I pressed my fingers to my temples, as though that might keep my swelling brain inside my skull. I mean, this was just too much.
“I’m confused.” I admitted breathlessly. “I don’t - I don’t think I’m hearing you right.”
She sighed. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, honey, you know that. Your life is for you to live, but since you’ve been gone, I’ve been praying you would maybe have a chance to live your life for you - rather than always trying to live it for me.”
“I don’t...”
“You’ve spent the last four years in University and never once did you go out on a date. I know for a fact that you’ve been asked, sweetie. You’re a beautiful, intelligent, thoughtful woman and any man would be considered lucky to have you - so I know you’ve been asked out.” She sighed. “So if you’re not denying the men because of me, then why?”
“Mom, I can’t talk about this.” I pleaded with her, with both my eyes and words. If she made me tell her the reason I’d never took a chance and dated, it would break her. My mother was a kind-hearted woman who buried herself in the animals she rescued. She loved with her entire heart and when she gave her love, she never reclaimed it. My mother was all these wonderful, amazing things, but she was also weak.
Actually, my mother was the weakest person I had ever known - and I knew deep in the marrow of my bones - that if I were honest in this moment - I would break everything that was left of my mother. I knew if I told her I was afraid of becoming her, that I was terrified of loving so completely and losing so unfairly, that I would become the weak woman she was.
I didn’t want to be my mother.
If she knew this, the little that my father had left of her in the wake of his abandonment would set to flame.
“Please.” I whispered again. “Not now.” I shook my head. “I need time to process.”
For a moment, sadness shone through her blue eyes that were so similar to mine, and then she nodded. “Okay, we’ll talk about it later.” She gave a small, uplifting sigh. “It’s time we start getting ready for this dinner anyway.”
I nodded. “Yeah, the dinner.”
Chapter 10
I pulled up next to Kyle’s truck in Luke’s driveway and frowned. Glancing across the center of my car toward my mom, I announced. “I think Kami is here.”
My mother’s blue eyes glimmered with excitement. “Oh, I’ve missed that girl.” She lowered her voice. “I haven’t seen her since she ran away.”
“She didn’t run away, mom, she moved on to better things.”
“Without notifying me.” She narrowed her eyes. “That girl worked for me for years, and she didn’t even tell me she was leaving.”
“She didn’t know she was leaving until she was leaving.” I pinned her with don’t argue eyes. “We’ve been over this.”
“I know.” She rolled her eyes. “I just wish she would have told me what was going on.”
“The best thing happened to her, mom.” I smiled gently, knowing that Kami had always held a soft place in my mother’s heart. For years, Kami had been my only real friend. For the longest time, I hadn’t had any friends, and then along came Kami. I’d never been a fan of Rhett, but I also never neglected to support her relationship with him - until he became a danger to her.
“This is the best thing that’s happened to you too.” My mom broke me of my thoughts and I startled.
“What?”
“This Ranch.” She peered outside the windows at the sprawling landscape and I watched a small, delicate smile touched her lips. “It’s the best thing that’s happened to you, Ember.”
“How do you mean?” I held my breath as I waited for her reply. There was a very large part of me that didn’t want to know what she meant, but I’d always been a curious creature - it was my downfall.
“You’re different now than you were when you left.” She smiled again, but this time, it was directed at me. “You’re stronger somehow. You’ve always been so strong, but now you seem less hard, and just strong. Like you know what you want.”
“That’s funny.” I snorted.
“How so?” She frowned and the skin between her eyes crinkled.
“I used to think I knew what I wanted - until I came here.” I shook my head and tightened my hand on the steering wheel. We weren’t driving, but it was something to grip - something to hold onto - to stabilize me. “Now I don’t know anything.”
“You know you don’t want to do another four years of schooling.”
“What?” I shook my head. “What makes you say that?”
“You never would have come here if you did. I know you, and I know that if you wanted to do the schooling, you’d already be enrolled.” She reached over to squeeze my hand. “You’re a smart girl, Ember, so do something I’ve never done and listen to your heart.” She sounded like she was going to cry. Her words wavered as she whispered. “I’ve heard that it won’t lead you astray.”
“Mom?”
She shook her head. “Don’t argue with me. Just this one time, Ember, listen to me. Please.”
“I’m listening.”
“Luke Donnelley is a nice man, baby.”
“Mom...” I protested - because I didn’t know how to hear what I believed I knew she was going to say.
“Ah,” she raised her hand. “You said you’d listen.”
Closing my eyes, I rested my head against the seat. “Okay. I’m listening.”
“He’s a nice man. I know you know he’s a good man - nothing like your father.” The air surrounding me felt suddenly thick - too think for my lungs to filter. She continued, entirely oblivious to my struggle to do something so simple as breathe. “He’s in love with you.”
My eyes flew open and I gasped. “What?”
“You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed. I spent less than a half an hour with the man and I know he’s in love with you.” She rolled her eyes. “You’re not oblivious, Ember. You’re the most perceptive person I know.”
“I...”
“No, Ember. Don’t protest.” She shook her head firmly and her voice rang loud in the small space of my car. “You’ve found something special that most people search for forever. Don’t punish yourself for the person your father was.”
