Love In Rewind

by Tali Alexander

  "Sorry boys, right after our meeting I have to run to my lunch date with my attorney," our Russian princess finally says.

  Stop milking us and spit it out, I beg her in my head. I need this torture to end.

  "I spoke to moy Papa," she smiles an I will fuck you up smile, and continues with her verdict, "and we should drink to our good fortune and our new business agreement. Well played, Louis. Boris Ivanov wanted that hotel in Chelsea since you first built it. You could've sold him the air rights to the Kremlin and he would've agreed."

  Thank God, thank fucking God. Seven hundred and fifty million dollars is just what we need. I can't believe I won't have to sell our home, our treehouse, or The Blue Lagoon. I need to get out of here now and start the paperwork before they change their mind. I'll go home early today. I will make sweet, sweet love to my beautiful wife tonight. One day when this is all behind us, I'll tell her the tale of how close we came to losing everything.

  "Pleasure doing business with you, Sasha. I hope to meet your father next time. I know he likes a few of my Fifth Avenue buildings. Maybe by next year he'll be ready for them. I'll have my attorneys contact yours to start drawing up the papers."

  The man who greeted us at the elevator reappears with a tray of chilled Vodka. He fills the shot glasses and hands us some caviar on little blintzes. In Russia if you don't close a deal with some kind of alcohol, then the deal isn't closed.

  "Zah Vahs … Na zdoróvye."

  We all down our shots. I fucking hate alcohol. Haven't touched it in years.

  "Phillipchik would you give me a ride to Daniel's? I have a meeting there in fifteen minutes. It will take my driver twenty minutes just to go around the block to pick me up."

  "Sasha, honey, I'd love to but I'm already late for lunch with the wife down in Tribeca."

  I almost shit myself when I hear Phillip say he is married.

  "Phil, you got married? To who?"

  "Don't look at me like that, asshole. She's great. Maybe one day I'll let you meet her. We can all go out with you and Emily. I'll apologize for being a dick and we could maybe start over."

  I start laughing. Yeah right, I wouldn't let him near Emily if his life depended on it.

  "Payback is a bitch, my friend. Wait until I tell your wife some interesting stories about her loving dickhead of a husband." I'm talking to Phil, totally engrossed in the new information I've just learned and forget all about the Russian Princess standing there listening to our juvenile exchange.

  "Boys, I hate to interrupt your moment but I need to go."

  I turn to her and since I'm feeling beyond elated from our deal I say, "Sasha, I'm headed towards my office. My car is running out front. I can have my driver drop you off by Daniel's, it's on my way."

  Phil says goodbye and heads into a waiting elevator. "Man, I got to run, if I'm more than five minutes late Irene goes into bitch interrogation mode."

  Maybe Phil grew up. Or maybe his dick finally had enough. I wait for Sasha to get all her shit together and we head towards the next available elevator.

  Chapter 41

  She's gone...

  I get to my office, lock myself in my private bathroom, and throw up. I've been nervous all morning. The coffee and vodka combined with my stress do some crazy shit to my stomach. I take out my phone to text Mike that the meeting went better than expected. He's the only person in my family who really knows about the financial problems Bruel Industries has been facing. I can trust that Mike won't blab to Jenna. It would get back to me faster than a speeding bullet.

  I text Em that I'm sorry for being an ass and that tonight I'd make it up to her. I know my behavior the last few months has been detached and strangely distant from her. I couldn't reward my financial deterioration and inevitable collapse with her love. I didn't deserve to enjoy myself and dull my anxiety in our love. Every time I looked in the mirror all I could see was a good for nothing, inadequate, sorry excuse for a man. My wife deserved a winner. I was as big of a loser as they come. I was too much of a pussy to man up and tell her the truth. Emily never cared about the money. But these were our memories, our fucking roots that I was going to lose. I was her husband; I needed to protect and safeguard all the sentimentality she bestowed upon me.

