymore stress about it being misplaced or damaged.”
“Okay,” Lilith said, biting her lip. Her nerves were shot by this point, and she was glad that the lady was being so kind and understanding to her.
“And if you have your passport handy,” the woman continued, “I can book you a flight to Scotland right now if you like.”
Lilith held the gracious woman’s direct eye contact. It was a hard thing to do as she once again felt her eyes slowly filling with tears which she tried her hardest to hold back. This stranger’s kindness was about to push Lilith’s emotions over the edge. “That would be great,” Lilith managed to say. “Thank you, ma’am.” Lilith slid her passport across the counter to the tall blond.
“You are very welcome,” she said. “My name is Kimberly. If you need help with anything more, you just let me know.” Lilith listened to Kimberly tap away at her computer for a minute before she spoke up. “Okay, Ms. McGregor. The earliest flight I have is going out the day after tomorrow, and that is at two in the morning.”
Lilith couldn’t speak. She nodded silently, not blinking.
“It’s a very difficult time for you, I’m sure,” Kimberly said kindly. “I understand how overwhelming it can be, trying to figure this out—but that’s what I’m here for. Other than that, just make sure you are here three hours prior to your flight with Air New Zealand.” Kimberly lo
oked back to her computer screen and busily typed in some more information. “Let’s talk about the trip itself,” she said. “You’re going to have layovers. You go from Auckland to Melbourne, then Melbourne to London, then London to Inverness on Heathrow. So I suggest you get some rest, love. You’ll have a long flight ahead of you. I am sorry if this is all an inconvenience.”
“No, that’s fine, honestly. Thank you so much, that will do perfectly.”
Kimberly smiled as she continued tapping away at her keyboard. “Credit card, love?” she asked. “Oh, and something else you might not have thought of yet—would you like to convert any of your New Zealand dollars into euro dollars before we finish up here?”
“Um, well, I don’t think my inheritance is in yet. I can’t access it until my twenty-first birthday. It’s not until the twelfth of September.”
Kimberly giggled before saying, “Happy birthday, love. Today is the twelfth of September.”
Lilith blinked at Kimberly, shocked. “Are you sure? Like, really-sure?” Lilith scrunched her forehead, thinking of everything she’d been through for the past twenty-four hours. She couldn’t have forgotten her own birthday, could she?
Kimberly laughed again, not unkindly. “Honey, I’m positive. Have a look.” Kimberly turned her monitor towards Lilith and pointed to her computer screen where it showed the day’s date and time. Lilith couldn’t believe it. She realized she had even written the date when she’d signed her paperwork for Jim. But she’d been running around like a zombie, not even thinking about what the date meant, other than that it was the day after she’d lost her papa. “So you see, honey?” Kimberly said. “You must be going around with so much to do—so it’s no wonder you forgot your own birthday. And it would be a bit silly if all our clocks were running at the wrong times. We’d be in quite a lot of trouble if that were the case,” she teased.
Lilith shook her head before passing Kimberly her credit card.
“So how much would you like to be converted love?”
Lilith made quick work about how much she might need, especially since she really had no idea what would be involved for this trip. Her one purpose was brining Papa home. Beyond that, she couldn’t say. “I guess twenty-five thousand, if that’s okay.”
Kimberly nodded. “I think we can manage that, love.”
“Thank you very much for helping me. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
“No, there is no need for you to thank me. It’s just my job, love. And that’s all there is to it. Here are your tickets, passport, credit card, and also remember to keep hold of your receipt. Oh, and please don’t forget to make good work of putting your urn in safe packaging, okay, love? Times and seating arrangements are listed on your ticket. Have a safe journey.” Kimberly reached across the counter to give Lilith’s arm a gentle squeeze. “You’ll do just fine, love.”
Lilith hoped she was right.
The next morning came all too quickly for Lilith. There had been so much to prepare for the service the day before that Lilith had managed to keep her mind preoccupied until she had fallen into a dreamless sleep. Now that the time for her papa’s funeral had arrived, she wasn’t sure how she would be able to get through it.
After getting herself ready to meet everyone down at the church for the service, Lilith got a few minutes to check over anything that needed tending to at the church. Finally Lilly had a spare moment to breathe, people started turning up and giving their condolences and saying how sorry they were for her loss. Her grandfather had so many friends—so many people he had helped along the way somehow who cared for him. By the time all the guests were at church, Lilith felt as if she were suffocating—like the air had been sucked out of the entire church.
Where was her papa now? Lilith so desperately needed him to tell her that everything was going to be all right, and that all this hard stuff was going to be over soon. She missed having his strength whenever she needed it, the soothing timbre of his voice which always seemed to calm her anxiety. Even as she stood, searching for somewhere she could be alone or a little room to breathe for a few minutes or so Lilly strode off in the direction of the ladies restroom, knowing she couldn’t leave papa’s body for too long with all those people hovering over him, Lilith made sure to hasten.
