by P. Jameson
The room was quiet except for the soft crackle of the fire and the breath rushing in and out of her lungs. No, not only her breath. There was another’s. Someone else slept with her, but she was too foggy to care, let alone decipher who it was.
Layna stretched, loving the feel of the soft cotton sheets against her bare skin. Her back ached but it wasn’t bad. She’d been in bed too long probably. But the thought of getting up was too daunting. Especially since she couldn’t even seem to open her eyes.
The warm pull of sleep beckoned her back to unconsciousness. It was unnatural, the way it swept her under like a wave from the ocean. Something she couldn’t fight. But she didn’t try. It was too soft, too comforting not to succumb.
The next time she woke, the fog had lifted slightly. Enough to remember what had happened to her in the woods, but not enough for her to lift her lids. And still, that sweet sleep called to her with a siren’s song, promising everything would be alright, if she’d just come under its spell.
So she did.
Later—could have been hours or mere minutes—she became aware of the soft snore against her ear. It belonged to whoever shared the room with her. Maybe Doc Davis was keeping watch over her and drifted off. Or Renner. She pictured her brother curled up on the bed next to her like he used to do when they were little and he’d had a nightmare. It brought a giggle past her throat.
Except it came out garbled and slow, sounding more like a toy train with bad batteries.
Layna struggled to open her eyes as the snoring continued, but they refused to obey her brain’s command. But there was another way to get her bearings. Slowly, she drew in a deep breath letting the scents around her seep past the foggy barrier that kept her from coming fully awake.
Fresh. The green of spring and the crisp smell of soap. Or how the evergreens smell when they’re coated in snow.
My mate.
Joy flooded her, liquid and warm in her veins. He came. When she needed him, he came. It was hard to remember everything that happened after the woods, but she knew she was injured. Bad enough to need the help of her mate. And he was here. Ryan was here.
She managed to move her hand, landing somewhere on his body. The warmth radiating from him brought tears to her still closed eyes.
Mine, her cat rumbled weakly.
The snoring stopped abruptly and Layna felt the warm fabric beneath her palm flex. She tried to speak but all that came was a questioning groan.
“Shh,” he murmured, and she felt the bed move. “You’ve shifted. You need water. I’ll get it.” Ryan’s sleep roughened voice skated along her nerves, raising chills. He was really here, and all she wanted was to get closer, feel his warmth seeping into her bones, and tell him how much she’d missed him.
“No,” she managed. Her voice sounded like rocks rubbing together, and she struggled again to open her eyes. Through the blurry slit of her lids, she could tell the room was lit by only the fire. It was too much effort to keep them open. She’d just close them for now. “Where… am I?”
Several seconds passed before he answered. In her hazy state, she could almost imagine the thin hand of a clock ticking in the silence.
“My bed.”
It was said carefully. As if he wasn’t sure if it would upset her. But there was something in the background he couldn’t hide. An edge that she caught even sleep-drugged. A slight rumble of satisfaction to his voice. He liked her here.
“Good.”
“Good?”
She gave a nod, hoping he saw it, and fumbled her fingers up his chest. She needed closer. Needed to feel him through the fog. And she needed to tell him things. So many things.
“Ryan,” she breathed, gripping his shirt like she had talons, and clumsily rolling to her side. “My Ryan.”
Layna pressed her face to his hard chest and let tears of relief soak into the fabric. The rapid rise and fall of his chest eased her closer with each breath. Carefully, so carefully, his big hand came up to cradle the back of her head.
“I’m sorry,” she croaked. “I fucked up so bad. I…”
“Shh. Don’t.” His mouth was so close to her ear. The heat of his breath was intoxicating, adding to the woozy feeling.
“I have to. I have to tell you how I feel. How much I’ve wanted you. Want you now. Need you. Fucked up, Ryan. I fucked up.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying right now,” he rasped, his hand continuing to caress her head. “Doc gave you a tranquilizer.”
