A Widow's Salvation

by Becky Lower

  She stirred next to him and moved closer. He was content to press his body up against hers, as if they were spoons nestled into a drawer. Her small sigh warmed his heart, and he kissed her neck, wrapping his arm around her nude body. This idyllic state would soon be coming to an end. The Army had given him ample time to recover from his illness, but spring was fast approaching and the war would pick up again.

  The Emancipation Proclamation had been signed by President Lincoln in January, and Elijah was well aware such an action would only inflame the Confederacy further. There would be no quick end to the war. Any day now, trainloads of the wounded from a Southern battle would come rolling into New York, and the demands on his time would pick up. He’d probably even miss some nights in this wonderful bed as he tended to the dying and the wounded.

  For the first time, his eyes danced around the room, which he could now make out in the light of dawn. He had been focused on Pepper the night before and hadn’t given the room a glance. The four-poster mahogany bed occupied most of the space, but there were a couple chairs in the corner where the big bay window provided a view of the street. A dressing table was placed near the armoire, and the scent of Pepper’s perfume hung in the air. The walls had waist-high wainscoting, which matched the mahogany bed and there was crown molding around the ceiling. The walls had been painted a blinding white. All very traditional, a bit on the heavy side, and very much to his liking.

  Since he’d met Pepper, his nightmares had become less prevalent. She had given him something to think about other than the war and the great, senseless loss of life and limb that accompanied it. He ran his fingers through her dark tresses as he pondered the course his life had taken since the first day he’d noticed her in her pretty blue dress. He’d been enchanted by her since their first meeting. She’d cast a spell on him for which he’d be forever grateful.

  She stirred again and turned to face him. His lips sought hers, and she opened her eyes.

  “Good morning, husband. What a lovely way to wake up.”

  “I agree.” He deepened the kiss as she opened her mouth to him. Their tongues dueled with each other for several minutes, and his shaft rose in anticipation.

  Their lovemaking that morning was slow and sensuous. She wrapped her hand around his hardened manhood and guided him into her willing body. He brought her legs up on either side so he could plunge even deeper inside her. Her raspy breathing matched his own as they set up a rhythm. Within minutes, they both crested, and Pepper let out a small cry of victory. The walls of her vagina pulsed around him, pulling every ounce of seed from him. He truly experienced heaven.

  As their breathing returned to normal, and they lay beside each other, hands running over bodies, Elijah picked up one of her roaming hands and brought it to his lips. “If we keep this up, my love, we may be adding to our brood shortly.”

  “Would that bother you?”

  He gazed at her, and her teeth worried her lip. Obviously, she was concerned about his answer.

  “On the contrary. Elisabeth and I thought we had all the time in the world to have children, so we didn’t worry about it when we initially didn’t conceive. I hope there is nothing wrong with my capabilities, because I’d love to add to the family. I don’t think I’ll want nine children, as your parents have done. But one or two more would be nice.”

  “Well, then. Let’s see what we can do about it.”

  She rolled into him again, her mere touch making his shaft spring to life.

  He kissed her mouth, her eyes, the lobes of her ears, her lovely swan neck, loath to get out of bed. Fortunately, Pepper seemed to be similarly inclined. The day was well underway by the time they rose for breakfast.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  February and March came and went under a blanket of snow, which paralyzed the city and made getting back and forth from Pepper’s home in Manhattan to the Army hospital in the Bronx a real challenge. Fortunately, there were not yet any battles in this year, so Elijah could manage to leave the hospital daily and head home to his loving wife and children. His health was improving with his daily exercise and his exposure to fresh air. He was putting the pounds he’d lost during his illness back on his frame, thanks to Pepper’s cook. He counted his blessings every day during the trips back and forth. Pepper’s sex drive matched his own, and he appreciated she was spirited in bed. She truly did live up to her name in that arena. He smiled as he remembered the course of their lovemaking that morning before he left Manhattan. And he was eager for their lovemaking to continue this evening.

  He would have preferred nothing more than to have his idyllic life roll out ahead of him in the same manner, but he was sensible enough to know, with the better weather, his relaxed vigil was coming to an end, since President Lincoln had relieved General Ambrose Burnside of his command and replaced him with General Joseph Hooker. The man had earned the moniker “Fighting Joe” while on the battlefield, so Elijah feared for the upcoming battle season. He would have a full hospital soon, and for an extended time, if his guess was correct. But then, maybe this ghastly war would come to an end, and America could mend itself and once again become a mighty nation where anything was possible and anyone, regardless of race, religion, or gender, could rise to greatness.

  He used the time he spent on horseback going back and forth between the hospital and home to think about his new life. The older children, Matthew and Mark, were beginning to regard him as a father figure. At ages eight and six, they still had vague memories of their father, and Pepper took them to their father’s grave at least once every three or four months so they wouldn’t forget the little they did remember. The baby, Luke, had quickly found a home on Elijah’s knee, and Elijah was drawn to the young child more each day. Their bond had only gotten stronger when Elijah ran into a burning building to save him.

