He left us for a while, but he kept coming back and my mother just…accepted him. I didn’t understand it. She was a strong woman, and yet when this man came in her life, she lost her self-respect and pride, allowing him to abuse her time and time again. I loved my mother very much, but I think I resented her a little for it.
From then on, I swore never to be like her. I would not let myself fall in love with someone and lose myself. I may have serious issues, but I wasn’t interested in anyone fixing me.
Even when she was dying, she called out his name. He never showed up.
* * *
Caleb is different, my subconscious argued. Caleb is not like your father.
He was sweet and kind, funny and immature sometimes, but he was always there if I needed help. No matter how hard I pushed him away, he just kept coming back for more. He had to be masochistic.
Our eyes met.
I wasn’t being completely honest with myself, because at that moment, when his face broke into a grin as he waved at me, I felt like he had me in the palm of his hand.
I took a deep breath. Everything was okay. I liked him, and I had already admitted that to myself. I could pull away whenever I wanted to. I would not let myself fall for him. My self-preservation was stronger than anything else.
The coach called a time-out. Caleb’s smile was from ear to ear as he sauntered toward me like he’d already won the game and I was his prize. I couldn’t help smiling back. Several girls approached him and tried to engage him in conversation. He just gave them a polite smile, shook his head, and continued over to me.
It’s me he wants.
He climbed the bleachers, his gaze never leaving mine.
“Hey, Red,” he whispered when he reached me, his eyes dancing happily. “You’re here.”
He sat beside me, gently pulling a lock of my hair.
“Hey, Kar, nice to see you again.” He leaned forward to address her. “I didn’t know you were friends with my girl until she told me today.”
My girl?
I frowned at him. His smile only widened.
“She didn’t tell you she works for me now?” Kara asked.
“No,” he replied, his smile fading a little. “She didn’t. She doesn’t tell me a lot of things.”
He pulled another lock of my hair. I reached out and pulled his. He only grinned and leaned down so I could get a better grip. I rolled my eyes.
Kara laughed, but it sounded forced. “Keep working on her. Maybe she’ll give you an inch in a few years, eh?”
Her eyes shifted to the court, and she placed her hand on her chest as if in great pain, squeezing her fingers together. I followed her gaze and saw a girl flirting with Cameron.
“I need to fucking breathe. Be right back,” Kara said, her words tripping over each other.
“Kar—”
“I’m fine. I’ll be right back,” she told me, then leaned close. “Don’t be a moron. He really, really likes you,” she whispered in my ear before she climbed down the bleachers.
I watched her walk away for a few seconds.
“Is she all right?” Caleb asked, concerned. He reached for my face, then tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear. He really liked doing that.
“I’m not sure.”
He sighed. “Is it Cameron?”
I nodded.
“Cameron doesn’t talk about it, but I know he isn’t all right either. His phone background is her picture.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”
He nodded, smiling. “Red?”
I looked at him curiously. “Yes?”
“Wanna make out in my car after practice? At the movies?”
I had no idea how he could make me blush so easily. He really loved catching me off guard. It was dangerous to be alone with him, even more dangerous when his attention was solely on me. To distract myself, I looked around and noticed several pairs of eyes giving me measuring looks.
“I think your girlfriends are annoyed with me for monopolizing all your attention.” I motioned with my chin to the girls standing on the sideline. He didn’t even look.
“Is anyone bothering you?”
I shook my head. “No, and if there is someone bothering me, I can take care of myself.”
“Regardless,” he insisted. He reached for my hand, his thumb absently making circles on my palm. I shivered at the contact. “Will you tell me if anyone starts bothering you? I’ll protect you.”
My throat felt tight, so I just nodded. No one had ever said that to me before. Not the way he did. Like he meant it.
“I have to go back to practice,” he said when the coach whistled. “I want to impress my girl. My only girl.”
Before I could tell him I wasn’t his girl, he was already back on the court. He was good—really, really good. No wonder he was the most valuable player on the team.
I was so engrossed in watching Caleb that, before I knew it, practice was ending. Caleb motioned to the locker room, indicating he was going to get changed.
I looked around and realized Kara hadn’t been back in a long while. Worried, I got up to find her. I checked the washroom, but all the stalls were empty.
She must have left. I instantly felt guilty. She probably couldn’t stand seeing Cameron around other girls. I left the washroom and pulled out my phone to text her just as two girls went in. I thought I heard Kara’s name.
“Cameron is with that Flat Board again. I thought they broke up. What’s he doing with her?”
“Maybe they got back together,” the other girl answered. “She looked pretty shaken up.”
My steps faltered, eyes widening in anger at what I was hearing.
“That Kara needs to stay in her lane. She keeps throwing herself at him.”
“I don’t know. He looked like he wasn’t over her.”
“Please. She’s a ho ba—”
I couldn’t take another word. I was ready to go to war when Caleb suddenly grabbed my arm. He shook his head. I gritted my teeth, fighting the urge to scratch out that girl’s eyes.
“I just got a text from Cameron,” he said. “He’s with Kara.”
