The Pastor's Wife

by Jennifer AlLee

  Maura heard her cue. From her spot in the back, she slunk forward, making her way to the front of the room.

  Lainie crooked a thumb at her. “Enter Unforgiveness.”

  Maura latched on to Danni, putting a hand on each of the girl's shoulders and pulling at her just a bit.

  Lainie turned back to the other kids in the room. “Whatever Danni does now, she's dragging Unforgiveness along with her.” She strolled over to Danni, pretending to run into her on the street. “Hi, Danni. How’re you doing today?”

  Maura pulled down on Danni's shoulders, making the ugliest face she could behind the girl's back. Giggles erupted throughout the room.

  “Not too good,” Danni answered, wobbling a little as Maura exerted more pressure. “To tell you the truth, I feel weighed down.”

  Lainie nodded. “Maybe it's because you’re still mad at Steven. You know, he told me he feels pretty bad about what happened. Maybe you should forgive him.”

  From behind her, Maura now slipped her arms around the front of Danni's neck, pretending to choke the girl. With her head looking over Danni's shoulder, she said in a stage whisper, “How do you know he won’t do it again?”

  Playing along, Danni choked out the words, “I don’t.”

  Lainie signaled with her hand, cuing Steven, who ran up to Danni. “Danni, I’m really, really sorry about not helping you with the test. Can you please forgive me?”

  Danni looked over at the other members of the youth group. “I think I’d better before this unforgiveness kills me.” She turned her head back toward Steven. “Yes, I forgive you.”

  Steven moved forward to hug Danni, and as he did, he pulled Maura's hands from around the girl's neck and pushed her backward. As the two teens hugged, Maura made a big show of falling to the ground, moaning and groaning, effectively dying.

  The group applauded as Danni and Steven went back to their seats, and Maura, staying in character, crawled to the back of the room.

  Clapping, Lainie moved to the middle of the room. “As you just saw, unforgiveness will suck all the joy out of you if you let it.”

  Lainie continued to speak to the group, but Maura's mind branched off in a myriad of different directions.

  Brushing off the knees of her dress pants, she decided a change was in order. If she was going to make a habit of crawling around on the floor, she should probably start wearing jeans to youth group meetings.

  She looked up, spotting Danni and Steven. They were naturals when it came to improvisation. She’d have to talk to them about joining her acting classes once she got them started.

  When she could think of no other distractions, Maura examined her own heart. She had tried so hard for so long to put Nick out of her mind and ignore any lingering feelings she had toward him. But today, as she played the weed of unforgiveness, all those emotions had been stirred up. The heaviness, the ugliness, all of it came from a place inside her that was still mad at Nick for pushing her to the point where she felt she had no choice but to leave him. And when she whispered in Danni's ear and asked, “How do you know he won’t do it again?” the question had come straight from her own heart.

  It was time to face it; she was still angry with Nick. And she didn’t trust him. She was afraid that if she forgave him and let her guard down he would hurt her again.

  “See you Wednesday!”

  Lainie's call to the departing teenagers brought Maura out of her reverie. The class was over, and the room emptied in less than a minute.

  “I’m always amazed at the mess teenagers leave behind,” Lainie said good-naturedly as she stacked chairs. “I didn’t even see anybody eating today, and there are still crumbs all over the floor. Oh, well, they all seemed to have a good time. And mixing it up with that little drama was a big hit. Thanks for rolling with it.”

  “That's what I’m here for,” Maura answered. “It was fun. I think we can do a lot more with the group.”

  Maura picked up the last chair and moved it off to the side of the room. Though she tried to concentrate on cleaning, thoughts of Nick nagged at her. She needed to forgive him, if for no other reason than to get this weight off her chest. But it wouldn’t be as easy as it had been for Danni and Steven in their little skit.

  “You know,” she said to Lainie, who was pushing a carpet sweeper across the floor, “the whole topic of unforgiveness is interesting. It got me to thinking … what if you need to forgive someone for something they don’t know they did? In order to forgive them, you’d have to tell them how they hurt you. In that case, wouldn’t forgiving them be more painful than just keeping it to yourself?”

  Maura hoped her question came off as casual musing. But when Lainie turned to her, she could see the youth leader knew it was more personal than hypothetical. Thankfully, Lainie didn’t dig for more details.

  “Actually, the most important part of forgiving someone goes on in your heart. If someone hurt you, and you truly forgive that person in your heart, it will show in your actions toward him or her in the future. And sometimes, we need to forgive someone who's not around to talk back. The key is letting go of your anger and hurt and extending forgiveness from your heart, even if it's not face-to-face. After that, you just need to stand back and let God do the rest.”

  Why did God always have to wind up in the middle of everything? She’d certainly never forgiven Him for the events of the past few years. This would be harder than she’d thought.

  Well, one step at a time. She needed to forgive Nick. That much was certain. After today, she felt she was ready to do it.

  The church campus appeared empty by the time Maura and Lainie left the youth room. There were still a few cars in the parking lot, but not another person could be seen.

  “The place sure clears out fast after service,” Maura said.

