Love Me Again

by Jaci Burton

  "Sorry it smells so bad."

  His lips lifted. "Shit makes stuff grow."

  She laughed. "I suppose it does."

  She found herself watching Deacon instead of doing work. How could she not? Sweat glistening on his skin, muscles rippling . . .

  The man was a distraction. She moved to the other end of the bed to shovel, trying her best to keep her attention on the vegetable bed and not on Deacon.

  Within a half hour they had all the dirt shoveled into the bed. Deacon grabbed the rake and smoothed it out for her.

  "Do you have stuff to plant in there?"

  She nodded. "I have seedlings in the kitchen and on the back porch that I've been growing in pots."

  "Let's get them planted. You're already well behind on planting season."

  "I know. But they're growing like gangbusters in the pots, which is why I needed to get this bed finished."

  Deacon helped her grab the pots and trays and carry them to the bed.

  "Tell me what you've got here and where you want everything planted."

  They got everything into the ground in no time at all. Planting, at least, was the easy part. She watered everything with the hose and laid the hose down.

  "Thanks so much for helping me with this. I'm afraid it might have taken me the entire weekend--or maybe a couple of weekends--to get all that dirt shoveled in without your assistance."

  "I think you could have handled it. But now it's done."

  "Yes. And now I've taken up time you were going to be working on the barn."

  His lips curved. "Barn's not going anywhere. But those vegetables needed planting."

  "You're right. They did. How are things coming along at the barn?"

  "Good. I replaced the shingles on the roof, since that was the top priority. Windows will be next, but those can wait. Today I want to replace the window in Hazel's room. Since you said she was going to be off visiting her dad, I figured now would be a good time to work in her room."

  "Oh, thanks. Would you like to do that now?"

  "Doesn't matter. I can--"

  "Dammit, Otis."

  Loretta turned and ran off after the dog, who had torn across the property with a length of unattached garden hose in his mouth. She chased after him, but once he got a head of steam going, he was fast.

  Deacon just stood there, not helping at all.

  "Head him off," she hollered.

  Deacon shook his head. "If you stop chasing him, he'll stop running away with your hose."

  She skidded to a stop. Sure enough, Otis stopped running and dropped the hose. Deacon walked over and grabbed the end of the hose. Otis picked up the other end.

  "Otis, sit," Deacon commanded.

  Otis sat.

  "Otis, stay."

  The dog didn't move, so Deacon walked over toward him and grabbed the other end of the hose. When he had it wound up, he gave Otis a treat from his pocket.

  Loretta came over. "I can't believe you're giving him a treat after he ran off with the hose."

  "He doesn't realize he did anything bad. All he did was find something he thought would be fun to play with. And you encouraged it by chasing him around the yard. Plus, he did sit and stay, so that's what he's being rewarded for."

  She sighed. "Fine." She took the wound-up hose and put it in the shed, then closed the door.

  Deacon had walked over toward the shed, Otis right on his heels.

  She would not comment on how well behaved Otis was whenever Deacon was around.

  "Would you like to come inside and work on Hazel's window now?"

  "Sure."

  Loretta glared at Otis. "You can stay outside. Play with something that might actually be one of your toys for a change."

  Otis cocked his head to the side and gave her a dog smile, as if to say, "Everything outside is my toy."

  She shook her head. She wiped her feet on the back door mat. Deacon had pulled some supplies from his truck, so she waited for him, and they went inside.

  "I'm not sure how much of a mess Hazel's room is," she said.

  "I'll have to move some stuff around to clear space to take that window out anyway, so don't worry about it."

  "Okay. I'm going to go take a shower. I'll be back shortly."

  "Fine."

  Deacon headed into Hazel's room and turned on the light. She'd done a good job cleaning her room, so Loretta had nothing to worry about. There was a chair and a small stand next to her window, so he moved those out of the way.

  A book fell onto the floor, so he picked it up. He was about to lay it on her nightstand when he happened to glance at the open page where Hazel had handwritten a list. It must be her diary or journal or something.

