Every One Of Me

by Jessica Wilde

  The corners of my lips twitched, fighting a smile that I knew would push through, eventually.

  "Now, before you dive back into that head maze of yours, I have an idea," she said with a smile. "You may not like it, but just hear me out."

  Now, I was sitting on Charlie's lap, kissing him like my life depended on it, which it did. So far, he had been incredible in taking things into his own hands and finding ways to be with me. Now, I needed him to take it a little farther because the problem wasn't Jessi. The problem was Charlie. I know he would do anything for me, but this was a long shot. A long shot for both of us, but I had come to accept that this was the only way for both of us to be happy. I shifted on his lap and he groaned and moved my legs to either side of him so I was straddling him.

  "Tess, baby, I need to make love to you," he breathed against my mouth, gripping my hips and pressing himself against me.

  "Promise me something first," I replied on a groan, breaking the kiss and resting my forehead against his.

  He looked into my eyes, the beautiful green of his, dark and glazed. Right where I needed him.

  "Anything," he moaned.

  ***

  "How do you expect me to do that, Tess? It doesn't really feel right."

  I kissed him softly and held his head between my hands so he couldn't turn away from me and break eye contact. He needed to know how important this was to me.

  After my chat with Benny and a quick stop at Dr. Geoffrey's to confirm that this was a plausible idea, I felt like the only choices I had were to leave or do this, and since I didn't really want to leave Charlie, this was the option I went with.

  "But Tess--"

  I covered his mouth with my finger and he let out a sigh. Tracing the lines of his face with my index finger, I locked into memory every tiny scar - including the newest one that was healing nicely above his eyebrow - every shape, and the feel of his skin under my fingertips.

  "I know it's crazy of me to even be okay with it let alone ask you to do this," I said softly, following the path my finger was making, and watching his eyes slowly close in pleasure at my touch. "But it's still me, right?"

  I let my fingertip linger on his bottom lip and his tongue darted out to taste me and pull it in for a kiss. His hand on my hips contracted and I knew he understood what I was asking.

  "I had wanted to talk to you about this before, but never had the balls to ask what you thought. Plus, it just seemed like an impossibility. How could I do it and still feel loyal to you?"

  "I know deep in my heart that you would never be unfaithful to me, Charlie." I kissed his parted lips and pressed my forehead to his, gripping my fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck. "But they need your love just as much as you need theirs. And it is still me. Like you have always said. Just… a different side of me that shows up in a… not so conventional way."

  I smiled at him, attempting to ease the idea in a way that would make it more amusing than ludicrous. He grinned at me, but it was cautious. And why wouldn't it be? I had just asked my boyfriend to try to love each individual alter the way he loves me, but not just that, I had asked him to make love to each one when the opportunity arose. He had told me that he already loved them in his own way, because they were me. I had asked him to try and love each one for her.

  Was I sick and twisted? No.

  Was I slightly crazy? Maybe, but I had to be.

  "And what if they don't want to? What if they freak out and end up leaving because they think I forced myself on them or used them?"

  Good questions, but questions I had the answers to, thanks to Benny.

  "If they love you, wanting to won't be a problem. It will take time for them to realize that you truly love them, if that is something you will be able to accomplish. I know it's crazy, Charlie, but it's the only way that all of them will be on board." I took a deep breath and steeled myself to give him the ultimatum. It was cruel and manipulative, but it was the only way.

  "If they freak out and end up leaving, then it will be for the best. Before I came over, my plan was to go back to Boston."

  He stiffened and gripped me tighter, his eyes going wild and his expression turning into something that I never wanted to see on his face. Hopelessness.

  "Baby, I'm not going anywhere. Not unless we both agree on it," I said firmly.

  He relaxed and looked down at the front of my shirt. I saw his lips twitch, fighting back a smile, before he could hide it from me.

  "What's so funny?"

  He looked back up at me, smiling so brightly, I was sure the strength of it was brighter than the sun. "Not funny. Just… that's the first time you have called me anything other than my name. Baby."

  I scrunched my eyebrows in confusion for a moment before he sat up straight and kissed me quick and hard.

  "I really, really like it."

  I was stunned into silence. Had he been in the same conversation with me? Of all the things to focus on, that was what he heard.

  "I know you won't leave, Tess. I won't let you. So I'm not worried about that." He raised a hand and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, still grinning. "I'm just glad you didn't disappear again."

  I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes. It felt good to be on the same page and it felt good to have a plan. He still hadn't exactly agreed to it, but I was open to suggestions.

  "I'll do whatever you ask me to do, love," he muttered and kissed my chin. "It will definitely take some getting used to." He kissed my throat and I leaned my head back to give him more room to work. "And I can't promise you that I can do it." He kissed the skin where my neck and shoulder meet. "But I'll do it." He kissed my collar bone, then tilted my head back down to look at him. "For you."