“I don’t...” I pulled in a deep breath, focusing on the trees surrounding Luke’s large house. “What if I can’t trust him, mom?”
She smiled gently and for the first time in years, my mother became my mother. She became my caregiver and supporter. She became my counsel and my standing ovation. She became my mom.
“You have stellar instincts, my girl. You’ve never strayed from them before, so don’t start now.” She spoke softly - almost melodically. “It’s not about trusting another, it’s about trusting in yourself enough.”
I blinked, and when I did, a single tear fell. “You sound so wise.”
She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth to steady it’s trembling. “You’ve taught me so much, Ember.”
“Mom...” My voice broke.
“I know I wasn’t strong for you when I should have been. And I know your distrust in men is because of me.”
She was right...
I argued. “No.” I shook my head vehemently. “It’s because of him.”
She closed her eyes as though to find her center, before continuing. “It’s because of my reaction to his leaving. I’m not strong like you, my girl. I’ve never been strong like you. Don’t make my mistakes - love a man who deserves your love.”
“I don’t know if I can.” I whispered.
“Maybe you can’t right now - but promise me you’ll stop fighting it tooth and nail. Stop fighting it, Ember, and soon you will know you can love and be loved.” She gripped my hand tightly. “Promise me.”
Through my tears, I nodded. “I promise.”
A laugh sounded from deep in my mother’s chest. It was an odd sound, broken and beautiful all at once. It was the song of blissful joy, relief, a
nd agony.
“Let’s get cleaned up.” She nodded. “We have lasagna to look forward to.”
I nodded. “That sounds really good right now.”
***
I knocked awkwardly on Luke’s door with my mom standing, or rocking on her heels, excitedly at my side. When the door swung open and Luke appeared, looking delectable in a dark pair of jeans and a crisp white t-shirt, my breath caught.
“Ember.” His eyes were pinned on my face, filled with questions his mouth didn’t ask. Then they flickered to my mother, who smiled brightly.
“Is Kamilla here, Luke?”
Luke nodded. “She’s in the kitchen.”
“Great, I’ll just go find her.” My mother patted my arm before stepping around Luke, into his house.
Luke glanced back, before grabbing my arm, and pushing me onto the deck. He closed the door behind him and demanded. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I assured without much commitment.
“Ember, please,”
I cut him off. “I just had a heart to heart with my mom.” I shrugged, feeling my eyes well once again. “It was a little emotional, is all.”
Luke didn’t say anything. Instead, he pulled me into his arms, pressing my front against his chest with a firmness I couldn’t have fought even if I had wanted to. As soon as my body connected with his, all the fight inside of me drained and I sagged against him. My heart felt so heavy, and my promise continued to ring in my mind.
Slowly, I circled my arms around his waist. For a moment, he stiffened against me, and then I felt his arms tighten as he dropped his head to mine. He kissed the top of my head once again and my breathing shortened as his hands rubbed tiny circles into the small of my back.
After standing like this with him, in silence, for minutes, I pulled away. Wiping at a stray tear, I forced a smile. “Sorry about that.”
Luke caught my chin in his hand, tipping my face up to his. “Don’t ever be sorry for feeling, pretty girl.”
My breath caught as he lowered his head. My heart pounded in my chest as I fought my sudden need to run, but as he pressed his lips to my forehead, kissing me softly and slowly, I breathed a sigh of relief.
This man was so gentle and patient with me - I knew that any other would have given up on me long ago, but not Luke. Luke was determined and although I hadn’t the faintest idea why, I was also very thankful for his never-ending persistence.
“Thank you, Luke.”
“For what?” He cocked his head.
“For still being here.”
He frowned. “Where would I go?”
I shook my head. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”
He grinned, but I could see sadness behind the usually happy gesture and my heart clenched in my chest. “Do you want me to give up on you, Ember?”
“I,”
“Be honest with me.” He commanded in a low tone.
I allowed the silence to pulse between us for another moment as I pondered his question and my promise to my mother - to myself. Finally, I shook my head. “No. I don’t want you to give up.”
He smiled, wiping another renegade tear from my cheek. “Then I’m not going anywhere.” He vowed. “I promised to chase you, pretty girl, until you couldn’t run any longer. I always keep my promises.”
Closing my eyes for a moment, I pulled in a deep breath. “You’re better than anything I ever imagined I’d find. But I still can’t promise you more.”
He nodded. “You don’t have to promise anything to me, Ember. Even if all I ever am to you is your friend, I’ll always be here, running beside you.”
“Why?” I whispered though the emotion building up in my throat - threatening to choke me.
He smirked. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s dangerous to run without a partner?”
I laughed at the absurdity of his reply and air burst into my starved lungs. “No.” I shook my head. “No one has ever told me that.”
“It is.” He nodded firmly. “So, I’ll be your partner for as long as you’ll let me.”
“Okay.” I smiled up at him, seeing him for the first time as someone I could possibly trust in - one day. “I’d like that.”
He placed his hand against the small of my back to guide me to the door of the house. “How about we eat some of the lasagna I slaved over all day for you.”
I beamed. “How about we do that.”