  At nine o'clock I finally head home. I had Eddie and my legal department draw up all the necessary paperwork. I waited in the office to make sure that both sides started the negotiation process. I'm on cloud nine. This has been a momentous day. The weight on my shoulders has eased a bit. I want to go home and see my family. I want to kiss my kids and make love to my wife. I haven't tasted her in months. As soon as we're alone, I'll rip her clothes off and fuck her until neither of us can walk straight. Fuck yes, my dick is hard just thinking about those big tits bouncing as I pound her into the bed.

  I'm a few blocks from my house when Adele, my mother-in-law calls. "Hi, Adele. How are you?" I say, still thinking about what I plan to finally do to her sexy daughter.

  "Louis, have you spoken to Emmy today?"

  "I'll be home in a few minutes. Should I tell her to call you? Her phone sometimes dies. Adele, just try calling the house; she should be home." There is a pause and I hear Adele take a deep breath.

  "Louis, Jenna just told us that Emily left this afternoon. She called and left me a message a few hours ago. I was in with patients so I couldn't pick up. She said she's leaving for a little while and that I shouldn't worry."

  Her words don't quite make sense to me. What does she mean, Emily left?

  "Where did she go?"

  "Nobody knows. She asked Jenna during lunch today to watch over the kids for her while she's gone. Oh Louis, I don't know what kind of problems you and my daughter are having, but we're very worried."

  The sound of my mother-in-law crying, coupled with what she's saying, feels like being shot. I feel like the air is slowly being sucked out of my surroundings. I get home and stand in front of my house, looking up at the door, not really believing what Adele says is true.

  "Adele, I just got home."

  I walk up the stairs as Adele opens my front door to let me into my own house. I can see she's been crying. I'm still holding the phone to my ear … still in denial. Why would my wife leave without telling me? Why would she leave us? As a suspended state of slow motion and panic slowly come crushing in, I walk into my house to find my grim faced parents-in-law. My brother and sister-in-law are all waiting for me with questioning expressions. They're upset but I can feel the anger reverberating off Jenna.

  "Jenna, where's Emily? Why didn't you call me earlier to tell me she was leaving?"

  Jenna gets off the couch she was occupying, hands baby Renée to Mike and storms my way like a caged beast. "If you weren't too busy screwing your girlfriend at the Plaza you'd know the whereabouts of your wife, you scum," she hisses at me.

  I feel my whole world crushing down. I can't draw a much-needed breath. I'm sure that the pain constricting my chest is the beginning of a heart attack.

  "Nothing to say big-shot? That's it? My sister's reign as your queen has ended. What happened? You only like them young, naïve, and preferably virgins? Can't just enjoy what you have … right, Louis?"

  I can't talk; my brain is shutting down. Every word Jenna says feels like an axe cleaving me in two. I look up at Mike, who is looking down at his feet not meeting my gaze. Fuck, snap out of it Louis. Tell them what's going on. All I can think in this moment is, if I die right now Emily will think I cheated on her. How could she think I would ever want anybody but her? Emily. Oh God, Emily. I need to find her. I need to tell her. This is all a mistake. Where is my wife? I felt the rush of adrenaline hit my whole body like a punch. I take a deep breath and start to punch back.

  "Jenna, I love Emily more than anything or anyone. I would never betray her or hurt her intentionally." Think Louis … fucking think…

  I continue, "I was at the Plaza closing a deal with the second wealthiest man in Russia. His daughter A
lexandra was negotiating the deal on his behalf. After I got enough money to save my fucking company from bankruptcy, I offered Alexandra a ride to a restaurant on the Upper East Side. It was on my way to the office, for fuck's sake! Where? How? Fuck!"

  I look at Mike to get some much-needed backup. I'm not getting any help. He obviously has his doubts too. Fuck, I need to talk to her.

  "Where did she go, Jenna? I need to tell her, it's not what it looked like. What did she say? Fuck, what could she have possibly seen?"

