Love and Chaos

by K. F. Breene

  “And to protect you. She knew you wouldn’t respect her if you went through with it—either you would’ve chastised her for lying, or for blowing my cover. Girls never have it easy where sex meets men’s judgments, did you notice that? Straight men have all these rules they think a woman should live by, and a whole different set of rules they live by. Cassie, the dear heart that she is, let you stay in the world of your expectations.”

  “I don’t need a lecture, Peter, thanks.” Jace’s chest had started to fill with warmth. Cassie had taken on the role of protecting the one guy Jace had always watched out for. She had had Jace’s back without Jace even knowing it. And what’s more, she had been honest about the whole thing. She hadn’t lied, she’d just done what was expected within the boundaries required.

  “I love her.” He couldn’t help it; he needed to say it out loud. He needed to admit it.

  “She’s no picnic.”

  “Neither am I. Aren’t you going to point out that it’s only been a few days?”

  Peter brought his knees up and wrapped his arms around them. He looked up at Jace with red, glassy eyes. “No. When you know, you know. I knew when I met Marcus. I met Cassie through Marcus.”

  All these revelations. Everything fitting solidly into place. All to hide who Peter really was.

  “I don’t care, Peter,” Jace said, hoping to reconcile that statement to being the truth. “I don’t care about you being gay. You have to give me a while to get used to it—I’ve known one thing with assurance my whole life, and now I realize that was completely wrong—but I will get used to it. It’s not a big deal.”

  Tears flowed freely down Peter’s face. “Thank you,” he whispered, lowering his chin to his knees. “I don’t want to lose my family over this.”

  Jace stepped forward, hating to see his brother like this. “Can I…put my hand on your shoulder again? I’m not really a huggy kind of guy, you know, with another dude, but…”

  Peter gave a watery smile.

  Jace closed the distance and squeezed his brother’s shoulder. He shook it a little, just for a small bit of violence. He couldn’t help it.

  “Are you going to tell the others? Dad?” Jace asked softly.

  “Yes. I think I’ll wait until we’re about ready to leave, though. I don’t think Dad is going to take it that well.”

  That was an understatement. Their father would take it all kinds of wrong. Probably while extremely angry and disgusted.

  Suddenly, Jace’s problems didn’t seem so bad.

  “Does this mean… I mean, do you mind if I…” How to be Awkward, 101. Jace should teach a class.

  “Go after Cassie, yes. She desperately hopes you still want her.”

  Jace’s balls started to tingle and his stomach become knots. Oh, he wanted her all right. And he’d get her. Now there was nothing in his way.

  “Just…if you can, be discrete,” Peter said. “If they think she’s with you, they’ll wonder why she isn’t with me.”

  “Right. Of course. Got it.”

  Jace stood around, not quite sure what to say now. All he could think was, “I’ve got your back, okay? When the shit hits the fan with Dad, I’m on your side.”

  Peter squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. “Thanks.”

  Jace backed to the door. He’d never felt so awkward in his life. “Cool. Good talk.”

  Peter laughed silently. “Just go.”

  Jace turned for the door immediately.

  “Oh, and Jace?”

  “Yeah?”

  Peter looked up and met his gaze. “She liked what you did last night. How you did it, I should say. Said she felt exhilarated. Hasn’t met a guy who had the right amount of dominant teamed with safety. If I were you, I wouldn’t tell her what you intend, I’d just do whatever you did last night, and reach for home.”

  “A gay guy is giving a straight guy tips on how to woo a girl?” Jace couldn’t help a jubilant smile.

  “Gay guys listen…”

  Jace barked a laugh. “Touché.”

  He could barely feel his feet as he made his way down the stairs. His mom was carrying a platter of sandwiches outside, and he really wanted to sidestep her and go find Cassie. Obviously, that would be wrong.

  “I got it, Mom.” Jace stepped in and took the tray.

  “Oh, Jason, I didn’t hear you. Yes, thank you. I’ll just get the pretzels.”

