Again, though, when she looked over at Ethan, he was cool. He was maintaining it. She was impressed.
She thought it was pretty rude that this woman didn’t even acknowledge her, though. What a bitch. Maybe there was more to their relationship than Ethan had ever let on. Well, good riddance for Ethan. And the poor kid.
But her degree in psychology made her drop the defensive stance her mind had taken. She knew what it was like to deal with addictive personalities enmeshed in your life. His ex was probably so tuned in to what she had to do, she hadn’t given Jenna two thoughts. She couldn’t take it personally, and that didn’t make his ex a bitch.
“Yeah, sure,” Ethan replied.
Valerie’s blue-green eyes met Jenna’s when she said, “Please excuse us for a moment.” Well, that was better than nothing. Valerie handed Chris over to Brad, then pulled Ethan by the upper arm to lead him to the side of the house. Jenna thought that was another odd move. Why not just invite him in the house where they could talk behind a closed door? She was sure the woman had her reasons, again probably having to do with being burned in the past, but she thought it was strange. Ethan had been the epitome of good behavior. Once more, though, Jenna realized that could have been a pattern Valerie was familiar with. It reminded her that she really hadn’t known Ethan very long and therefore didn’t necessarily have the best judgment.
Watching them walk to the side of the house, though, she felt more than awkward, standing next to a guy she didn’t even know and a toddler she barely knew any more than that. She knew the smile on her face was weak, but she waved and gave a halfhearted smile. “Uh, nice to meet you.” She nodded toward the street. “I’m, uh…just gonna go head back to the car.” Chris looked at her, so she said, “Nice to meet you, Chris.”
She turned around and made her way toward the white car Ethan had parked at the curb. The sun had gone down a while ago and dusk had descended slowly, but the sky was dark blue, almost black, and Jenna knew she’d be able to see a star or two soon.
She hoped, almost prayed, that Valerie was going easy on Ethan. She’d understand if the woman wasn’t, but it worried her. Ethan was stronger than anyone would ever believe, but Jenna knew he was vulnerable when it came to his ex and his child. She didn’t want to see his progress set back. She could help him through it, though…as his counselor, not his girlfriend. Yeah, and what had that been all about? It was as she had warned him before, that his need for counseling had made him overly dependent upon her, and she should have known better. She had known better and had done it anyway. Stupid.
When Ethan and Valerie walked back out, though, Ethan said a civil goodbye to them and gave Chris a kiss on the forehead before walking back to the car. He seemed okay, and Jenna breathed a sigh of relief.
He got in the car and waved to them the three of them again. “Ready?” he asked Jenna.
She nodded and buckled her seatbelt, but it wasn’t until they were on the road that she noticed Ethan was not okay…not by a long shot.
Chapter Twenty-eight
ETHAN’S WORLD WAS was red. Pure blood red. He couldn’t even think straight.
Goddammit, he was pissed at Valerie. The fucking nerve. Yeah, he was thrilled that she was as good a mom as ever, but he couldn’t believe the words that had come out of her mouth.
Her voice had been low, but she’d looked like a rattlesnake ready to strike. “I can’t believe you had the gall to bring one of your heroin whores to my house…and you had her around my son. You asshole. You haven’t changed a bit.”
How he’d kept his cool, he’d never know. “Whoa, Val. You got it all wrong.”
“Do I?” She arched her eyebrows in disbelief, something he’d seen her do hundreds of times before.
“Yeah, Miss Perfect. If you’d given me one fucking second to introduce you to her, you’d know that Jenna is my goddamned drug and alcohol counselor. She’s not a fucking junkie. Does she even look like a junkie to you?”
The look on her face was classic. It almost made up for the fact that she couldn’t accept that he’d actually made it out of the hole he’d been in. Her nostrils quit flaring, and even though it was almost all the way dark outside, Ethan thought he could see a bit of a blush wash over her cheeks. “Oh. Oh, God, Ethan. I’m really sorry.”
