Paper Castles

by Terri Lee

  “Call it a forty-eight-hour victory lap,” he said, as they unloaded the car.

  Savannah stared at the vast assortment of fishing gear in the trunk. “Whatever will we do with ourselves?”

  “Maybe fish,” he said, deadpan.

  Phil reached over and ran his hand along her cheek, and Savannah bit her lip, relishing the moment of permissible contact. They would drop their hooks into the sea of possibility and explore the promises just below the surface. No more hiding in plain sight. No more looking away when a gaze lasted too long. No more looking for excuses to brush up against one another: a hand fumbling with a door knob, fingers reaching out for one another when handing off a glass of tea.

  “I’m going to the beach,” she’d said to Phil, yesterday. “To feed my soul.”

  “Could your soul use a little company?”

  “Always,” she said.

  They both knew where they were going.

  Now they walked along the shore hand in hand, letting the ocean soothe their nerves. She was relieved their talk was easy, their laughter easier and her hand fit nicely inside his.

  “After all you’ve been through, Savannah, I’ll say it again: I’m in awe of your strength.”

  “My strength?”

  “Think of it. Dealing with a murder charge, dealing with Angela’s behavior and then Neenie’s death. Yet you walked into that courtroom every day with your head held high. You sat listening to every bit of ugliness a person could hear about themselves. I was so proud of you.”

  “I don’t know if I’d call that strength. I’ve been a wreck inside for so long. It’s hard to remember what a day without fear looks like.”

  “But that’s exactly what strength looks like. Getting up and facing it down every day, no matter how scared you are on the inside.”

  “I wish I could’ve recognized that strength a lot sooner. My whole life would be different. I would’ve never married Price.”

  “Really? I thought he swept you off your feet.”

  They’d found an old log to sit on and Savannah stretched her legs out before her, burying her feet in the sand until they found a cool spot.

  “Oh, he did,” she said. “I was walking ten feet off the ground until the day before the wedding.”

  “What happened?”

  “I found Price and one of my bridesmaids in a—compromising position.”

  “The night before the wedding?” He couldn’t hide his disgust.

  “The same. Such a cliché.” Her toes drew circles in the sand, giving her words time to catch up with her thoughts. “I was devastated. He convinced me he didn’t mean it, he was drunk, it was nothing. I’d hear that many times over the years. The point is, I chose to marry him anyway. Because of who he was and the life we were going to have. Because the invitations had already been sent out. Because I loved him to pieces and I wasn’t strong enough to walk away. Not brave enough to withstand the whispers.” She gave a wry wink, “Which of course would’ve been nothing compared to the whispers going on now.”

  “You were only twenty-two,” he said.

  “Old enough to know better.”

  “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

  “Well anyway, I walked down the aisle and the charade began.”

  “And now it ends.” Phil cupped her face in his hands. A protective shelter from the winds and the world.

  He kissed her and the earth shifted back onto its axis. Savannah wrapped her arms around his neck. This was nothing like the frantic, stormy kiss that had her up against the kitchen wall. This kiss knew there were many more to come and Savannah fell into it, heart first.

  “You saved me,” she said, looking into his blue eyes, positive she could see her smiling reflection in them.

  “It’s what you hired me to do.”

  “But you saved me twice. Remember the day we met on the beach?”

  “Do I remember? Are you kidding? I saw you out there with Daisy. You know you can tell a lot about a person when you watch them with their pet.”

  She hugged her arms tight, remembering the feeling of that Day. “I was at my absolute lowest point.”

  “I can understand that.” He touched her cheek with the back of his hand.

  “No. You can’t. I was contemplating ending it all. Suicide was my worst nightmare, but I convinced myself it was the best thing for everyone. Even the best thing for my kids was to be rid of me. I had nowhere left to turn... And then you showed up. An answer to a prayer I didn’t even know I’d sent.”

  “Then it was meant to be.” Phil brushed a strand of hair from her face.

  “How can I ever repay you?”

  “I might think of something.” Phil stood up and reached back for her hands. Pulling her to her feet and into his arms. Right where she was supposed to be.

  Phil cooked for her that night. Steaks on the grill and baked potatoes heaped with butter and sour cream. A salad piled high with riches from the farmer’s market.

  Music from the radio had them swaying after dinner and Phil held out his hands.

  “We never did finish that dance.”

  “I seem to remember you saying something about a storm getting you all tied up in knots.”

  “Oh yeah, the storm.” Phil laughed as he pulled her close, his heart beat in her ears.

  “Are you sure you want this?” she said, looking up at him.

  “Never been more sure of anything.”

  Savannah digested the fact that she’d let him in at her lowest. He’d seen every flaw, every weakness up close. And he was saying he wanted her with all her sharp edges.

  Savannah leaned back in his arms. “One more thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You’re fired.”

  Phil rolled his head back with a whoop. “Thank God.”

  “You’re no longer my lawyer, so we’re not breaking any rules or violating any ethics clauses, right?”

  Phil wet his lips. “Oh, we’re going to break some rules.”

