Fractured Suns

by Theresa Kay

  “Stop.” It is a command, not a request, and for the first time in my life I truly sound like my father. “There is much more to her than you could possibly understand. She would not have kept this from me. Not deliberately.”

  He raises his eyebrows and sighs.

  “Before you pass any further judgment on her, at least let me speak with her,” I say.

  He nods with a quick jerk of his chin. And then we stand there and stare at each other.

  I gesture toward the doorway. “I think it would be better if you left the room. The connection is still fickle, and I need all my concentration.”

  “Just be careful.” Rym walks out of the room without another word and I settle back onto the bed.

  It is another hour before I finally drift off to that place between sleep and awareness where I can fully access the bond.

  THOUGH IT LOOKS AS if I’m back at the cabin like in that first bond experience I shared with Lir, I know it’s simply a dream. The scenery around me wavers and I have to blink—well, dream blink or whatever—to get it to stabilize.

  “Jax.” The voice comes from behind me, welcome and dreaded at the same time. It’s not the first time I’ve dreamed of Lir since that day in the city when he ripped me apart, but it’s certainly the most realistic.

  Still, I don’t turn around.

  I can sense him stepping closer until his chest is radiating heat against my back. “Turn around,” he says.

  This is the point where lately I have done as he asked—only to find that the thing behind me isn’t Lir at all, but something entirely different, something I don’t want to see. My dreams have been the only place where my guilt and confusion over our relationship haven’t been as overwhelming, as if this is when I’m truly myself. I might not be feeling those twisted emotions in my dreams, but the thing behind me personifies them in a twisted version of the boy I love.

  Yet… it’s never felt so real. It’s never sounded so real. I turn.

  “Lir?” His name escapes my lips in a gasp.

  A smile brightens his face, all the way up to his sparkling green-gold eyes. He places his palms on either side of my face. “It is so good to see you.”

  I take a step back and hurt flashes across his face. This isn’t right. “How?”

  He shrugs. “I do not know for sure. You reached out to me, pulled me in, and the bond… it repaired itself.”

  My heart jumps at the same time my stomach turns. Having the connection back is amazing, but he told me it couldn’t happen. Was that just another lie? I take another step back. “What do you mean, it repaired itself?”

  Another shrug. “Somehow…” He trails off, shaking his head. “It should not have been possible.” One side of his mouth quirks up. “But I should have known everything is possible for you. Shows how much I listen to myself. I was just telling Rym the exact same—”

  He was talking to Rym? That means he must know about what I did to his cousin. He knows about at least one of my abilities. Questions fly at me on the back of quiet, creeping doubt. Is that why he’s here? Is that why the bond so conveniently got put back into place? “Did he tell you what happened… when you broke the bond?”

  He presses his lips together and his eyebrows shoot up as if he’s trying to figure out the best way to phrase something. His answer is simply, “Yes.”

  A million different questions and suspicions fight for space in my head. No single one takes the lead over any other and my mind is caught in the whirlpool of it all. He’s here to use me. He’s here to take me. He’s here to… I don’t know what. I shake my head and take another step back.

  His brow furrows and he reaches a hand out to me. “Jax?”

  “Why are you here?” I don’t mean for it to sound as harsh as it does, the words like ice shards shooting from my lips. What is wrong with me? Where is this coming from?

  His hand drops, and his expression vacillates between anger and confusion. “The bond comes back, and the very first thing I do with it is find a way to see you. Where else would I be?”

  “You wouldn’t come with me. You stayed behind to… I don’t know what, and now your people are wiping out our settlements. Killing women and orphaning children and—”

  He shakes his head briskly. “That is not my doing. That is not our people. It is Vitrad. He has gone crazy with his idea of implementing the human initiative, and he has…” He sighs and his shoulders drop. “I thought you understood all this. I thought when you came back to the city you had forgiven me. I…” The dhama comes back into play, and a chilly regret with a splash of anger washes over me. Green-gold eyes meet mine, and there’s a pain in them I didn’t notice before. “I thought you knew me. I thought…” He looks away and swallows loudly. “I thought this was a good thing. But I can tell you are not as ecstatic about it as I am.”

  A stab of remorse twists in my stomach and I pull my lower lip into my mouth and bite down. Everything in me screams at me to go to him, but… that stubborn doubt from the back of my mind holds me back. “I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what I know anymore. But I am very glad to see you.” I raise my gaze from my hands to his face. “I just… with Jace and everything. It’s very hard to know who to trust. There are so many things you never told me, things that if I’d known them could have changed things.”

  He steps forward until he’s standing only inches in front of me. One hand comes up to caress my cheek and I let it, even leaning into it a little. “You can always trust me,” he says in a soft voice. “I will never lie to you.” The conviction of his words is mirrored by the feeling flowing through our connection. He’s telling the truth, or at least he’s convinced he is. And that’s enough to crack through the foggy suspicion clouding my mind.

