Through the Dark Keyhole

by Rosalyn Richardson

Why had a sense of panic and distrust sweep over me? Why did I immediately jump to the wrong conclusion that Neil was hiding something? Why did I suddenly seem so insecure?

  I quickly chided myself and told myself that I was going to have a perfect weekend, our first weekend away.

  Moments later there was a light tap on the bathroom door. Slowly, Neil made his way across to me with a glass of white wine, which he placed on the shelf next to me.

  He bent down and kissed me gently on the lips, and his fingertips stroked my face. Then, without saying anything he made his way back downstairs.

  As I dried myself off, I put on my sexy nightshirt and Neil’s bathrobe that I was borrowing.

  I descended the wooden staircase and saw that the television was on low and a small lamp on just above it. There was a warm glow from the logs on the fire and the beautiful appetising smell of the stir fry wafted around the room.

  As I approached the settee to sit down, Neil came across and tenderly kissed me and handed me another glass of wine. I wished that I could capture and frame this very moment. Life was good.

  However, there were more surprises to come, some would be wonderful and very welcome, and others would be quite devastating and very unwelcome.

  Chapter Twelve

  Our flight to Rome wasn’t until six p.m. the next day from Manchester airport, so we took the opportunity to spend a good part of the day looking round the historic city of Chester, and had a late lunch in a first-class restaurant overlooking the Dee River.

  Once on our flight to Rome, we snuggled into each other’s arms and I felt safe and secure.

  When we arrived, we were shown to our room which really was top class. There was a massive bouquet of flowers which Neil had ordered. There was an array of fresh fruit on display in a basket.

  We both sat down on the four poster bed and agreed that we were exhausted. When we eventually awoke in each other’s arms, we showered and dressed and came down to the dining room to partake in a scrumptious continental breakfast. This consisted a selection of ham and cold meats, croissants, cheese and crumpets. The morning coffee was delicious.

  Neil and I then prepared to go sightseeing. I put on my new fur coat and beret. We went to the Colosseum and other famous buildings, which were magnificent.

  After our evening meal, Neil said that it would be good to visit the Spanish Steps; in fact I thought that he was quite persistent about the suggestion.

  The view was admittedly breath taking. It was now dark but the lighting made the surroundings sparkle brightly. Neil led me over to the large fountain at the foot of the stairs and he took some photographs.

  We climbed the one hundred and thirty-five stairs of to the top. Neither of us said much but, for my part, that was because I was taking in the scenery.

  As we reached the top, Neil turned to me, delved into his coat and pulled out a small velvet-looking box. He opened it to reveal a stunningly beautiful garnet ring surrounded by white diamonds and a gold band.

  “Natasha,” Neil said looking up at me from his bended knee, “Will you marry me?”

  Without even thinking about it, I replied, “I will.”

  I knew that this was what I really wanted, even after our whirlwind romance. Everything felt so right.

  “I love you and I’ll love you forever,” Neil told me, kissing me intermittently as he did so.

  Our weekend passed only too quickly but I had certainly come back with more than I had bargained for! I returned home on the Sunday evening after picking my car up from Neil’s house.

  I always did any serious thinking in the bath whenever possible. It was quiet, relaxing and to an extent, shut off from the outside world and its distractions.

  As I laid there and my mind flicked over like pages in a book, thinking over the last few days and our time away. Suddenly, my mind filled with dread – I felt that I had to do the decent thing and inform my parents of my engagement to Neil. I knew already that they wouldn’t approve, but I was a different person now and didn’t have to cower to them for their approval. Those days were well and truly long gone.

  I decided that I would give them the opportunity to attend their daughter’s wedding and give their blessing; but deep down I knew that this wasn’t going to be.

  I tried not to think of the ramifications, and knew that I would have to draw on all my strength to combat the testing times ahead, not knowing just how testing they would be and from what direction they would come.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Only days after our weekend away and Neil’s proposal, he again broached the suggestion that we should live together. I made the decision to accept, as after all, I would soon be his wife.

  The following weekend I came home to pack up the last of my belongings. My lovely neighbours, the older ladies, came out with going away presents. They did seem quite sad to see me go, even though my presence there had recently been rare.

  I wasn’t sad to leave. I couldn’t wait to be with Neil in my new life to come and settling into that lovely cosy cottage. Life seemed perfect for once.

  My next big change to embrace that Neil and I had mutually agreed on, was to give up my small office and move my business into his office. I was still going to keep my customers, but would also continue to help Neil at the same time.

  The following evening, Neil had suggested that we eat out and go to our favourite restaurant. I was all for it as I wanted to talk seriously to him about telling my parents about our forthcoming marriage, but I felt it would need to be on neutral ground.

  I had already told him from the start about my extremely restrictive upbringing, but I felt the need to forewarn him of two verbal bombs that they would throw at me, so that he could be prepared.

  I rang my mother and invited her and my father to a meal out at New Manor Head Hotel, which had often been one of my father’s favourite eating places on special occasions. I explained that there was someone who I’d like them to meet; sort of preparing them in advance.

