Every One Of Me

by Jessica Wilde

  "God, Tess. You drive me crazy!" I muttered in her ear and nipped at her earlobe.

  I felt her groan, then she was suddenly moving differently. I watched her turn slowly until her back was against my chest and my hand was splayed across her stomach.

  Oh God, she is trying to kill me. I just know it.

  She continued to dance, but raised her arm up and back until her fingers were buried in the hair at the nape of my neck, pulling my face back down to the crook of her neck.

  If I had stopped moving, everyone in the room would see how badly I was trembling. I had to touch her more. I slowly moved my hand to the side of her waist and up over her ribs, lightly brushing the side of her breast. She inhaled sharply and stiffened for a quick moment until my hand continued to her upper arm, over her elbow, and then reversed back down the same path causing goose bumps to cover her silky skin. My lips tugged into a grin at her reaction and I darted my tongue out to taste the skin at the base of her neck that was now damp with sweat. She tasted better than I imagined and believe me, I imagined it a lot over the years.

  Her pulse was thumping wildly and I pressed my lips against the steady beat and closed my eyes. She leaned back into me and slowed her dancing. Just when I thought she was going to turn around and face me again, Jake came through the crowd with his cell phone to his ear and tapped me on the shoulder. I guess he was not a smart guy.

  "Hey, Charlie. Sorry to interrupt, but we've got a problem," he said and gestured for me to follow him.

  I turned back to Tess, who was now facing me and standing close, but looking a little frustrated. "Sorry, I gotta take care of something. You want to come with me and take a break?"

  She hesitated for just a moment before nodding and grasping my hand. Benny shouted something in her ear that made her already red cheeks redden even more.

  I pulled her through the crowd until I found Jake back at the table arguing with someone on the phone. "Yeah, yeah I know. Okay, here he is." He stood quickly and handed me his phone.

  I kept a firm grip on Tess, not sure whether he was going to ask her to dance or not, and put the phone to my ear.

  "Yeah?"

  "Charlie! We got a situation with Rob. He is threatening to quit because he doesn't think you are taking this thing seriously," Phil, one of the guys who coordinates all the fights and schedules gym time, mumbled through the phone sounding like an angry bear. Rob was my coach and had threatened this several times before. He really just wanted more money from me and didn't give two shits about how serious I was.

  "Phil, this isn't something I can take care of right now."

  "Well, you can get your ass back to the hotel and talk some sense into him or just let him go. Either way, I figured you would want to be made aware."

  I looked up to find Jake leaning into Tess and talking in her ear. She scrunched up her nose while he was talking and tried to pull away, but she was already plastered against my side. When Jake pulled back, she shook her head and said, "No, I'm pretty tired, but thanks anyway."

  I smiled to myself thinking she could have been a little meaner about it and I wouldn't have cared, but she was nice all the time and it was one of the things I loved about her. I was so focused on her that I completely missed what Phil was saying.

  "Sorry, what was that?"

  "I think you need to come back, man. He is out of control and I don't think any of us are going to be able to calm him down."

  "Alright, I'll head back now. See you in a bit."

  I handed the phone back to Jake who was still staring at Tess, but not so obviously now. Tess was watching me and waiting for me to tell her what was going on.

  "I gotta head back to the hotel and calm some people down," I said in her ear and noticed she didn't cringe or try to pull away from me. Good to know.

  "I hope it's nothing too bad, Charlie. I feel like I've taken you away from stuff you need to do." She was looking at me with a guilty frown and her brow furrowed. I bent and kissed the spot between her brows and felt her relax a little.

  "Beautiful, believe me, I would rather be with you than anywhere else."

  She beamed up at me and I wanted so badly to kiss her until she was gasping for air.

  Of course, Jake had to go and interrupt that, too.

  "I can walk you back later, Tessa, if you want to stay longer."

  Seriously? Did he really not know me at all? I wanted to punch him in the nose just for thinking that would be okay with me. Then, I realized it wasn't really my choice. If Tess wanted to stay, I wasn't going to force her to leave with me. I wanted her to have a good time and so far, I think she had.