  Jace carried the sandwiches outside, his gaze scanning the grass as soon as he walked through the sliding glass door. He saw her immediately, in the same seat as earlier, reading her book with the sunshine casting her in an ethereal glow. As he set the tray down on the table, she looked up.

  “Food. Good, I’m starving,” Nick said bouncing up with Emma in his arms.

  “I’ll take her, Nick.” Jenn had climbed out of her chair next to Cassie and come over at the sight of sandwiches. “I’ll feed her while you eat.”

  “Thanks, babe.” Nick handed over the baby and kissed his wife on the forehead before scooping up a sandwich. “What is this, ham?”

  Cassie’s gaze had not left Jace’s face. “I don’t know. Just eat it.”

  “Jesus, bro. All sunshine and flowers today, huh?” Nick moved away, biting into the mystery meat sandwich.

  Jace watched Cassie approach, his stomach fluttering, and turning over, and knotting up, and then fluttering again. He had to keep his cool—he couldn’t be obvious about this—but he wanted her so bad he could barely contain the need to rush her and sweep her up.

  The hard on wasn’t helping much, either.

  “Hi.” Her voice sounded like bells.

  “Hey.”

  “You…talked with Peter?” She lowered those vivid blue eyes as she picked up a plate. Her face flushed.

  “Yes.”

  She nodded silently, daintily putting a sandwich onto her plate. “And…he…”

  “Gave me the whole picture. Which will remain a mystery for a couple more days.”

  She nodded silently again, stepping to the side. Half turned toward the grass, she said, “Do you want to have lunch with me?”

  “Yes.” Christ, he sounded like a caveman.

  “Okay.” She drifted back toward her lawn chair, her hips swaying gently while she walked.

  “Jason,” his mother stepped through the door. “I have a bowl of potato salad. Would you bring it out, please?”

  He nearly growled in frustration. “Yeah, sure.”

  Chapter 18

  Cassie tried to wait patiently for the half-hour that Becky monopolized Jace’s time. She tried to read her book, and not watch him carry things. She tried to eat her sandwich, and not watch the play of muscle across his broad back. She tried to sunbathe, while clothed, and not stare at his handsome face, loving when they caught gazes from across the distance separating them. And she really tried to look relaxed when he finally approached her, face an intense, determined mask.

  She failed on all counts.

  “Hi,” she breathed, setting her book to the side.

  “Hey.” He took the chair Jenn had evacuated when lunch came out. He leaned back slowly, his smoldering eyes trained on her.

  Her face went red from hairline to neck. “You’re staring.”

  “At you. Correct.”

  “It’s rude.”

  He gave a minute shake of his head. “I don’t care,” he whispered. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I’ve thought that since I first saw you, but haven’t been able to tell you.”

  She couldn’t look away from those beautiful eyes cloaked in the envy-inspiring fringe of lashes. She smoothed out her hair and wiped some crumbs off her shirt. “I didn’t put much effort into my appearance today.”

  “And you’re the more beautiful for it.”

  “You’re kind of making me uncomfortable.”

  He smiled, finally turning his eyes to his sandwich.

  “So…” She glanced around them. Nick and a haggard-looking Demetri were finishing their lunch
es on the deck. The kids were playing around the yard and everyone else must’ve been inside.

  She lowered her voice so only Jace could hear. “What did you think about what Peter said?”

  Jace shrugged and leaned his head back on the chair. He finished chewing. “I have to get used to it. I don’t care, it’s just…a shock, I guess. I have to remind myself he’s the same guy—not let the social stigma taint the whole thing, you know?”

  “Not really. I have a few gay friends. I’ve never really thought about it as anything other than…I don’t know…just gay.”

  “What if your brother turned out gay?” Jace looked over.

  Cassie frowned. “I don’t think any gay man would deal with his shit. Women are stupid for being overly forgiving.”

  Jace barked out laughter.

  Cassie smiled over at him. “Just calling it like I see it.”

  He sobered, his eyes delving into hers again. Reaching so far down there was no place to hide, but at the same time, sucking her in. She felt like she was floating with only him to tether her from drifting away.