  Jenna looks at her worried parents before answering me. "She saw you coming out of the elevator at the Plaza with that tall brunette. She also saw the both of you get into your car. Louis, I tried, believe me, I tried telling her it's not what it looks like, but I've never seen my sister like that. Her eyes looked panicked, lost, but she was strangely calm. She said she needed to leave for a while to work things out. Something about her life was about to change. She wanted Mom and I to be here for Rose and Eric while she was gone."

  No. No. No. God, no. This can't be happening.

  "How long ago did she leave? I need to find her."

  I think I'm about to have a heart attack. My brain is drawing blanks. My heart is not beating properly. I need my wife. Jenna is talking again.

  "Why are you acting as if you know nothing about this? Emmy said you've been having problems. I've seen her be off the last couple of months. I didn't say anything because I figured it had to do with the financial problems Mike told me you were having."

  I look over at Mike. All I get is an I'm sorry man shrug. Thanks a lot, dude.

  "She doesn't know anything about the bankruptcy. I didn't want her to worry. Jenna, we need to find her. She can't be out there alone thinking I did this to her."

  I walk out of the living room to my office. I dial her number. I get nothing, just her voicemail over and over. I log into the surveillance camera, trying to see when she left. I page her personal driver. I see her on the screen hugging and kissing Eric in the playroom, cradling him like a baby. I zoom in and see she was crying. My tears start to fall. My wife left our children and me. She thinks I don't love her. How could she think I was with Sasha? Did she see Phillip, too? Oh God, oh God. She saw him walk out a few minutes before I did. No, she can't think that. I want to fucking die. This can't be happening.

  I find her on the surveillance camera lying on the floor in her closet. She is crying. I can't take this shit anymore. I won't survive her leaving me. I dial her number for the twentieth time; nothing, just her beautiful voice asking to leave her a massage. Baby, please pick up, I chant over and over in my head. Where are you Em?

  I call one more person. If anyone knows what's going on with my wife it's her best friend, Sara. My hands shake as I dial her number. Em wouldn't leave without some kind of communication with her evil twin.

  "Sara, it's Louis. Do you know where Emily is? She left this afternoon and we can't reach her." Silence. Sara usually can't shut up and now she has information about where my wife is and she's fucking silent. "Sara, talk to me. I need to know where she is. I need to find her! I'm worried."

  "Louis, Emily and I really haven't spoken in months. I didn't speak to her today."

  "Bullshit, I know there is no way she left without telling you. Tell me the song."

  "What song are you talking about? I just told you I didn't talk to her."

  "Sara, I'm not playing games. I'm not stupid. You think I don't know this shit you both do with naming songs instead of talking. Tell me the goddamn song!"

  "It Must Have Been Love by Roxette. She texted it to me. Louis, what happened? I didn't know she left. We just haven't really been talking to each other since my wedding and then my divorce…"

  I punch the title of that song into Google to read the damn lyrics so I can at least know what the fuck my wife was feeling when she left me. The lyrics of the song appear on the screen and my world closes in on me for the umpteenth time today. The words to that song slice me open one by one. I wake up lonely… I'd left her alone this morning, I didn't even say goodbye. She woke me up during the night and I just dismissed her and her dream. I was nervous about the meeting today. I couldn't even touch her I was that wound up in my head. She asked me to touch her but I couldn't. I didn't deserve to touch her this morning. It must have been love but it's over now. Em thinks I don't love her; she thinks she lost my love. I have this pain in my chest. If I don't find her she will be out there somewhere thinking that I don't love her. Thinking that I cheated on her … that we're over.

  I'd spoken to her driver earlier. He hadn't taken her anywhere today. I see her on the video leaving the house at 4:10 p.m. She had a small bag. That's a good sign. She didn't pack a big suitcase. Maybe she'll be back by morning. I call her a few more times. All I get is her recorded voice. I would give anything to hear her voice live right now. I have to find her. I learn that our jets haven't been used, either. I call the credit card company to see if she'd used her cards to pay for a hotel room or plane tickets. Maybe she's at the Pierre hotel. Or maybe she's half way around the world. My lungs keep constricting. Taking enough air is becoming harder.