It was childish, he knew, but it was the first time since he and Valerie had gotten together that he had a legitimate reason to be smug. “Well, it’s a little late. I get it, Val. I get it. It’s not going to be easy to trust me. I understand that. But when I’m standing right in front of you and you can see the changes I’ve made, why can’t you accept them? Can you just once give me the benefit of the doubt?” He felt a cold chill descend over his heart. “Or do I just need to expect this kind of reaction from now on? Do I need to give you a full report every fucking time I see you?” He felt his blood pressure rising, more because he was containing himself. He wanted to explode and yell at her, but he knew that would accomplish nothing. He’d look like a bastard to Jenna, and he’d probably scare Chris. That would undo all the bonding they’d done over the past three days. And Brad…well, Brad would rush right over to play shining white knight to Val just like he always had…even though this time she was completely in the wrong.
But he was good at keeping it in. He had no idea how many times as a kid he’d had to mask fear from his father. He could contain his anger, but he knew one thing. It was gonna blow soon, and he had to get out of there.
So when he got in the car, he just drove. Part of him was reliving those moments, thinking of what he should have said instead, wondering if he’d handled it okay, hoping Val wouldn’t use any of it as an excuse to refuse him the right to see his son again. The rest of him was just trying to process the raw emotion chaffing at his insides.
And he drove like that for miles and miles and miles, and it wasn’t until he heard Jenna say his name and touch his shoulder that he realized they were far outside the Denver Metro area. They were somewhere west in the low-lying foothills, but beyond that, he had no recollection of how he’d gotten them there. Jenna wasn’t just saying his name, though. She was screaming at him, panicking, and he was slamming on the brake before he realized why.
He was speeding, going close to ninety miles an hour, and on this winding road, that was a bad idea. His driving had scared her.
Well, so would the way the car was spinning around now. The car didn’t like the way he’d braked, and it turned one hundred eighty degrees before finally stopping in the middle of the road across the double yellow lines. Ethan noticed he was breathing hard, as though he’d been running for miles. As he got his bearings, he felt relief that no other car was coming, or they would have been in bad shape.
Once the car stopped, he inhaled sharply and knew he had to get it out of the way fast before another vehicle did come down the highway. He pulled to the side of the road. He looked over at Jenna. She looked a little scared, so he took her face in his hands. He had so much inside, so much he wanted to say, but he’d bottled so many things up for so long, he didn’t know how to talk about them. Honestly, he wouldn’t be able to talk about tonight anyway, not until he had a chance to process those feelings. He’d been getting better about it of late, but this was fresh, raw…and he couldn’t put his emotions into words.
This woman, though…she was beautiful inside and out, and just looking at her reminded him that there was hope. He was starting to feel something for her, something he thought he might want to embrace and never let go of. The light of the dashboard shone on the side of her face, and he thought he could see in her eyes the surge of passion he felt in himself. It was aggressive when he pressed his lips into hers with brute force. She responded, though, and he felt her tongue clashing with his. He knew then that he had to have her that very moment.
He was afraid she wouldn’t have any of it, though, but he had to try. There would be no room up front in the bucket seats to warm her up to the idea. He broke away from their kiss. “Back seat?�
�
He saw a flicker of hesitation in her eyes, but then she turned around and opened the passenger door. He turned off the ignition and got out his door, then opened the back door and climbed inside. Jenna almost attacked him with her mouth. God, he was glad she was feeling the same way he was. He didn’t want to wait and got the idea she felt the same way, so he placed his hands on her waist, grabbing the bottom of her shirt and pulling it up. She took it in her hands and got it up her torso faster than he could. It was dark in the car, but he knew her bare skin was right in front of him. He moved his face into that space and found the flesh below the hollow in her neck, above her cleavage and kissed there but moved lower, licking and devouring the flesh. He heard her exhale as she shoved her fingers into his hair. He loved how she did that…such a turn on. She pulled his face up to hers and kissed him hard while he felt around her back and undid the clasps on her bra.
