Indian Moon

by Carolyn McCray

  “I thought you were disappointed in... in my... in me.”

  “No,” Quinton said and pulled her close for another kiss, this time gentle and reassuring. “Exactly the opposite. I was feeling… Well a little to ready...”

  Wiping her eyes, Regina settled her head upon his chest. Quinton stroked her hair and let her rest their for a few moments, but he did not want too wait long. He needed to tell her the truth, no matter what her response might be. Quinton only hoped it was not as explosive as the last time he tried to explain.

  “Regina. There is something that we have to talk about, though.” Quinton could see the concern in the woman’s eyes and rushed on. “Not about you. You are fine, beautiful, perfect in any way I could imagine. It’s about me.”

  Regina hugged him tightly, “Whatever it is, it can wait.”

  Quinton pulled her face up so that he could look into her eyes. “No, it can’t.”

  Now that the moment was at hand, Quinton had no idea where to start. With the awkward silence growing, Quinton decided to start with the worst news first. He might as well get it over with.

  “Regina. Your husband has paid my company to sign off on the permits.”

  “Oh no! When did you find out? What are you going to do about it?”

  This was the awful part. “I’ve known about it for months. I helped broker the deal. I set the price that paid for me to rubber stamp the plans.”

  Regina looked like she had been physically hit. He tried not to let her slip from his embrace, but Regina stumbled back a few steps. “No. You would never do something like that...”

  It was hard as hell to maintain his honesty, but Quinton knew he could not go back. “I did, Regina. I regret it more than you can ever know, but I did it.”

  “How could you?” The woman seemed past her shock and sounded more hurt.

  “I didn’t know. This job was just another job... Wayne offered the right price.”

  Her voice was quiet and pained. “So he owns you too?”

  “No. Damn it, yes. But not anymore. I swear.”

  “Was this another kind of deal you made?” Regina’s voice shook. “Did you do this... this with me to get back at Wayne?”

  Quinton gripped her hand tightly and tried to squeeze every once of sincerity he had into his tone. “No. That’s why I had to tell you all of this before we... before we went any further. I wanted you to know who I was, and how I was changed. The deal with Blue Mountain is off. I’m submitting a negative report to the EPA.”

  Regina’s tone was hard and stiff. “That’s easy to say, harder to do.”

  Quinton began walking back up the trail. “I’ll take you by the hotel and show you the report on my laptop if you don’t believe me. I’ll never sign another bogus report, ever again.”

  “Wayne will retaliate. He’ll never let you get away with this.”

  Quinton felt near tears. He could not stand the tension between them. He wanted to shower her face with kisses, not argue. “I don’t care what he does or does not do. I only care about us.”

  Picking up her other hand, Quinton drew her closer, but Regina held back. “There is no us.”

  Taking a chance, Quinton let his tone drop, and he urged his voice to become thick and gravely. He wanted to remind her of the feelings they had just shared. “It felt like it just a moment ago.”

  Regina’s tone was painful to hear. “Not any more.”

  Unconsciously, Quinton let the woman’s hands drop away. His distress was a physical reality. Quinton’s stomach ached, and his temples throbbed. How could this evening take such a disastrous turn? How could he salvage the intimacy that they had shared? It was clear that a simple kiss would not heal the wound this time. Regina was hugging herself as tears glistened just on the edge of her eyelashes. He wanted to reach out to her, but was afraid of the reaction.

  “I need to get home,” Regina finally said.

  “I don’t want it to end like this.”

  The woman turned and began hiking back up the trail. Her voice was so quiet that Quinton barely heard her words. “Neither did I.”

  Silently they walked side by side but did not touch. It felt strange to be this close and not have a physical connection with her. Quinton’s feelings for Regina had not lessened, if anything they had grown tenfold. To see Regina hurt and know that he was the cause, only intensified Quinton’s desire to comfort her. Could she not see that it was her presence -- her love that had changed him? Could she not forgive him for his past?

