Ink and Ashes

by Valynne E. Maetani

  “I know.” I dropped my cheek into his side, so I didn’t have to look at him. “I’m sorry.”

  “The good news is we know who did this, and we can get on with our lives.”

  “That is good news,” I said, but my stomach ached. I didn’t understand how Mr. Tama’s hatred could be so strong.

  Dad took me by the shoulders and rotated me until I faced him. “Claire, for my peace of mind as well as our family’s, I’m going to make sure Mr. Tama acted alone. For a time, I worried whatever is going on had more to do with me and what I do, but none of this is in line with anyone I have relationships with. And from what I’ve gathered, my cover is still solid. I promised I would keep you safe, and I have resources to do that. But even if this is over, there’s always a possibility of danger because of what I do. If I ever think it’s too much of a risk to stay here, I may have to move you guys to a safer place. I’ve been lining one up.”

  “Move? Forever?”

  He stepped closer and hugged me. “If I have to. The most important thing is we’re all safe, but there’s nothing to worry about yet. I’m going to be taking a few trips soon to make sure, but I really believe none of the people I or your father associated with have any idea who I am or where our family is.”

  I nodded. I understood, really, but the idea of having to leave everything here, everyone, brought an anxiety that made it hard to think. What would that mean for me and Forrest?

  “Dad?” A lump formed at the back of my throat. “Promise me you’ll be safe. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

  The sound of his laughter rippled through me as his body shook against my cheek. He pulled away, still holding on to my shoulders. “I promise. The closest I’ve come to having my cover blown is by my teenage daughter.”

  “Was that supposed to make me feel better?” If I came that close, who knew what could happen?

  Dad folded his arms. “I hate to brag, but I’m good at what I do. Scary good. So I’m certain you’d give most agents a run for their money.” He exhaled. “But let’s not try and find out.”

  I WAS SURPRISED how many students hadn’t heard about Mr. Tama by the time school started Monday morning. An announcement was made over the loudspeaker. No one mentioned his arrest. All the principal said was Mr. Tama needed to take a leave of absence.

  The halls filled with whispers and murmuring about what had happened to Mr. Tama anyway. I heard students say he’d embezzled money. Others said there was a family emergency, that he was dealing drugs, or had been caught sleeping with one of the students while at one of the debate tournaments. They were the kinds of things I had expected.

  I walked into the US History classroom with a heavy heart and took my seat at the back. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the same thoughts about him. Mr. Tama was a good teacher. I actually enjoyed his class. How could he be the same person who wanted to hurt me? The governor wouldn’t have pardoned him if he hadn’t really changed. But what plagued my mind the most was why I kept trying to defend him.

  “Hey, Claire,” Mumps knocked on my desk.

  My head shot up. “Oh, hey.” I hadn’t even seen him approach.

  He plopped himself into Forrest’s desk and scooted until our desks butted against each other. “So I was thinking we should get together and work on our project,” he said. “Maybe after school at your house today?”

  I thought through my schedule and everything else that was going on. Dad was out of town again, and Mom would be at the office. As long as Parker was home, I didn’t think my parents would mind.

  “That should work,” I said.

  “Cool. I’ll see you then.” Mumps pushed Forrest’s desk away and strolled back to the front, his arms swinging.

  The seats around me filled. I waved to my teammates, and Forrest arrived. It surprised me how happy I was to see him even though I had seen him on the way to school today and between class periods and, of course, every day we had this class together.

  He kissed my forehead before he sat down. “Who do you think our teacher’s going to be?”

  I shrugged.

  Everyone was in their seats when Coach Cesar walked in. He stood in front of the class with his feet shoulder-width apart and his arms folded. “I’m going to fill in for Mr. Tama until a replacement is found.”

  He looked around the classroom. “Pelo.”

  Katie sat straight and glanced up with questioning eyebrows. “Yes?”

  “Why don’t you lead us in the discussion?”