Lilly looked herself over in the mirror, smoothing out her new black dress. She considered herself still fit for guests; though she wasn’t entirely sure anyone cared what anyone else looked like on occasions like these. Suddenly the main entrance door to the women’s bathroom suddenly swung open and Maggie popped her head in. “Lilith, love, it’s time. The priest is about to start … are you feeling well? I could try to get them to wait a little longer.”
Quickly splashing her face with the frigid, icy water while yanking paper towels from the rack before taking a deep gulp of air “No, Maggie, thank you, but that’s not necessary. Today my papa needs me more than ever, so I will honor him and grant him his unspoken wishes.”
Maggie looked at her with a mixture of pain and pride. “Very well then, love. Come along.” As they walked down the hall and between the pews, Lilith felt as if she bore the weight of all the guests who attended papa’s service. She and Maggie passed by many people she knew, and a few she had never met before. Maggie held her hand tighter every time someone looked their way as they walked to the front of the church hall.
There wasn’t anything special or elegant about this church—no ornately detailed stained glass windows, no burning candles or massive pianos. No big, bulky organs. Just row after row of wooden pews on rose-colored carpet. Maggie shuffled her way to the front pew and sat close to Jacob. Next to Jacob sat Mike and his partner Annabelle, so beautiful was Anna always confidant in who she was and what she looked like. Anna used to be a model until she was attacked by a pack of rabid dogs, sitting across from her was Colin and his wife Mari. Who in Lilly’s eyes was the epitome of her motherly figure, short in height, long brown hazel hair with deep dark chocolate eyes, a smile that was as infectious as her laugh. Jim and his new partner Liz took up the end of the bench, Liz gripping his hand tightly and not letting go. It felt sickening not having someone like that to hold or to touch, of course Lilith had Maggie to take comfort in…..but that was different, Lilly needed someone she could call her own. Sucking it up Lilith kept quiet about it and stared straight at the priest. He gave her a slight nod, paying him a small nod in return.
The priest read verses from the bible, before moving onto texts from a tomb that talked of Scotland. There were a few verses in Gaelic that she couldn’t understand, but it all sounded very pretty. People sang hymns that brought such a tight feeling around her heart—why of all people did it have to be her papa? Lilith thought.
“Ms. McGregor, is there anything you would like to say … Ms. McGregor?”
Startled from her daydream, Lilith realized the priest was addressing her personally. She stood and walked to the altar where he was smiling down at her. “Yes, I’m sorry. I would very much like to say a few words for my grandfather.” Lilith took the priest’s place at the altar. She stood, knees shaking, facing all of the people. “For all of you who don’t know me, my name is Lilith Donahue McGregor. Thank you all for attending the service here today. My grandfather was such a lovely man; he’s only ever done good deeds for people, and it didn’t matter if he knew them or not, he was always there to help. My papa loved me so much—I don’t even know where to begin. He sacrificed his time to look after me the day my parents died. He could have had a life and a family, but he chose to … my grandfather chose me, because he loved me.” Lilith looked around the room trying her hardest not to break down. “Thank you all again for coming to pay your condolences. You don’t know how much I am touched by everyone’s appearance here today.”
The rest of the day was a whirlwind for Lilith. She found it best to go on autopilot, without so much as a moment to rest. Her papa was cremated, and soon after guests arrived at the house for food. Thank the lord they all k
new she needed time to collect herself, so they all kept their visits short. Everyone took plates of food home for later, while she and Maggie cleaned up and worked on the house. By the time all was done, she realized the entire house had been cleared out, with not a dust bunny in sight. Hired movers came to collect her papa’s clothing, furniture, appliances, and various other household items that she couldn’t bring to Scotland. She had them delivered to the Salvation Army. The photo album Lilith kept—she would never part with those memories.
Lilith managed the trip to the bank she’d been avoiding. She arrived at National Bank just an hour before it closed, where the manager pulled her aside, took her down a corridor and into an area where they held their safety deposit boxes. Hers contained a large black suitcase which she was not to open until she got to Scotland. And then there was the rest of the money, which she and the bank manager set up in a bank account located in Scotland. It felt surreal to Lilith when she realized there would be no reason to come back to New Zealand; Scotland would be her home now.
Lilly was so damn filthy rich she didn’t even know where to start. Coming from a low income earners life, a Joe Blogs all the way to the top of the food chain Mr. Donald Trump himself, it was so hard to comprehend. She was going from a tiny, simple home to a property in Scotland with land papers that looked like a piece of parchment decades old.
That night before her flight, her last evening alone in her papa’s home, Lilith gathered a change of clothes and a towel for a much-needed, scalding-hot shower. Lilith stripped and let her clothes fall to the ground padding across her now bare, lonely lounge. It was so quiet that all she could hear was her own breathing and the sound of cars passing by. The air in the house seemed lighter, it smelled of….well, nothing. It was like all smell which was made up of family and home had been eradicated. She couldn’t even find the slightest sent of Papa in the air. How strange it felt—as if Papa had never even existed. However it no longer mattered because Lilly knew the truth that he indeed lived on this earth alongside Lilith. He was now sitting in an urn on the bench in the kitchen where she left him while she stood naked in the lounge with her gold box and the unopened letter.
