The First Days

by Rhiannon Frater

Page 12

 

  "Bathroom is through that door. Laid out big T-shirts for you gals to wear. See you in the morning," he said, and shut the door.

  Jenni sat on the bed and sighed. She watched as Katie tossed off the hunting jacket she had worn on and off since she had rescued Jenni. Katie sat on the bed beside her and kicked off her high heels and sighed.

  "You want to shower first?"

  "Katie, are we coming back here?"

  Katie sighed again, her hands resting on her knees, and looked toward Jenni. "Maybe. It seems about safe as it’s going to get. "

  Jenni nodded, letting her hair fall into her face. "I just…" Jack nosed her hand and she started to pet him slowly. "I just…just…"

  "It's too much right now. I know. To many changes. " Katie put a gentle arm around Jenni's shoulders and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Too much to deal with…"

  "I felt safe in the truck," Jenni whispered. "I know that sounds stupid, but I felt safe with you driving and Jack on my lap. We felt safe. But here…we have to shoot things and be behind bars and it feels…"

  "Like a prison?"

  "Like I'm back home not able to go out when Lloyd isn't with me. Having to…" Jenni faltered. It was hard to explain that today had been the most "free" day of her life in more than a decade. She clung to Katie and wept.

  Wept out of guilt because she did feel free and wept because she was free only because Lloyd was gone and so were her babies.

  Katie held her tightly, her fingers lightly stroking her hair. It took Jenni a moment to realize Katie was crying, too.

  "It's okay. We're safe and we need to remember that," Katie said softly.

  "Tomorrow, we'll do what we have to do. And the day after that. And the day after that. "

  Jenni nodded and held tightly to Katie. "Okay…okay…I trust you. " And she did. With all her heart.

  When she finally came out of the shower, pink and clean, hair glistening with water, Katie was the one who combed her hair and dried it gently with a towel, then helped her into bed. For a moment, Jenni felt utterly safe and content. Tears still flowed and her sobs came in soft hiccups, but she felt comforted by Katie's presence.

  "It's okay to cry now," Katie whispered.

  Jenni nodded and covered her face with her hands and wept.

  Wept for her dead children, the dead world, and for her new found freedom…

  2. The Moment

  The water sluiced off Katie's body as she sat at the bottom of the old fashioned tub complete with clawed feet. Her forehead resting on her knees and her hands flat on the tops of her feet, she sat sobbing softly. How long she had sat there, she wasn't sure, but the water was growing cold. Soon after climbing into the shower, she had been overcome with grief and had slid down to her knees and cried. Sobs had wracked her body with such viciousness that her body now ached.

  She missed Lydia so much it was a palatable, physical pain in her stomach.

  All it had taken to start the torrent of tears was the mere thought of "I missed my jog. " And the deluge had started. Every night, she and Lydia would jog through their neighborhood and up into the hills before coming home to a nice bath, a simple dinner, and maybe a few hours of TV.

  Afterwards, they would curl up together and fall asleep to the gentle sound of each other breathing.

  It had been bliss.

  But now…

  All she heard was the damn moaning outside. It was growing in volume so most likely more of those things were showing up outside the building.

  The water was growing colder.

  She reached out and turned off the flow and struggled to her feet. Her body hurt more than she realized and she stumbled getting out of the shower.

  Landing hard on the mat, she threw up her hands and started to cry all over again.

  Rage filled her and she kicked the door to the cabinet under the sink again for good measure. Wiping her tears away angrily with her cold fingers, she snorted and sniffled, her nose running wildly.

  Why…why…why…gawddammit…why…

  She buried her face in her hands and curled her knees up to her chest and sobbed.

  A gentle hand on her damp hair made her raise her head. Jenni's face swam before her, pale and concerned. Jack sat at her side, yawning, and looking bleary-eyed.

  "I just can't," Katie whispered.

  Jenni stroked her face and her mouth pursed in thought. "Can't what?"

  "Let her be dead in my heart, in my mind," she answered.