  Her eyes wandered around to the other students, confused and unsure.

  Coach pointed at me and Lanie. “Takata. Ward.” He pointed at Kimi and Mika and Ashley next. “Miyashima squared. Cheung. You guys help her out.”

  We all gave each other wide-eyed, raised-brow expressions. What were we supposed to do? We’d just finished a section and had a test right before the Halloween dance, so we were all at a loss as to what Mr. Tama had been planning next. I hoped for Nicholas’s sake that Coach wasn’t replacing Mr. Tama for the debate team too.

  We could probably work on our projects, but I wasn’t in the mood to do anything. I raised my hand. “Maybe we should have a study hall today.”

  He nodded. “Good idea, Takata. You guys can take care of yourselves, right?” Everyone agreed, and he left, even though I’m positive he wasn’t supposed to do that.

  Katie burst into laughter when the door closed. “Did that really just happen?” She turned to me. “Thanks. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t suggested that.”

  I shrugged. “I got your back.”

  No one studied, but it was nice to have a break. I rested my head on the desk.

  Forrest scooted his desk over until it touched mine. He smoothed the wrinkles on my forehead with a soft touch. “What’s wrong?”

  I gazed at Mr. Tama’s desk. “I don’t feel good about what happened.”

  “Do you regret turning him in?”

  “No,” I said. “But something doesn’t feel right. It was too easy.”

  “That doesn’t seem like something to complain about.”

  “I guess not.”

  He reached over and rubbed my back. “You trusted him. Give it some time.”

  After school got out, Nicholas met Fed and me at the school’s entrance.

  “Wish me luck.” Fed slung his messenger bag over his shoulder and headed in the opposite direction toward the gym.

  “Good luck,” I said even though I didn’t know where he was going.

  “Where is everyone?” I asked. Forrest had said he’d meet me at the car, but where were my brothers?

  Nicholas held open the door. “Avery’s at basketball tryouts with Fed. The rest of the guys are at the Suburban.”

  “How is it everyone else knows so much more about what my family is doing than I do?” I asked.

  “Because it’s hard for girls to keep too much information in their heads at one time,” Nicholas said. “We keep things from you to make your life easier.” He laughed and ducked out of reach before I could punch him.

  “Don’t even start with me.” I knew all he wanted was a reaction, but I was in no mood to deal with the sexism he thought of as “jokes.” I should feel better about Mr. Tama, but I didn’t, and I didn’t understand why. If this was what I wanted, why was guilt tying my insides in knots?

  “Aw, you know I only say it because you’re so easy to rile up.” He ruffled my hair, and I flicked his hat to the ground.

  We had to dodge a few careless drivers to make it to the Russos’ Suburban, where Parker and Forrest were waiting for us. Then Nicholas dropped me and Parker off, and Forrest promised to come over after he had grabbed something to eat.

  “I’ve gotta pick up a poster board from the store, and then I’ll be there in a little bit too,” Nicholas said.

  Parker hurried ahead of me into the house, but I took my time.

  Even though there wasn’t a wind, the air pinched at my skin, and I wrapped
my scarf tighter around me. The sky was bright and calm. A snowstorm must be coming.

  Inside the front door, I took off my shoes. The house was quiet. I knew we were safe, and the quietness was because my parents were at work, but an uneasy feeling washed over me.

  But I couldn’t let myself worry. Instead, I walked up the stairs and to my room. I opened the window facing Forrest’s room and let the fresh air sweep through. Outside, the neighborhood was calm, quiet. I lay down on the bed and gazed at the ceiling.

  Everything was still. I closed my eyes, wondering if the unease I was feeling was actually peace I couldn’t recognize. The worries about Mr. Tama were still bubbling, but a lot of the noise that had clouded my head for weeks had finally started to wane.

  A clunk sounded from down the hall. “Parker?” I called out. No one answered. “Parker, what are you doing?”