  None of Quinton’s questions were answered as they approached the bonfire. Even the resounding drums of his childhood did nothing to lighten Quinton’s heart. He so badly wanted to apologize again to Regina, but he knew by the set of her shoulders that she was not in the mood to hear it. They bypassed the festivities and headed straight for the parking area. Laughter carried on the wind as they reached Regina’s car.

  “The keys?” the woman asked.

  Digging in his pocket, Quinton gave the keys back to Regina. There was so much he wanted to say, but she was concentrating on getting the car door unlocked. Quinton placed a palm over her shaking hand. “Let me.”

  “I’ve got it,” Regina said abruptly and shoved his hand off of hers.

  Frustrated, but not knowing what else to do, Quinton backed away as the woman jerked the door open. Her eyes were puffy, and her lips were pulled into a tight line. Her tone left no debate. “Can you get a ride home with someone else?”

  Feeling completely defeated, Quinton tried to hide the hurt on his face. “Sure. I can get a lift from Black Feather.”

  Regina got into the car, shut the door, and revved the engine in record time. She jammed the car into reverse so hard that the transmission squealed its complaint. Quinton was certain that Regina was going to tear out without another word, but the car window came down.

  Voice choked by tears, Regina blurted out, “Thank you for... for telling me before...”

  Quinton stepped forward. “Please, Regina, let me explain.”

  The woman shook her head violently as her lips trembled. The window was back up, and the car was backed out of the parking space before Quinton could say another word.

  Suddenly, Quinton was standing there alone. He stood there and watched Regina’s tail lights until they blinked out of existence as she rounded the corner. She was gone. Just like that. Not even an hour ago they had been within a hair’s breath of making love. Now Quinton did not know if he would ever see her again.

  Damn, he never should have told her. Everything was going just fine until he had up and ruined the moment. Who cared what his intentions were? He should have kept his mouth shut. But even in this moment of despair, Quinton knew that he could not have done that. Tonight was not about sex or lust. This had been about love, and Quinton knew from experience that it did not always turn out how you wanted.

  ***

  Regina could barely see the road through all the tears. Her eyes were nearly swollen shut, and her chest ached from sobbing so much, but still she cried. Regina was not sure if she could ever stop the tears. She was not even sure of what she was crying about anymore. There were too many reasons to choose from.

  Despite her anguish, Regina’s body could still remember the heat of the evening and did not want to let go of the feeling. Regina felt torn. She had been on the cusp of breaking her wedding vows. Shattering them, really. Only to find out that the man she thought was sweeping her away from her miserable life was actually as bad as Wayne. Were all men such greedy pigs?

  Quinton certainly had more finesse than her husband, but underneath it all, was the stranger really any that different than Wayne? It would make life so much easier if Regina could believe that. If she could just throw Quinton into the category of lecherous bastard, Regina could go home and quietly nurse her wounds. Unfortunately, in her heart, Regina knew that the stranger was not so easily pigeon-holed. She wanted to hate him, but even during this drive, Regina was worried about what he was doing. How hur
t was he? Would he try to contact her again?

  Even when her throat had been choked with rage, and she had asked Quinton to find another way home, Regina had secretly hoped that Quinton would refuse and insist on riding with her. Perhaps given the time, they could have helped one another process everything that happened this evening. It was all such a blur that the events were less clear than the road up ahead. Wiping her eyes, Regina realized that she was nowhere near home. Somehow she had driven herself over to Natalie’s. The lights were off throughout the house, but Regina knew that she did not want to go home to her own house alone. She could not handle this much pain by herself.

  Regina drove up into the Sullivan’s circular driveway underneath the huge column-supported awning. She cared little who saw that she was visiting Natalie. The fog that Regina had viewed earlier was thick in this part of town, and the moisture clung to her skin. Knocking at the door, she was surprised to hear Natalie’s voice answer so quickly from the other side.