  I told her that the table was booked for seven thirty p.m. on the Saturday evening. I knew my father would probably be there well before us, as he was always fanatical about punctuality.

  True to form, I could see my father’s Audi A4 parked in the car park as Neil drove in with his Bentley.

  “Brace yourself!” I whispered in his ear before we got out of the car.

  “Come on,” he chortled. “I’ll hold your hand,” he mockingly reassured me.

  Deep inside I knew what my parents were like. “Here goes,” I said nervously.

  We linked hands and walked over to the table that they had already occupied in anticipation. I smiled as I spoke to them both.

  “Hello Mum, Dad, this is Neil – my fiancé,” I said

  Immediately my father’s face took on its usual pouting expression when he was annoyed, and his eyes turned a dark grey as they always did when he was angry, and they certainly were now.

  My mother proceeded to glower at me, ignoring Neil, and then looked across at my father for guidance, as to what to say or do next.

  My father briefly collected himself as Neil and I sat down, then craftily asked Neil, “Which congregation are you from then Neil?”

  “I’m not,” answered Neil, politely and composed.

  My father just sat and said nothing but continued to look straight at Neil as if waiting for an explanation.

  Neil continued patiently, “I don’t have a religion Mr. Cunningham, or at least I don’t practice one.”

  I quickly stepped in and pressed ahead with our news, that Neil and I were engaged and our wedding date was eighth July. I also told them where the reception was going to be and they were more than welcome to attend.

  My father then let rip. “That is impossible. You are not free to remarry. You are still married to Andrew. You might think that you are legally divorced, but not in the eyes of God. You know that marriage is for life, not matter what. A bad marriage is better than none at all.”

  “That’
s right,” my mother chirped in like a parrot.

  I gripped Neil’s hand who was being exemplary in his demeanour, and replied, “I’m sorry Father, but in that case, you should know that Neil and I have been living together for some weeks now, and whether you acknowledge legal divorce or not, our wedding is going ahead. I just wanted you to meet Neil and to be open about our wedding and not go behind your back.”

  “You’ve gone too far this time!” he hissed. “Well get this. Your mother and I are finished with you and we won’t disgrace or lower ourselves to attend this joke of a wedding. You are a disgrace. Come on Martha, we are going.”

  I was sure that my father was going to turn the table over as he had done in times past, in his fury. My mother neither looked Neil or me in the eye, and scuttled off, following my father.

  I looked at Neil, tears flowing down my face. He pulled me closer to him. We hugged as if it was our last, in silence.

  I eventually pulled away and said, “I tried to warn you about them,” I began apologetically.

  He replied, “It’s you I am marrying, not them,” and he kissed me tenderly and reassuringly.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Our wedding approached with great speed. Jane had offered to make the wedding cake and she was also going to be my maid of honour.

  Neil’s friend Peter, was going to be his best man. It was only going to be a small wedding and would be at the Ryedale Registry Office. We just had a meal with our close friends who attended.

  With our close friends around us and happy for us, it took my mind off my parents, who if they had been “normal,” would have been there, joining us in our celebrations.

  We had a week on honeymoon in Madrid and it was glorious. For a start the weather was superb and the immediate warmth hit us as we arrived.

  Our hotel was in a quiet street, but it was central to all the local attractions. Everywhere was spotless and there were a vast number of coffee shops and gift shops and a hive of activity.

  Between eating our meals, when we weren’t making passionate love, several times in that week, we did get to see some of the wonderful tourist attractions. Then on the final evening, we went to watch the Flamenco show at the Corral de la Moreria. Neil especially, was mesmerized by the passionate performance of Madrid’s most dazzling dancers and their spectacular show that unravelled before our very eyes.

  All too soon, it was time to return home. As I suppose is normal, Neil and I returned to our humdrum daily life, working most of the time.

  The next few months were blissful. We did have our disagreements and heated moments, but they were few and far between.

  Neil and I tried to keep that sparkle in our intimate lives, and we did have our moments of heightened sexual ecstasy at work as well as at home. Life seemed almost perfect. Our businesses were doing well, and when we did have time off, we packed in plenty of leisure time together, whether it was just for a day out together and dinner out, or a weekend away. Neil, being as he was, combined his work with pleasure and this did mean that I often had the opportunity to go with him to his overseas clients.

  We also had Jayne, Tom and Callum to stay occasionally and vice versa. Callum was a delight to see and growing up so fast and was now ready for a nursery. Neil was very good with Callum and played with him and his little train set that he seemed to like best from all his toys.

  Neil and I had talked about the possibility of children, but Neil was perfectly honest with me and said that it was not something he had ever committed himself to considering, and the thought still was too painful to consider at the time. Neil knew about my losing my baby and the circumstances. We decided that we were both still young enough to leave our options open and we agreed that either of us would openly discuss at any time whether to go ahead and try for a family.