  Chapter 24

  Charlie

  It had been four weeks since Tess had asked me to not only make her alters fall in love with me, but for me to fall in love with each one of them. For them. Of course, knowing they were all a part of Tess was a big help, but I found each one of them to have characteristics that definitely appealed to me. It sounds crazy and when Trevor and Sarah found out about it, I think they were tempted to have both of us checked in to the nearest psych ward. How could someone plan to fall in love? It was the only way that made sense, though, and why wouldn't it? Everyone wanted to be loved by someone. I couldn't expect to get each alter on board - neither could Tess - unless they knew their best interests were in mind.

  Lydia and Camryn were aware of the plan, obviously, and both were eager to spend time with me, which was weird at first. Benny stuck close to Tess whenever I couldn't, making sure that Jessi didn't show up and try to cause trouble. I had another fight coming up and training was up there on my to do list so Tess made sure I stayed focused, but we made it work.

  I had found a new coach who worked well with me and actually had a lot of new techniques that Rob hadn't thought of. I told him not to plan on anything long term because I was in the process of working some things out to get out of the fighting and into the training.

  There were always young guys, teenagers really, that needed an outlet. Working out and focusing on something as disciplined as martial arts was something they could get excited about. Tess told me to do what I thought was best for me. She didn't enjoy watching me get beat up, but she thought watching me fight was 'beautiful'. Benny gave her a hard time about that. She thought it was 'hotter than hell' to watch. Trevor gave her a hard time about that, but ended up coming to the gym more often and training a bit himself.

  I had been training all day, anticipating the fight coming up in two nights, and was wiped out. Sleep had been hard to come by since Tess had been a bundle of nerves the whole week and had been switching more often than usual. Dr. Geoffrey said to just let it happen and take the opportunity to get to know my girls better.

  My girls.

  I don't know when I had started thinking of them as 'my girls', but I had, and I liked it. I was to the point where I didn't need to hear a word from her to know that Tess had
made a switch. The way each one held herself was so unique, I knew who she was as soon as she walked into the room, or woke up, or even looked at me.

  Jessi steered clear of me as much as possible. When it was Jessi going to bed at night, which wasn't often, she used the guest bedroom, but I would always wait until she fell asleep and sneak in to sleep next to her. She didn't really speak to me much except for the few times Benny had initiated a discussion with the both of us present. They got along pretty well and Jessi was actually pretty hilarious. She was smart and observant, but in a way that made you wonder what she had been through. She was civil to me, but didn't seem to like me at all.

  There were some mornings, though, that I woke up to find Tess gone, but felt her eyes on me. Whenever I found them, they were blue and filled with confusion before they turned away and left the room. She had been watching me and she didn't say anything more about leaving her alone. Just kept to herself around me.

  Tess was excited about this new development. She had started keeping a journal with encouragement from Dr. Geoffrey. It was a direct line of communication between her and the girls and because of it, Jessi stuck around when she found herself in my home, which tamped down the amount of drama I had expected. After the first week of Tess writing in the journal, there was a definite change in the way she approached the situation. She was happy.

  It was progress.

  Tonight, walking in the front door and finding Benny sitting on my couch with Trevor - both looking nervous as hell - I felt the exhaustion deepen. I just wanted to be with Tess tonight and the disappointment at finding them in my house was heavy. Then, their nervousness registered in my tired mind.

  "What's going on?"

  Benny looked to Trevor, who shrugged like he always does, and then back to me.

  "She's making escargot," she whispered harshly. "Do you have any idea what escargot is?"

  "Umm, I think it's snails in butter or something. It's a French dish."

  "Escargot is a delicacy in my country. Not 'snails in butter'. Mon Dieu!"

  Tess/Jessi walked out of the kitchen carrying a white platter with several plates of small shells filled with a slimy piece of meat, glaring at me before rolling her eyes.

  "She's trying to kill us, Charlie!" Benny shouted and immediately turned green.

  "No kill, educate," Jessi laughed.

  God, she had a good laugh. It was exactly like Tess laughed, but more reserved, and she didn't blush when she realized how loud she had laughed like Tess did - which I absolutely adored. No, she rolled her eyes, like Tess did whenever I teased her. I thought it would take time to really feel anything for the alters, but I found myself deeper and deeper every day.

  What would happen if they all turned away from me? There would be no saving me.

  I was staring at her, and had been since she had walked into the room, until she looked up at me with a smile I rarely saw from her.

  "I am to assume you will not try," she said and smirked with her arms folded across her chest.

  Another similarity to my Tess. She liked to challenge me, but wasn't as nice about it. Tonight was different, though and she was playful with me. I wanted to point it out, but decided not to, afraid that it would scare her off. So instead, I gave her my best smile, the one Tess always 'swooned' over - her word, not mine - and reached down to grab one of the forks she had brought out. She quirked a perfectly sculpted eyebrow at me, daring me to continue.

  Benny was shaking her head at me, begging me not to do it, while Trevor tried to stifle a chuckle. He had become himself more and more since he started dating Benny, which Sarah made a point to mention anytime we were all together. Another thing to thank my Tess for.

  I stabbed one of the slimy morsels and twisted it out of its shell. The garlic butter dripped off of it as I raised it to my mouth. She was still expecting me to chicken out, but this wasn't about eating snails - which is disgusting to me - it was about doing something for Jessi. Giving her a glimpse of me that she hadn't allowed until tonight.