That explained the fog. The effort it took to open her eyes. The slurred words she couldn’t make clear. But it didn’t change the way she felt right now. Or the fact that she’d felt this way for ages. It only gave her the courage to tell him without reservation.
“You’re mine,” she said, pressing harder against his chest, her fingers digging into his shirt hard enough she might rip it. “Mine. And I should’ve told you, I know. But…” The last part came out on a sob. How could she explain to him that her cougar needed convincing of their match?
“We don’t have to talk about this now. Not while you’re…” His tone was that of a man pulled between hope and desire and disappointment. This wasn’t working. She wasn’t getting her point across.
Be bold.
“I love you, Ryan,” she blurted. “Loved you for so long. My heart breaks again and again when you aren’t around. Even when you’d just leave for a job, even knowing you’d come back in a day’s time. Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to tell you? How many times I wished I was something else just so this could be easier? How much I regret choosing my clan over us? So many damn regrets, I can’t get away from them—”
“Stop.” His arms had tightened around her, his fingers digging into her flesh. His angry voice was tempered, but it still lashed her raw, drawing more tears for her to regret later. “You don’t mean any of that. I know my Layna, and this is not her.”
Her cougar winced inside. Was he giving up again? Not fighting for them when she most needed him to. It sobered her some. Would he leave when she was healed? She was willing to chase him to the ends of the world, but was he really done with her and their clan?
“You don’t know shit. Because I haven’t let you.”
Ryan stiffened. “Is that what you think? That I don’t know the female I’ve watched and wanted for four damn years? Who I worked to be good enough for? Who I gave up in order to make happy?” He let out a sad laugh. “Baby, letting me had nothing to do with it. You might have hidden our mating but you didn’t hide yourself, and if you think I don’t know all about you, you’re dead fucking wrong.”
His bold words were like a shot of ice water to her blurry mind, shocking all her brain cells into function. The tranquilizer was wearing off faster than it had even taken affect, bringing everything into stark clarity.
Ryan was here. He knew her secret. Her tail was fucked up—the way Doc’s face was going to be when Layna got a hold of her for the tranq. Goddamn it.
But more prominent than the anger and frustration she felt, was relief. Sheer relief that he had stayed. And that she’d gotten out the most important words before she was able to censor herself.
She loved him. He didn’t believe it now, but she’d prove it somehow.
Still pressed tight against Ryan’s chest, Layna tried to steady her breathing. Tried to focus on how to get through to him while her cat reveled in the dominance he threw off in that moment. Her animal lapped it up like warm milk on a cold night. Starved for it.
Slowly his hand slid from her head, down her spine, coming to rest on the small dip of her waist just above her ass. He spread his fingers wide, spanning the area as if to touch as much as possible at once. The spot was tender but his touch soothed it.
“Does it hurt?” he husked.
“A little. But it’s better when you touch it.”
There was no open wound since her tail didn’t exist in this form. There was only the internal damage that would be harder to heal because she’d s
hifted.
Ryan gently rubbed the area and she could feel the soft working of their bond. It was weak but growing, and it was enough to take the immediate pain away, drawing a moan from her.
“Better?” he whispered.
“Yes. Thank you.” Her voice trembled and she wasn’t sure if it was an effect of the drugs or of him.
He continued gently massaging her lower back, moving toward her hip with his strong hands. Every sure touch relaxed her more, taking the pain and stiffness away little by little.
She became aware of just how tightly she was pressed to his body when a hard bulge formed between them near her waist.
Layna swallowed, breathing shallow to avoid the change in his scent. If she was to smell his arousal, her cat would go crazy for it, and she wasn’t sure they were ready for that yet. Not with so much still unsettled between them.
Ryan’s hand moved lower, his middle finger teasing at the crack of her bare ass. Layna held very still, afraid to break this exploratory connection whatever it was. The rise and fall of his chest became quicker against her forehead, and her fingers gripped his shirt even tighter, her claws peeking out to find a bit of skin beneath the fabric.