  Could life ever change? I had a wonderful attentive husband who was always full of surprises and pleasantly unpredictable. We had a lovely cosy home together, and what seemed like a very firm and close relationship. It was something I never even dared to imagine possible after my destructive marriage with Andrew. We knew each other so well; we would often be sitting quietly, absorbed in things totally separate from each other, then one or the other would speak, and almost as if telepathy, we discovered that we had both been dwelling on the same subject. I trusted Neil implicitly, and I knew he felt the same about me.

  Only the future could reveal the change that this was not to last.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Life did begin to change dramatically, firstly with my parents. My parents had decided not to communicate with me since the evening when Neil and I had met with them to announce our engagement.

  I left telephone messages now and again, and from time to time would send a card and a postcard when I was away. This would not be reciprocated or answered but I felt that I was not going to sink to their level, or give up.

  One morning, at about five thirty a.m. Neil and I were woken up by my mobile phone ringing. It was my mother. Despite her quite composed voice, I knew that something dramatic must have happened for her to suddenly be calling me and talking to me after all this time.

  “Natasha, I thought that you should know that your father passed away about half an hour ago, here at home. The paramedics are still here and we are just waiting for the duty doctor to come and confirm his death.” As I said, her voice was composed but for once there was compassion in her tone.

  “Oh Mum, I’m so sorry,” my words just automatically tumbled out. “I’ll come over straight away – is that okay with you?” I asked, not really thinking of the past situation and its restrictions.

  My mother surprised me when she replied, “Yes, I would like that Natasha.”

  I quickly explained to Neil and he insisted on driving me over to my mother’s and he said that he would drop me off and pick me up whenever I was ready. He thoughtfully didn’t want me driving under the circumstances.

  When I arrived and I walked through the door, I naturally opened my arms to my mother and hoped that she would respond, and she did. That hug was indescribable, and the years of hostility between us seemed to melt away and became insignificant.

  I followed her silently into the living room. It didn’t bother me that there were two of her religious companions there. Now wasn’t the time to add to the upsetting circumstances for my mother.

  My mother explained that my father hadn’t seemed well for about a week. He had been off his food and just wanted to sleep all the time. It was even too much for him to go to the toilet and so she had an old bed pan that was her mother’s that was useful. Although he was never an energetic person, this was rather strange even for him. When he didn’t seem to get any better after a couple of days, she called the doctor out. She said that the doctor hadn’t seemed too concerned, and since it was winter, he concluded that it had to be the flu and wrote a prescription for him. The sad thing was that my mother didn’t drive and had to arrange for the chemist to deliver it. My father had been taking his tablets for about twenty-four hours, previously.

  He had woken up at about three a.m. earlier that morning and said to my mother that he felt like a cup of tea. So, she got out of bed and she was about to go down to the kitchen. My father had apparently looked a bit better and he attempted to get out of bed. Despite my mother’s advice for him to stay where he was while she went to make his cup of tea, he assured her that he felt strong enough to make his own way to the bathroom. She said that she had told him to just take it slowly and that she would be back as quickly as she could.

  As my mother had reached the kitchen, she heard an almighty thud coming from upstairs. Upon rushing back up, she found my father lying motionless on the landing. It was as though it was the last thing that he did, he was going to muster all his strength to prove he could get to the bathroom again.

  My mother immediately called for an ambulance, and the two paramedics, after a full examination, suggested that it was a massive heart attack. The doctor who followed shor
tly afterwards confirmed this.

  My mother was trying to be a real stalwart but I could tell she was breaking inside. My father having been such formidable person, was now lost to her.

  One of her friends did offer to stay with her and I was genuinely grateful for her help.

  The next few days passed in a blur. I helped my mother out with the funeral arrangements, as much as I could without shutting out her friends.

  I hardly saw anything of Neil over the next week and he was understanding, as were my clients, that I needed time off from work under the circumstances.

  Although the first part of the service was at the church, I did attend with my mother, and she even conceded that Neil could attend with us, and he respectfully did so. However, nobody spoke to either of us, and we made our apologies to my mother that we would not be able to attend the get-together afterwards, and she understood.

  Life then began to really change. Neil and I became like ships passing in the night. We did see each other at work, but only briefly at times. My mother had become more and more dependent on me. Her “friends” had started to dwindle in their visits to her and I, after all, was now the only family she had left.

  Because she now had become unable to move about very well and the stairs were now impossible for her, I appealed to the Local Authority for their help. They did manage to get hold of a special bed for her downstairs, and for carers to come in twice a day.

  I went through a traumatic time myself for a while. When I was at my mother’s place and needed the bathroom, I found it almost impossible to walk across the landing, knowing that my father had died on that very spot. It wasn’t that I was afraid of death or that I thought he was present still; it was just all the history I think, and then the thought that he had ended up there.

  I spent many nights there and thankfully, when I needed a break, a crisis team came in for a week and stayed with her for a week around the clock, but obviously this could only happen occasionally due to a lack of resources. Neil and I had now been married for three years. I had noticed some warning signs, but chose to put them in the back of my mind. I just put it down to the pressured time we had both been going through, particularly with my mother being ill and needing me so much.