He was beginning to feel focus again as the blood rushed from his head and his extremities straight into his cock, along with the anger and rage that he’d succumbed to. He still wasn’t completely in control of his emotions or even his thoughts, but he felt more clarity as he made Jenna his focus. He slid her bra down her arms and took one of her nipples in his mouth as she sighed and leaned her head back against the window.
Jesus…he wanted her badly. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d needed one particular woman so much. He felt like he could devour her. And it was like he blacked out again, because the next thing he knew, he heard her reminding him to put a condom on. She had his dick in her hands. Goddamn, was he hard and in need of release, and why couldn’t he remember getting to that point? She was completely naked underneath him now, and he was poised to penetrate her. He took a deep breath and blinked. He was still wearing his jeans, although they were hanging halfway down his legs. He reached for his wallet, hoping he had a condom in there. Since his first date with Jenna, he’d been carrying one or two at a time, but he couldn’t think straight now at all, didn’t know if his memory was trustworthy.
He fished out his wallet and balanced himself on his knee, and she pulled his head so she could meet his lips with hers. God, this woman was so sweet, so in tune to him, he couldn’t feel any closer to anyone. It was as though she could read his mind, like she knew which way he was going to move or what he was going to say, because in that moment he had wanted to taste her again, and she simply obliged.
Condom on, he plunged inside her and she gasped. Her fingers curved into his neck, her nails digging into the flesh. It felt like fire, burning hot. He couldn’t see her eyes in the dark, but he imagined them black, full of passion, her red hair flowing around her pale face, her lips red with desire. He kissed her again, but she only half kissed him back, so he knew she was close. He forced himself to slow down, get his bearings, because the adrenaline was still coursing through his body, shadowing his brain.
He changed his angle to adjust to the way she was tilting her pelvis, tried to make sure he was hitting her sweet spot. She sucked in a deep breath of air and then let out a low groan. Her thighs clenched around him and she moaned again. She cut loose then and a few seconds later, he knew it would be okay for him to let go. Those few brief seconds of pure ecstasy, followed by a calm that would wash over him, were one of few moments in his life where none of the bullshit mattered.
He rested his head on the glass in the passenger window. Without the air conditioning on, the car had become stuffy fast…and it smelled like sex. That part didn’t bother him. What did bother him was the feeling that something was wrong…and in his previous state, he hadn’t sensed it. He was certain things were amiss when they redressed in complete silence. Things just didn’t feel right.
Chapter Twenty-nine
OH…SHE WAS going to miss that about Ethan. He was hot, yes, but he was also a fantastic lover. Jenna didn’t know that she’d ever been with someone who cared so much about her experience as much as his own. And she was going to miss that part of him terribly.
Well, that wasn’t the only part she’d miss, but she had to stop thinking about it. She knew her feelings for him had grown roots in her heart.
It didn’t change the fact that she had to end it, and it had to be like pulling off a Band-Aid—quick and as painless as possible. If she ripped them apart now, they’d both survive.
Maybe.
She worried about Ethan, even without being a potential love interest who was about to dump him.
He sat up, zipping up his jeans while she felt around for her clothes. She hadn’t seen a single car drive by while they were getting down and dirty (not that she’d been paying attention) and for that she was grateful, but she couldn’t see anything in the dark. She’d already found her jeans and t-shirt, but she was having to feel for everything else. Her bra she found on the floor. Ethan said, “I think I found your panties.” He placed the tiny lacy things in her hand. Yep, that was them, all right. She got dressed in the dark without saying another word.
She wasn’t sure how Ethan knew she was done dressing, but when she was done, he opened his door on the passenger side and got out. The dome light was almost blinding, but it went out as soon as he closed the door. She waited for a few seconds to let her eyes readjust to the dark. Then she reached for the handle and opened the door. As she stepped out, she saw Ethan there next to the car. The air outside, while warm, felt fresh. She took in a deep breath and wondered why he was on this side of the car.