  I popped the snail into my mouth and chewed slowly. It actually wasn't that bad, a little slimy and rubbery, but not bad. Benny covered her mouth and gagged.

  I kept my eyes on Jessi, who was in shock as she watched me. With another smile, I winked at her and said, "Pretty good."

  She blinked and her lips turned into a pleased grin, almost as if me praising something she did made her day. "Really?"

  I nodded as I finished chewing and swallowed. "Yeah. It's great. Thanks for making it." Then I sat down and stabbed another bite, making Benny turn her head into Trevor's shoulder so she didn't have to watch me.

  "Oh. Umm, you are very welcome… Charlie."

  My name in her accent was almost as great as my name in Tessa's voice. She hadn't said it in the last four weeks and was rarely very polite to me.

  Definite progress.

  ***

  "I think Jessi is starting to like you, Charlie."

  It was the morning of the fight and I was helping Tess 'wash her back' against the tile wall of my shower. I had already abandoned the soap and had been running my hands over her slick skin while, apparently, her mind had been elsewhere.

  "Am I doing something wrong here? You should be so aroused that your mind is focused on one thing. Me."

  She giggled and pressed her backside into me, making me groan and tighten my grip on her.

  "I am focused on you. I just thought you would like to know that Jessi wrote some interesting things about you."

  I kissed the spot behind her ear, which drove her crazy, and moved my hands up to massage her shoulders so I could partially listen to what she had to say without getting too distracted. "And what did she write?"

  "Mmm, that feels so good," she moaned and dropped her forehead against the tile.

  "Baby, you better tell me what you have to tell me, because I'm about to burst here. Plus, you making those little sounds always sends me over the edge."

  She giggled again and turned in my arms, not helping my situation at all since now her perfectly rounded breasts were pressed up against me.

  "Okay, okay. She wrote about that night she made the snails, which is disgusting by the way, and she said that you surprised her. She said that you looked so tired that night and thought it was sweet that you told her to go to bed while you cleaned up her mess… well, my mess." She kissed my chin and wrapped her arms around my waist. "She also said that you look so handsome every time she sees you come home from the gym."

  I felt like a kid at Christmas. "Really?"

  She looked up into my eyes and smiled. "Yep, guess that means I have some competition now." She meant it as a joke but frowned when she realized what she actually said. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I know this is hard for you."

  "Tess." I tucked a wet strand of hair behind her ear and ran my fingers along her jaw. "There's no competition. We are lucky that they are so much like you. Knowing you are in there is what keeps me going."

  She nodded warily, but looked straight at my chest and refused to meet my eyes.

  "I love you," I muttered and kissed her forehead. "Now… can I please finish what I started when we got in here? The water isn't going to stay hot forever and I'm seriously losing my mind with your wet skin sliding against mine."

  She smiled and rolled her eyes.

  "Oh, baby, you shouldn't have done that."

  I grabbed a handful of her very sexy ass and squeezed, making her squeal and laugh just before I covered her mouth with mine and plunged in to taste her. Even in the shower, she tasted like mint and rain, sending my senses into overdrive. Her skin slid over mine, soft and warm, and the feel of her in my arms got better and better every time.

  "Maybe I can just forfeit this fight and we can stay home, in bed all day," I suggested and slid my lips across her jaw and down her neck. She shivered and gasped, but I hadn't succeeded in erasing her common sense like I wanted to.

  "Charlie, there is nothing I would like to do more, bu
t you don't really want to skip this fight. You've worked so… hard over the last few… oh God… weeks and I would hate to see--" She was cut off by a very sexy and very feminine growl tearing from her lips as I found the hard peak of her breast and pulled it into my mouth.

  "What were you saying, baby?" I murmured against her breast.

  "What?"

  Mission accomplished.

  Now, that she was thoroughly distracted, I lifted her by the backs of her thighs and fit myself between her legs, pressing her back against the cool tile.

  She clung to my shoulders and threw her head back as I gently bit down on her nipple, then rolled it across my tongue. She was so damn responsive. She was passionate and held nothing back. She was made for a man to worship, inside and out, and I was that man.

  She rolled her hips against my stomach and her heat pulled me further and further into her. I couldn't get enough. I would never get enough. She was the prize at the end of the race, the peak of every mountain, the one thing a man would strive for, knowing he would never truly discover all her secrets, but would die trying… die smiling.

  She was mine.

  Finally, she was mine.

  And I was hers.

  I entered her in a single thrust, making her cry out my name and finding a place so deep inside her, I knew I would never be able to crawl out. I never wanted to. She made me complete. Pulled every piece of me together and made it fit so easily.

  Her name fell from my lips as I started to move and the sounds she made drove me closer to the edge of my sanity. I was too close.

  "Baby, I need you to help me out. You're just too damn sexy, I can't control myself right now."

  She met my eyes with rapturous confusion, trying to catch her breath enough to respond. "What can I do?"

  I thrust hard and deep, forcing a whimper from her, then stilled myself before I lost it. "Touch yourself. I want to, but I don't want you to fall."