A Tender Touch: A Donnelley Brother's Novel (Logan Point Book 4)

by Carbonneau, Alannah

  He smiled, and then he picked up his burger and took a massive bite. For a moment, I glared down into my poutine, and then I picked up my fork and dove in.

  ***

  I shifted in the bed and stared in horror at the gloomy sky peering into the bedroom window. It was Monday, our day off, and the Monday before the big wedding. The week ahead was going to be insane and Luke and I had planned to have one more relaxing day before everything turned crazy with wedding frills, cake, and drama.

  We’d planned our relaxing day as a day at the beach. We’d been planning for a day in the sun, water, and sand. I wasn’t ready to spend a day inside because of a little drizzle.

  Rolling away from the window to face the man who had his arm hooked over my waist, I whispered. “Luke?”

  “Hmmm?” He grunted, his eyes still closed.

  I moved closer until his hip was against mine, and nudged again. “Wake up?”

  He opened his eyes and glared at me. “It’s not even light out yet.”

  “It’s overcast.” I pouted.

  He smiled. “Great, a day to sleep in. You know I haven’t slept in since you came here? You’re running me dry, pretty girl.” He accused with a sigh as his dark eyes fluttered closed. “Go back to sleep.”

  I moved even closer, sliding a leg through his. “Luke...” I sang his name and this time as I moved my leg higher, he clamped his legs tightly around mine. I laughed. “Wake up.”

  “What are you doing, pretty girl?”

  Propping myself up on my elbow, I grinned at him. “Trying to wake you, lazy bones.”

  “Believe me, I’m up.” His reply was a husky growl I felt in the deep of my belly. “It’s hard not to be when you’re wiggling around like that.”

  I beamed, missing the alter-meaning of his words. “Good morning.”

  He raised a brow before sighing audibly. “What do you want to do today?”

  “Go to the beach.” I announced.

  He glanced at the slit in the window coverings and frowned. “You’ll freeze. It’s going to rain. How about a day on the couch?” He proposed. “We can catch up on sleep and movies we haven’t seen.”

  I shook my head on a small laugh. “You really want to stay in bed?”

  “Hell yeah, I do.” He nodded as his eyes closed.

  Pulling my leg from between his, I scooted to the edge of the bed. “You sleep, I’ll shower.”

  “Okay.” He nodded.

  Giggling under my breath at his laziness, I moved to the bathroom. Closing the door, I stripped from his t-shirt and my panties, before I turned on the water to climb beneath the spray.

  When I’d finished showering, brushing my hair, and teeth, I meandered out into the bedroom once again. As soon as my gaze landed on Luke’s peaceful, sleeping form, I was surprised to find that the only thing I wanted to do now was crawl back into his bed with him. Suddenly, the gloomy-no-beach lazy day Luke had planned sounded like a little slice of Heaven on Earth. Turning back into the bathroom, I slipped into his t-shirt once again before skipping back to the bed.

  Sliding between the warmth of the sheets, Luke moaned. “Hey, pretty girl.”

  “Hey.”

  “You’re back in bed.”

  “Shower took a lot out of me.” I joked.

  “I’m sure it did.” His lip twitched. “I bet you just miss me.”

  “Maybe.” I grinned. “You just looked so comfy.”

  His arm hooked around my waist to pull my back into his front. As he settled his chin into the nook of my neck, he replied huskily. “Now, I’m comfy.”

  I smiled widely, unable to deny that he warmed me in ways I never knew I could be warmed. After a few minutes of silence, my voice rang out into the space. “You kind of amaze me, you know that?”

  “I do?” He held his breath as I nodded.

  “You do. You’re so unexpectedly kind and wonderful.”

  “You’re not so bad yourself.”

  I nudged him with my elbow and he grunted. “I’m being serious here.”

  Luke pulled my shoulder until I was lying flat on my back on the bed - and he was perched above me. “So am I, Ember. As a matter of fact, when it comes to you, I’m always serious.”

  My heart quickened its tempo in my chest as I looked up at him, unblinking. “What are you saying?”