“Can we talk for a few minutes?”
“Sure.” She looked around her and all was dark. She didn’t know the last time she’d been out of the city at night. She’d forgotten how brilliant the stars looked away from light pollution. There were more dots of light than she’d remembered. It was beautiful.
“Did I say something to piss you off?”
Oh, God. That was going to make it harder. “No. Why?”
Ethan cleared his throat. She could make out that he had turned toward her—she could feel it. She couldn’t bear facing him, even if she wouldn’t be able to read his expression. “You just felt…cold all of a sudden.” He looked up at the stars where her eyes had gone. There was no moon tonight. “What did I do?”
She let out a slow breath. Well, like it or not, no better time than the present. She turned to him, leaning against the car. “You didn’t do anything, Ethan. I just…you and me? We’re a bad idea.” She didn’t want to tell him she thought he was just another in a long line of bad choices. That wouldn’t make him feel good about himself, and she knew she had a fine line to walk.
Before she could say another word, he said, “What’s so bad about us?”
She let out a long, slow breath. He wasn’t making this easy. “Okay, I guess it’s not us. It’s just me.”
His eyes were boring into the side of her head; she could sense it, and it made it that much harder. Why did he have to question her? Why couldn’t he just accept it? “I need to understand this, Jenna. What is it about you? Your answer better be good enough to scare my ass away…and I don’t scare easy.”
Her breath escaped her. She could sense his strength, his power, and she knew he was without a doubt one of the most courageous souls she’d ever known. That he’d continued living when he thought there was nothing left to live for, that he’d pressed on without hope…that took courage the likes of which she’d never known. Yes, she was a fighter when given the choice between it and flight, but Ethan was a whole other level. She swallowed, hoping he’d understand. “I’m not trying to scare you, Ethan. I just…don’t think we’re compatible.”
“Why?”
“It’s a feeling.”
“Wait a second.” He stood in front of her, and even in the dark, she could see the outline of his features, catch the glint of his eyes. “You told me about that son of a bitch who raped you. Do you think I’d ever do that to you? Ever?”
No, she didn’t think that. Ethan didn’t seem that type. She shook her head. “No.”
“What about us feels
incompatible?”
She gave it some thought. It had been a quick, lame reason, something she’d said to try to get him off her back. Instead, she went over everything she knew about Ethan and knew that the opposite was true. He seemed to understand her in and out, and she felt like she understood him. They both loved the same things—music, books, movies. They’d both had rough childhoods and shaky adulthoods, but the two of them wanted something better. So she gave another lame answer, but it was all she could think of. “You’re a guitar player for a metal band. I’m a drug and alcohol counselor. Our lives are completely different, Ethan. It would never work.”
He didn’t hesitate. “Bullshit.”
Her defenses were weakening, but she had to try again. She had to protect herself. “I saw what happened back there. I am not putting myself in the middle of that.”
“What, Valerie’s overreaction? Come on, Jenna. You can do better than that.”
“Damn it, Ethan. Stop arguing with me.”
“Then stop trying to break up with me for no good fucking reason.”
Before she could even protest, his lips were on hers, warm and demanding, and she melted into him. She felt a tear drop from her eye, but she realized then that she was glad he wasn’t just going to let her walk away without a fight.
* * *
Jenna let the walls crumble over the following weeks and opened her heart to Ethan. She didn’t know that she’d ever been this happy in her life, and she kept waiting for something bad to happen. She couldn’t help feeling that way. If she expected it, then she could prepare for it.
Summer faded into fall, quietly and with little notice, and things were still going well. Her feelings for Ethan grew stronger every day. She didn’t go with Ethan to pick up or drop off Chris again because she didn’t want to be put in an uncomfortable position again, but she spent time with them whenever Ethan invited her.
Rock Bottom (Bullet) Page 20
