I froze at the mention of her name. “She doesn’t know jack shit about anything.”
“She trusts you. With everything.”
How could she not understand? “I’m not a good Dom, dammit. She’s controlling everything!”
Betsy smiled knowingly and walked away.
Chapter 12
AVA
I was in love with my Dom.
I was far from an expert about the whole Dom/sub thing, but I was pretty sure that every sub loved their Dom – at least that’s what it seemed like. However, I didn’t love Master Royce the way that a sub loved her Dom.
I loved him in a very non-BDSM way. I loved the man, not the Dom. It didn’t make a lick of any sense, but I was sure in my heart that I was right. I just had to convince him of that. And, of course, make him realize that he loved me too.
It was a tricky situation.
When you’re in love, your brain will trick you into just about anything. Maybe that’s why the thought of losing my heart to Master Royce hadn’t sent me into a blind panic.
Because it should have.
~~
My plan was to keep going back to ‘Sanctuary’ until Master Royce admitted that there was something between us. There was an undeniable sexual chemistry between us. I had felt it from the first moment I had laid eyes on him – and he had felt it too.
But there was something much deeper - something that he didn’t understand. He may have been the more experienced one of the two of us, but I held the upper hand. I recognized love.
Love was such a crazy emotion, that sometimes all the stars in the universe had to be completely aligned in order for someone to recognize what was in reality as clear as day. With Master Royce, I had some universal star alignment to perform.
It was mid-December and a light snow was falling. I had to pay attention to the road, but I wasn’t too worried. No significant accumulation was expected. It had been weeks since I had seen Master Royce. It felt like I had been anticipating this meeting forever.
Our encounters were never dull. No one could deny the passion between us. I had fantasized a thousand different scenarios for this meeting. They had all ended in mind-blowing sex, so the anticipation was high.
I knew he would be mad at first. I had practically goaded him into having sex with me. Not only did I threaten him with going to Master Kevin, but I had made that stupid comment about paying him. That had been a big mistake. His parting shot had been telling. I hope I made it worth the money. I had some damage to repair.
When I got to the club, I was ushered straight into Betsy’s office. I could see that she was acting unusual right away. Something was up. She was definitely nervous to see me.
“What’s wrong? It’s Master Royce, isn’t it?” I asked.
Betsy looked at me sadly. “I’m afraid it is.”
I had had a feeling that he might do this, but he didn’t know how damn persistent I was. There was no way he was going to avoid me. I’d track him down to the gates of hell if I had to. “He told you he doesn’t want to see me anymore, right? Betsy, I have to talk to him –”
She didn’t let me finish. “I’m sorry, hon. Master Royce doesn’t work here anymore. He’s been gone for a while now.”
“What?” My body went numb. “But… I just saw him a couple of weeks ago.”
“Yes, that was his last day, I believe.” She was nodding sympathetically, but I was losing focus. I felt sick.
Between the hundreds of scenarios that I had imagined, all the x-rated fantasies, never had anything like this crossed my mind. Master Royce was gone. Just like that. Took my virginity. Took my heart. And walked right out the door. Like it was nothing.
Betsy opened up her desk drawer. “He asked me to give this to you if you ever came back.”
I blindly reached for the envelope she was holding out to me. Fabulous, a Dear Jane letter.
Betsy’s voice sounded like it was coming from underwater. “Honey, do you want to talk?”
Maybe it was me that was underwater. “No.”
“Do you want to try a different Dom?”
The rushing sound in my ears was getting louder. I shook my head ‘no’ as I stumbled awkwardly to my feet.
“That’s what I thought.”
I needed to get out of there.
I was drowning.
Chapter 13
AVA
Marissa handed me one of the two coffees that she was holding and sat down at the small table. “I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.”
I agreed. “Who knew that buying a leather jacket could be so difficult?”
We were on the ground floor of a 3-story mall where luckily, there wasn’t as many shoppers jostling about. We had spent hours trudging through the upper two levels looking for the perfect jacket for Cole after discovering that the specialized leather shop had nothing that seemed suitable for him.
Marissa sipped at her coffee and then sighed. “Thanks again for coming with me, Ava. If you hadn’t been here with me, I would’ve bought that jacket from the first shop. I still can’t figure out the difference between a biker jacket or a bomber - or what’s cool these days, for that matter.”
I laughed. Cole owed me big time. “No problem. I had fun. Now, if I can just find a Christmas present that I can give to Cole. There’s not much time left.”
Marissa thought a moment. “How about cologne?”
I considered it. It could be a last resort if I got really desperate. “Do you know what kind he wears?”
“No, I don’t,” she answered. “But whatever you get – don’t spend a lot of money. It’s the thought that counts.”
I really couldn’t afford that much. I was logging a lot of hours at my lame retail job, mainly because of the holiday crush, but even with the extra earnings, I still owed money on my credit card. Christmas expenses were taking a toll, especially with the $400 bucks I had foolishly spent to lose my virginity. It had been one expensive deflowering.
Marissa broke into my thoughts. “I spoke to Cole just the other day. That big work project he was working on is finally finished. He’s going to come over Christmas Eve and spend the night so we can go to midnight mass as a family. Then we can open presents Christmas morning.”