  The back door opened and closed. “Parker?” I called out again.

  “It’s me,” Forrest said. His steps approached up the stairs.

  Over the past decade, we had seen each other almost every day, never growing tired of one another. It seemed somewhat of a miracle that after all these years, a relationship could grow into something surprising.

  Forrest smiled at the door, then situated himself beside me, scooting on my bed until my shoulder and side were snug against his. “What are you thinking about?” He twined his fingers with mine.

  “You,” I said.

  He waited for me to elaborate.

  I pondered some more. “What would you have done if I hadn’t kissed you back?”

  “Cried.” Laughing, he loosened his hand from mine so he could turn on his side and face me. “I would have tried the next day, and the next, until we were old . . . or you got a restraining order.”

  I brushed back some hair from his face and rested my hand on his cheek. Training my eyes on his, I leaned in and kissed him. He reeled me against him with a firm hand and kissed me back hard, as if trying to make up for lost time.

  My skin flushed with heat, burning at his touch. Remembering a time when this wasn’t the most natural thing in the world was hard.

  As my hands explored the muscles in his arms, his back, his chest, a perfect breeze floated through the window and into my lungs. He let a soft moan escape when I kissed his neck and bit at his ear. Even though I thought I knew everything about him, there were suddenly mysteries and things undiscovered. I’d surprised myself with how unafraid I was despite the risk of everything and how I could let go of any anxiety that I wasn’t as practiced. Maybe he’d done this many times before, but he had a way of making me feel like he was experiencing everything for the first time too. His hands tangled in my hair, brushed the skin on my neck, traced the curves of my hips. I could have kissed him forever.

  The doorbell rang.

  Forrest pulled back, fighting for breath. “Let Parker get it.” He crushed his mouth against mine. The doorbell rang again.

  I threw back my head. “Ugh. It’s probably Mumps. We’re supposed to work on our history project together tonight.”

  Forrest’s face tensed.

  Reluctantly, I climbed off the bed and combed through my hair with my fingers. The room had grown colder, so I closed the window. “Come on. You can study with us.” I leaned in one last time and crushed my lips against his and let them linger. Grabbing his hands, I pulled him up, still sneaking little pecks as we walked toward my bedroom door.

  At the door, Forrest pulled away and straightened his shirt. “There’s something about this guy that . . . I don’t even want to be in the same room with him. And I can’t stand the way he talks to you—like he thinks he’s so funny. I’m funny, right? That monkey joke I tell is really funny.”

  I started to laugh. “Yes. You’re very funny.” Mumps was too, but Forrest was the kind of adorable funny that had won over my heart. “I picked you, remember?” I kissed him again.

  I tugged him down the stairs, reminding him every few steps with kisses and assurances that this was only a history project. By the time I answered the front door, I was almost out of breath.

  Mumps stood on our porch wearing a black long-sleeved shirt and a black leather biker jacket that was almost as tattered as his jeans. “Hey, girlfriend.” He handed me a bouquet of white flowers.

  Confused, I hurried and took the flowers from him, crushing the cellophane in my anxious grip. “Uh, thanks. You really didn’t need to bring flowers for a homework assignment.”

  He looked over at Forrest. “What’s up,” Mumps said and took off his shoes. “I didn’t realize you’d be here.”

  “I’m sure you didn’t,” Forrest mumbled.

  I needed to say something to Mumps about Forrest, and I had meant to say something, but I hadn’t pictured saying something with both of them there, in a situation where Mumps had just called me girlfriend and handed me flowers. It’s not like I’d ever been in this position before, and I didn’t want to say anything that sounded too presumptuous to Mumps. For all I knew, he was flirty with lots of girls. I’d only told Mumps not too long ago Forrest and I were just friends. Would he think I’d been lying to him?

  And I loved Forrest—in a new way now—but introducing him as my boyfriend still felt like trying to speak a foreign language for the first time. After shifting and going in circles in my head, I grabbed Forrest’s hand and tugged him forward.