  “I’m just saying that for me, you’re it.” I opened my mouth to argue - for the sake of arguing - because that was who I was. But Luke stopped me by placing his finger over my lips. “Don’t say it, Ember. Stop fighting me, for just a minute. If you could just stop fighting me long enough to take in what you’re feeling - I know you’d feel everything I do.”

  “I do feel for you, Luke.” I admitted - both hating and loving the surprise in his eyes. I loved it - because it was beautiful and it accompanied a happiness that whispered sweet everything’s into the silence pulsating around us. But I hated it - because I just didn’t understand how it was even possible that he could think, for even a moment, that I didn’t feel for him.

  “Tell me what you’re feeling.” His words weren’t a command, but they weren’t a request either. They were somewhere in the middle - a plea, maybe?

  “I don’t...” I felt my breath catch as the telltale nerves and predictable fears exploded within my body, infecting my bloodstream - my entity. “I don’t know how.”

  “Take your time, love.” He pleaded, and somehow, at the endearment, the small guard I had left to fight against this man turned their traitorous backs to fight for his side. The poison of my fears was slowly defeated by the guard I’d spent years building, and I found myself thinking of ways to explain my feelings to him. Then he spoke again. “Don’t hesitate. Don’t hold back at all. I can take it - everything, Ember, I can take it.” He bowed his head to press his warm lips against my forehead - and I cracked.

  The thick shell he’d been working to chip away the layers of for the last four and a half months were now thin and malleable. All it took to break the defense I’d spent years building was a small kiss from this wonderful man. And that’s when I realized that I’d fallen into a routine with Luke Donnelley. For the last few months, I’d spent every night in his arms - in his bed. For the last four and a half months, I’d been slowly, unknowingly, falling in love with him. For four months, Luke had held me at every chance he’d been presented with. For so long, Luke had found little excuses to touch me - to kiss my forehead - to call me pretty girl. And somehow, although I can’t recall when or how it happened, I lost the will to stop him. There isn’t one part of me that wants to stop him anymore. There isn’t one part of me that wants to lose him.

  Now that the delicate interior of my entity has been exposed by the crack in my protective shell, I felt everything I’d been working so hard not to feel. It was like my every nerve had been stripped raw of its flesh - and I was forced to feel - all the elements. They hurt.

  Oh, did those elements hurt...

  Suddenly, the will to keep myself hidden and secure simply vanished. I mean, I was lying beneath this man, exposed and raw. There was no longer any use in trying to assemble something that had the ability to hide me, as I had for so long lived. Now, the only thing left to do, was accept the sting of the elements, and pray they didn’t kill me.

  Luke spoke again - and this time his words acted like the blade that sliced open the thin layer of flesh encasing the beating of my vulnerable heart. “Let me in, love. Trust me. Be with me. Love me.”

  Each word was like a thousand lashes against the despicably weak organ that was my heart. And the pain - that pain - was a thousand times worse than the elements punishing my exposed nerves. In this moment, I realized just how effectively Luke had stripped me of my guard - and it was a surprise, that even through the pain, there was relief.

  I cried. Tears poured from my eyes to stream down my temples and into my hair. A look of pure horror claimed the deep dark depths of his eyes as he pulled me against his chest, holding me so tight - crushing my body a
gainst his - into his. I felt for a moment, as though he was trying to suffocate my pain with his body - his soul. And his sacrifice gave me the strength I needed to speak.

  “I’m so afraid of you. I’m so afraid of all that you represent - of all that you think you want - with me.” He was shaking his head violently. His hands were searching over the expanse of my back in comforting, panicked circles. His heart was beating so loudly against my cheek, I felt that if I listened to it for too much longer, my own heart would begin to beat in sync with his. I continued, unable to stop now that I’d started. “I’m terrified of letting myself love you, because she loved him and he took everything that was lovely in her when he left. It’s taken over ten years for the woman I knew to appear in my mother’s eyes and I promised...” I choked on my sorrow. “I promised myself that I would never be her. I promised myself that I would never allow myself to love a man so completely - that he held the capacity to destroy me by simply walking away. I promised myself I’d be stronger...”

