Bad Mother's Detox - a Romantic Comedy: Funny Romance (Bad Mother's Romance Book 2)

by Suzy K Quinn

  ‘Does your mother think I’m after your money?’ I asked.

  Alex smiled. ‘Of course she does. My mother is a social climber. She assumes all women think the way she does.’

  ‘Well I’m definitely not a social climber,’ I said. ‘If anything, I’m slipping down the class system.’

  Alex laughed. ‘Stay exactly the way you are. Don’t change.’

  ‘If one of us doesn’t change,’ I said, ‘how are we going to build a life together?’

  ‘Maybe I’ll change,’ said Alex.

  But … will he? If my experience with Nick has taught me anything, it’s that men absolutely do not change. No matter how much you scream at them.

  I didn’t ask Alex to stay over, and he didn’t suggest it.

  There was no way it would have worked anyway, with Daisy in the travel cot and Mum roaming about in her Guinness dressing gown, accusing people of ‘eating all the fucking bacon’.

  Sunday 14th May

  Laura’s birthday.

  Big sis didn’t want a fuss this year, so I just met her for coffee and gave her gifts from the family.

  We chose a café in Bloomsbury, because Laura’s Maternity Health Advocate doesn’t think she should travel on trains.

  The café was extremely trendy and made partially of wood pallets. It wasn’t really suitable for children, because there were decorative cactuses everywhere.

  Still, Daisy has learned a valuable lesson – nature can be cruel.

  Laura will learn the same lesson when she goes into labour.

  My big sister looked beautiful in crease-free maternity jeans and a billowing blouse. Her bump is showing a little, but she’s still slim.

  Over frothy cappuccinos in earthenware mugs, I handed Laura a bag of birthday presents.

  I gave her a really pretty framed paper-cut picture. Mum bought her a bottle of Malibu.

  Brandi actually remembered this year, and gave Laura a giant bag of peanut M&Ms.

  Asked Laura what Zach had given her.

  Looking down at her decaf coffee, Laura said, ‘He gave me this.’

  She waved pale, slender fingers at me, and I caught a flash of a pretty antique diamond on her ring finger.

  ‘Laura,’ I said. ‘Is that an engagement ring?’

  ‘Oh, no,’ Laura insisted. ‘Just … this is a sort of promise type thing. To say we’ll get married one day.’

  ‘So an engagement ring then.’

  ‘Honestly,’ Laura continued. ‘It’s nothing as official as that. Zach just asked me to marry him and popped the ring on. But we haven’t set a date.’

  ‘Laura,’ I said. ‘IT’S AN ENGAGEMENT RING.’

  Trust my big sister to be so casual about getting engaged.

  If Alex ever asks me to marry him, I’ll be shouting about it from the rooftops.

  But then again, I’m not sure I’ll ever get married. Not after what happened with Nick. In fact, after the mediation sessions, I think I’m allergic to churches.

  Phoned Alex to tell him that Laura and Zach are engaged.

  He knew already.

  I asked, jokingly, if he’d bought a hat for the wedding.

  Alex took the question seriously and said he always wore the same headwear to weddings – a silk top hat from Savile Row.

  Monday 15th May

  Should start thinking about packing stuff for the house move next month, but realistically I don’t have much.

  I can probably do it in a morning.

  Tuesday 16th May

  Mediation session tomorrow.

  Maybe it won’t be too bad. Nick is acting quite normal these days. Almost reasonable. Like he’s getting his act together.

  Haven’t told Alex about impending mediation.

  He’s jealous enough already.

  Wednesday 17th May

  Mediation session with Nick.

  Nick put forward ridiculous reasons why Daisy should live with him:

  Daisy could have her own large bedroom at his new house, complete with antique rocking horse and vintage collection of Just Williams.

  Daisy would have access to Netflix (Nick has just purchased a subscription), meaning she could watch unlimited Peppa Pig episodes.

  Nick has shaved his beard off, so Daisy is no longer afraid of him.

  Fiona Skelton asked how I felt about joint custody as a compromise – a way to meet in the middle.

  I said I felt it was fucking ridiculous.

