Just the Thing

by Marie Harte

  “True.” They smiled, bonding as only hardworking enlisted men could.

  “I really appreciate you taking me on, Mac. I know Landon put you up to it.”

  “Landon? Nah.” Mac leaned back. “I was—”

  “Please. Don’t bullshit a bullshitter. I know it was Big Brother behind it. But you said yes. So thank you.”

  Mac flushed. “No big deal. It’s not like you’re a charity case, you know. In case it’s escaped your notice, I pay you for the work you do.”

  “Well, since that pay is so minuscule, I did wonder.”

  “Ha-ha.”

  “Look, this place has given me the time and space to get my head together. I still want to work here, but I do have plans to do a little more in the future. So tell Maggie not to get rid of me yet.”

  “Christ. Don’t breathe a word of what I told you to her. I’ll just say we talked and you’re good. If she knew I’d told you what she’d said, she’d feel terrible, then cry forever. And man, I do not do tears well.”

  “Oh. Right.” Maggie was a beautiful, sweet, and now apparently pregnant blond. He didn’t think he’d be able to handle seeing her cry either. “We never talked. Everything is just great. I love my job.” Mac nodded, so Gavin continued. “You’re giving me a raise, and—”

  “Whoa, Marine. Nice try.”

  Gavin stood slowly and shrugged. “It was worth trying.” He laughed and pulled Mac to his feet. “Thanks, old man. I really do appreciate everything.”

  “Shut up. Old man? I’m only a few years older than you, asshole. Now get out of my office and go home. You stink.”

  “Thanks so much.” Gavin headed to the door, then turned and paused. “And Mac? You know, if you let us go back to our own gym clothes, or at least get a better color and T-shirt manufacturer than this, I might be able to quiet those rumors about you and Elliot hooking up.” He plucked his shirt. “The material sucks, and the color is awful.”

  Mac shot him the finger. “Ha-ha. But come on, man. They’re Marine Corps colors. Scarlet and gold.”

  “This is fire-engine red with white lettering. Try again.”

  “Fine. You’re not the only one to complain. We’ll go with the more expensive shirts,” Mac said with disgust. “And now I’m going to have to hear it from Maggie and Shane about how wrong I was. I hate the smug I told you so.”

  “You and me both, brother.” Gavin whipped off his shirt. “But damn. I told you so a month ago.”

  “Get out.”

  “Leaving, boss, leaving.”

  Gavin left, a new spring in his step and a real sense of purpose. He needed to talk to Lee, and to keep it together with Zoe until he did. He might not be ready to tell her what was in his heart, but he could show her. As he had been by loving her until neither could move, night after night.

  He glanced at the clock on his way back to her place…to home.

  And smiled as he thought about his plans for tonight—that bottle of chocolate syrup, the whipped cream, and Zoe. Three of his favorite things.

  Chapter 17

  Zoe didn’t know what was going on with Gavin. He hadn’t said anything about her two I love you’s so she hadn’t asked. And that was uncharacteristic of her. She knew that, but she also knew Gavin needed to be handled differently. He’d grown more skittish, sometimes lost in thought, and startled easily. But he didn’t suffer nightmares, so she had a feeling his preoccupation had to do with something else. Her? His job? That weird get-together he’d had with Mark this morning?

  Since Gavin was currently at his counseling session, she couldn’t ask him about it. Mark had been closemouthed about their time, only saying that Gavin was indeed a natural athlete. And if the bastard practiced much more, he might actually beat Mark—an impossible feat.

  She grinned at the thought, then sobered. She couldn’t keep ignoring the big, fat loving elephant in the room. She’d said I love you. He had not, and now he spent each night making love to her until she could barely breathe.

  Granted, she had no complaints about being screwed silly six ways from Sunday, but at some point they would need to talk before his dick fell off.

  Gavin texted her that he planned on staying at his home alone this evening, needing to think through some things Lee had told him.

