The Daisy

by Morgan Dawson

  I feel my stomach lurch at his words. He really thought this? I watch though as Pa’s face begins to go red. “You dare speak to me like that? You’re lucky I’m even giving you the warning to get away.”

  “I made a mistake and I’ve recovered from it. You made a mistake, abandoning your daughters like you did, and now you’ve recovered. They forgave you. Everyone in your family has forgiven me, can’t you?”

  “Everyone?”

  I step in, looking up at my pa. This is definitely not going well. “Yes, I invited Joel and his family to the supper at Adeline’s last Sunday. Everyone forgave him, even Robert, and we had a lovely time.”

  “You really have been hanging around him? Go inside, Genevieve. Now. I’ll speak to you later.”

  “No,” I shout, then immediately cower. “I mean, no thank you, Pa.”

  “Okay, well it looks like everyone thinks I’m the bad guy. Does no one remember what he did?”

  For the first time since this all started, Freida grabs Pa’s arm. “Well, Lawrence. It was a long time ago. Don’t you think it’s time to forgive him?”

  “No. No one understands completely what could’ve happened if he’d gotten away. My farm and my life would’ve been lost. Now, go at once. And I don’t want you near my daughter ever again. You or your family.”

  Joel frowns and begins helping Julie into the wagon. She looks at me and breaks from Joel’s grasp, running to me and wrapping her arms around my neck. “Oh, Genevieve. I’m ever so sorry. Please don’t blame yourself for this.” She sobs, and I soon find myself crying too. How can Pa be so cruel?

  “Goodbye, Julie. I shouldn’t have dragged you into this. You did nothing wrong.”

  Still crying, she climbs into the wagon with Stephen and Albert close behind her. I look to my pa once and run toward Joel, quickly wrapping my arms around his neck. He hugs me closely and whispers to me. “Genevieve. You’re going to get into trouble.”

  “I already am, so why not be in more trouble?”

  He laughs sadly. “I’m sorry, Genevieve.”

  “I’ll see you soon, Joel,” I whisper as I pull away, looking to see Pa glaring at us.

  “But…”

  “A face like yours won’t be easy to forget.” I softly repeat the words I’d heard all those years ago, then turn away to walk toward the house. I walk straight past my pa and when Freida reaches out to hug me, I move out of the way. I continue walking past Lydia who is standing, shaking beside Bradley. He looks at me with his eyebrows furrowed. As I get to where Douglas is standing, he gives me a sad smile. “Genevieve? Are you okay?”

  With my head held high, I keep going past Hazel who tries to hug me, but I once again move away. I turn and watch from the porch as Joel’s wagon begins to disappear over the hill. I feel the tears burning in the back of my eyes and my throat.

  No. I will see Joel again. And I will see Julie again. I realize my pa can’t stop me. No one can, because they are my friends and are some of the kindest people I’ve ever known. No one can break apart a friendship. Not even my pa.

  Chapter 20

  The darkness surrounds me. I’m alone and lying awake with my thoughts. When Lydia and Hazel had come up to bed earlier, I pretended I was asleep. I don’t want any pity from anyone.

  The Adams had become some of my closest friends in such a short time. Their personalities, and the way they go about their lives had a positive effect on me. Julie, with how stubborn and how strong she is, and simply the way she always says what’s on her mind. Joel, a man who recovered from a rough past, but now is only being reminded of what he once was. Stephen and Albert, witty boys who are genuinely kind.

  And now, I’m forbidden to speak to or be near any of them. With pain in my heart, I admit that maybe I was beginning to fall for Joel Adams, despite his past that my pa clearly can’t look beyond.

  People who once mattered to me have been taken away. It’s the way I’ve learned life goes, though—the people you love and care for, all eventually leave.

  They don’t stay forever. They either find someone better, pass away, or move away. Or sometimes your friends and family shame you for hanging around them and forbid you from seeing them.

  It sometimes feels like my heart is becoming numb and that if I keep allowing people to enter my life, I’m eventually going to lose the ability to care at all. If they leave so easily, what’s the point in letting them in?