  Fun Things to Do with Daddy Someday

  His stomach clenched. He shouldn't read this, but he couldn't help himself.

  Picnic at the lake

  Popcorn and movies

  Camping

  Learn to fish

  Hadn't Hazel already done these things with her dad? Apparently not, because the date on the page was recent. What kind of father was Tom, anyway?

  It wasn't his business, and he knew it, but at least she was with her father this week, so maybe they were off doing some of those fun things right now.

  He hoped so. He laid down tarp and took the old window out, carting it to his truck. On his way back down the hall with the new window, he heard singing coming from the closed door to Loretta's room. His brain blew up with visuals of a naked Loretta dancing and singing in her bedroom, her arms extended as she twirled around her bed, then lay down on it to stretch out her body and . . .

  Bad idea, Fox. Don't go there.

  Loretta was someone else he had no business thinking about. Business with her was all he had going, and he was determined to remember that. Still, he couldn't help but smile as he remembered her chasing after Otis, her ponytail swaying back and forth as she stopped and started while trying to corner the dog.

  She'd always been athletic, had always had a lithe body he had never tired of running his hands over.

  Great. Now he was getting hard thinking about Loretta, and that was the last thing that should be happening. He needed to keep his mind firmly on work and not on a naked Loretta.

  Damn, it had been a long time since he'd seen her naked. It had been after his high school graduation. There'd been a huge party out at the McCormack ranch, since Reid McCormack had graduated the same year. Deacon and Loretta had snuck off to somewhere private and had gotten busy in one of the barns. He could still remember sliding the straps of her sundress down her arms, the silken feel of her skin as he pressed his lips to her neck, the way she had moved on top of him, the way she had looked with the sliver of moonlight streaming over her from the hayloft window . . .

  "So, how's it going in here?"

  He jerked his attention back to the here and now to see Loretta leaning against the doorway. She had put a goddamn sundress on, and the past mixed with the present in a very uncomfortable way.

  He cleared his throat. "Moving along fine. I should have this window in shortly."

  "Great. So, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. I was going to grill a flank steak for dinner and serve it with a strawberry salad. I also made some killer salsa and guacamole. And of course there's beer. You interested?"

  He was interested, all right, but not in food. Not when her hair was damp and wavy and he wanted to lick the droplet of water that was sliding down her collarbone, headed for that valley between her breasts. "Uh, sure. Thanks."

  "Great. I'll get things started."

  When she disappeared, he exhaled.

  God, he was in so much trouble. Because keeping his hands off Loretta was getting harder and harder every time he was around her. And the last thing he wanted was to start up something he already knew was destined to end badly.

  He'd been down that road with her once before. He didn't intend to travel there again.

  Chapter 12

  * * *

&nbs
p; WHILE DEACON FINISHED up in Hazel's room, Loretta dried her hair, then grilled the flank steak and made the strawberry and almond salad. She saw Deacon pass by with his tools and head out the front door, so she assumed he was wrapping up. When he came back in, he headed into the hall bathroom, and when he came out, he made his way into the kitchen.

  "All done?"

  "Yeah. That new window is secure now. No air or water leaks. I also put in a new frame, because the one surrounding the window was shot. The paint around the frame has to dry. I'll come back Monday to rehang the drapes."

  "That's not necessary. I can handle that part."

  "I don't mind taking care of it."

  "Okay. Thanks so much, Deacon. I know Hazel will be thrilled."

  "Not a big deal."

  "Ready to eat? And how about that beer?"

  "Yes to both."

  Loretta brought out beer and a pitcher of sangria she'd made earlier. Deacon helped her take all the food to the table.

  "This is really nice of you, Loretta, but I'm beginning to feel like you think you need to feed me every time I'm here."

  She laughed. "No. It's just a total coincidence that I'm hungry every time you're here."

  "That makes me feel a little better."

  "Good. Then let's eat--without guilt."