  A few minutes, or hours, later Mike comes in and sits in my office. I'm in a numb state. I don't even know how long he sits there.

  "Mike, I fucked up. I need to find her. I'm not resting until she knows the truth."

  He nods. "Let's go bring your wife back home, man."

  I need to see my kids first. They have to know how much I love them. Eric is already sleeping. I walk into his room and quietly sit at the edge of his bed. He is sleeping soundly on his back with both hands over his head, not a care in the world. How could she think I would ever jeopardize this? My father lived across the street from my mom and I my whole life so he could tuck me in every night. I love my family so much. If Emily leaves me, I won't survive. This is my world. I only exist for them, because of them. I kiss my perfect little boy. I wish his eyes were open so I could see her eyes looking back at me. Eric's eyes are the closest to Emily's eye color. Emily, baby, where are you? I called in the wrong favor this morning. Whoever is watching over us needs to bring my wife back home to me.

  I leave Eric's room to go find my daughter. I knock and Rose opens the door. She launches herself at me, hugging me and crying.

  "Daddy what's wrong?" she says between sobs.

  "Honey, don't cry."

  She looks up at me, with Em's eyes. "Are you and Mama getting a divorce? Monica's parents just got a divorce. She's moving to Long Island with her mother."

  What? How could she think that? That word divorce hits me like a runaway train.

  "Rose, nobody is getting divorced. Mommy and I will work this out. Nana Adele will be here with you. I will go find Mommy and bring her back home."

  I lower myself to my knees to see her beautiful face. It was like staring at Emily as an eight-year-old little girl.

  "Promise Daddy?" she asks me with tears in her eyes.

  "I promise honey. I love you, Eric, and Mommy more than life itself. I won't let anything happen to our family."

  Chapter 42

  What are you doing for the rest of your life?

  We leave in Mike's car. I'm still calling everybody. Sara calls me back, frantic when she can't reach Emily either. She promises she'll keep calling and keep me updated. Jenna says she tried a few of her other girlfriends. I let Eddie and Michelle also know what's happening. I probably call every hotel in Manhattan.

  I text Emily:

  -Where are you???-

  -I'm worried-

  -I love you-

  -Call me. It's not what you think-

  -I'll tell you everything. It's not what it looked like-

  -Baby I'm so worried, please tell me you're ok-

  -Please come back to me-

  -Faithfully- Journey-

  -The Promise- When in Rome-

  -Please Forgive Me- Bryan Adams-

  It's almost four o'clock in th
e morning. Mike has been driving me around the city for hours. We still have no clue as to my wife's whereabouts. She is somewhere out there alone. She would go to sleep tonight thinking we're over. I broke every promise I ever made her. I should've told her. She would've understood. I didn't want to fail her and that's exactly what I did. I don't even remember the last time we were intimate. I was so anxious about my stupid meeting that I didn't even say goodbye to her this morning when I left. She had a bad dream and I couldn't make it better. I'm such a coward. I have nothing to give her. I was so withdrawn into my trivial issues that I neglected her. I'm a fucking imbecile, I don't deserve her, and I never have. Oh God, the love of my life thinks I'm fucking some cunt. She saw Phillip. She must think I'm involved with him and then she saw me walk out with Sasha. My heart drops for the hundredth time today.

  "Mike, pull over now!" I say as I jump out of the still moving vehicle just in time to hurl whatever bile I still have left in my stomach.

  I imagine what Emily was feeling and thinking and I want to scream. I'm not going back home without my wife. We are on the West Side. I've already tried every hotel I can see. No reservation under Bruel or Emily or any other fucking variation of her name that I could come up with. I'm even showing them Emily's picture on my phone.

  My phone rings. I jump, hoping it's my wife. Fuck, it's my father-in-law.

  "David, any word from Emily?"

  "No, we were hoping you heard from her. Adele keeps dialing her cell. You should come home. Tomorrow if we still don't hear from her, I'll call a detective we know. Maybe he can help. He's been my client for years."