  Ma died. Darlene and Adeline moved out. Suzanna from school passed away in a house fire. Rosa, one of my closest friends when I was sixteen, stopped talking to me one day and I never found out why she abandoned me. And now Joel, Julie, Stephen, and Albert.

  The thought keeps bouncing around my head. What’s the point in caring about people? They all have to leave anyway.

  * * *

  “Genevieve. Breakfast,” Freida calls up the ladder.

  I’m still lying in bed and my sisters had long since been awake.

  “Would you like me to bring some up for you?”

  I stare at the window by my bed. “No. I’m not hungry, Freida. Thank you, though.”

  She must accept my answer as I don’t hear her reply, and I soon hear my family downstairs eating their breakfast. I’ve decided to stay in my loft until noon. I’m hurt, yes, but also embarrassed. I don’t want Pa to see me, and I most definitely don’t want to see him.

  I keep telling myself that I’m not mad at him, and that he’s only trying to protect me, even if in reality he’s hurting me more.

  I hear someone climbing up the ladder and I lift my head to see Lydia. She gives me a small smile, then makes her way to sit on the side of my bed. “You okay?”

  “Do I look okay?”

  “No. Usually you’re the first to run toward the food.” She laughs nervously.

  I don’t reply, shrugging the blankets over my shoulders. Lydia rests her hand on my shoulder. “What? No humor in you anymore?”

  “I’m sorry, Lyd. I guess I’m just not in the laughing mood right now.”

  “When will you come down? You can’t stay up here forever.”

  I sigh, looking into her bright blue eyes. “I’ll come down at lunch I think. I’m mostly humiliated. I don’t want people to look at me with pity, and for Pa to see me as some sort of failure.”

  “Personally, Genevieve. I’m on your side. Pa had no right to say such things about Joel and his family without giving them a chance. My gosh, Julie, the poor girl didn’t do a thing.”

  “Trust me, I know. Pa clearly forgets what it’s like to have someone angry with you from your past mistakes. Remember how angry Adeline was with him for months after he locked himself in his room? How she was so bitter that he’d left us to save the farm.”

  “Well.” Lydia stands, wiping her hands on her skirt. “I’ll see you at lunch.”

  I watch as she climbs back down the ladder. A pang of guilt surges through me. Douglas’s return was shouldered aside because of me. Well, because of Pa really. It’s like he was just shoved aside because Pa had more important matters to deal with.

  Sighing, I close my eyes. Perhaps some sleep will be good for me. If I can.

  * * *

  “Genevieve?”

  I hear Freida again, at the bottom of the ladder.

  “May I come up?”

  “Yes.”

  As her face comes into view, I close my eyes at the pity I can see there. Her eyebrows are slanted and her eyes meet mine. “Do you want to talk? I know I’m not your ma, but…”

  “There’s not a lot to talk about. Just the fact that Pa hates me, and one of the people I’ve grown to care about a great deal. And he doesn’t even know I gave Joel money yet.”

  “Oh, Genevieve.” Freida sits on the edge of the bed, reaching to stroke my hair. “Your pa doesn’t hate you. If anything, I think he’s trying to protect you, in a bad way I know. But he believes he’s doing the right thing for you.”

  “It hurts, Freida. So many people have been forced out of my life or lef
t willingly. Why should I care about anyone anymore if it will never last?”

  She gives me a weak smile, looking down at her hands folded in her lap. “Because friendship and love are very important. I know it seems hard now, but believe me, someday you’ll be okay again, even if you still hurt a little. See, when people leave, they always take a bit of you away with them. They take the memories and the bond that was once there and it’s replaced with a cold, empty place.”

  She pauses and I look up at her, feeling horrified at how true those words are. Freida must notice because she quickly smiles. “Saying this, though, those cold places can be filled again.”

  “I don’t think so, Freida. This time it has made me realize how easily people come and go from your life.”

  “You know. Your Pa probably expects you to be moping around like this and he’ll obviously feel bad, but that’s what he expects. I think he’d be real thrown off if you were as confident and as happy as before. Even if it’s just an outside thing.”