  She had sliced the flank steak into thin portions, making it easy to layer it onto the plate or even add it to the salad, depending upon preference. It was a nice, lean meal, and the guac and salsa were a spicy bonus.

  Deacon took a large bite of the steak and salad, followed by a long swallow of beer.

  "So tell me, did you fix this healthy food for me, or for yourself?"

  "I fix what I like to eat. I try to fix healthy food for Hazel. Tom was a big fan of burgers or fatty steaks at every meal, and I'm trying to change her diet."

  He nodded. "I like a cheeseburger and a good juicy steak, but you know what they say."

  "I have a weakness for those, too, but yeah, everything in moderation. I want my daughter growing up making decent choices. Or at least knowing what a vegetable is."

  He laughed. "That's really all you can do. And this is great food, Loretta. Thanks."

  "You're welcome. I'm looking forward to having fresh vegetables to add to the table."

  "You're off to a strong start. You've already got a few tomatoes growing."

  "Having a nice sunny spot on the back porch helped, but they really needed to get into the ground. Hazel wanted me to wait until she got back so she could help me plant them, but I just couldn't wait any longer to start the garden."

  "Hopefully she's having some fun with her dad."

  Loretta let out a snort.

  "So . . . she's not having fun?"

  "I doubt it. He doesn't see her on his regular visitation schedule. He only asked for her because he wanted her to come with him on a campaign run. He's using her for photo ops."

  "Ouch. I'm sorry."

  "So am I. Hazel loves her dad and wants nothing more than to spend time with him. Real time, not him parading her around campaign stops. I keep hoping he'll change, that he'll realize what a treasure of a daughter he has before it's too late."

  Deacon laid down his fork. "And?"

  She shook her head. "It hasn't happened yet, and I'm giving up hope that it will. His new wife is pregnant, and she's from a political family, so his head is already into building the new dynasty, but he knows the optics mean he can't ignore Hazel. He has to periodically show her off to prove he's a good father. But I already know he won't spend a second of non-camera time with her while she's there. When they're not in front of the camera, she'll be with the nanny, and she'll come home disappointed as usual."

  Deacon grimaced. "What a dick. I'm sorry he's not a better father."

  She scooped a chip into the guacamole. "So am I. Hazel deserves better."

  "She's an awesome kid, Loretta. You've done an amazing job raising her."

  She lifted her gaze to Deacon. "Thank you. At least she's happier here than she was in Dallas. More relaxed. And God knows she's having a lot more fun."

  "I'm glad to hear that." He resumed eating, and Loretta felt bad for burdening him with her woes about Tom.

  "Was it rough on her? On you?"

  She frowned. "Was what rough?"

  "The marriage."

  Her stomach twinged as the question bordered on very dangerous territory. "You don't want to hear about that, Deacon."

  He took a swallow of beer and laid the bottle on the table. "I asked, didn't I?"

  He had, but she wondered why. "In the beginning, it was fine. I had this dream of what I thought it could be, that I had made a decent match. And Tom was a good enough guy to start out. I admit I wasn't madly, passionately in love with him. Not like--"

  She stopped herself before she admitted something she shouldn't, something that would hurt him.

  "Not like what?"

  "Not like I felt I should have been. My parents pushed the relationship, and so did his. I guess I fell in line. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes because it seemed only natural, part of the plan."

  His gaze showed interest, not condemnation. God knew he had the right to condemn her for the choices she had made.

  "But not your plan."

  She let out a short laugh. "I'm not sure I ever got to be part of the plan. It was more of a whirlwind. I wanted to get my degree, and that's where my head was. We got married midway through college, and after that we lived in an apartment on campus until after graduation. Tom went to law school, and I taught school for a couple of years until Hazel was born. After that I took some time off to care for her. When he got his law degree, we moved to Dallas, and he went to work at one of the big firms and started moving up the ladder pretty quickly. I wanted to go back to teaching, but he wanted me to be there for him for all his important social events. He was going places in a hurry, and he needed constant reassurance and a wife who intended to stand by him."