  “Come in. The door’s open.”

  Not bothering to wonder why Natalie was home alone with the door unlocked, Regina walked into the foyer. A faint light was coming from the solarium. Walking forward, she came upon Natalie. Only Regina was fairly certain that her younger friend was expecting a slightly different visitor. Looking away, Regina belatedly announced herself. “Natalie, it’s me.”

  “Oh, my god! Regina!” Natalie exclaimed as she grabbed at a cover to hide her revealing red teddy. “I thought it was Ralph!” The blonde looked like one of those women on the magazine that they kept behind the counter at the liquor store. Regina was beyond blushing, though. Her life was a wreck, and she did not care what kinky games Natalie might be playing with Quinton’s assistant.

  “No, Ralph’s at the motel.”

  Still scrambling to cover her nearly naked form, Natalie answered hastily, “I know. I was just hoping he might sneak out.”

  Regina just plopped down on the couch that Natalie had risen from. She was too exhausted to care about observing social protocol.

  “You look like shit, honey. What’s happened? Did Wayne find out?” Natalie asked.

  Right now that was the least of her worries. Without preamble, Regina spilled the painful contents of the night to Natalie. Every ounce of joy and despair came tumbling out. The blonde took it all in with barely a word. Natalie just rubbed Regina’s back and clucked in a consoling way every now and again. Time’s passage meant little to Regina as she told her story. Ten minutes might have gone by or three hours. She had no idea. Even though Regina feared that she might never stop, the tears finally came to an end. They were replaced by wracking dry sobs, but ultimately even those died away. Not even anguish was forever.

  “There, there, sweetheart,” Natalie conjoled. “I tried to warn you, hon. He’s hot, but he’s still a man.”

  This was not what Regina needed to hear, but her throat was beyond talking so she could not interrupt the blonde.

  “And a stupid one at that. If he’d just kept his damn mouth shut, you two could have had a wonderful evening.”

  Regina herself had thought of that on the way over. Why did Quinton have to go and ruin everything? A part of her wished that she did not know his secret and that they were still out in the woods, exploring each other.

  Natalie tsked again. “He had nothing to win and everything to lose. What a dolt. Don’t you give him another thought, sweetie. He’s obviously not worth it.”

  Regina could explain in a thousand different ways how much Quinton was worth, although she did not bother. Natalie would just shoot down each one. But even the blonde recognized how odd it was for Quinton to have confessed. Straightening, Regina tried to swipe away her smeared make-up, but Natalie fussed at her and led Regina into the bathroom.

  “Honey, you need more than tissue to clean up that face. Here. Use some of my lotion and get yourself freshened up while I change into something more... something less comfortable.”

  Despite Regina’s foul mood, she smiled weakly at her friend’s joke. But what she saw in the mirror caused Regina to frown again. Mascara streaked down her face. Whatever rouge she had put on was long gone, and her lipstick was smeared around her lips, giving her a that grungy look that was similar to the women who populated the covers of Michael’s CDs. Washing her face, Regina scrubbed all the make-up off. What was left was not much prettier. Dark circles accentuated her puffy eyes, her nose was a sickly red, and her face was an ashen color.

  What had happened? Just a few hours ago, she had felt downright radiant in the forest. With the moon shining down and the town twinkling in the night, Regina had felt like a beauty queen. Now she looked more like her mother. The thought made her shudder. No one deserved that fate.

  Except maybe an adulteress. The thought struck her in the face as hard as a slap. That was what she was, wasn’t it? Granted they had not consummated their passion, but they had crossed over the line. Even if no one ever knew, Regina could never forget that she had cheated on Wayne. But even that guilty thought was a bit confusing. If she was going to hang such an ominous title over her head for the rest of her life, could they not have gotten a little bit further? If she was going to suffer eternal damnation, Regina would have preferred to have gone all the way. At least then, she would have something to remember that would be worth all the guilt.