  “And you? Are you for the forgiving type? I didn’t act appropriately last night. I thought you were taken. I shouldn’t have crossed that line.”

  She broke the gaze to roll her eyes. “Please. If I didn’t want you to be that close to me, you wouldn’t have been. I’m just as much to blame as you. Plus, I think that if you really thought about it, you knew. You certainly knew something wasn’t right, you knew Peter was pushing you at me…You knew.”

  “I have to ask, Cassie, and I’m sorry for it, but if it had been real with you and Peter—if you had really been a couple. Would you have let it get that far? With me, I mean?”

  She didn’t even have to think about her answer. “No. If I can’t be true to someone, I break it off before I act on it.”

  A relieved sigh escaped Jace’s lips. He shut his eyes for a moment. “Thank you. I realize that makes you better than me—Peter pointed that out, and I agree. I honestly don’t know—I won’t ever forgive my own weakness last night. You shouldn’t forgive me so easily—maybe women are dumb…”

  He shot her a mocking look with twinkling eyes. They turned soft, though, as they beheld her. “But I am so thankful for it.”

  “You realize, of course, that I can be a crazy bitch, right? I’ve been known to go a little ballistic when guys cheat on me.”

  His face twitched, a frown and a smile warring as he processed that last bit of info. “How so?”

  “Well, the last guy that cheated on me lost all his hair in a freak accident. It seems the shampoo manufacturer put Nair in the shampoo bottle instead of shampoo.”

  Jace started chuckling. “It could be worse, I guess.”

  Cassie turned red again. “Yes. I was young once upon a time. And Sean, God love him, had his own demons. He couldn’t keep me in check all the time. Without parents who cared…yeah, I did a couple stunts I’m not really proud of.”

  “Like what?” he whispered, seriousness stealing over his expression.

  She shrugged, uncomfortable. “I set a guy’s car on fire once.”

  Jace sat forward in a rush with an incredulous expression. “You didn’t. What happened that pushed you that far?”

  Cassie lowered her head in burning guilt and shame. “It was my first love. I lost my virginity to him. I was sixteen and really volatile. My parents were fighting really hard, constantly, and Sean was waging war on any larger guy he could find. He came home beat to hell all the time, was always getting in trouble, constantly belittled by my parents—I felt helpless a lot. Knowing he was going through so much really bad stuff and not able to help him like he always helped me.

  “Anyway, Ron—the guy—was my sanctuary from all that. I thought he was my safe place. I told him everything. I shared my heart with him, no reservations. Then I found out he was cheating on me with the head cheerleader. How cliché is that? Plus, cheerleaders and the female jocks at my school had a rivalry. I mean, bitch, please, do not shake your ass at me! I will throw a ball at your face.”

  Jace’s lips quirked into a crooked smile. His dimple amplified the handsome of his face. Cassie blinked a few times, stunned for a moment, before lowering her eyes and continuing with the story. “Anyway, I felt so betrayed. So…devastated. My home life was in tatters, and now my safe place was… I went crazy. He loved his car. I don’t even know what kind it was. But I poured a bunch of gasoline on it and torched it.”

  Jace stared, his face unreadable.

  “I’ve never told anyone that but Sean,” Cassie admitted quietly. “I hate that I did it.”

  “What did Sean say?”

  “He was pissed. Beyond angry I’d do something like that. But Sean did what Sean always does—made sure no one found out it was me, I have no idea how, beat the piss out of the guy who cheated on me, and hugged me while I sobbed. Basically, took care of it. I’ve always had him to take care of it.”

  “Until now,” Jace whispered.

  “He can’t take care of my problems anymore. Even if he didn’t have a budding family to look after, he can’t cure the kind of loneliness I have.”

  “Not unless you want to move to Arkansas, no.”

  Cassie laughed despite herself, clearing away a wobbling tear trying to break free from the rim of her eye. “Gross.”

  “I put my best friend in the hospital,” Jace said in a rough voice, laying his half-eaten sandwich to the side. “After I found him with my ex-fiancé…I lost it. I blacked out. I came to when the cops were pulling me off of him.”