  No problem, she texted back, wishing he would share more but understanding he needed his space to work things out. Dealing with Aubrey’s loss got easier as time passed, but Zoe still missed her twin. Gavin, on the other hand, had seen some horrible things and was dealing with a lot more than just death. She never wanted to be someone who’d stand in the way of another getting well. The fact that Gavin sometimes seemed withdrawn or quiet about his therapy told her he felt some sense of shame about it. Oh, he joked and acted as if outing himself as the “family screwup” was no big deal. But she knew better.

  She called Ava and asked about getting together tonight for some wine and received an invitation to join Ava and Landon at Ava’s place. Zoe arrived two hours later after stopping by the store for a plate of cheese and crackers. Following the directions, she walked past the unlocked iron gate and entered the covered condo hallway, then walked down the stairs to Unit 2B. She’d barely knocked before Landon answered, grabbed the food from her hands, and pointed her to the shoe mat. “Shoes. Coat goes in there.” He nodded to the closet, then walked away with the tray, already prying it open.

  Ava stood in the living room with her hands on her hips, her hair pinned up in a loose bun, glasses on her face, looking very doctor-like, even in loose cotton pants and a sweatshirt. She huffed. “Great hospitality, Landon. Good Lord. No wonder no one ever invites us over.”

  He shrugged and shoved a large square of cheese in his mouth. “Meh. She’s family. She doesn’t care. Besides, I’m starved. You wouldn’t let me eat any of our dinner, and she tempted me with cheese. I blame both of you,” he said with his mouth full and disappeared into another room.

  “Come in, Zoe. Sorry about that.” Ava waved in his direction.

  Zoe laughed. “No problem. You really do have to feed them, Ava. Or you chance them going rabid.”

  “Seriously.” Ava laughed and removed her glasses. She set them on the table behind the couch and motioned Zoe in. “This is the place. Living room here. In there’s the tiny galley kitchen.” She pointed to the doorway where Landon had disappeared. As Zoe neared, she saw the main area had an L shape. The living room bent into an open dining area with a large pass-through, making the kitchen visible. But what struck Zoe was the lovely view of the park and Lake Union past the wall of windows behind Ava.

  “Wow. That’s so pretty.”

  “Yeah. The condo isn’t that big, so we’ll eventually need to move. But we have kind of a flipped unit. The living area and kitchen are here, and downstairs we have a bedroom, study/spare room, and two bathrooms. Oh, and if you need it, the upstairs bathroom is over there.” She pointed to a small powder room behind Zoe.

  “This place is beautiful.”

  “We like it.” Landon came out of the kitchen holding a glass of wine for her. “Sorry. Low blood sugar. Gavin’s like this too, so if he’s acting like a jerk, feed him.” He grinned at Ava. “Or give him lots of sex. That helps too.”

  “Landon.” Ava sounded scandalized.

  “Easy, Doc. I’m kidding.” He leaned closer to Zoe, winked, and whispered, “I’m really not.”

  She chuckled. “Thanks, Landon. For the wine, not the advice.”

  “Whatever. I tried to help.”

  Ava yanked him out of her way. “Put on some music, would you? And Zoe, sit down.”

  “I just came for wine and company. You didn’t have to go all out.”

  “I made a late dinner, and I’ve been wanting to have you over for a while. Two birds, one stone. Have you eaten?”

  “Late night for me too.” She sipped the wine, a cr
isp white, and sat at the dining table. Landon put the tray of goodies, now accompanied by olives and some more crackers, in the center of the table and joined her with a beer. “Gavin is staying at his place tonight, processing his therapy,” she blurted. “I’m worried about him.”

  “We all are,” Landon said quietly. “Lee’s been good for him, though. Christ, you should have seen Gavin when he first got back. He was a hot mess.”

  “Landon.” Ava joined them at the table. “He’s not wrong about Lee, though. I told Gavin about him, in hopes Gavin would see him. He’s been going weekly for a while, but you know that.”

  She nodded. “Gavin told me.”

  “Lee’s been a real help. Not that Lee told me; it’s just what I’ve seen from Gavin. He’s more open, clear, and he seems a lot more in control.”

  “His nightmares aren’t so bad either,” Landon said. He stared at Zoe.

  She didn’t want to tell his secrets, but Landon and Ava loved him. She wanted their help to better understand. “He’s had one with me. Just one. And he’s never been violent. He just seems sad.”