  My gaze travels over his face for a moment. I press one of my hands on top of his on my cheek and close my eyes. I hate that I’ve hurt him, let him think that I’m anything less than excited to see him, so I open the connection further and let him feel the raging swirl of emotion from me. It’s probably not what he’s expecting. There is still so much fear and doubt twisted inside me, but there is also elation at seeing him, gratefulness for his help earlier, and so many other things I never got the chance to show him. There is love there. Even after what he did in the city, even after our separation, even after everything, that emotion is only for him, and finally giving in to it is a relief.

  Lir leans closer, but I still don’t open my eyes, just sway forward enough so our lips are nearly touching. “You have no idea how much you mean to me,” he says. His cheeks rise to brush against mine when he smiles. His hand slides to the back of my head as he brings his lips to mine.

  This soft caress, this gentle press of lips, brings every dizzying thought in my head to a standstill, and there’s nothing left but the feel of his mouth on mine. I relax into it, the tension leaving my body as he tilts his head and deepens the kiss by sliding his tongue past my unresisting lips. His other arm circles around my waist and pulls me closer, pressing our chests together. I rise up on my toes and my arms wrap around his shoulders. Heat shoots from every point of contact between us—our chests, our thighs, our lips—and jolts straight down to my fingertips.

  The kiss is much too short, Lir pulling away before I’ve had my fill of him. A whimper of protest brushes past my lips. I lean forward and try to pull him back to me, but he tilts his chin up and to the side so my lips land on his jaw.

  “Not that I’m complaining, but before we lose sight of… everything else, there are some things we should talk about,” he says. Then he chuckles. I’m pretty sure it’s because of the tiny splash of cold indignation from me. “I am just as anxious to pick up where we left off, but first I need you to tell me how your brother ended up with Jastren Reva.”

  My brow furrows. How did he…? A sharp pain stabs into my head. He shouldn’t know. He’s not supposed to. Not yet…

  I shake my head briskly. The bond. Lir was there, helping me push Jace and Jastren out.


  “He pulled us, well Jace, from the wreckage of the research facility,” I explain. “He’s been staying out at Peter’s with us, trying to train us.”

  “Train you?” He lifts one eyebrow for a moment before a look of horror crosses his face and an icy jolt of the same passes into me. “You did not let him in, did you? How much of this training have you had?” His gaze roams over my face and lands on my eyes, peering, studying, as if he can pull the answers from them. What is this all about?

  I shrug. “I’ve only ever linked with him once, and that was barely. I’m dysfunctional or something. The only person it’s ever worked with is Jace… and you.” Ethan’s name is on the edge of my tongue, but the kid’s been through enough. He doesn’t need to be dragged into this too.

  Lir’s posture relaxes and he lets out a slow breath. “For that at least I can be thankful. You need to stay away from Jastren. He is dangerous. He is—”

  “Dangerous? What do you mean dangerous?” The description sounds right to my instincts, but my head keeps telling me Jastren’s safe.

  Lir’s eyes widen and he shakes his head slowly. “Jastren Reva is perhaps more dangerous than my uncle. He has the shikiza enhancement and he has been known to use it to manipulate others. He’s—”

  “Shikiza?”

  “He has the ability to push his thoughts and emotions on others,” Lir explains. “It’s one of the more dangerous enhancements and one of the ones we bred out of our lineage. That is why there are no other Revas. The Council decided that the line could not continue, that the enhancement was too dangerous to allow. Jastren was well connected in our scientific sector and made a very strong case, but… they ruled in favor of emhasin, which means they essentially deactivated his kitu and stripped him of his enhancements.”

  “But how… He said only Jace and I had that ability. That it came from us being hybrids.”

  “He lied. I do not know why, but whatever his reasons may be, they cannot possibly be to your benefit. Or Jace’s. You have to get away from him as soon as you can.”

  “I’m already away from him. I’m in Bridgelake. But I left Jace… I thought he was safe… The dreams…” It is so much worse than I thought. I’ve done it again. My stupidity, my shortsightedness left Jace vulnerable, let him get hurt. Jastren’s presence, his effect on Jace’s behavior… neither one felt completely right to me. And I ignored it. My hands start to shake as ice cold panic begins to creep up from my toes.

  Guilt collides with the worry flowing through me, and the buzz of anxiety joins in too. It all builds and grows until the vibration of my hands is more from pressure than fear. Lir reaches out to me but I snatch my hand away. “Don’t. It might hurt you.”

  “It? Do you mean the shikiza?”

  “It’s like this darkness inside me that wants out. I don’t know how to control it.” My breath comes in fast inhales and exhales through my nose. The building pressure squeezes against my nerve endings and I slam my eyes shut.

  “Jax… Look at me.” I open my eyes and pull them to meet his. “There is no danger here,” he says. “We will figure out what to do about your brother. You have to let it go.”

  “How?” My voice cracks and breaks with my plaintive plea.

  He presses his lips together. “Treat it like one of your panic attacks. Breathe through it. You can do this.”

  I can do this. I close my eyes again and pull in a deep breath, let it leak out slowly between my lips. Then another. And another. With each exhale, I picture the building pressure flowing slowly out. However many breaths it takes… I can’t count them. My heartbeat slows and the heated buzz recedes until I’m left standing there shaky and sweaty.