  Lainie nodded. “Unless it's our monthly coffee fellowship hour, people usually scoot out of here pretty quick. Lunch time, you know. And speaking of lunch, would you like to get a bite? I’m starving.”

  Maura was hungry. But more than that, she thought how nice it would be to have lunch with someone and not just take a sandwich back to the empty theatre where she spent most of her time. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

  As they went to Lainie's car, the outer door to the church office opened. Pastors Chris and Nick walked out, both looking a little drained after a full morning.

  “Hey, you two,” Lainie waved. “You finally getting out of here?”

  Chris nodded. “We’re on our way to lunch.”

  Maura looked at Nick. Their eyes caught and held. This was it. She needed to do it now. I forgive you, Nick. The thought rushed through her, and Maura felt as though something actually snapped in her head. She smiled and without thinking, she asked, “Would the two of you like to join us?”

  There it was—her olive branch to Nick. It didn’t completely demolish all that stood between them, but at least she’d started to chip away at it. For his part, Nick looked completely shocked at her invitation. Then the corners of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. In a soft voice he answered, “That would be nice.”

  10

  Sitting in his home office, Nick shut the Bible in his lap, bent his head, and said a quick prayer. Preparation for this morning's men's breakfast had gone well, and his spirits were particularly high.

  He always looked forward to the third Saturday of the month when the men's study group got together. It was a time when they could share what was going on in their lives and bond over hotcakes and sausage links. But that wasn’t the only reason for his positive mood.

  An image of Maura barged into his head, bringing a smile to his lips. Co-existing with her had certainly been different since she showed up at church last week. She hadn’t come right out and told him, but he could tell that her feelings toward him had changed. Softened a little. They were both so busy they rarely occupied the house at the same time, but when they did bump into each other, the strain was gone. No longer did she scrutinize his every move,
waiting for him to make a mistake or say something wrong. It was like the wall she’d erected between them when she came back to Granger had dropped a bit. He could see over it now without standing on his tiptoes.

  It seemed the two of them had actually become friends again. And that was a really nice feeling.

  Nick pushed himself out of his chair and left his office, nearly colliding with Maura, as she marched down the hall, cell phone pressed to her ear.

  “No.” She jumped out of Nick's way, waving her free hand at him. She started pacing around the living room. “No, that won’t work … I understand that, but there's got to be a way … I see … Then that's what we’ll do. I’ll find a way to get those seats over to you by the end of the day.”

  Seats? Nick tugged at his earlobe. Now what was Maura into?

  She snapped her cell phone shut, turning to him as she did so. “Was I too loud? Did I disturb you?”

  Nick dismissed her concern with a shake of his head. “No, I was just on my way out. Men's breakfast today. What's all this about seats?”

  Maura let out a big puff of air, making her bangs do the wave across her forehead. “The theatre seats need to be reup-holstered. You know what condition they’re in. I had the details all worked out with this fellow in Beaver Falls, but now his truck's broken down, so he can’t come get the hardware to recover it, and to top it all off, his daughter just called to tell him she's getting married in November, so if he doesn’t start on my job right away, there's no way it’ll get done in time for the grand opening, which means I’ve got to find a way to remove all those seats today and get them to Beaver tonight.”

  Nick had no idea how she’d said all that in one breath, but he’d managed to follow along. “So what are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to the theatre and I’m going to start ripping out seats,” she answered, determination clear on her face. “I’ll call Rachel on the way and see if she can find a truck to rent.” She grabbed her purse and headed for the front door.

  “Have you had any breakfast?” Nick called after her.

  She turned around, backing toward the door as she answered. “I keep a stash at the theatre. Bottled water and protein bars. I’ll just grab a couple of those.”

  With a wave, she was out the door and on her way. Nick shook his head. He hadn’t seen this side of Maura when they’d lived together as a married couple. When they moved to Granger, he’d tried so hard to get her involved in things at the church, but the more he encouraged her, the more she withdrew, until one day, she was completely gone.

  But now she’d thrown herself into this theatre project with abandon. And he could only hope her visit to church hadn’t been a one-time occurrence. Lainie told him afterward what a great job Maura did working with the kids, using drama to illustrate biblical principles.

  It was as if God reached down and slapped the back of Nick's head at that moment. He finally got it. All the activities he’d pushed Maura to do in the past—the ladies’ Bible study, potlucks, hospital visitation ministry—none of them were part of Maura's gifting. If he’d stepped back and let her take her time, given her the opportunity to discover what she was passionate about, their lives might be different now.

  Just that morning, he’d read in Romans that, though everyone is part of the body of Christ, each person has different gifts and serves different functions. Nick had planned on sharing that nugget with the men's group at breakfast, but now it took on a much larger meaning.

  Grabbing his car keys and cell phone, Nick jogged out of the house.

  Maura stood in front of the stage, looking out at the rows and rows of bedraggled seats that filled the theatre. The task overwhelmed her, and for a moment, she gave herself over to the feeling. How would she ever accomplish this? She didn’t even know if she had the right tools.

  Stop it. She wasn’t alone. Rachel knew somebody who knew somebody who owned a semi, and she was sure they could hire him and his rig for the day. That was one problem down. All she had to do now was start removing bolts and get the stuff ready to go.