  And then there was Pepper herself. No one could erase totally the memory of Elisabeth and their young love, but Elijah found his remembrances of his first wife fading and being replaced by present-day memories. He supposed that was the way of it. God allowed the memories of those who had passed to lessen over time, so the living could go forward and create new lives and new memories.

  Even his relationship with Pepper’s parents, Charlotte and George, had begun to level out, especially since the Downing’s fire. George had protected Pepper the best he could by safeguarding some of the funds left by Michael for the children. Elijah decided if it was the only way George would let Pepper go into a new marriage and walk his daughter down the aisle, he wouldn’t quibble over it. George had not needed to worry, though. Money was the farthest thing from Elijah’s mind when he held Pepper next to him. His heart swelled with love for her. And her children. He was a man truly blessed.

  The road from the Bronx was beginning to turn from ice and snow to mud. Soon, with the upcoming thaw and spring rains, the road would turn into an impassable bog. He’d only been working part-time, since he was still getting his strength back from his bout of pneumonia, but now that it was spring, he expected to get back to the grind his life had been before he met Pepper. Back to sleeping on his narrow cot by himself in the hospital office, and back to the nightmares that had tortured him for years. He was not looking forward to it. He did not want to give up any of his nights with Pepper and the boys. But he supposed none of the men who were arming themselves for a long summer war campaign were looking forward to their work, either.

  He finally got to their brownstone door and allowed a servant to lead his muddy horse to the stables to be cared for. Elijah let himself into the house and immediately was surrounded by the boys. One hung to each leg, and Luke had toddled toward him with raised arms, wanting to be picked up. Elijah made his way farther into the house, thinking there was no better greeting than these noisy boys. Pepper had been reading in the parlor and lifted her gaze once the shouts of the children reached her. She smiled at the sight of them, all joined together, and rose to plant a kiss on each of them. How wrong he had been. This woman was
the real reason he trekked home from the hospital each afternoon. He would never tire of her dark hair, her porcelain skin, her lively blue eyes. He caught the back of her head and brought her close for another kiss.

  “How are all my boys?” She returned to Elijah and kissed him once more.

  “Tired, and hungry. Do I smell roast beef?” He set Luke on the floor, and the toddler followed his brothers out of the room. Elijah folded Pepper into his arms.

  “I declare, sometimes I think you just married me because of my cook.”

  He ran a hand over her hair before he drew her in for another kiss. A lifetime of kisses would not be enough for him. “Ah, darling, you know better than that.”

  “Well, then, I suggest we retire early this evening, so you can show me.”

  “With pleasure.”

  “Let’s continue our conversation later, then.” They headed into the dining room, where the service had been set and was waiting for him. He sat in his chair, surrounded by his rambunctious boys, his mouth salivating for food. Then, after he ate, he’d be salivating for his wife. Yes, he was a man truly blessed.

  • • •

  Pepper’s life was brimming over, and she loved every moment. A truly remarkable man had lifted the gloom that had pervaded her life. She didn’t think she was pregnant yet, even though she and Elijah had been having a lot of fun trying. She continued her work with the war widows, even though she no longer considered herself one. And her duties at the hospital continued, partly so she could steal some extra time with her new husband during her visits. Her protégé Daniel had been discharged from the hospital with his new prosthetic leg. She cried when he walked out of the ward surrounded by his family and headed back to his life in Kentucky. He had been so brave, and so stoic. Her first graduate of her newly formed physical therapy endeavor.

  Today, she was at the hospital where she was paying attention to her next candidate, a young man, with straight blond hair and green eyes, named Ralph. She patted her own black hair, which was wound in a braid around her head.

  “I think you’ll be fit to return home in no time, Ralph.”

  “I agree with you, Mrs. Brown. Or should I say Mrs. Williams?”

  Pepper smiled and adjusted the straps of the prosthesis around Ralph’s leg. “Yes, it’s Mrs. Williams now. The doctor and I married two months ago.”

  “A fine match, I’d say. The doctor’s a good man.”

  “That he is. But enough talk about me. We need to strap on your prosthesis and get you up and walking about.”

  Ralph grinned at her. “I was hoping you wouldn’t catch on to my delay tactics.”

  “I have three sons, Ralph, so I’m well aware of what you were trying to pull. Come on now. The first step is the hardest.”

  She pulled Ralph up from his seated position and waited for him to catch his balance and put some of his weight on his wounded leg. Sweat broke out on his face, his lips set in a hard line, and his grip on her tightened, but he didn’t sit back down. Pepper admired his determination as he took a tentative step forward. He stared at the wall as he grimaced in pain, but he took another step. A slight gasp escaped his lips, yet he kept walking until he got to the end of the ward. Pepper had an inkling of the pain involved, and her heart swelled as she helped him take his first steps. Such a brave soldier. She got a lump in her throat as she walked beside him with one arm around his waist. When they got to the end of the ward, they turned and stood for a moment so Ralph could catch his breath. He glanced toward his bed at the far end of the room. Pepper followed his eye movement.

  “There’s only one way to get there, Ralph.”

  “Then we should start walking, Mrs. Williams.”