  "So you had to give up your career for his."

  "I didn't see it at the time because I was trying to be supportive, but yes. I had Hazel, and she was such a joy to be around. The last few years, though, were tough. Tom was running for city council and working nonstop. He was barely at home. I tried to talk to him about spending time with Hazel, at least, and he told me his career was the most important thing in his life and Hazel and I were just going to have to understand that."

  "What the hell? She's a child. How was she supposed to understand the lack of her dad's presence in her life?"

  "Exactly. But Tom is all about Tom and his needs and wants. No one else matters. It took me a long time to figure it out, but once I came to the conclusion that no amount of reasoning with him was going to change who he was, I got out. And he had already chosen wife number two anyway. Someone with better political connections. So Hazel and I leaving him didn't hurt him any, other than the family money he had to part with in the settlement."

  "I hope you gouged him in the divorce. The Simmons family has plenty of money."

  She shrugged. "I don't care about him or his money. I made sure there was money put aside for Hazel for her future and for college, and enough to set us up here with a decent house and land. I wanted to start my own business, because I'd given years of my life to seeing to his needs. And of course he pays child support until Hazel is eighteen. I made sure Hazel was provided for no matter what. Other than that, I just wanted out."

  "I'm sorry it was such a shit show for you."

  "Which was my fault and no one else's. I'm just sorry Hazel is paying for it. She's such an amazing kid."

  "Other than having an ass for a father, I don't think she's suffering, because she has a great mom."

  She blinked back tears. "You have to stop doing that, Deacon."

  "Stop what?"

  "Telling me how great I am. You know what I did to you. What I did to us. You should hate me."

  He pushed his plate to the side and picked up his beer. He stu
died her, and she waited for the condemnation. God knows she deserved it--had prepared herself for whatever wrath he was going to rain down on her.

  "For a long time after you broke up with me, I did hate you. I was hurt, and then I was pissed. What we had together was really good, and I couldn't understand how your feelings could turn on a dime like that."

  She started to say something, but held it back. Nothing she could say could explain what she'd done. And it was Deacon's time to talk.

  "But you can't hold on to shit like that. It'll eat you alive. I let go of that anger a long time ago, Loretta. You need to let go of it, too."

  She was surprised that he wasn't yelling at her and, in fact, was telling her to let go of any negative feelings she might have over her marriage to Tom. "I'm not angry."

  "No, but you're dwelling on it."

  She had dwelled on it for a lot of years. And she couldn't believe he hadn't taken this opportunity to really let her have it for what she'd done to him. "I don't think you just let go of something monumental that happened in your past--erase it as if it didn't happen."

  "I didn't say I erased it. I know it happened. Every time I look at you I remember. Every time I'm around you I'm reminded of what you and I had together. Of what might have been. But if I let bitterness enter the equation, it'll choke me until I can't breathe. And what good will that do me? I can't change what happened. Neither can you. We were both kids back then. Kids don't always make the best choices. You did what you thought was right at the time. Maybe if we'd stayed together it would have been great. And maybe we wouldn't have ended up staying together. Who the hell knows, Loretta? I don't. Do you?"

  She stared at him, shocked by this philosophical, almost Zen-like being he had become. "I guess not. I had always pictured you as being so profoundly pissed at me. It was one of the things that gave me pause before I moved back here."

  His lips curved. "You expected me and my posse to hunt you down as soon as you came back to town so I could hit you with twelve years of suppressed anger and resentment?"

  "Okay, when you put it like that it sounds kind of ridiculous. But I didn't know how you felt. The last thing I remember was you being really angry."

  He dragged his fingers through his hair. "I was really angry. When I was nineteen. That was a long time ago. And when you came back to town? I'll freely admit I wasn't all that happy to see you. Out of sight, out of mind and all that, ya know? I'd made peace with the decision you'd made. Years had passed. I was over you. And then you came back. I can't say I was all that thrilled to see you again."