  "Thanks, Jake, but if it's okay with you, Charlie," she looked back up at me, "I would like to go back now. I'm pretty worn out and I really could use a shower."

  I didn't even look at Jake to see the rejection on his face, I just wrapped my arm around her and said, "Let's get out of here then."

  We made our way to the exit while I texted Trevor to let him know we were leaving. He immediately responded to let me know he would keep an eye on Benny. I laughed to myself. Of course he would. I wondered if he even remembered who Ellie was. No matter. I wasn't going to say anything if Tess wasn't. Which she wasn't by the look on her face when I told her what Trevor said. For some reason, I had the feeling she had planned this all along.

  We walked hand in hand back to the hotel and talked about the fight. She asked me questions about how things were judged if there wasn't a knockout and how I felt about beating up another guy for money.

  I laughed, "It's not really about the money for me. I like the sport and it's definitely a way for me to get my mind off of… other things. Keeps me in shape, too, so that's a plus. The money is just a bonus. As far as beating up a guy, I was nervous at first, then realized they were going to beat me up if I didn't beat them first. It's all a part of the game so you don't really think about it much."

  She shrugged and kept her eyes forward, "I just worry about you getting hurt. I mean, you have that cut above your eyebrow and a big bruise under your eye and I have no doubt some bruised ribs or something. I guess I just don't see getting beat up being worth it."

  I smiled to myself. She was worried about me and I felt a massive amount of pride in knowing that. I squeezed her hand, "I don't think I'll be doing this much longer. I don't have the same motivations that I used to."

  She looked confused, but I didn't elaborate for her. I had gotten into fighting because it kept me busy and kept my mind straight when I thought I would go crazy with worry for her. I needed a distraction so I wouldn't lose my mind thinking about her. The fighting kept me grounded. Now? I didn't need a distraction from anything.

  Shit, I was a mess and I wanted to weep from the joy of it. She was back in my life now, a mess was welcomed at this point.

  I opened the heavy glass door of the hotel lobby for her and led her through with my hand at the small of her back. Her shirt had ridden up a little and my fingers brushed the soft skin above the waistband of her jeans. A shiver ran down her body which immediately made my entire body light on fire. She was just as affected by me as I was by her.

  The elevator ride was crowded so I didn't get a chance to really talk to her more. I didn't mind, though. She leaned into me and rested her head on my shoulder as we listened to the cheesy elevator music playing over the speakers. By the time we made it to our floor, I was just as turned on as I was when we were dancing and her body was moving against mine.

  I couldn't imagine ever having enough of her. I didn't want enough of her. I wanted all of her. I had loved her for so long, I don't think I would ever be able to figure out how not to.

  She rummaged through her purse as we made our way down the hall to her door. I didn't want to be presumptuous and think that she would stay in my room. Even though I wanted her to. Benny was going to freak if it didn't happen, but I couldn't force her into anything. She had enough things to worry about at the moment. I wanted her so badly, but I had waited this lon
g. I could wait for her forever.

  "Son of a bitch! I can't believe her!" She snapped as she threw the strap of her purse back over her shoulder and shook her head before she looked up at me.

  "What?"

  "Benny! She must have taken the key out of my purse while we were in that room after the fight. I have no way to get into the room."

  I think Benny might have become my new best friend. Trevor was no match for her. I wanted to smile, but I had already been punched in the face a few too many times tonight. "What are you going to do?"

  She ran a hand through her hair and looked down at her feet. "I don't know. I guess I'll have to go down to the desk and try to get another one."

  This was it. She had kept me at a distance ever since she had come back home, except for tonight. Something must have changed since the session with Dr. Geoffrey. She had been more open to me and to being around me. I didn't want to push too far or too hard, but I would be a fool to not hold onto whatever changes she made.

  "Why don't you stay in my room?"