  THAT NIGHT she came to him in all her brokenness, her imperfections shimmering like a diamond shroud. He took her in his hands. Those hands she’d been dreaming of and she felt her rough edges falling away. He wasn’t a sculptor chiseling with tools at the stone, but like water in a riverbed, carving a new path through the layers of rock. Quenching her thirst, making her mouth water after this long walk in the desert.

  He undressed her slowly, as if she were a delicate present. Untying the bow and pulling back the wrapping to expose the gift he’d been hoping for.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful.” His voice was heavy.

  She believed him. Her hands roamed over his skin, the muscles in his back tensing as her fingernails traced circles. His kiss grew more demanding. She took his hunger and fed it back to him, loving the taste of him on her tongue.

  “I want to drown in you,” he whispered in her ear.

  A little moan escaped her lips, but Phil was right there to catch it.

  It what like losing her virginity all over again, except this time she was in complete control. Everything was new with Phil, yet it was as if her body remembered him.

  Her heart and soul had welcomed him long ago, now her body would do the same. She opened her arms and drew him in, into her very being.

  Moonlight slicing through the open window. Bodies rolling in white sheets, shades of silver playing on bare skin. Love, rolling and tumbling like the waves outside their door. Phil pushing, Savannah pulling, riding a wave of their own.

  They were beautiful, Savannah thought. More beautiful together than apart. They weren’t having sex like having a drink or a smoke, but making love. Creating something new, something that belonged only to them.

  Savannah clung to him. “Don’t let go,” she begged.

  “Never.”

  They made love all night, their last waves finally rolling up onto the shore with a sleepy sigh.

  SHE SMELLED coffee. It called her from the kitchen along with the rustle of pans o
n the stove. She stretched her arms over her head, the sheet pulled back, one bare leg exposed. She looked down at the red polish on her toenails and grinned. Even her toes were happy.

  She picked up Phil’s shirt from the chair and slipped into it like he’d slipped under her skin last night. She pulled the collar up around her neck, feeling him on her back.

  Phil looked up as she came in, whisk in hand. “That shirt never looked so good.”

  “Thank you. I was going to make breakfast. I can cook eggs and toast, you know.”

  “You can do it next time.”

  “I love ‘next time,’” Savannah said. “Say it again.”

  “Next time.”

  “Again.”

  “Get over here and kiss the chef.”

  Savannah locked her wrists behind his neck, stretching on her toes, while Phil continued to whisk eggs behind her back.

  “How in the hell can anyone be so beautiful first thing in the morning?” he said.

  “I’m so glad I hid your glasses, counselor.”

  They laughed and played, slathered their toast with butter and jam and refilled their coffee cups again and again.

  “Should we get dressed?” Phil asked.

  “I’m never getting dressed again,” Savannah said with a little sigh of contentment.

  They did get dressed, but only after abandoning the dishes to make love one more time. Phil wanted to take a walk on the beach. The world was smiling as the lovers walked along the sand, talking, sharing, and teasing with Daisy cavorting in the waves beside them. They stopped by their old log and sat in the sand. The sun glinting off a piece of glass near Savannah’s feet caught her attention. She dug the sand away and pulled out an old coke bottle, a piece of paper rolled inside.

  “What on earth?” she held the bottle up to the sunlight.

  “Open it,” Phil said. “Someone might be sending an S.O.S.”

  Savannah shook the roll of paper out of the neck and unrolled it carefully, revealing a familiar bold handwriting scrawled across the page. She looked at Phil.

  “S.O.S.,” he said.

  Savannah,

  From the moment I first saw you, I was in trouble. You were a vision, walking along the beach like a secret from the sea.

  Then you opened your mouth and out came the most delightful sounds I’d ever heard. Words with one syllable turning into two or three. Rolling off your tongue like the tide rolling in. Words languishing on your lips as if they were reluctant to leave your beautiful mouth. Slowly they dripped off the tongue, savoring every breath. Who could blame them?

  I was hypnotized, trying my best to focus on anything but those lips as words fell like bits of sweet tea. Drip. Drip. All that existed in this world was me and your mouth.

  The first time you smiled, I knew I’d do anything to have your smile land on me again.

  I was done in. I should have turned around right there and then. Thank God I didn’t have the sense to do it.

  You were so fragile. Trying to deflect attention from all the cracks. Hurting like a wounded animal, unable to trust. But more than anything I was touched by the sadness wrapped around you like a veil. I wanted to throw you on the back of my horse and ride off with you.

  Instead, I stayed and fought for you. Watched you fight for yourself. Stood back in awe at the strength behind the fractured veneer. Steel fused to bone.

  In the end, falling for you was as effortless as rain. You’re my religion, and I’m on my knees.

  —Philadelphia

  Savannah looked up at Phil, tears blurring her vision. “Philadelphia, this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.”

  “I love you.”

  She caught her breath and Phil reached to put his fingers on her open lips.

  “No. You don’t have to answer yet. I just had to say it. I’ve been holding it in for too long. I didn’t want to say it last night and have you think it was riding on the coattails of lust. I wanted to say it in the light of day.”