  ‘Nick isn’t responsible,’ I explained. ‘He’s living in La La Land, playing at happy families. But he can’t manage one child for more than a few hours, let alone two. Daisy barely knows him. He abandoned her for six months last year and he STILL HASN’T PAID ANY BLOODY MAINTENANCE!’

  Fiona asked if there was anything Nick and I were united about.

  I said we were united in our disagreement.

  ‘What about Nick’s move to Great Oakley?’ Fiona asked. ‘Surely that’s a positive step. That he wants to be near you and Daisy.’

  I had to laugh about that.

  ‘His mum bought him the house,’ I said. ‘If Nick had his way, he’d be in a Soho apartment.’

  ‘All right, fair play,’ said Nick. ‘Mum did buy the house. But it’s part of my long-term plan to get my family back.’

  ‘You’re not thinking about Daisy,’ I said. ‘What’s best for her? And what about your other family? And Sadie? Does she know about this master plan? You two argue all the time. Is that good for Daisy?’

  We talked about visitation, and once again Nick offered the very reasonable terms of once a month, ‘while we sort out the legal shit’.

  ‘That’s fine with me,’ I said. ‘As long as they’re supervised visits. Daisy hardly knows you.’

  ‘You’d be more than welcome to come with her,’ said Nick, offering a hopeful smile.

  Fiona drafted a visitation schedule, and I thought things were going well.

  Then Nick said the schedule had to be checked over by his solicitor.

  ‘Why?’ I asked. ‘We’ve just come to an agreement.’

  ‘I don’t want to do anything that could jeopardise the residency stuff,’ Nick replied.

  ‘You’re not going to get residency,’ I said, through gritted teeth.

  With sad eyes, Fiona filled out the Child Arrangement Order papers for the next court hearing.

  Thursday 18th May

  Callum is in trouble at school again.

  He’s been fighting with older boys.

  ‘Did you win?’ Brandi asked him.

  ‘Yes,’ said Callum. ‘He started crying first.’

  Brandi patted Callum on the head. ‘Good boy.’

  When Brandi left the room, I gave Callum the good aunty lecture.

  ‘Listen,’ I said. ‘You can’t go around hitting people. If kids say things, you have to just ignore it.’

  ‘Even if they use really bad words and they’re bigger than you?’ Callum asked.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Can I use bad words back?’ Callum wanted to know.

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘You just have to walk away. Two wrongs don’t make a right.’

  Callum considered this. ‘But I did really well in that fight,’ he said. ‘I hit a big boy who walks to school by himself. My girlfriend was really happy I stood up for her.’

  ‘Hang on a minute,’ I said. ‘You have a girlfriend?’

  Callum beamed with pride. ‘I have now.’

  Friday 19th May

  Went to Great Oakley Library with Althea today.

  We didn’t read any books because Daisy and Wolfgang spent the whole time fighting on the colourful rug.

  Daisy started it by using Wolfgang as an unwilling walking frame.

  Wolfgang kept shouting, ‘Arg! Arg!’ and trying to push her off. Then he snatched books from the big pile Daisy had built.

  I have to say, Daisy’s certainly learning to hold her own.

  She looked murderous when she saw Maisie’s Nursery in Wolfgang’s beefy paw
, and sunk her teeth right into his wrist.

  Wolfgang had to beat her off with a hardback copy of African Children’s Tales.

  VERY excited about moving into Station Cottage now – less than a month to go!

  Saturday 20th May

  John Boy wants to propose to Gwen. I suppose it’s the next logical step – he’s already had a rose tattooed on his arm for her.

  ‘Don’t you think it’s a bit soon?’ I said.

  ‘But I love her,’ John Boy replied.

  ‘Do you think she’ll say yes?’ I asked.

  ‘I doubt it,’ said John Boy. ‘But if you don’t ask, you don’t get.’

  It’s very brave he’s willing to go headlong into heartbreak. But I suppose he’s still young.

  In a few years, he’ll have had all the spirit beaten out of him, just like the rest of us.

  Sunday 21st May

  Alex has invited Daisy and I to the grand opening of his flagship gym next week.

  The gym is in London, just off Leicester Square.