“What?” I was shocked. Kara wouldn’t even talk to Cameron, let alone leave with him. “I have to find her. Why would she be with him?”
“I know they’re not on good terms right now, but trust me, Cameron won’t let anything bad happen to her. You can talk to her later, give her a call.”
I nodded, worried. He squeezed my hand, and I looked up into his eyes.
“I wish someday you’d care for me that way,” he whispered. “More.”
I held my breath.
“I wish you’d…” He cut himself off, shook his head, and straightened. “Still up for the movie? It’s starting soon.”
“Actually, Caleb, I had a long day,” I admitted. “Maybe we should just go back to your apartment.”
He gave me a silent nod. I could see in his face that he was exhausted too. I’d also seen him rotate his left shoulder a few times, massaging it with his hand.
Besides…a date with Caleb Lockhart in an enclosed space would fall on the girlfriend-boyfriend list of things to do, wouldn’t it?
“What do you want to eat?” I asked, changing the subject.
I had made chicken potpie for dinner, but if he wanted something else, I’d cook it. When he didn’t respond, I looked at him. The gleam in his eyes was telling.
“Do you really want to know?” he asked, his voice heavy with meaning. “I don’t think you’re ready.”
My heart began to pound.
He stared at my lips before his eyes flicked up to mine. “Or are you?”
I held my breath. He was too much to handle.
“Pancakes,” I choked out.
Whenever we said pancakes, we neve
r really cooked or had pancakes. It was our code word for Let’s get away from here and do something else together.
He laced his fingers with mine. “Pancakes it is.”
Chapter Fourteen
Veronica
“Shut the fuck up, birds!”
I stood on the sidewalk outside Kara’s apartment, gawking at her as she yelled and glared at the birds perched on a tree and happily singing.
After Caleb’s practice, he and I had skipped the drive-in theater and had just arrived at his apartment when his phone rang. It was Cameron asking if he could come over. I had a feeling something bad had happened between him and Kara so I hurried out, declining Caleb’s insistent offer that he’d drive me, and took the bus to check on Kara.
She sat on a white bench, half hidden by one of the two columns lining her porch and the big pots of blue and hot-pink flowers hanging from the ceiling. Suddenly, she jumped up and went inside her apartment, and just as suddenly came out with a spade in her hand and started stabbing the left column like a madwoman.
“I hate you! I hate you. I hate you.”
“Uh, Kar?”
She turned at the sound of my voice, her hands going limp at her sides. She lowered her head, and I was afraid she was crying.
“Are you okay?” I asked, walking to her cautiously.
I glanced at the column, wondering what had upset her about it. There was writing on it, but it was unrecognizable now.
She let out a heavy sigh. When she looked up, her eyes were bright but dry. “I’m really glad you came,” she mumbled. She walked the few steps to me and squished me in a hug.
When I felt wetness on my shoulder, I wrapped my arms around her awkwardly.
My heart felt heavy. This was a familiar scene to me. Most of my life, I’d seen my mom crying and locking herself in her bedroom for days after my dad left. Unlike my mom, who rejected any kind of touch, Kara clung to me.
“You’re such a pathetic hugger.” She sniffed again. “Hug me like you mean it, jerkface.”
I choked on a laugh, hugging her tighter. “Wanna talk about it? I brought ice cream.”
“Cookies and cream?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Come on in,” she said.
I followed her inside. Her apartment was as interesting as her personality. Wide windows were covered with pale-blue lace curtains. The walls, painted a creamy white, boasted postcards from different countries. One wall was solely dedicated to photographs of her family and friends. Kara was a family-oriented person, whether she liked to admit it or not.
Jeweled lamps stood on white high tables with curved legs. There was a couch the shape of a woman’s lips in the living room, flanked by two high-back French chairs that surprisingly looked great with the couch. Elegant throw pillows in royal blue sat on them. In the middle was a round coffee table with a messy collection of empty beer cans, an open jar of Nutella with a spoon in it, and crumpled tissues scattered everywhere. Her TV was on, and Gone with the Wind was playing on the screen.
“I see you’ve been busy,” I commented, dropping onto one of the chairs.
Kara sprawled on the couch and stared at the ceiling.
“What happened, Kar?”
“He drove me back to his place,” she answered after a moment. I could hear the pain in her voice. “Nothing happened. Nothing at all. So why does that hurt more?”
“Kar…”
She covered her eyes with her arm. “Could you grab us some beers from the fridge, Ver?”
“Sure.”
In the kitchen, my hand froze on the fridge door handle when I spotted a picture held by a magnet on the door. Kara was sitting on Cameron’s lap, her arms around his neck, glasses askew, smiling like a loon at the camera. Cameron’s arms caged her body, and he bit her chin playfully. His eyes were closed, oblivious that someone was taking their picture.
They looked very happy.
I closed my eyes, silently sympathizing with her. This was one of the reasons why I didn’t want a relationship.
Relationships were complicated. They twisted you up inside until you were no longer yourself and pushed you to do stupid things you’d promised yourself you’d never do. Ridiculous.
I placed the ice cream in the freezer, grabbed two cans of beer, and padded back to the living room. Kara scooted upright on the couch when she saw me and reached for the beer I handed her.
