Love and Chaos

by K. F. Breene

  "We told them we'd been together a while, though," Cassie said.

  "Anything but the truth is going to raise eyebrows." Peter pointed to the right. "Take a right here, Cass."

  "Let them talk, then, if you want." Jace sat back in the chair, the stern mask now covered over with thunderclouds. "You don't owe anyone an explanation."

  "And I would, except there’s you and Cassie to think about. Although..." Peter looked over at Cassie, and then back at Jace. "What happens at the end of the week?"

  Jace glanced at Cassie for the briefest of moments before turning his gaze out the window. With a sinking heart, Cassie said, "Well...I have to go back to work."

  Peter stared at her for a moment, before turning his head to the side, waiting to see if Jace would chime in. But he didn't. He sat in the backseat, hands resting in his lap, ignoring the conversation.

  A weight drifted down the center of Cassie's chest and into her stomach. She didn't know what she'd hoped--she hadn't really thought about it. But Jace turning away, not even participating in the conversation...

  Maybe she'd been wrong. Maybe he wasn't into her as much as she was into him.

  "It'll work out," Peter said as he motioned for her to take a left. "It has to work out for someone, and right now, it doesn't look like it’s going to be me."

  "It's like Eeyore sitting beside me," Cassie said dryly.

  They got to the cute town of Sonoma and parked in the middle of the square. With the small shops and store-fronts of wineries stretched around them, they congregated on the sidewalk at the hood of the car. Peter had a glance around them to get his bearings.

  "Okay, so I want to hit a couple wineries. I have two favorites in this square."

  "Why didn't we just do that on wine day?" Cassie asked.

  "Too close. Anyway, I'll go do that. I don't need to taste—I know what I'm buying. Why don't you two go be a couple for a while? Take the pressure off me."

  "Well, since it's all about you..." Cassie rolled her eyes.

  Peter barely lifted the corners of his mouth to smile before he was striding away, a white paper in his right hand, half crumbled.

  "He's not doing really well with all this," Jace said as he watched his brother cross the grass. "He's always been terrified of my father."

  "And you?"

  Jace turned his beautiful eyes her way. His gaze delved down into her, feathering that place only he had been able to touch. Yes, it had only been a couple days, so she could really be operating on her desperation not to be alone, but it felt so real. It felt like they clicked, aligned, and just sank into each other. But why hadn't he said anything a second ago? Why hadn't he given her a hint of his feelings out at that bench?

  The weight in the pit of her stomach rolled over; pain and uncertainty bubbled up.

  "My father's life plans have never really fit for me. I've learned to take his criticism with a grain of salt." Jace reached for her hand. "C'mon."

  She closed her eyes at the tingles traveling up her arms as they entwined fingers. She couldn’t help stepping in front of him, unable to think about the end of the week, and opened her eyes slowly. His handsome face looked down at her, his beautiful eyes sparkling.

  “Hi,” she said in a breathy voice, a smile on her lips.

  “Hey.” He bent down slowly to kiss her, his soft lips brushing hers. “Where to?”

  “I have plenty of wine, so let’s go find a shop and buy some useless crap.”

  He glanced up at the shops lining the street before returning his gaze back down to her. “Yes, ma’am.”

  With a gentle squeeze of her fingers, he led her across the street and down the sidewalk. With each new store face, he’d slow just slightly, his hesitation letting Cassie choose where she wanted to go.

  "I like how you pretend you're thoroughly in the lead, but really, you're just waiting for directions." Cassie laughed and leaned her head against his shoulder as they ambled along.

  "I am in the lead." He hesitated next to something called Mary's Pizza Shack, before continuing on. "But I’m being nice and leaving the option of a mutiny."

  "You're being nice? You're not being a huge, softy push-over?"

  He laughed as they passed in front of another restaurant. "Well, when you say it like that..."

  They came to another street with shops stretching away from the main drag. Cassie peered down the way, seeing a novelty store away on the right. "Hey! We might have a winner."

  Cassie yanked him down the street and into a gift shop with all sorts of items mostly revolving, in some way, around wine. Grape earrings caught her eye, displayed as though on a vine. One of the pegs was empty, indicating someone had actually bought a pair.

  "Oh my god!" Cassie released Jace's hand and grabbed a wine holder necklace. "Look! You can put the stem of your wineglass in this part, sling it over your head, and go wine drinking, or tasting, without hands. How cool is this?"

  "You'll need hands to lift it to your mouth," Jace said, analyzing the plastic piece at the end of cord.

  "Right, but you don't chug wine—"

  "I don't, no, but you on the other hand..."

  "—so when you aren't lifting it to your mouth, it'll just hang around your neck, safe and sound."

  "Unless you bend over."

  "Hmm." Cassie picked a couple up. "Yes, the possibility to break a wine glass is very real, but the possibility for hands-free drinking...well, it's worth the risk."

  She got one for each of her friends and slung them around her arm. She worked her way through the rest of the store; most of the merchandise was fairly silly, but not worth buying

  Not seeing anything else she liked, Cassie put the items on the counter for the clerk to ring up.

  "This it for you?" the woman asked with a smile.

  "Yup." Cassie reached into her satchel for her wallet, but Jace beat her to it. He peeled off two bills from a thick wad and laid them on the counter.

  "I can get this, Jace," Cassie said as she looked over at him.

  He winked and slid his arm around her waist, pulling her close. "I got it."

  Smiling like an idiot, she took her bag and let him lead her out of the store. "What's up with the wad?" she asked as Jace continued to lead them around the large square.

  "I like to have cash."