  Her head popped up and her eyes widened in surprise. Oh God, you screwed it up. Way to go. Think of a recovery. Quick!

  "I just… " Ah, hell. What am I trying to do? "I have two rooms in my suite. Trevor was going to take the extra one, but I really don't think he would mind if he ended up staying in this suite with Benny. Plus, it's a pain in the ass to go all the way down to get another key." I was rambling at that point, but had no way of stopping it. "I know you probably don't think it's a good idea, but I think it's a great idea and I am not trying to get you to--"

  "Charlie."

  Deep breath. "Yeah?"

  She smiled and put her hand on my arm and squeezed. "I'll stay with you. I don't want to get another key, plus, I don't have any luggage so it's not like I need to grab anything. I was just going to borrow some of Benny's clothes for bed but…"

  "I have clothes you can use. Not much, but we can send your clothes down to laundry tonight and then go shopping for you tomorrow." Okay, now my hands were shaking and my heart was pounding against my ribs. Part of me was planning out a way to seduce her somehow. Yeah, the complete dick part of me. Pun intended. The other part, the part where I knew I loved Tess more than I needed the air that I breathe and where I wasn't going to screw this up, that part was telling me to just be cool and take her to my suite, show her to her room, go to fix whatever crap Rob had caused, then come back and go to sleep. I needed that part of me to be strong because Tess didn't need me jumping her.

  "Okay, I really need a shower after the day I've had, so let's go now," she chuckled.

  I didn't know what to say because now I was picturing her in the shower and having a hard time walking down the hall to my door. Good God, my brain was a winner tonight.

  I unlocked the door to my suite and led her through. Ever since I arrived in New York, it had always been packed with people getting ready for the fight. Now, it was completely empty and quiet.

  "That door on the right is the extra room. It has its own shower and everything."

  She nodded and clasped her hands together in front of her, folding her fingers over each other one by one, unfolding them, then doing it again. She was nervous.

  I rested my hand on her shoulder until she looked at me. "I'm going to go take care of this situation. I don't know how long I'll be. I imagine it will be a while, but… if I don't see you again tonight, sleep well."

  "Thanks, Charlie," she mumbled with a grin.

  "No problem. Oh, and my suit case is in my room. There should be a couple shirts and some extra boxers or something you can use. Feel free to look through it." I backed up to the door and winked at her making her blush all over. "Beautiful."

  She smiled again, but looked away too soon. Walking out that door was almost impossible.

  ***

  The whole conversation with Rob took about five minutes. I was gone for a total of 30. Ten minutes to calm everyone down and find out what was going on, five minutes to talk and find out that the guy was just playing for a bigger paycheck, and ten minutes for the rest of them to calm me down after Rob slipped and insulted Tess resulting in his ass getting fired and me wondering where to find a new coach. That is, if I continued to do what I was doing. I had been thinking about it and thought maybe I could open up my own gym and do some training for other guys who were looking to get serious in this career. It was definitely an option.

  I heard the blow dryer going in Tessa's room as I walked into the suite. What I would give to watch that. I know it sounds weird, but watching Tess do anything slightly domestic would be a dream come true.

  I knew for a fact that her bedtime routine took a little while. I had spent many nights at her house ready to watch a movie and waiting for her to get her cute ass back to me. I never watched, but I always wanted to. If that makes me a creep, then so be it. I hurried into my room before my thoughts took me any closer to hers.

  "Get it together, Charlie." I had to keep saying it to myself over and over.

  I stripped down and walked into my bathroom, shutting the door behind me. Quick shower, fix up my face with some bandages, then bed. That was the plan.

  I could still smell Tess on my shirt and it took me a few minutes to finally convince myself to take the thing off so I could shower. The shower was incredible for my sore muscles. The bruises on my side were a whole lot darker and the cut above my eye was throbbing like hell.

  I always hated patching myself up. I could always let someone else do it, but when I was alone and had no one else to turn to, it was awful. For a guy who sees a lot of cuts and bruises, who gets a lot of cuts and bruises, I didn't handle it too well.