  What was she thinking? Regina splashed some cold water over her face. Thoughts like that were not going to be tolerated anymore. Look where that type of thinking had gotten her. Just blurry-eyed and feeling like she had been run over by her own car.

  Regina smoothed lotion over her dry skin. But no matter how hard she tried, her mind kept wandering back to Quinton. Why had he told her his secret? Quinton easily could have kept that fact guarded until after he left the valley. Regina did not believe Natalie’s take on the situation. She knew for certain that Quinton was not stupid. Then why? Could he have been telling the truth? Could he have truly felt something for her? Now that thought was down right ridiculous. A man like that -- a man that could partner up with Wayne to break the law would not have the compassion to feel love.

  Sadly, she had to admit to herself that the fantasy was truly over. There would be no knight to come and sweep her off her feet. There would be no making love by the moonlight. The only thing on Regina’s horizon was housecleaning and lots of it. She desperately needed something to distract her from her body’s preoccupation with all things sensual. Even now, rubbing on the lotion felt good in a way she had not felt before.

  Stray thoughts of Quinton’s touch would not leave her alone. How could his hands be so kind, and his heart be so tainted? Sighing, Regina opened the door and walked back out into the hallway. Resigned to reality, she realized that some questions were never meant to be answered.

  ***

  Quinton leaned against the cold metal of Black Feather’s truck. It had been easy to find his cousin’s truck. The vehicle was a newer make and a different model than the one Quinton last saw, but it had the same vanity license plates -- #1 Brave. Once Regina had left, Quinton did not have the heart to join the boisterous pot-latch. Quinton had no idea how long he had been sitting here in the damp grass, but the waiting had not helped his mood any. Doubt and regret plagued this thoughts. He had replayed the evening at least a thousand times. Was there something he could have done differently that would have changed Regina’s mind?

  “Thought I’d find you here,” Black Feather said as he ambled up to Quinton.

  Shrugging, Quinton asked, “Could you give me a ride back into town?

  “Heading that way myself. Hop in.”

  The first half of the drive was made in silence. Quinton felt awkward asking a favor of a man he had shunned for over a decade, but Quinton did not know where else to turn. He certainly did not feel up to making the hike back into town on foot. This sorrow could not be walked away.

  “Didn’t go exactly like planned, huh?” Black Feather asked.

  “No.”

  �
��Think she’ll come around?”

  Quinton shook his head. “Not very likely. I don’t deserve her anyway.”

  “Oh please!” Black Feather snorted. “When did you become such a drama queen?”

  Quinton felt like saying, ‘when my life went to shit’ but did not. Rather than go down that road, Quinton felt it was time to make his apologies to his cousin. “Look, Black. I know a lot of time has passed --”

  “Too long for you to fix it all in one night, Quinn. Give yourself a break, man. This self-flagellation thing doesn’t look too good on you.”

  Tensing, Quinton continued. He wanted forgiveness from somebody, damn it, and Black Feather was his captive audience. “I’ve got a lot of explaining to do for the years that I have been gone.”

  “Says who? The Great Guilt Police in the sky? Quinn, you really have been gone too long. Tell us what you want to. When you want to. The rest will work itself out.”

  “You have no idea what I’ve done.”

  Black Feather arched an eyebrow. “No? Don’t think that Whispering Flower is the only one who has been on the outlook for you. It’s amazing how closely you can keep track of someone on the ‘net.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Quinn, we all know you legally changed your name and took that job with the sleazy EPA dupe corporation --”

  “How did you find that out?” Quinton was angry now. It was one thing to divulge one’s secrets but to have your family spying on you was quite another.

  “You’re not the only one who’s changed, Quinn. Didn’t you wonder just a tad how I could afford this SUV? Or how the reservation was able to put on such an elaborate festival?”

  Quinton had to admit that he had not. The evening was filled with so many distractions that he had not taken a close look at his family’s living arrangement. “How?”