  But she was only one woman. How could she possibly do all of this by herself?

  I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

  Maura frowned. Random Scriptures rarely popped into her head. It must be from all the time she’d spent with Lainie. And while she liked the thought of gaining strength from someone greater than herself, what Maura most needed was physical help. Another dozen or so pairs of hands could help her out of this mess.

  Ask, and it shall be given to you.

  This time, the Scripture that intruded on her thoughts brought Maura up short. What was going on here? It was like a challenge from God.

  A challenge to trust Him.

  “Okay, I’m probably an idiot, but I’m desperate.” Her voice echoed through the cavernous space. “So I’m asking. If you care about me so much, send me some help.” She paused and then added, “Please.”

  She stood absolutely still, waiting for the doors to burst open, or for muscular, tool-wielding men to drop from the ceiling. She counted the seconds until she got to ten. Eleven. Twelve.

  Nothing.

  A wave of sadness washed over Maura, pushing her shoulders down into a beaten slump. What had she expected? She’d been a fool to get her hopes up.

  There was work to be done, and she’d have to do it herself. Maura knelt down to get a good look at the bolts anchoring the seats to the floor.

  With a mighty groan, the lobby door opened. At the sound, Maura jerked upright, her heart thumping in her chest.

  In walked Rachel and her kids, wearing grubby clothes, armed with wrenches and other tools, ready to work. Maura blew out a slow breath. Just as she’d thought; her phone call to Rachel had produced more assistance than her begging to God.

  “Hey!” Rachel called from the back of the theatre. “We’re all set. The truck will be here in about an hour. We’ll have no trouble getting this place emptied out.”

  Maura put one hand on her hip and waved a wrench with the other. “Your positive attitude is refreshing. But in case you hadn’t noticed, there are about two-hundred seats in here and only four of us.”

  “I’m fully aware of how big the job is,” Rachel answered, sounding smug. “But your body count is off. I ran into more helpers out in the parking lot.”

  The doors to the lobby opened again, and the auditorium filled with the noise of at least a dozen men led by Nick. They fanned out through the room, inspecting the seats and discussing what tools would be needed for the job.

  Nick walked up to Maura, giving her a brief salute. “Reporting for duty, Ma’am.”

  “But what about your breakfast?”

  “We brought it with us. There are donuts and coffee in the lobby for anybody who wants them.”

  Every muscle in Maura's body tightened, from her throat to her chest and all the way down to her toes. “I don’t understand.”

  “God reminded me it's more important to live out what the Bible says than to just talk about it. So instead of gathering at a restaurant, here we are.” Nick smiled at her, but all Maura could see was the love of God.

  You see, I do care.

  The thought filled her, and Maura let go of the control she’d held onto for so long. For the first time in years, she believed she wasn’t alone.

  “Thank you,” she whispered and stepped toward Nick, arms open. He hesitated for a moment, but he reached out, pulling her into his embrace. He smoothed her hair with one hand and whispered back, “You’re welcome.”

  The day took off in a flurry of nonstop activity. Not long after the arrival of Nick and his crew, Lainie showed up with half the youth group. The physical act of unbolting the seats from the floor turned out to be even more difficult than it looked, so that task was delegated to the men. Meanwhile, Rachel and Lainie supervised the teens in wiping the dust and cobwebs from the old seats and loading them in the truck. Maura went from seat to seat, using masking tape to mark the ones that w
ere beyond salvaging and needed to be tossed into the dumpster. When that was done, she pitched in wherever she could.

  At lunch time, someone ordered pizza, and the whole group took a break. Sitting in the lobby, surrounded by men and teenagers, Maura realized this was a part of the congregation she hadn’t interacted with when she and Nick first moved to Granger. She’d been so preoccupied with the church council members, the casserole-bearing Ladies’ Auxiliary, and all the other groups she felt uncomfortable in, she hadn’t considered there were others she might click with. She and Rachel were close friends, largely because Rachel made a point to get to know her without asking her to be the head of anything. But Rachel was the exception.

  She’d felt so alone during that time. But now she was surrounded with people who not only cared about her, but who gave up their Saturday to help her out of a bind. It was pretty amazing.

  She also took the time to really see Nick. Sitting cross-legged on the floor and holding a paper plate full of pizza, he talked and laughed with the men near him. A few of the boys had joined the group, and he made a point to include them in the conversation. She’d seen him like this before. No matter what group he was in, Nick could always find something to talk about. People were drawn to him because when he asked, “How are you doing?” he sincerely wanted to know the answer.

  She finally acknowledged that this was the real Nick. He’d never tried to hide it from her. Since the day she’d first met him, she knew how much he cared about the people around him. She’d even found it endearing, until it took his time away from her. When that happened, she’d fought it till she was worn out and beaten.

  Maura would never be like Nick. She couldn’t go into a room and instantly feel comfortable with everybody in it. But she finally began to understand that was okay. During the past few weeks, she’d discovered that when she followed her heart, getting involved in projects that inspired her, she acted more like Nick than she ever thought possible. Now it was a little easier for her to understand why he got so caught up in his work.