  Landon sighed. “Yeah. Poor little brother. He ever tell you what he saw over there?”

  “No. And I didn’t ask.”

  “Good,” Ava said. “He’s not ready to share that. He might never be ready. And that’s okay. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t care enough to share, but that he shouldn’t dredge up that kind of trauma.”

  “But he doesn’t share anything about his feelings either. I mean, I know if he’s happy and laughing. He’s fun to be around, and he’s always in a good mood. Unless he’s quiet. We rarely argue.”

  “He’s always been like that though,” Landon mused. “Even before the Marine Corps, Gavin wasn’t the type to fight a lot. He’s sneaky and jokey, always laughing. When he gets really mad, he’s super quiet.”

  “I don’t think he’s been mad at me. Confused, maybe. Quiet, like he’s not sure what to do.”

  “Oh?” Ava leaned forward.

  Zoe glanced at Landon. She really didn’t want to confess what she’d said to Gavin in front of his brother. To Ava, a girlfriend, sure.

  “Hell no. I’m not going anywhere if we’re talking about Gavin. I’ve stayed out of his business for way longer than I planned, because the doc here”—he pointed to Ava—“told me to butt out. But I’m worried too, damn it. Zoe, what the hell is going on with him? He seems so much better, almost normal. But he’s also more withdrawn, and I’m a little freaked. I’ve caught him at the gym a few times this week just staring at nothing.”

  Zoe tilted her head back, praying for strength. She stared at Landon, then Ava. “You have to promise not to tell anyone. Not anyone. Gavin already knows, and that’s who needs to know.”

  “Fine, fine.” Landon said. Ava nodded.

  “Well.” Zoe swallowed a mouthful of wine. “Last weekend we went to a work party. He came with me, all dressed up. And wow, he was so handsome. So sweet to come there as my date.”

  “Oh, I’d love to see him in a suit.”

  “Ava,” Landon growled.

  “Sorry. Go on.” Her eyes sparkled.

  Zoe smiled. She wanted that, what Landon and Ava shared, with Gavin. “Well, he was just so great. And I’ve been feeling close to him for a while now. It just popped out. We had a moment alone, and then…I said it.”

  “Oh.” Ava sighed.

  “What? Said what?” Landon looked baffled.

  “For someone so smart, you can be so dense.” Ava rolled her eyes. “She told him she loves him, bonehead.”

  “Oh. Oh.” He gave a wide smile. “Nice.”

  “I didn’t give him time to say it back. It just kind of popped out. But after that, we haven’t talked about it. I said it once more. Not to make him say it back, but because I feel it.” She sighed. “I really love him. I don’t want to stress him out or anything. But I think I did. Because he’s been quieter since.”

  “So how did he respond?” Landon asked. “He just ignored you telling him that? Yeah, that can hurt.” He glared at Ava.

  “Please. I did not ignore you. I broke up with you, but you refused to accept it.” Ava sniffed. “I apologized later.”

  “True.” He grinned, then turned back to Zoe with a straight face. “Zoe, Gavin is really into you. Big time. I know my brother, and he’s never, ever been so into a chick before. But he’s—”

  “Messed up.” Zoe tapped her temple. “I know. He told me. I don’t care. We’re all messed up.”

  “Well, I was going to say ‘traumatized by what he saw and did overseas,’ but ‘messed up’ works.” Landon nodded. “I wasn’t privy to the missions he went on. But I heard about some of them. And I have to say, Little Brother was a badass. He did some serious shit over there. Specialized shit, where people died and small regimes disappeared before they could become bigger problems.

  “Did you know he was healing from a punctured lung when his friends got blown up? Yeah, some dumb luck all four of them happened to be back in the same province, assigned to the same unit after being separated for a few years. Gavin’s all stoked to see his best buds, and then he’s on a mission where he gets hit. The guys razzed him about it, he told me. Then they left him, and he never saw them again.”

  Landon coughed, cleared his throat, and continued. Ava put a hand over his, and he squeezed it. “I don’t know what Gavin goes through, but I know how hard it was for me to lose Marines I was responsible for. You feel this huge weight, like how come they died and not me? Like survivor’s guilt. Then you think, Shit. I didn’t protect them. And it’s just as bad. More guilt.”