  I smile. “You’re right. He’ll hate it that this punishment doesn’t seem effective. I’ll be down soon.” I sit up, but pause realizing something. “How’s Douglas?”

  “Good, we had a nice talk last night. He’s worried about you, and last night he was getting real angry with your pa doing this to you. I had to quiet him down a few times because he was so furious.”

  Laughing, I slide to put my feet onto the cold, loft floor. Freida smiles as she climbs back down the loft.

  And with all the will I can find deep within myself, I stand ready to face today. But not for Pa, not for Joel, or Julie, or any of the people who’ve left me or can’t be here. I’m doing it for someone else. For someone I realize I haven’t been putting first much lately.

  Me.

  It’s time for me to be strong, without needing anyone else, and I refuse to give the naysayer people any time of day.

  Chapter 21

  I’m humming a happy song to myself as I wash up the dishes from supper. Lydia and Hazel went for a walk, and Freida went to help Douglas with something. Bradley and Pa are sitting discussing something about the farm.

  I’m paying no attention to Pa, though, because I can tell he’s searching to see how I’m reacting to this whole situation.

  After awhile, Pa clears his throat. “Genevieve. I’m sorry it’s got to be like this. I’m just trying to protect you.”

  “Pa.” I turn to face him smiling. “It doesn’t have to be like this, but this is what you’re choosing to do. So I can only go along with it. Apologies are silly. Why apologize for something you wished to happen?”

  I give a smug smile at the look of bewilderment on his face as I turn and go back to humming a happy song, one I’d rather not be humming.

  To my relief, I soon finish the dishes and I instantly make my way outside. Once the door is shut behind me, I let my happy act go and let out a long sigh. I make my way to the barn and find Old Red, as always, waiting for me. I smile. While everyone else has come and gone in my life, Old Red is the only one who’s stayed true to me.

  It’s quiet, so quiet I can’t even hear any birds singing or wind rustling the leaves. Nature sounds like its broken today—as though it’s so hurt it can hardly make a sound. I sadly realize that I can relate to this. I mount Old Red and without hesitation, urge him in to a fast run out of the barn and toward my special place in the bushes. We soon reach the clearing and I hop off Old Red, allowing him to eat some of the grass.

  Despite how silent it is outside, the sun is making it unbearably hot and stuffy, so I sit on the edge of the bank, dipping my feet into the warm water.

  “Genevieve?”

  I turn to see Bradley standing in the direction I’d come from minutes before. What is it with my family and following me into the bushes?

  “I see you followed me.” I turn my head to look back to the water.

  “Well.” He pauses. “I just wanted to see how you’re doing.”

  Still not turning to face him, I reply, “I’m fine. Perfectly fine. Joel and I were just friends, and I’m missing Julie more than him.” I feel myself cringe at the lie because in truth, I’m missing them both terribly.

  “You’re lying.”

  I sigh, whipping my head around to look at him. “Look, Bradley. I don’t know why you all of a sudden care about my well-being, but I’m not in the mood to be sharing my feelings with you. To begin with, you’ve hardly said anything nice to me since the day you moved in.”

  “I know. Genevieve, look I’m sorry about all of the nasty things I’ve said. And honestly, I think women do more work but I couldn’t admit that, not then anyway.”

  “That’s nice. Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone.”

  He sighs and to my dismay, sits down beside me.

  “You don’t follow instructions very well.”

  Bradley chuckles, looking at me. “Yeah well, following instructions isn’t really my thing.” He clears his throat and sighs. “So, this man, uh…”

  “Joel. His name is Joel.”

  “Yes, this Joel. Your Pa told me how he tried to steal your wheat but what happened between you two?”

  I hesitate, looking up at Bradley, my stepbrother who I’ve hated since the day he moved in. But instead of seeing the angry, mean face I’m used to seeing, I see a kind face looking down on me. Kind of how I imagine a brother would look.