  Suddenly, I felt a flame of burning terror spread through my body, along my veins, as though they were the line of gasoline and my heart was the bomb. My fists pushed against his hard, naked chest as I fought to free myself - but his arms held me tight - forcing me to feel and to submit.

  “Keep talking, love.” He grunted through my chopped sobs and sharp jerking movements. “Tell me everything. I can take it.”

  “I promised myself I wouldn’t let a man trick me!” I screamed. “I promised myself I’d always be in control! And then you came...” I pushed against his chest again - and failed again. “You came and you tricked me. You tricked me into falling in love with you.”

  There are moments in life that you could never predict. There are moments that come so fast and hard - there isn’t an ounce of rationality or calm in their wake. There are moments that are so bright - their result is catastrophic. This was one of those moments.

  My words came so fast and hard, my emotions so intoxicating; there was no sense of right and wrong. There was no moment of pause and no time for reflection.

  “You love me?” His voice was so deep, so gruff, and raw, I could do nothing but listen to the echo of its hard sound ricocheting within my body.

  And then I felt his hands move over my body, so quick and determined in their travel. Before I knew it, his one hand cupped my nape as his other caught my chin. And then his lips were on mine.

  This kiss was a thousand times greater than I ever could have imagined.

  This kiss was fire.

  This kiss was consuming.

  This kiss was my first.

  His lips weren’t slow. They were quick and demanding, begging for more than I could give - begging for everything. His motions were so firm and decided against my trembling lips and gasped breaths - stolen between the fierce motions of his kiss. I felt him everywhere. My entire body had lit up in flames of aching, pulsating desire I couldn’t begin to understand.

  Tears continued to slip from the corners of my closed eyes as Luke deepened his kiss. I felt his lips part, pleading for me to follow suit - but when I didn’t - he didn’t slow. With an expertise that would have shot questions into my sane mind, Luke sucked my bottom lip into his mouth. When I gasped, he took advantage, claiming my mouth for his taking. Suddenly, I felt his tongue probing against mine - tasting me.

  If I thought I was on fire before - the world had been enflamed now - because I was hot. Everywhere. I kissed him back with everything I had as my lungs burned for air I refused them. Kissing him was the only thing my body needed. Kissing him came before air - before life. Because kissing him suddenly became my air and life. Kissing him became my salvation and hope.

  Luke shifted his body over mine, his knee spreading my legs. Alarm bells sounded in my mind as he moved to cover me, his chest connecting against mine. He was so warm, the heat of his skin seeped through the thin fabric of the shirt I wore to sting my skin with its blaze. But he kept kissing me - and I couldn’t stop kissing him. His hand moved slowly from my jaw, down my throat, all the way to my waist. He gripped me there tight as he lowered his body against mine - against that soft place that was so vulnerable against his hardness - that for a splitting second - fear overtook the desire I felt liquefying my entire body. I froze.

  In response to my sudden stillness, Luke stiffened, lifting his head to gaze down at me with worry in his expression. At his movement, I felt the long hard length of his desire press against my hot, moist core, and the panic I’d been feeling earlier came back to flood me tenfold. Fear clamped my entire body as I pressed my palms against his shoulders - and I pushed. Luke didn’t fight me as he rolled his body to the side, giving me the space I needed so desperately.

  I could barely see through my tears as I ran to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I heard Luke’s feet hit the floor in his perusal to chase me as I flicked the lock and gasped in a painful sob.

  Holy shit, I was confused.

  When I woke this morning, there was no part of me that could have predicted this was how my morning would turn out.

  Luke knocked against the door. “Ember, I’m sorry. I took that too quick. Please, talk to me.”

  I pulled on my shorts from the day before - commando - before pulling my hair back into a ponytail. I ignored him as I splashed cold water in my face, trying to halt the swelling around my eyes. It was no use. I looked a mess.