  Katie refused to look at the image in her mind of Lydia shrieking and charging her, her chest torn open, and her heart gone. Instead, she made herself see Lydia, as she had been just thirty minutes before that, smiling, happy, kissing her softly goodbye, a cup of coffee clutched in one hand.

  Jenni wrapped her arms around Katie and held her gently. Her black hair was soft and soothing on her cold skin and Katie leaned into her. They sat that way for a long time, until Katie's sobs subsided.

  Awkwardness set in and Jenni sat back, her brow furrowed, looking anxious, and maybe even confused. Her T-shirt and shorts, which both read "Hunters do it better", were now damp.

  Katie rubbed her face and felt flushed and tired. Nothing in this new world felt right. Nothing.

  It was then Jenni tried to kiss her, very awkwardly and unsure of herself.

  Katie caught her immediately and held her back. "Don't. "

  "I just want to make you feel-" Jenni mumbled, her face reddening.

  "Don't. I'm not your husband. I don't need sex to comfort me. Or make me feel better. " Katie held Jenni firmly back. She realized in that moment she had been waiting for this. Subconsciously, she had understood that Jenni was looking for security in this new world. And that would mean Katie fitting into a role Jenni understood. Jenni was used to a strong male figure that she could calm with sex, follow obediently and maybe fear a little.

  Jenni lowered her eyes and tears fell. "I don't know…I just wanted…"

  Katie smiled and forced her to look at her. "It's okay. I understand. But this is not who you are. Right?"

  Jenni nodded slowly. "I thought I could learn-"

  "This is not who we are," Katie said firmly and stroked Jenni's hair.

  Jenni looked at her, eyes wide, trying to understand. "I just want to be useful. For you to need me. "

  "But I do, Jenni. We are bonded by all that happened today. For better or for worse, we have a bond. You and me. " Katie took Jenni's hands firmly in her own and held them tightly. "My Dad always told me about his war buddies. They loved each other and they shared a bond no one really understood because they are not a part of it. I think I understand that now. "

  Jenni sat down all the way next to her Indian-style, her hair falling over one shoulder. Jack immediately plunked down and set his head on Jenni's knee. "I don't know how to…I don't have female friends or know any…lesbians…or…" Jenni rubbed her nose with the palm of her hand rather rigorously. "I don't know how to act. "

  Katie smiled at her and kissed one of Jenni's hands. "That's okay. Hell, for both of us to be utterly insane right now is okay. But just know I just need you as my friend. I just need you to be whoever you are, Jenni. Okay?"

  Jenni nodded thoughtfully and smiled. "Okay. " And she seemed relieved.

  Katie forced herself to stand up and pulled on the T-shirt and shorts Jenni had left in the bathroom for her. Her business clothes were wadded up in the trash bin along with her high heels. She knew she would never wear them again and in a way, that was a relief.

  "I wish it would stop," Jenni whispered.

  Katie raised her head, realizing she had been mentally blocking the sound of the moans.

  "Yeah, me, too. "

  "Well," Jenni said at last, with a smile. "At least we live in Texas where people actually own guns and hunt. "

  "Well," Katie said with a grin. "At least we're in a hunting shop and not
a mall. "

  Jenni giggled as she stood, stretching her long legs. "Yeah. Or a farmhouse. "

  "Do you know how to fly a helicopter?"

  "Uh, no. "

  "Me neither," Katie grinned.

  "You have watched Dawn of the Dead!"

  "Romero series all the way. " Katie walked out into the bedroom and crawled onto the bed.

  "How about Fulci?" Jenni climbed in after her, looking much more relaxed now.

  "No, can't say I have," Katie said with the shake of her head.

  "I had hoped if this ever happened they would at least wouldn't run like in the new movies. " Jenni pouted.

  Outside, the moaning continued, almost a lulling sound, the same sound over and over again. Jack crawled into the bed between them and nestled down.

  Snuggling down on either side of the dog, the women laid there listening, both lost in thought. The tension that had been brewing between them had dissipated without either one of them ever realizing it had been there. They now knew where they both stood and it was good.

  Without fear, without reservation, without being afraid of being misunderstood, Katie reached across the dog and took Jenni's hand. Jenni squeezed it tenderly.