  Lir steps forward, pulls me to his chest, and wraps his arms around me. His heartbeat is pounding and worry is dripping off him like rain, but I can tell he’s trying to pull it back. He lets out a long breath and burrows his face into my hair.

  “You did it. You’re safe,” he whispers against my ear. Those reassurances must be more for him than for me, because besides being a little tired, I’m steady and calm now. But I enjoy the embrace anyway. Even now that I’m better about… people, I don’t often get this kind of physical connection, and the fact that it’s Lir makes it all the better.

  I lean in to him and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head on his shoulder. “I’m okay.”

  He holds me tighter and runs one hand in circles over my back. “As soon as Rym told me about the shikiza… and then when he told me about what happened in the ship, the shuvata… I have been almost out of my head with worry. To have those enhancements, to be untrained… to one of us it could have been a death sentence. At best.”

  “A death sentence?” Any relief I’d felt with my success at banishing the darkness disappears. This thing could kill me?

  One of his hands fists around my shirt. “Yes. Besides being dangerous for those around you, the shikiza can ricochet within its bearer, bringing death or mental instability.”

  Great. Just what I need. To be more crazy. “But I controlled it. That wasn’t too difficult. Now that I know… I can do that again,” I say.

  He shakes his head, his curls brushing against my temple. “Here, we are in a safe place, protected. Though I could not discount your ability to channel it even here, the shikiza is weaker here. We are already within your mind. Being closer to it makes it easier to control. It will not be so easy out there. Avoid using it. Stay away from danger until I can get there. I do not know how to use it, but I am sure there are techniques I can teach you. And if I can find someone with the liteka enhancement here in the city, I can bring them to you to help offset it and…” His words grow shorter and the cadence of his voice quicker. “You have to stay safe. I cannot lose you again. The bond—it—and if….” His jaw tenses, the muscle pressing against my head. “Just… do not use it, please.”

  Lir won’t be happy about the fact that I planned on doing just that in order to bargain for Flint’s release, but I can at least reassure him about one thing. “I think I might already have someone to offset it. He’s helped me before to draw it off when I lost control,” I say. “Ethan is only seven, but his mother trained him at least to a point. It was enough to keep me stable.”

  “So it is true.” He pulls back to look at me and then crushes me to him again. “Rym mentioned rumors of other halflings. But how did you come across him?”

  I give Lir a brief overview of our trip and my encounter with the guy in the bombed-out town. When I get to the part about Ethan drawing away the darkness, he stops me.

  “Where is the child’s mother?”

  “He said they killed her. I haven’t really had much time to spend with him lately. He’s pretty much glued to Stu’s hip and—”

  “Stu.” He releases me and looks down at me quizzically. “You cannot possibly be referring to the young man with a gun from the store.”

  I shrug. “He’s not so bad once you get to know him.” I explain how I ended up traveling with Stu and Flint, and I attempt to send him some reassurance. It doesn’t seem to work.

  “And Jace allowed you to simply go off with him? I thought he—”

  “Jace would have been with me if you hadn’t left us in a building that got blown up. I’ve done perfectly fine. Besides, Flint was with me the whole time. Well, most of it anyway. Right now he’s kind of in jail, but I’m working on that. He’ll be heading out to get Jace in the morning.”

  Lir raises his eyebrows. “But you are staying put, correct? Far away from Jastren, where it is safe?”

  Now he’s beginning to irritate me. I get enough of this overprotective crap from Jace and Flint. “I wouldn’t exactly call Bridgelake safe right now, but it is far away from my grandfather.” At his questioning look, I continue, “Dane’s been ousted and there’s a new guy in charge. I agreed to help him with his Dane problem in exchange for releasing Flint.” The fact that he turned down the offer of my help stays locked behind my lips.

  Lir’s arms dro
p to his sides. “You plan to use your enhancement to assist the humans.” I can’t read the look on his face, and the dhama is strangely quiet.

  “Yes,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “I was under the impression that you did not wish to be a weapon. And now you are willing to be so for the humans?” He tilts his head to the side and studies my face.

  “You say humans like some of us say erk. Is it such a dirty word to you?” I step back and gesture up and down my body. “I am human—at least I was raised as one. You met me as human. Became fond of me when you thought I was only a human. Is it so outside your realm of experience that I would want to help people?”

  “No.” His brow furrows.

  It’s the confusion on his face that pokes at the remainder of my anger. “You don’t think I should help the humans because I wouldn’t help Vitrad, is that it? Do you think it’s beneath me or something?”

  “No. Absolutely not.”

  But his denial is nothing in the face of the conclusions hopping around my head, gaining a foothold in my suspicion, and fanning the doubts inside me. “You never wanted me. I can only imagine how thrilled you were to find out that I was at least partially worthy of you, that you weren’t defective for falling for a human. Or maybe you’re only here because I’m your only choice now. Is that it? Of course it is. You ignore me for weeks and then just pop up when it’s convenient for you.”

  There’s more anger now, coming from him not me, and his eyes widen. “It is not like that at all. Where is this coming from?”

  His question, his words, should make sense, should get through to me, but I’ve been washed away by this sudden, sweeping anger, and it’s all I can do to keep from yelling. “You left me. Without a word.”