  ‘It had better be the best gym chain I’ve ever seen,’ I told Alex. ‘Good enough to have you leaving the country every five minutes.’

  Alex promised me it certainly would be. And I’m sure he’s right, because I’ve only ever been to Fitness First.

  Alex told me to pack swimming stuff because there are three different pools.

  Monday 22nd May

  Work today.

  Had to log all the charity collectors’ wages, because I’ve finally convinced Cheryl, the accounts manager, that Lloyd can’t count.

  Hating work right now. Plus, I’m getting suspicious about how Hari runs things. A lot of these figures don’t add up. I’m beginning to think Hari hired someone who couldn’t count on purpose.

  When I talked to Hari about numbers, he put an aftershave-fumed arm around my shoulder and said, ‘Don’t overcomplicate things. Life is simple. That’s what all these people with degrees don’t understand.’

  ‘I have a degree,’ I said.

  ‘Good for you, Juliette,’ said Hari. ‘But don’t let it go to your head.’

  Tuesday 23rd May

  Nick’s birthday today. He laid on a guilt trip at work, while I was body slamming the vending machine, trying to dislodge a stuck packet of Hula Hoops.

  ‘When can I see Daisy boo again?’ Nick whined. ‘I miss her so much. It’s my birthday. At least let me see her on my birthday.’

  ‘Are we going to do this again?’ I said. ‘How many times have I told you? THINK ABOUT YOUR BLOODY DAUGHTER, NOT YOURSELF. Give me the signed-off visitation schedule, and give Daisy some stability.’

  Nick gave me big puppy-dog eyes. ‘But my solicitor is still looking it over. Jules, I’ve been so low. Sadie kicks me in the balls over and over.’

  I didn’t know if he meant literally or figuratively.

  ‘Can’t you see I’ve changed?’ Nick said. ‘I’m in a nice place now. In Great Oakley. Just like you wanted.’

  ‘Your mum bought you that house, Nick,’ I said. ‘To me, that’s no change at all. A big change would be you paying maintenance. Actual money from your own pocket for your daughter. Without a court having to tell you to do it.’

  ‘How about I pay you a few hundred quid this week,’ said Nick. ‘You know, to try and get things on the right track.’

  ‘That would be a good start,’ I agreed. ‘You’ve got my bank details.’

  But I’m not holding my breath.

  Wednesday 24th May

  Hell just froze over.

  Nick put two hundred pounds into my bank account.

  I can’t believe it.

  Maybe his mum gave him birthday cash or something.

  My nice side wants to think he’s trying to be responsible.

  My cynical side wonders what he’s playing at.

  Still – great to have a bit of extra cash before the house move. I’m sure there will be expenses I haven’t thought of.

  Another shock today – Gwen has accepted John Boy’s marriage proposal.

  She wants a long engagement, but even so, John Boy couldn’t be happier.

  He’s already planning his wedding-ring tattoo, and talking about hiring an Elvis suit for the big day.

  Thursday 25th May

  Wow.

  Alex’s new gym was AMAZING.

  Daisy LOVED the swimming pool.

  Alex wasn’t going to swim with us at first. But then I splashed him, so he grabbed a pair of £50 swimming trunks from the gift shop, paid the lifeguard to hold his Rolex and jumped in.

  Then Alex and I played with Daisy, splashing her and pushing her through the water like a torpedo.

  ‘TorPEEdo!’ I shouted, as I jetted Daisy across the pool to Alex.

  ‘Paedo! Paedo!’ Daisy shouted happily.

  A lot of men backed away from us.

  After swimming, Alex showed us around the spa and the children’s fitness area, then took us for lunch in the directors’ lounge.

  ‘Do you think Daisy enjoyed herself?’ Alex wanted to know, over chunky tomato soup and chargrilled bread. ‘It’s okay for children here, don’t you think?’

  ‘She loved it,’ I said. ‘How could she not?’

  ‘I’m pleased,’ said Alex.

  And it was sweet, because you could tell he really was.

  Friday 26th May

  Have agreed to let Nick see Daisy this weekend.

  His visitation schedule still hasn’t been ‘checked over’ by Penny Castle, but Fiona says we can ‘informally’ agree to a visit in the meantime.