  Jace blew out a breath and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “They arrested me, obviously, but my lawyer got me out. Rick my friend, was on my property and we were in Texas—my lawyer spun it like I thought my friend was trying to rape my girlfriend. Protecting my homestead, basically. My lawyer was better than his. I deserved to sit in jail.”

  “So did I.”

  Jace looked over at her, sharing his pain. Sharing hers. A fresh wave of tears came to her eyes.

  “You’ve been cheated on a lot, huh?” he asked softly.

  “Yes. They don’t dump me for some reason. They hang on to me, belittle me, try to change me, and then cheat on me. I am no longer allowed to pick my own boyfriends.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “My brother is still very much in my life. And now he has Krista, Mrs. Logical-Deducer. They team up and scare guys away.”

  The change in his demeanor was hard to pinpoint. It wasn’t any one thing, but suddenly Cassie’s hair stood on end and her stomach flip-flopped. He didn’t like the unspoken challenge, Cassie realized. That raw, primal side of him pushed to the surface, refusing to adhere to authority. Refusing to let another person keep him from what he wanted—her.

  Her skin broke out in goosebumps and her groin started to tighten.

  “Do you want to go for a hike or something?” Cassie asked in a wispy voice.

  Hunger mixed with the dominance in his gaze. “Sure.”

  “We should…uh, should we…what about Peter?” she asked, rising.

  “You go get anything you need. I’ll spread the word that he asked me to go.”

  “Okay.” Cassie had to stop herself from sprinting across the yard. Her stroll through the house hopefully seemed unhurried, but when she took two stairs at a time, she just hoped nobody noticed.

  She burst into the room she shared with Peter. He lay on the bed with his arm over his face. He peeked out from under his elbow before closing his eyes again. “I feel like I am going to die.”

  “You look like you are going to die. Did you eat?” She grabbed her notepad and pen and changed into some runners and socks. Flip flops were comfy, but not great for hiking.

  “A little. I should go down and scavenge.”

  “It’d probably help you feel better. I’m going to go for a hike for work. Um…and…with Jace.”

  Peter peeked out again. “Noted. I take it I’m not invited.”
r />   “Even if you wanted to go, no.”

  A wisp of a smile crossed his lips. “Good. Hiking is boring. This actually worked out well. I don’t have to do all the irritating things you would’ve dragged me to.”

  “Yes, exercise is so irritating,” she said dryly. A moment of insecurity made her pause. “You don’t think Jace will hate going, do you?”

  “Don’t be ruled by your fears, honey. Have faith and hope, the rest will work out.”

  “Okay. Good call.” Cassie allowed a squeal of excitement that turned Peter’s lips upward into a smile. “Bye.”

  She rushed out and closed the door before wiping off her girlie excitement and thrill of spending time with Jace. Of maybe, hopefully, kissing him.

  She really wanted to kiss him. He kissed really, really well.

  As she crested the top of the stairs, she saw him waiting at the bottom, standing in repose with his tattooed arm leaning against the door handle. His large shoulders were mostly turned toward her, so large and broad. His pecs, perfectly cut, pushed at his shirt, begging to be touched. The power of his stance, even though relaxed, had her mouth salivating. He was one handsome bastard. Overly so, even, with that flare of wild bad boy that got her heart to pounding.

  He noticed her as she started to descend, his gaze honing in on her face before dipping to her breasts. It traveled the rest of her, checking her out now because it was allowed. Because he could act on it.

  Holy crap, she hoped he acted on it.

  “Hi,” she said stupidly, the butterflies eating a hole in her stomach.

  Could a person get an ulcer just from butterflies?

  “Hey,” he responded, turning his body toward her. “Ready?”

  “Uh hum.”

  Oh God, she was nervous. She was really, really nervous. That hunger in his eyes. The desire. The want to take what was his.

  Her. To take her.

  Her fingers tingled and a nervous giggle broke free.

  “Something funny?” he asked, opening the door for her.

  She giggled again. She couldn’t help it. “Nope. Just high on life.”

  “You’re high on something, all right.”