  I begin to tell Bradley how I went after Joel when my Pa dismissed him, how I gave him money and met him again at the mercantile and all of the stories afterward. I realize I’ve told this story aloud more than I’ve thought it to myself in the past few weeks.

  When I finish, it’s silent again. Bradley is staring out into the water and biting his lip. After what seems like an eternity of silence, he lets out a breath. “I don’t see why your pa is still mad at him. I know he tried to steal your wheat, but he didn’t get away with it and didn’t put up much of a fight. Why is your pa even mad at him still?”

  “Oh, I haven’t got a clue. Maybe because we were on the verge of losing our farm at the time, and he was under a lot of pressure. But he didn’t ever seem worried about the farm when he was grieving Ma. He stayed in that room despite how much Darlene pleaded with him to help. Then all of a sudden he was concerned about our well-being again.”

  “I don’t think you should listen to your pa. You’re old enough to make your own decisions.”

  I laugh a little at that. “Says a man. It’s every daughter’s dream to have their father’s blessing on who they marry.”

  “Oh, you’re marrying him now?” Bradley chuckles.

  I shove his arm, and he laughs, falling over sideways. “No. But I was hoping someday.”

  “Genevieve Adams. It has a lovely ring to it.” He teases.

  I start to laugh, crossing my arms. “Are you aware how annoying you are?”

  “I’ve been told. Besides, it’s a brother’s job.” He stands up and brushes the dust off his pants. “Well, I’ll let you be alone now. Don’t be late, though, I don’t need to almost lose another sibling.”

  I smile as I watch him disappear into the bushes. We’re now referring to each other as siblings. Finally, everything is falling into place, just as everything else is falling apart.

  Chapter 22

  I don’t know why. I must be completely out of my mind, but here I am, sitting atop of the wagon with the horse’s reins in my hands.

  I told Pa I was going to give Adeline her old doll for when Charity grows up. I said Adeline had been saying she’d been looking for it. The rest of my family knows I am going to drop off her doll, but I’m also going to visit the Adams. I decided the way things ended isn’t good enough.

  I want to say goodbye to them all properly, without a man yelling at them. They deserve at least that.

  So as I reach Riverbend, I feel my stomach becoming unsettled, like I’m going to be sick. Now that I realize I’m going to say goodbye, it’s a lot harder.

  I quickly stop at
Adeline’s and give her the doll. She invites me to stay, but I say I must be on my way. I let her know what happened with Pa and how I’m going to say a proper goodbye.

  She has tears in her eyes, then her lips go into a thin line. “Well, I’m not listening to Pa. The Adams are our friends. Are you seriously going to let him do this, Genevieve?”

  “Adeline, I don’t think it’s fair on them to be friends with me, when they know that my pa doesn’t like it. It shouldn’t be a forced friendship, you know?”

  She pulls me into a long hug, and I hold back the tears forming in my eyes. I’m soon sitting back in the wagon and quickly try to remember where their house is. I’m working with the instructions Joel had given me, and my trip there for the dance.

  As I make my way down the road, I try to think of what to say to them. I’m not sure how to apologize but before long, my wagon is stopped in front of their house.

  I feel like my heart is going to fall out of my chest. It’s pounding in my ears with each step I take up the creaky, wooden stairs. At the door, I knock and instantly panic. Why I am so afraid to see them? They aren’t mad at me, or are they?

  Before I have the chance to retreat to my wagon and drive away, the door opens, revealing Julie with a white apron tied around her waist. “Oh my goodness,” she says softly, wrapping her arms around my neck. She’s crying, and I find myself doing the same. “I thought I’d never see you again.”

  I look up and see the three men standing behind her. When had they come into the room? Albert and Stephen are on opposite sides of Joel, and once Julie lets go of me, I find myself running to Joel, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  “Genevieve.” He hugs me back quickly and then pulls away, pausing to look down at me. “You-you’re here?”

  “I am.”

  “How?”

  I smile, looking at Stephen, then back to Joel. “I told my Pa I had errands to run, he mustn’t have realized I know how to get to your farm.”