  As I gripped the lip of the bathroom vanity, I stared at myself in the mirror and realized what I needed. I needed space to rehash everything that had happened between Luke and I. I needed space to make sense of everything I was feeling - and that was a whole fuck-load of a lot! Pushing myself from the vanity, I drew in a deep breath and moved to the door. As I threw it open, I stood to face Luke. He looked ruined with worry and fear I instantly wanted to quell, but I shoved away my need to self-destruct and shook my head at him.

  “You need to move.” I said.

  He shook his head. “No. You need to talk to me, Ember.”

  “I can’t.” I took in a breath to add. “At least not right now.”

  His eyes misted and I hated myself more in this moment than I had ever hated myself before. “When?”

  “I don’t know.” I looked down to my feet. “I just need to work through this.”

  “You won’t leave?” He asked on a shaking breath.

  I looked back up at him. “I’m in the wedding. I can’t leave.”

  “Can I come over tonight?”

  I shook my head. “You can text me.”

  “We haven’t spent a night apart since your mom came to visit.” He informed me - as though I hadn’t already thought of how hard it was going to be.

  “I know.”

  “Ember, please.” The desperation in his voice stabbed at my heart - but I couldn’t force myself to look back at him as I ran from his bedroom, through his house and out the door.

  I walked all the way to my cabin with tears of heartache I had never known streaming down my face.

  Chapter 16

  I thought I’d lived through the hardest week of my life - but I was wrong.

  When my father left my mother and I in the dead of the night never to return - I’d always thought the week that followed would be the hardest week of my life. I’d watched my mother fall into a dark place that morphed her kind blue eyes into blank canvases of sorrow and self-loathing. I listened to the sound of her crying claim the melody of her laughter and I watched the dedication in her work fall away to the poison of carelessness. In that week, I lost my mother over and over again. In that week, I learned to be an adult. In that week, I promised myself that I would never allow a man to hold such a power over me.

  I’d thought that week was the hardest I would ever have to live. But I was wrong.

  The week following my confession of love, my first kiss, and my heated make-out session with Luke was the worst. The week following the day I recognized my feelings for Luke as love, was the worst week, because I pushed away
the only man I had ever loved, and my very best friend. Luke knew me in ways Kami had never known me. I’d let Luke see me in ways I’d never allowed any other to see me - vulnerable.

  Throughout the week leading up to the big wedding, I had been a ruin. I still went to work every day - and toured with Luke - but it was tense. He teased me, and joked with me, and kept things light the way I knew he believed I needed, but behind his playful persona I could see the pain and worry within the man I had come to love. And I hated that I’d put that pain and worry in his eyes. He truly didn’t deserve someone like me. He deserved so much more. Luke Donnelley was an amazing man and he deserved a woman who could give him the world and more. I knew that I would only ever hold him back. I mean, I was already holding him back.

  For the last week, I had slept alone.

  I never thought, for even one moment, that I could grow so quickly dependent upon another person - but in the time I’d been sleeping beside Luke, I’d come to need him. The week without him next to me had been freaking horrible. I woke multiple times throughout the night - my body searching for a warmth that wasn’t there.

  I knew he missed me too - because every morning he texted me and told me so. Luke and I had never really had much in the name of a texting relationship, but I supposed we’d never had to before. I’d always just had Luke with me, so there’d never been much of a need to deepen our texting relationship. Now that I wasn’t with him, however, Luke had taken the term texting to a whole knew meaning.

  He texted me every day - multiple times a day. Sometimes, he texted me so many times in a day, I worried that my unlimited texting plan might even be considered null and void. Yes, I knew I was exaggerating - but he texted me a lot.

  Even now, as Kami tugged on the zipper of my bridesmaid dress, I heard the buzz of my vibrating phone against the dresser. Her eyes connected with my blue ones in the mirror. “Is that Luke again?”

  “What do you think?” I sighed.

  “I think he loves you.” She said bluntly and I flinched.

  Holding myself together with admirable calm, I replied. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”