I knew Marissa was looking forward to seeing Cole. I was too. I hadn’t seen him since graduation, and that day we barely had had time to talk.
I smiled at her enthusiasm. “Just like old times.”
I desperately wanted it to be. I wanted the old Cole back. We used to be friends, before I had fallen in love with him. Now, I knew that what I had felt was never really love. It was just the teenaged version of a crush.
I had grown up a lot since then. Besides physically losing my virginity, I felt like I had mentally lost my virginity - or at least my wide-eyed innocence. Being heartbroken was quite revealing. And now that I understood more about real love and pain, maybe I could repair my relationship with my brother.
Marissa tilted her head, studying me. “Funny, Cole was asking me what kind of gift you might like for Christmas.”
I could only imagine what Cole would pick out for me this year. Last year, I received a scarf in the mail. “Yeah, what did you suggest?”
“Perfume. He asked me what kind you wore.”
I didn’t wear perfume. “So, what did you tell him?”
“I told him that I didn’t know. And not to spend a lot of money - it was the thought that counted.” We both laughed.
We sat companionably for a few more minutes while we finished our coffees, and then we went our separate ways. Marissa went back home, while I continued shopping.
Wandering aimlessly for some time, I let the hustle and bustle of the frenetic pace of the shoppers distract me from my dreary thoughts. I had been in a funk of epic proportions. The whole situation with Master Royce had done a number on me. My heart had been trampled. My self-confidence was shattered. I was depressed. I had to move on.
I peered into the displa
y windows as I passed by shop after shop, hoping something for Cole would catch my eye so I didn’t end up buying him cheap cologne or an ugly Christmas sweater.
When I came upon the store named Debbie’s Treasured Gifts, I headed inside. The items displayed in the front window weren’t very appealing, but it couldn’t hurt to look.
I was drawn to it the moment I saw it. It was a keychain with an intricately designed compass rose cast in sterling silver. An employee noticed me admiring it through the glass case. “Would you like to see it?”
She unlocked the case for me and pulled it out. The decorative side that I had already seen was truly a beautiful piece of artwork, but when I turned it over, there was a real working compass embedded behind a clear bubble on that side. ‘There is more than one path…’ was engraved around the silver frame.
The tiny price tag attached to the item told me that it was $85, so much more than I wanted to spend, but there was something that just felt right about this gift. I sighed as I handed my credit card to the employee who had been patiently waiting for my decision. “I’ll take it.”
I stepped out of the store with the compass keychain tucked securely in a gift box. I hoped Cole would like it. It wasn’t until about ten minutes later that I remembered. Master Royce’s tattoo. I groaned as soon as I realized why I had been subconsciously drawn to the compass.
Cole and Master Royce. The two men kept swirling around in my head endlessly torturing me - one that I had to let go and forget about and one that I needed to reclaim – just as a friend again.
Right as I was passing by, a family stood up and vacated a nearby bench, so I grabbed the spot. I reached into my purse and pulled out the Dear Jane letter that Master Royce had left for me at the club. I had read it many times – way too many times – searching for hidden meanings or context. I opened it up and read it again.
Dear April,
I wanted you to know that my leaving Sanctuary had nothing to do with you. It took me a long time to admit that I didn’t possess the qualities to be a good Dom. I made so many mistakes – especially with you. You deserve to find a Dom that can give you everything you desire.
I will always cherish the time we had together.
Master Royce
I had already cried too many tears reading those words. This time my hand clenched the paper in anger. He was a coward and a liar. I hated him.
I ripped the note into tiny little pieces and then deposited the bits into a nearby garbage can. I was so done. It was time to move on.
Chapter 14
Christmas Eve
AVA
Cole didn’t arrive until 10pm. I was beginning to get angry. First, because I knew it would disappoint his mother if he didn’t make it to church, but also because I was ready to try out a new ‘mature’ relationship with my brother.
It turned out that my maturity level needed a swift kick in the ass, because all I could think about when I saw Cole again, was how unbelievably hot he was. I thought I was mentally prepared for his jaw-dropping good looks – his thick dark hair, his chiseled cheekbones, his stunning eyes – but as if it were even possible, he had grown more handsome since I last saw him. His hair was almost perfectly tousled by the wind and he hadn’t shaved in a few days giving him just the right amount of facial hair that would have any woman creaming her panties in admiration. He looked like a damn GQ model. Being mature was going to be harder than I thought.
Cole came through the door, flashing his dimples as he apologized for being late. Marissa brushed off his apologies and immediately began treating him like a prince. Dad was his usual semi-indifferent self. He was a stickler for punctuality, but he wisely kept his thoughts to himself for once.
Cole glanced my way after escaping from Marissa’s exuberant hug. “Hey, Ava.”
He seemed pretty aloof, but I had been expecting that. We had acted that way for years now – it was the only way I knew how to mask my unnatural attraction for him. But now that I was grown-up and much wiser, I was determined to get our relationship back to normal.
I approached him, trying not to look as tentative as I felt, and gave him a hug. “Hi Cole. It’s great to see you.”