***
Dinner was lovely. It was obvious that Kami had missed my mother just as much as my mother had missed Kami. And even better, Kyle got my mother’s stamp of approval - which really wasn’t hard - because my mom was a lover of people in general.
I leaned back in my chair. “I am so full. Thank you, Luke, that was delicious.”
Kyle snorted. “You think Luke made that?”
I nodded. “He did.”
“No.” Kyle laughed as he shook his head. “He begged mom to make it for you. The only thing he did was turn on the oven and place the dish inside.”
Kami swatted Kyle in the arm. “You’re ruining his wooing!”
Kyle stiffened and his eyes moved back and forth between Luke and I. I felt my face heat as understanding settled into Kyle’s eyes. He shifted in his seat. “Uh, sorry man.”
“Whatever.” Luke shook his head before grinning sheepishly at me. “So, I suck at cooking.”
My mom cooed. “It’s the thought that counts, Luke. You’re just lucky that Ember loves to cook and she’s fabulous at it.”
Luke raised a brow. “Is she?”
I feigned offence. “Did you not taste my enchiladas?”
Luke chuckled. “I thought maybe you were a one dish kind of woman - you’ve been holding out on me.”
Kami murmured under her breath. “She definitely has - in more ways than one.”
My eyes widened as I barked. “Kamilla!”
She raised her hands. “What?”
The table burst into laughter and I shook my head in relief as I slouched in my chair. I’d definitely over eaten.
My mom stood from the table to begin gathering the dishes and Luke protested. “I’ve got them Allison.” He assured. “Please don’t.”
She shook her head determinedly. “It was a lovely dinner, Luke, but the night is beautiful and warm - how about you all go for a walk and enjoy it.”
“Mom, I can help with those.”
She glared at me with challenge in her blue eyes and I stiffened. “Don’t argue with me, Ember.”
“O-kay.” I nodded. “You’re doing the dishes.”
She nodded, back to her pleasant, smiling self. “And you’re going for a walk. Out. Out.”
The four of us stood from the table as Kyle stretched. “I could definitely use a walk.”
Kami shook her head. “We have to get home - for that, um, thing.”
“What thing?” Kyle asked, clearly confused.
Kami leaned in to hiss. “You’re ruining the wooing again.”
“Oh.” He nodded “Yeah, we’ve gotta get going.”
I rolled my eyes. “You all couldn’t be more obvious - or annoying.”
Luke grinned. “I’m fine with it.”
I huffed. “Of course you are.”
My mom pointed to the door. “Out now.” She snapped her fingers. “Thirty seconds and whoever is still standing in this house is doing the dishes - by hand.”
Her threat of no dishwasher had a fire blazing under our asses, and before I knew it, we were all standing on the front porch of Luke’s house. As the door closed behind us, my mother’s laughter rang with joy.
“Well, we’re off to do that thing.” Kyle informed as Kami smiled proudly beside him.
“Later.” Luke chuckled.
I fought my blush. “You suck at Cupid Kami!”
She waved as Kyle opened the door of the truck, “That’s okay, I’m still taking lessons.”
“What?” I grumbled and Luke shrugged.
“I’ve no idea what she’s talking about.�
� Luke assured before stating. “I can’t believe your mom kicked me out of my own house.”
I laughed. “You’re not the only one. I think I might actually be more shocked than you.”
His eyes glimmered as he looked down into my face. “Well, you still feeling a walk?”
“I don’t think we have a choice.”
“Naw,” he glanced back at the door and shook his head. “I don’t think we have one either.”
Before I knew what was happening, Luke had taken my hand in his, weaving his fingers through mine. For a moment, I considered pulling away, but then I didn’t.
Friends could hold hands, right?
Chapter 11
“You’re off to meet Luke for a ride once I leave, aren’t you?” My mom questioned as she pulled her suitcase from where she’d been storing it beneath my bed. While she’d been staying with me at the Ranch, she’d shared my bed. Although I loved my mother, I was eager to sleep the night alone.
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“Don’t forget to wear sunscreen.”
“There’s only one person on this Ranch who needs that lecture, and it isn’t me.” I grinned, remembering Kami’s horrible recounting of Hadley’s sunburn. “I always wear sunscreen, mom.”
She nodded. “I know.” She leaned in to kiss my cheek as she paused at the door of my bedroom in the cabin. “I’m going to miss you, my girl. Call me often.”
“I’ll be home in September.” I assured. “Less than too months and I’ll be back.”
She nodded. “Yes, well, I’m sort of enjoying having the house to myself.” She smiled at my stunned expression. “But I love you.”
I watched my mom carry her suitcase down the hall, before I realized what she said and I followed. “Are you saying you want me to move out?”
She shook her head. “No. I could have you live with me forever, Ember.” She paused as I slowed my racing heart. “But even though I don’t want you to move, I’m going kick you out.” My heart started racing unsteadily again. “It’s time you live your life and you can’t do that living with your mom.”
“Mom?”
She shook her head, smiling. “I love you, my girl. But I’m serious.”
A Tender Touch: A Donnelley Brother's Novel (Logan Point Book 4) Page 9