  A few minutes later, he collapsed onto the bed with a moan of pain, and Pepper removed the prosthesis.

  “I’m very proud of you.” She propped the device up near the bed.

  “I can do better,” he muttered as he lay back.

  “And you will. It’s a slow process, but you’ll get there.”

  He took hold of her hand. “Do you think a woman will ever be interested in a man with only one leg? What’s the point of getting better? Of learning how to walk again?”

  She clasped his chin in her free hand and stared at him. “The point, young man, is you survived this war, when so many thousands of others didn’t. Luck was with you the day you were injured. You can now go home and pick up the life you led before this ghastly war began instead of dying on some battlefield. Do you have a sweetheart back home?”

  He yanked his face from her grasp and turned away from her but didn’t release her hand.

  “She sent me a letter after I got wounded and told me she had found another. I think she just didn’t want to marry a cripple.”

  Pepper sat on the mattress beside him. “You could be right, but if so, you would not have enjoyed being married to someone so shallow anyway.”

  A small smile replaced the grimace on his face. “I think you’re probably right.”

  “What did you do before the war?”

  “I had just gotten out of law school.”

  She smoothed his thick blond locks from his forehead. “So you learn how to walk again, go back to Boston, and become the best attorney the city has ever seen. Find yourself a woman who appreciates your intelligence and have the best life possible. And, if you happen to encounter the woman who rejected you, be sure to let her know of your accomplishments.”

  Ralph glanced up at her, and she was pleased to see a glimmer of humor in his eyes. “Your plan is positively diabolical.”

  “Are you up for it?”

  He nodded and closed his eyes. “As soon as I take a nap.”

  Pepper stood and left his side. She hoped Ralph’s shattered leg wouldn’t shatter his life’s plans. So many had died already, and more would before the war ended, but Ralph was one of the lucky ones. He just needed to believe it. She’d planted the seed with him today. Now she could only hope it would take root.

  She walked to Elijah’s office and let herself into the room. Her husband was catching some much-needed sleep on the cot. Her heart lifted as she gazed at him. Those first months after Michael died and she discovered she was pregnant with their final child had been the darkest moments of her life. Without her sons, she would have allowed herself to fall into a deep depression. So she could relate to Ralph and his plight. She’d come through a dark time of her own and had been rewarded with this man in front of her now. Ralph would find his way.

  As she stared at Elijah, he began to move around on the cot, his arms and legs twitching with a dream. He moaned softly, and his movements became more agitated. His moan became a low scream. Pepper ran to his side and lay beside him on the narrow cot, wrapping her arms around him.

  “Wake up, Elijah.” She kissed his forehead, tasting the salty beads of sweat.

  Very slowly, his arms and legs stopped moving, and he opened his eyes. He kissed her lips as she still held him tight.

  “If I can wake up to you beside me every time I have a nightmare, it would be almost worth it. Thank you for being here.”

  “Nothing is worth these horrible nightmares you have. This war is crippling all of us, not just the soldiers.”

  He kissed her again. “Then it’s our duty to grab on to all the happiness we can wherever we find it and to be very greedy about it. You make me happy, Pepper.”

  “And I feel as if I’ve won some kind of prize by finding you.” Pepper unwrapped her arms and rose from the cot. “Let’s put the nightmare to rest. I know it’s hard for you to mutilate the bodies of these men further, but without your skills, they would all be dead. We need to save as many as we can. So your work is vital.”

  Elijah rose as well, all sleep gone from his body. He took her into his arms, and they stood for a long moment, locked in an embrace. “As long as I can come home to you each night, I’ll get through this ungodly war.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  He’d made Pepper a promise that, as l
ong as he could come home to her at night, he could get through the war. But his words might have been premature, since the war got into full swing again in May. The more limbs he sawed off, the stronger his nightmares became. They were exacting vengeance on him nightly. Both at home with Pepper and here at the hospital, he got little rest before the nightmares invaded. He’d wake up, heart threatening to jump out of his rib cage, drenched in sweat and gasping for air, as the dancing pile of shattered arms and legs threatened to engulf him. To embrace him. To smother him.

  “Fighting Joe” Hooker was living up to his name. Lincoln figured the only way to end this mess was to crush the Confederacy as if they were bugs under his shoe, and he set the course by appointing Hooker to take command. The summer of 1863 was shaping up to be the bloodiest on record.

  But the Confederates were not about to be crushed. Their fight was not the noble one of presenting a united front to the world. They were fighting for their way of life, the only life most of them had ever known. The Battle of Chancellorsville was a crushing defeat for the Union forces as the Confederacy struggled to gain a foothold in the war. More than 17,000 soldiers in total were killed from both sides, with even larger numbers wounded. The trains filled with the wounded were coming from Virginia nonstop, it seemed.

  Elijah had been able to grab only a couple hours of sleep in the past few days, and he’d been unable to return home to Manhattan. His lungs were still compromised somewhat as a result of his pneumonia over the winter, but he put his own limitations aside as one man after another was queued up and waiting for him to take care of their wounds. He pushed himself to his absolute limits. And then beyond.