His arms encircled me for a brief moment, but then he stepped back quickly – but not before I felt the spark of lust shoot through my body. No matter how badly I wanted to pretend that I felt nothing, I couldn’t fool myself. What was wrong with me?
Driving to church was torture. Cole and I sat in the backseat of the car, only a few feet separating us. Marissa was quizzing Cole about his job, but I couldn’t concentrate on the conversation. There were too many distractions, first and foremost was his hand, which rested only inches from my thigh. I couldn’t take my eyes off his fingers, wondering how dextrous they could be in the right situations.
Church was particularly excruciating. We sat side by side, but never touching. Somehow, my mind had wandered and I began to think about Cole’s body. Cole’s naked body. I hadn’t seen him shirtless in years; I wondered if he was as built as Master Royce was. It seemed a bit unfair to compare him to a gladiator though.
I quickly tried to shut down that train of thought. It seemed blasphemous; I was in church and my thoughts were running wild. It only got worse when I started to think about Cole’s cock. Was it big? Could it be as big as Master Royce’s impressive cock? I felt my cheeks flaming as images rushed unbidden into my brain.
I was sitting in church during midnight mass and all I could think about was my brother’s cock. What in the ever-loving world was wrong with me? I had to get a grip. I squirmed in my seat.
Then Cole looked over at me. He saw me squirming, with my sweaty palms and my flushing face, and gave me a look like he knew. A half-cocky sexy ass grin that left my panties drenched, spread across his face. Shit!
I was a bit keyed up by the time we got home. I felt like a fool for thinking I had ever gotten over my Cole infatuation. It was time to revert back to the trusty old defense, avoidance, to preserve my dignity.
As soon as we got home, my Dad headed straight off to bed. Cole was politely listening to his mother gossip about some acquaintances she had seen at church. I hung around in the background, feeling distinctly uncomfortable in my own home.
Marissa looked at the clock. “Well, I’m exhausted. I’m turning in. You two better get to bed before Santa gets here.”
Cole looked at me and rolled his eyes. “Should we leave out a plate of cookies for him, Mom?”
His mother laughed and then headed to bed, leaving Cole and I alone in the kitchen.
“Actually, we still have that plate,” I told him.
“The Santa plate?” he asked. “She kept that?”
It was in the cabinet over the refrigerator. I walked over and opened the cabinet door. On tiptoes, I could just reach inside to the front edge of the shelf.
Suddenly, Cole was behind me. “Here, let me get that for you, shortie.”
He reached for the plate from behind me. For a split second, the length of his body was pressed up entirely against mine. The touch was electric. My body twitched, as if I’d just grabbed onto a live wire, bumping my ass gently back into him.
Oh shit! I hoped like hell that he hadn’t noticed, but I saw a strange look pass over his face as he found the plate. He stepped back quickly and cleared his throat. “Here it is.”
Feeling flustered, I ransacked the cookie tin for some fresh chocolate chip cookies that Marissa had made the other day. They were Cole’s favorites.
I tossed a few on the Santa plate. “Your mom is so happy that you’re here. You were all that she talked about for weeks. She even baked cookies for you.”
Cole sat down at the kitchen table and stole a cookie off the Santa plate. “I felt really bad about missing Thanksgiving. There was just too much going on.”
I found two glasses and filled them with milk before I joined him at the table. “How did your work project go?”
“That project didn’t work out too well.” C
ole had a defeated look in his eye.
I grabbed a cookie and began chewing. “Sorry to hear that.”
“Yeah,” he brushed it off. “How about you? What are you up to?”
“Still no real job. I’m still working at the clothing store at the mall.” I guess it was good that I had a job, at least.
Cole smiled. “Cheer up.” He dipped his cookie into my milk. “You’ll find something.”
“Hey!” I pulled my glass of milk out of his reach. “Cut it out.”
He gave me that lop-sided smile that made my pulse race. “You know I hate crumbs in my milk.”
“Well, I don’t want your crumbs either.” Then I finished my milk, proving myself a liar. Irony.
I realized that I was staring at his lips and that was dangerous. It was getting late and my defenses were down. I had to get out of there before I said or did anything stupid. “It’s getting late…”
Cole finished his milk. “Remember how we used to get up so early on Christmas morning and sneak downstairs so that we could peek at the presents before Mom and Dad woke up?”
I shook my head, “Oh. No. Don’t you dare try to wake me up early tomorrow morning.”
“I know what a slug you are in the morning,” Cole teased. “I’m not going to let you sleep past eight. If you’re not up by then, I promise, I’m going to drag you out of bed.”
His smile was so gorgeous. I jumped up from the table, busying myself with putting our dirty glasses in the sink. “If you’re not going to let me sleep in, I better get to bed now.”
Cole stood up, his chair scraping across the floor. “I guess I’ll head up, too. Goodnight, Ava.”
“Goodnight.”
I waited a few minutes before I followed him up. How many times over the years had we both slept upstairs? Not until I became a teenager had it become weird. Our parents’ bedroom was on the main floor. Cole and I had the two bedrooms upstairs and shared a bathroom. The arrangement seemed much too intimate now.
My Stepbrother the Dom (Stepbrother Romance) Page 7