  I know Nick misses his daughter, and I don’t want to keep her from him out of spite. Daisy needs a relationship with her dad.

  Nick is going to meet us tomorrow at the pub and we’ll take it from there.

  Saturday 27th May

  Nick arrived on time to see Daisy.

  Couldn’t believe it.

  I totally wasn’t expecting punctuality, and hadn’t even got Daisy dressed.

  Nick had to wait in the pub for half an hour, while I stuffed Daisy into a pretty flowery dress.

  And guess what?

  Nick DIDN’T order himself a pint.

  ‘Are you feeling okay?’ I asked, as I carried Daisy into the pub. ‘It’s gone noon. You’re in a pub. And you’re not drinking.’

  ‘I don’t drink much these days,’ said Nick. ‘You can’t have a hangover when you’ve got kids to look after, can you? Daisy boo, Daisy boo!’

  ‘You were hung-over loads of times after we had Daisy,’ I pointed out.

  Nick looked sad. ‘I wasn’t coping well back then. I’m not proud of myself, but I checked out. I let you be the adult. But now Horry’s come along, I finally get it. It’s time to grow up, isn’t it?’

  Nick growing up? Such a weird thought.

  Sunday 28th May

  Alex phoned.

  I told him Nick came by yesterday, and Alex went quiet. Then he said, ‘Has the visitation schedule been finalised yet?’

  ‘No,’ I told him. ‘But Nick paid me maintenance this month. Look, this isn’t about what he should have done. I was doing it for Daisy.’

  ‘He’s treating you with no respect,’ said Alex. ‘Asking to see his daughter whenever he feels like it. No schedule. No warnings.’

  ‘There’s going to be a schedule,’ I said. ‘But this is an informal meeting. We both agreed to it.’

  ‘This is marvellous, Juliette,’ said Alex. ‘You’ve gone from playing his mother to being a doormat.’

  ‘I’m neither of those things,’ I said.

  ‘Oh? Agreeing to an informal visitation? Where is your power in that situation, Juliette? And what about Daisy? This is all very inconsistent for her.’

  Which hit a nerve, because Alex is right.

  ‘Daisy needs to see her father,’ I said.

  ‘And her father needs boundaries,’ said Alex. ‘You should have told him he couldn’t see Daisy until the visitation schedule was finalised. Nick Spencer is totally spoi
led, Juliette. His mother fawns over him. And he’s playing you. He needs rules, and you need to start laying them down.’

  ‘This isn’t your business,’ I said. ‘I can make my own decisions about my daughter.’

  ‘It is my business. Because Nick Spencer wants you back in his life. And he’s using this situation to try and get what he wants. You’d have to be an idiot not to see it.’

  I went quiet then.

  ‘Look, I’ll be travelling again soon,’ said Alex. ‘But I’d like to see you before I go. A lunch somewhere, perhaps? Near Great Oakley?’

  ‘How long will you be away for?’ I asked.

  ‘A while. I have over 10,000 people working for me right now. They can be rather demanding.’

  In the end, we arranged lunch on Tuesday, just before Alex jets off.

  Another snatched date with a man who has 10,000 other people in his life.

  Monday 29th May

  Spring Bank Holiday

  Nick came to work wearing black-rimmed glasses, and carrying a brown envelope.

  ‘This is for you, Julesy,’ he said, passing me the envelope. ‘It’s the visitation schedule. Everything’s been looked over. We’re good to go.’

  I opened the envelope, expecting some outrageous demands to have been added to our original agreement.

  But no.

  Nick has asked to see Daisy on the last Saturday of the month, until the court makes a custody decision, just like we discussed.

  Sadie will take Horatio to see her mother on that day, so it will just be Nick and Daisy. And I’m welcome to stay if I choose.

  All very reasonable.

  ‘This sounds fine,’ I said. ‘Do you want me to bring Daisy to you. Or …’

  ‘I can pick her up if you like,’ said Nick. ‘And drop her off. I got a new car last week. A Volvo.’

  I was so shocked I dropped my armful of neon tabards. ‘You have a Volvo? You?’

  ‘I have new priorities now, Julesy. A Volvo is the safest car on the road.’