  I don't know how long I was in there, a while. I had my towel wrapped around my hips and took my time reapplying the few tiny bandages I needed. I sat on the closed toilet for a good few minutes just thinking about all the things Tess was going through and what I needed to do to be there for her.

  After her appointment, I decided I needed to get a handle on this thing. I had found a couple of books on dissociative identity disorder and had been reading them religiously. She seemed convinced that integrating the alters was the best thing to do. After reading as much as I could on it, I had been convinced that there was more to it than just therapy.

  I needed to figure out what I could do to show her that no matter what, I wasn't going anywhere. She was it for me.

  I finally stood, gingerly, and opened the door. I froze after grabbing the frame for support.

  Tess was sitting on my bed, dressed in my gray dress shirt and striped boxers with her endless legs crossed and head bent down looking through a book.

  Yeah, she's trying to kill me.

  Chapter 16

  Tessa

  I had spent more time in the shower than I originally intended. That time was spent thinking about Charlie and dancing and what his hands felt like at the small of my back when he led me into a room. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what it would be like to be kissed by him. Then I got upset. I had been kissed by him, I just didn't remember it.

  I didn't know Charlie had come back and never heard him come in. Probably because the shower was loud, then the blow dryer was loud and I didn't think he would be back anytime soon. By the time I finished drying my hair, I realized that I never grabbed any clothes from his suitcase.

  Benny was probably wishing she was a fly on the wall at this point.

  At the club, she had reminded me a few times to just let things happen. As a result, I had allowed Charlie to turn me on more than I had ever been turned on before. He was an incredible dancer and his hands… oh, his hands knew what to do. I thought I was going to pass out when he had pressed his lips against my neck and tasted me. I had been about to turn around and just kiss him when Jake showed up on the dance floor. He was a nice guy and all, but he had started to get on my nerves when he wouldn't stop staring at me the whole time. Thankfully, Charlie didn't leave my side.

  I wrapped the towe
l around me and hurried over to his room to find his suitcase on a plush chair next to a nightstand. There wasn't much left in there. A t-shirt and some jeans, which I assumed he would wear the next day, a gray dress shirt and several pairs of boxers and socks.

  I decided on the dress shirt and some boxers and quickly put them on. I turned to go back to my room when I noticed the book on his nightstand.

  A book about dissociative identity disorder.

  Now, I don't know about other people, but this made me smile. I didn't feel any kind of anger or intrusion at all. He couldn't possibly know how much him reading something like this actually meant to me. I opened it up, intending to look through it quickly, but couldn't seem to put it down. There were case studies galore and testimonies from family members, friends, employers, and all kinds of people about living with someone who had multiple personalities. I was engrossed in one particular case study of a young teenage girl who was struggling through school, but receiving treatment and doing well despite her having 10 different alters.

  I didn't hear the door open, but I felt the warmth hit me from the steam in the bathroom.

  Apparently, Charlie was back already and I was sitting on his bed, in his clothes, while he was wrapped in only a towel and holding onto the door frame with both hands looking like a man ready for dinner.

  "Oh my God. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were back. I didn't hear you in there and… and… holy shit your side is black and blue, Charlie!" My eyes had roamed his entire body, taking in each defined muscle in its entirety. He had an edible six pack that could almost be mistaken for an eight pack and his pectorals were hard and beckoning my hands to run over them. His towel, wrapped low on his hips to reveal that delicious V, was my worst enemy. It was a damn efficient towel. I had continued to let my gaze roam over him until my mind registered the bruises from his fight.

  I stood quickly, dropping the book back on the nightstand, and rushed over to him to get a closer look. Stupid men. Why did they think that getting beat up was worthy of a career. I mean, I had seen mixed martial arts throughout the years plenty, and it was fun to watch because I didn't know the guys. But this was Charlie. My Charlie. I couldn't let him get all busted up just because it kept his mind busy and had a good paycheck.