  “Landon’s got issues, but his are nowhere near what Gavin suffered,” Ava said softly. “Suffers, probably. Lee is helping him, but I don’t know that Gavin’s ever going to be what he was before he left.”

  “He shouldn’t be,” Zoe said. “Life changes all of us.”

  “Yeah.” Landon gave a wan smile. “Exactly. Don’t give up on Gavin, Zoe. He’s gotten so much better. He’s good with you.”

  “But you can’t stay with him out of fear he’ll get worse if you leave,” Ava said bluntly. “Gavin’s mind and moods are Gavin’s to deal with, not yours, Zoe.”

  “I know that.”

  “Good. Sorry. It’s my therapist coming out,” she admitted with a wry smile. “I see too many spouses or partners of military men and women who take on too much. And that hurts everyone.”

  “Do you think I’m hurting him by being too emotional or something?” Had her loving him hurt him?

  “No. Not at all. You’re the one constant in Gavin’s life that’s turned him from being uneven to stable.”

  Landon nodded. “He might act like a goof, but he’s pure to the bone, deep down. He’d do anything for the people he cares about.”

  She sniffed. “I know. That’s part of why I love him so much. I want to help, but I know he has to help himself. I just don’t want to be another responsibility. He should want to be with me.”

  “He does.” Landon nodded and patted her shoulder. “Seriously. He’s so gone over you. He smiles all the time. Well, when he’s not being a moody bastard. Give him space, and he’ll be good to go in no time.”

  “And if he isn’t,” Ava added, being the voice of reason, “it’s not because of anything you did, but because Gavin can’t be there in here.” Ava tapped her head. “Now how about we talk about something else, because I am not having Zoe cry on me twice within two weeks.”

  “Huh?”

  Zoe laughed and accepted the tissue Landon pulled from a nearby box for her. “How about we talk about a mutual hottie we both know and love?”

  “Zoe, I don’t know if I’m comfortable with you calling me that in front of my intended,” Landon said.

  “I meant Elliot Liberato. That hottie.”

  Ava straightened, her smile bright.
“Oh, you met Elliot?” The oven timer dinged. “Landon, get that. So how did you meet my cousin?”

  Zoe told them about him messing with Mac, and they all had a laugh. A shared meal and stories about Ava’s funny cousins and Zoe’s funnier twin added an intimacy to the evening. One Zoe had been missing.

  She only hoped she’d get to share more times like these with Gavin.

  * * *

  Gavin had sat through Lee’s therapy. He’d asked Lee a bazillion questions, speaking in terms of Zoe and Zoe’s loss as if it were his own. Though Lee hadn’t thought Gavin ready to face his friends’ loved ones, it had obviously helped that Gavin had talked about them with Zoe.

  Except he hadn’t. And he also hadn’t been so chatty about his past. Unlike Zoe, Gavin had buried his feelings like a scared jackass.

  But he couldn’t go to Zoe half a man. No longer could he ignore that broken part of himself. So he would confront his fears, as Zoe had. He’d arranged to meet the ladies on their turf.

  Nicole had invited him to meet with her and Amanda, Luke’s sister. Nancy, John’s mother, hadn’t been able to come, too busy looking after Jane, her granddaughter and John’s daughter.

  Gavin had dressed in jeans and a nice shirt, along with a sport coat. He wanted to look nice for his friends’ families. And he promised himself to be normal with them, to give them the closure they—and he—needed.

  Nicole answered the door right away. She looked thinner and more tired than she used to. But joy glowed in her big, brown eyes when she saw him. “Gavin!” She hugged the breath out of him, and he thought today might not be so bad after all.

  He followed her inside and saw Amanda, looking so damn pretty, so much older, and so like Luke.

  He blinked, forced himself to man up, and said, “Well, well. Look who’s all grown up.”

  “Dummy.” She wiped her eyes and blew her nose into the tissue she’d been holding. A big box of them sat on the coffee table. Good thinking. “I just saw you two years ago, and I was already this grown-up and gorgeous.”