  “So . . . Forrest and I aren’t really complicated anymore.” Had that sounded as stupid as I was pretty sure it had?

  Forrest let go of my hand and stepped to the side. “Maybe you should clarify what you mean by that.”

  Could he possibly have made the situation more awkward? And if Forrest thought I didn’t catch the pleasure he was taking out of watching me squirm, he was wrong.

  This wasn’t even a big deal. Why was saying the word “boyfriend” so hard? I hadn’t used it in reference to Forrest to anyone yet, not even when I told my dad. What if we broke up tomorrow?

  We weren’t breaking up tomorrow. I inhaled a deep breath of air. “I mean . . . What I mean to say is I kissed Forrest. We kissed. He kissed me.” That sounded so stupid I wanted to hide under a rock.

  Mumps narrowed his eyes. “So you’re saying Forrest is your boyfriend?”

  “Yes. That.” I exhaled. “Let’s go work on our project.”

  “Ooookay,” Mumps said.

  Forrest took my hand, and we walked toward the kitchen. On the way, he leaned close to my ear. “Now that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

  I glared at him. He knew I wasn’t good at stuff like that. I’d spent a lifetime of not sharing anything too personal with anyone in my family for my entire life. Sharing things with people I didn’t know very well was a big leap. For me, anyway.

  Mumps followed us into the kitchen. I let go of Forrest’s hand and hurried and set the flowers on the far corner of the counter so they were farther out of view. Forrest had left his backpack by mine at the back door. He grabbed both our bags and brought them to the kitchen table.

  I sat next to Mumps and took a notebook from my backpack. Forrest sat on the other side of me.

  “We need to write a newspaper article supporting our arguments for the Federalists, so I was thinking we could brainstorm four arguments together,” I said. “And then we each take two and work on finding support for the arguments.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” Mumps said. He dropped his history textbook on the table. “We can write up our two paragraphs and then put them together for the article, but we also have to defend them to other people in the class. How do you want to handle that part?”

  My phone rang. I fished around my backpack and pulled it out. Nicholas. “Sorry,” I said to Mumps. “I’m sure it’ll be quick.”

  “Go ahead,” Mumps said. “I’ve got time.”

  I answered the call. “What’s up?”

  “I’m trying to reach Parker,” Nicholas said, “but he’s not answering.”

  “He’s probably sleeping.” I stood and
walked out of the room so I wouldn’t bother anyone.

  “What are you doing?” he asked. “Can you do me a favor since your brother’s useless?”

  “Depends on what it is,” I said and sat on the couch in the living room. “I’m working on something with Mumps.”

  Nicholas went silent. I thought the call had dropped. “Nicholas?”

  “What is he doing there?” he asked.

  “We’re partners on a history project,” I said.

  “Why would you ask him to be your partner?” he said.

  “I didn’t,” I said. “He asked me while I was in the hospital. I didn’t have much to do with it.” I put both feet on the coffee table.

  “Why would he ask you?” Nicholas asked, his voice tense.

  I felt my chest inflate. “Why wouldn’t he ask me?”

  “Because he’s friends with Chase. I can’t stand the guy.”

  “So you’re not friends with him?”

  “Hell no,” he said. “They’re both on the debate team with me, and I’ve never met two more arrogant people.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything when he was at the party at our house?” I asked.

  “He was at your house? I never saw him there.” Nicholas growled, “Because if I had, I seriously would have had some words with him. That very morning he said he had to miss our debate tournament because he was going out of town after school and would be gone all weekend.”

  Maybe there were too many people there. Now that I thought about it, I had no idea who would have even invited Mumps. Katie hadn’t, and it was originally her party. As far as I knew, the only one who knew him remotely well was me, and I know I hadn’t invited him.

  As I processed the information, a lump ballooned at the back of my throat. I sat up and set my feet on the ground.