He gasped, moving down to cup her ass cheek, softly caressing the skin first before squeezing in a punishing grip. His calloused fingers were a stark contrast to her smooth backside and his delicious roughness made her squirm in delight.
“Yesss.” The word escaped her on a long hiss.
His fingers slid around her curves, playing where the two cheeks met, going lower and lower until he found the opening of her pussy. There he paused, almost seeming surprised at the abundant wetness.
Layna, writhed against the bulge protruding from his jean clad hips, and it grew impossibly harder. Breathing only through her mouth, she pressed her lips to the fabric of his t-shirt, feeling the hard ridge of muscle beneath. She wanted to bite it. Nibble her way up his chest to his neck, nip along his jaw, and finally that pouty bottom lip she’d had fantasies about.
Tentatively he slipped his finger up and down along her folds, learning the part of her she’d kept to herself for so long. His touch was soft at first, growing more insistent with every pass until he slowly pushed inside.
Layna gasped, and with the intake of air came her mate’s aroused scent. It flooded her brain, a smell she’d forever be chasing, striving to recreate, to satisfy. Her cougar growled in appreciation. He was delicious like this, dark and sultry and so masculine she wanted to rub herself all over him. Mark him up with her own scent.
“Fuck,” he uttered, trembling and breathless. He was shaken by this. Affected. Maybe even as much as she was.
Achingly slow, he withdrew his finger and plunged back in, making her whimper at the sweet sensation. With his other hand, he pressed her head closer to his chest as if wanting her to hold still, but it was impossible. To finally be sharing an intimate moment with him was just too much. She wanted to make it last forever, wanted to go further.
She could prove her love like this. Why hadn’t she thought of it before? She could make love to him, satisfy him so thoroughly he couldn’t doubt her no matter what sort of ugly denial she’d dealt him in the past.
But before she could unclaw her fingers from his shirt, he increased his rhythm between her legs and added a second finger while a third danced along her clit.
Layna’s mind reeled. Every push inside had her gasping as their bond grew even stronger. Did he feel it? That magical connection that linked them together as a pair? It felt like finally coming home after a long trip. Falling into your own bed and knowing you were exactly where you were meant to be. It felt like a necessary anchor when your ship is tossed in a storm. It was so vital she couldn’t imagine going back to not feeling it.
Goddamn it, she needed him so badly. Her human. Her male, with his adoring eyes and constant concern for her. Could her cougar see how much they needed him?
Yes, the cat purred.
“Ryan,” she moaned, needing more, wanting to touch him but unable to move.
“Shh. I won’t stop.” His voice was broken, pained in a way she couldn’t understand with the pleasure she felt through the bond. “I won’t stop. Don’t ask me to. Just… don’t,” he ground out, keeping that steady rhythm that had her climbing closer and closer to orgasm.
Her teeth closed down on his hard chest, careful not to break through the barrier of his shirt. She just needed to do something to him, to let him know how powerful this felt. He hissed, and increased the pressure between her legs. Two more thrusts and she’d fly over the edge.
“Come for me, Layna,” he rumbled in her ear.
Make that one more thrust.
With his desperate words, she was done for. Her body locked up, muscles spasming as her release rocked her core. Tears of relief painted her lashes once again. Her moans were muffled as his grip on her scalp tightened.
Something fierce and primal came over her as his fingers gentled, bringing her down from the blissful peak. Her male, satisfying her, giving her pleasure as if he’d waited a lifetime for this moment… it was enough to solidify any decision she’d made in the woods.
They were meant to be, and she would fight for them. If Ryan couldn’t keep fighting, then she would. She’d be the fierce defender of their love. Make up for all the pain she’d caused him. Make up for all the times she’d chosen her clan over her strong and able human.
Her precious human.
She’d never give him up.
Never.
Chapter Seven
Ryan struggled to catch his breath, but having enough air to keep his mind from bailing felt like a lofty goal. As far out of reach as Layna had been for all this time. An impossibility.