  She kissed his fingertips still pressed against her mouth. The words in her hands more delicious than all the sex they’d had last night. More rain on the parched earth of her soul.

  “I’ve had plenty of time to think about it,” she said. “I know my heart. I love you.”

  His shoulders relaxed in a look of relief.

  As if there could have been any other answer, Savannah thought. As if there could be anyone else but him.

  She loved him. It settled in her bones, this grown-up love, slowly pouring into all the cracks and crevices. It filled her sails. She’d been out on the open sea for too long, rowing that little boat in circles. She finally found her sheltered inlet. She was coming ashore.

  TWO DAYS weren’t enough to hold all the love they wanted to make. They made it on the beach, under the stars. Then came home and made more in the shower, soapy bodies slipping and sliding, water raining down on their heads and dripping into their mouths.

  They made love until they couldn’t anymore. Until their bodies were slick with sweat, tiny pools of perspiration in her belly button, the hollow of her throat and valleys between her fingers. Then they lay around, Phil exploring every inch of Savannah’s naked body, cataloguing every hill and valley. Every mark and scar.

  “What’s this one from?” He pointed to the bottom of her right foot.

  “I jumped out of a tree and landed on a board with a nail.”

  “Ouch.” He kissed the arch, then crawled back up to his pillow, collapsing on his side. “What was it Neenie used to say? Girl, you look good enough to eat.”

  Savannah laughed out loud at the molasses drawl with a Philadelphia twist.

  “Except it’s too damn hot.” Phil rolled over on his back, arms spread wide.

  Savannah was up and out of bed, pulling on his shirt and rolling up the sleeves.

  “Put your shorts on.” She tossed them on the bed. “Let’s go find a breeze.”

  The lovers walked down to the beach. Only their voices and the surf broke the quiet of the night. The moonlight shone on the waves where they splashed one another until they were wet and cooled off.

  Phil gathered her up in his arms and she laid her head on his chest, damp with salty spray.

  “I don’t want to go home tomorrow.” She looked up at him with a big pout. “Except I do. Because I want to see my kids.”

  “Of course you do.”

  “How are we ever going to make this work, Philadelphia? The north and the south?”

  “We’ll find a way.” He pulled her closer. “We’ll find a way.”

  THEY DID find a way to make it work. Long letters. Longer phone calls. The long distance charges rivaled the national debt, but it was worth every cent.

  The last six months were the worst: Phil had been locked away in Philadelphia working on a complex trial, managing only two short visits.

  “I’m going to run to you like you run to the beach,” Phil said, on the phone. “Give the neighbors something to talk about.”

  “Actually, I don’t want you to come to my house. Meet me downtown.”

  “Why?”

  “You’ll see. One-Eleven Peach Tree Drive and don’t be late.”

  “Philadelphia.” Savannah ran to him now, jumping in his arms.” God, I missed you.”

  “Georgia.” He twirled her in a circle. “I missed that face.”

  They clung to one another like shipwreck survivors. Kissing on a downtown sidewalk, in broad daylight.

  Savannah took Phil’s hand. “I hope everyone got a good look at that.”

  “Why did you want me to meet you down here?” Phil looked around at the office buildings surrounding him.

  Savannah pointed to a small sign on the front of the building. Ivy wrapping around its edges in a welcoming embrace.

  Phil gasped, looked at Savannah and back at the sign:

  THE NEDRA BAILEY FOUNDATION.

  “What have you done?” he said slowly.

  “Come inside and I’ll tell you.” Sh
e led him through the door into the cheery office space.

  “Good afternoon,” said the woman from behind the front desk.

  “Good after—” Phil did a double take. “Claudia?”

  She beamed from behind her typewriter. “Yes, sir.”

  “I see I’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” Phil said, as Savannah dragged him into her small office and closed the door.

  “What do you think?” She clapped her hands as Phil collapsed in a chair.

  “You’re always amazing me. You never mentioned a thing about this.”

  “I wanted to surprise you.”

  “Well, you succeeded. Fill me in.”

  He leaned back in his chair and listened as Savannah laid out the evolution of the Nedra Bailey Foundation, begun with Neenie’s own healthy savings account.

  “She must have saved every penny,” Savannah said. “Other generous donors followed suit, allowing us to set up shop in this space. We’re here to offer college scholarships to colored women. A ticket to the future. Claudia was our first recipient. She works part time while going to school.”

  “I’ll be happy to write a fat check. Neenie would be so proud.” Phil leaned across the desk and took her hands. “And so am I.”

  “I wish Neenie and I could have done it together.”

  “You are doing it together.”

  “You’re right. We are.” Savannah sat back in her executive chair and gave it a spin.

  “You’re sexy on that side of the desk,” he said. “I saw the For Sale sign in the front yard of the house when I drove by. How are the kids handling that?”

  “Pretty good, actually. It helps that we’re still seeing Dr. Nolan as a family. Angela and I have found our way back and it feels good. ”

  “I’m glad.”

  “The kids understand the house is way too big and way too expensive. I can’t afford it. It’s time to let someone who has the means take care of it. Besides it’s just a house. And I’m ready to leave it.”