She popped it open, and the cracking sound made me cringe as I sat on the chair beside her.
I counted five empty cans on the coffee table. Studying her face, I noticed she didn’t even look slightly drunk, her hold on the can steady. Her eyes were puffy from crying, and her nose was red.
I took a sip of my beer, then placed it on the table. I waited for her to open up, but she didn’t. She just kept sipping her beer, her eyes transfixed on the TV screen. Suddenly, I heard her sob.
“He used to do that to me, that asshole. Just like Rhett Butler with Scarlett.” She took a long sip from her beer, then wiped her cheeks with the backs of her hands.
I glanced at the screen. “What, give you horse rides?”
“No, Sherlock.” She sat up straight. “See right through me. That asshole can see right through me.” There was a gleam in her eye as she rose from the couch and walked to her bedroom with purpose. I followed.
“So then maybe I should be unpredictable, huh?” she continued, opening her closet, which was bursting with clothes. She pushed hangers aside, pulled out a dress, and walked to the mirror. “I’m done being pathetic,” she declared, plastering a tight hot-pink dress to her front. “I may have no tits, but I’m a strong, independent, confident woman.”
“Okay, but what’s the connection between having no tits and being a strong, independent, confident woman?”
“Just saying,” she huffed. “I may be a plain Jane by society’s standards, but beauty fades. The strength of your character doesn’t. And mine is as strong as the wind, baby. As strong as the wind.”
She went back to her closet, pulling out another dress. This time, it was a strappy black number.
“What are you doing?” I asked, curious.
“There’s a party at a friend’s house today. Please go with me.”
I shut my eyes as she pulled her shirt up and off. I let out a sigh. I didn’t want to go to a party, but she seemed to need it. I opened one eye. “You done?”
“Yep. You’ll have fun.” All dressed now, she went to her vanity table. “I’ll find you someone, and you guys can, I don’t know, watch bacteria grow or something.”
I grabbed one of the smaller pillows from her bed and threw it at her. “Kiss my fat ass.”
She dodged, and the pillow landed at her feet. “Once you kiss my flat ass.” She winked. “I should have a dress for you somewhere in my closet. Take your pick.”
I wasn’t dressed to party, but it didn’t matter. Besides, there was absolutely no way I’d fit in her clothes, and we both knew it. She was tall and slim, and I was short and curvy.
“I’m good, Kar, thanks.” I picked up the pillow from the floor and tossed it back on her bed. “I hope you’re wearing panties in that excuse for a dress because I’d hate to see your cooch, but you look gorgeous.” The short, black dress made her long legs look even longer.
“I’ll look more gorgeous once I’m done with my makeup. Want me to do your face?”
“I’m fine, thanks.”
“Do me a favor and put on some lipstick, please.”
I frowned when she handed me tubes of lipstick and mascara. I put the mascara back in her case.
“What happened today, Kar?”
She shrugged, but it was obvious she was pretending it didn’t matter. “I just want to have fun tonight,” she replied, expertly putting in her contact lenses.
I nodded. I found that the mo
re I nagged her, the more she closed up. She’d tell me what was bothering her in her own time.
“How is it,” she began, angrily digging the hairbrush against her skull, “that he’s got more dick in his personality than what’s snuggling in his underwear?” Then she blinked. “Actually, that’s not true. Cameron’s—”
“Stop!” I covered my ears. “I really don’t want to hear this!”
She snorted. “Bitch, please. As if you haven’t.”
I met her eyes in the mirror.
Her eyes rounded in disbelief. “Ver?”
I pursed my lips, shook my head. “I’m a virgin,” I confessed.
“What? How…?” She blinked, her jaw dropping. “Virgin…like the Virgin Mary?”
I took a healthy swig of beer. I don’t even like beer.
She whistled. “Damn. That’s good. I’m proud of you. Really, really impressed. But how is it you haven’t boned Lockhart yet?”
“Kar!”
“I mean, how can you resist him? And don’t tell me he hasn’t tried to get you in bed. That guy’s a walking hard-on. Or you just really don’t want to?”
“It’s not like that.”
She paused in applying her mascara, mouth slightly open, eyes directed at me, waiting for me to explain.
“I’m not waiting till after marriage or anything like that, but giving myself to someone… It’s a big deal for me. I want it to mean something. It means…”
Everything, I realized. When I decided to give myself to someone, it would mean everything to me.
“I get that. I really do,” Kara said, her expression grave.
“Besides, Caleb isn’t known for his celibacy,” I reasoned. It bothered me more than it should.
“Has he slept with anyone else since he met you?”
The thought of him sleeping with someone else left a bitter taste in my mouth. “I don’t know,” I replied.
Kara narrowed her eyes, a naughty gleam in them. “It’s frustrating to be in love with someone who’s slept with everyone, isn’t it?” I knew she was talking about Cameron. “Maybe he needs some competition. Hot-guys buffet at the party, my friend.” She winked at me, fluffing her hair. “Let’s go be bad, BFF.”
Chasing Red Series, Book 1 Page 11