She wasn’t so far out of reach now.
He pushed inside her once again, slow and gentle, imagining it was his cock instead of his fingers. Imagining she let him take her like a real mate. Imagining she truly wanted him like that and not because of the drugs or the need to heal.
It felt like a dream, yet he knew he was awake.
A familiar ache bloomed in his chest.
Her words, her declaration. It was bittersweet. A poison for his soul because he’d needed to hear them for so long yet he knew they weren’t true. They were drug-induced. What was real was the goodbye kiss underneath the mistletoe. Or the way she kept him at a friendly distance day in and day out. That was the truth of them. Their reality.
She’d never let him touch her like this if she wasn’t so in need of the bond that would heal her. And it was growing. He could feel it, this connection to her that was more beautiful than any sunset. It was everything he’d ever wanted from her. Security. Assurance that she was his. A chance to prove himself. To show her how good he could love her. How devoted he’d be.
The bond was all that, wrapped up in one powerful fated emotion.
So he wouldn’t feel bad about what he’d just done to her. He couldn’t. He was caring for his woman the only way he knew how, giving her what she needed to get better. He’d never regret that. Not even when she broke him for good. Because that’s what this bond was doing to him. Ruining him for any other woman. Promising him a lonely future. Because after this… and maybe it’d always been this way… there’d be no room in his heart for anyone but his cougar.
Trembling, he kissed her head, and carefully eased his fingers from between her legs. He said a quick prayer that she wouldn’t speak. He didn’t want her to regret anything either. He just needed to grow their bond like Doc said. He needed Layna to be whole again.
He felt her release her grip on his shirt. Slowly, her hand crept lower toward his belt, but he grabbed it, locking it in the tight space between them.
“Sleep,” he rasped.
Several breaths passed before she answered, sounding shy. “Let me touch you.” He’d never heard her sound like that. Layna had the confidence of an entire army of warriors.
He kissed her hair again, rubbing the silky strands agai
nst his lips.
Her soft hands on him sounded like heaven, and made him so hard, he felt pain. But he couldn’t let her.
“No.”
“But… you need it.”
“Layna…”
She lifted her head to find his eyes, and he struggled not to glance away. It was so damn hard to look at her now, knowing none of this would matter in a few days. Not to her anyway.
“I want to satisfy my mate’s needs,” she whispered.
Ryan closed his eyes, unable to bear it another second. This wasn’t her. It was her cat maybe. Or the tranq. Or gratitude. Or the fastest way she could think of to grow the bond. But it wasn’t her.
And he wanted her.
“No,” he murmured, determined. “I’ll take nothing from you right now. Not while your wounds are so fresh. When you’ve healed, then we’ll straighten things out between us. But right now, all I want is for you to be well. Now sleep.”
Hesitantly, she laid her head back on his chest.
“Okay,” she said quietly. “I’ll do whatever you want. But Ryan?”
“Hm?”
“Please stay. Don’t leave again. Just… don’t go.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat, pushing the pain down as far as it would go. “Sleep, my Layna.”
He listened as her breathing steadied and she succumbed to healing rest. Hours passed before he was able to follow her under, but finally the pull of sleep claimed him.
***
The blinds did their job shielding the rest of the room from the early morning sun. It had taken Ryan a whole year to get them just right so the cracks didn’t land on his bed, and luckily no one had messed with them in the week he’d been gone.
He was warm even with his jean-clad legs halfway out from under the covers, his woman’s body molded to his side as if there was no other way to sleep. His bed would never be the same.
It took a few seconds for his brain to catch up to everything that had happened overnight, and when it did, his eyes came open, hoping to catch Layna before she woke. Watching her sleep was comforting to him.
But he was too late. Her big emerald eyes stared back at him, unreadable. Clear and knowing. Like they could see inside his thoughts. The tranquilizer was gone from her system, and not even sleep seemed to cloud her mind this morning.