  "Is it because you’re running from the police? Want to stay off the grid?"

  He tapped his pocket. "My cell phone is on."

  "Ah yes, right. So you deal drugs, then. That it?"

  "Who told you that? Peter? My dad? Because it’s lies. All lies!" He squeezed her close, laughter rumbling out of his chest.

  They entered a couple other stores, perusing the aisles in each. There might have been some great finds, but Cassie wasn't really looking. The feel of Jace by her side, the crisp, clean smell of him, and his light banter occupied her attention. The few little things she did find he immediately whisked up and insisted on paying for, wanting to treat her to her strange knick-knack obsession, or so he said. But it felt like he wanted to take care of the little things. It lulled her into a happy fog, looked after, but still running the show if she wanted to. With him, it was the perfect balance between blissful laziness and willful impulses. She never had to think too much or worry about anything; she could just do.

  "Have we worked our way around the square?" Cassie asked as Jace stepped toward a space of wall and pulled her closer. She looked up into his handsome face, feeling his sweet breath dust her eyelashes. The heat from his body soaked into her skin and pooled in her groin.

  "I think so." He kissed her forehead with soft lips, and then her nose, and down to her lips. "Do you want to get a beer?"

  "Sure. Where's Peter? Shouldn't we have run into him?"

  Jace glanced up, his gaze scanning. "I wasn't looking.

  "Me, neither. I had a big gallouph in my way."

  He smiled down on her. "Don't pretend you don’t like it."

  "I don’t. Damned irritating. Feeling's mu
tual, I bet."

  He bent for a kiss, slow and deep. Something sparked deep in her belly, and she melted onto his body, drifting away from the world, focused only on him. When they came up for air, his gaze was open and completely honest. "No. It feels good, spending time with you like this. Feels natural."

  A wave of tingles started from her head and worked down through her toes. She couldn't help a hysterical giggle, so desperate for that to be true. So far along this happy-train with him that she almost didn't care where it stopped; she just wanted to keep riding as long as possible.

  "Shall we?" he asked, claiming another kiss.

  She stepped away, with his help since her bones weren't really holding her up properly, and blinked a few times at the people passing by. Reality was slowly bleeding back into the fairyland fog of kissing Jace. She felt his fingers thread into hers, and then his gentle tug toward their next destination.

  "Penny for your thoughts," he said in a low tone as they once again ambled along the way.

  "Just...happy." She got another squeeze.

  When Jace paused in front of the first bar they came to, Cassie tugged toward it, walking through the open door into the sparsely populated and dimly lit interior. She found a seat at the bar and settled in, waiting for Jace to do the same.

  "So," Cassie said, waiting for the bartender to saunter down. "What's new?"

  "Everything. Everything is new."

  Cassie nodded, because obviously she knew that, but what she really wanted to ask was, "What's next? What are your plans? Do they include me?"

  Instead, she waited patiently for the bartender, a graying man in his late fifties, to walk toward them with a smile. "Hey-ya, folks, what can I get for ya?"

  "Can I please have a Corona?" Cassie ordered before looking at Jace expectantly.

  "Harp."

  "Please," Cassie prompted.

  The bartender and Jace smiled at the same time. "Please," Jace added.

  "Sorry—my brother, Sean, is crazy for the manners. It’s auto-correct for me now." Cassie tapped her nails on the counter as the chuckling bartender moved away to get the beers.

  "So..." Jace said, leaning against the bar.

  "So..." she copied.

  "When small talk runs out, usually two people are either strangers, dating without much in common, or have too many important things weighing on their minds to downshift into light and trivial. Being that the first two of those things aren’t even remotely true for us, I'll go first. I like you. I think you know that, but...I thought I would get that on the table."

  A surge of butterflies filled Cassie's stomach. Jace glanced from his beer to her slowly. On the surface, she saw that infallible confidence he always seemed to exude, his charisma mixing with his self-assurance and creating a melting-pot of panty-dropping hot. But in his gaze lurked vulnerability. His bearing, though strong and powerful, was a little too rigid. He sat a little too erect. Uncertainty lingered under his bravado.

  She set him at ease with an easy smile. "I like you, too. A lot. Kind of blind-sided by it."

  Cassie noticed Jace's silent exhale, his chest deflating as he processed the news. He was trying to hide how relieved he was. "Good."

  Cassie took a sip of beer. And then, because she knew they were both thinking it, said, "So now what? Does it end at the end of the week? Is this a fun tryst?"

  Jace's gaze bore into her, calculating. She knew exactly what he was thinking—did he like her enough to follow her? Did she like him enough to allow it?

  She really, really hated this part of a relationship. So much insecurity and vulnerability. It took forever just to trust the other person enough to admit their feelings. Another portion of eternity to admit the extent of those feelings. And for what—trying not to appear needy? Trying to protect oneself? Trying to get the upper hand in the dating game?

  Well, screw it. She'd never done herself any favors by playing coy. Or dumb. Or unaffected. In fact, she'd played every angle she knew in this situation, and she’d always ended up rejected in the end. Or having to be the one to reject. So now, with Jace, she decided she might just take the hardest route—boldly honest. Completely vulnerable.

  "Look," she said, squaring herself to him. "You said you liked honesty. So here goes. I really, really like you, Jace. It's only been a few days, but I feel like it’s been so much longer. I feel connected to you in a way I haven't to anybody else. Bottom line, I hope you'll consider coming down my way. At least to try it out. If we fail, you’re at least close to your brother. Plus, you can move on at any time. No big deal..."

  Jace's gaze never wavered. His blank mask looked like it was cut from stone. Without thought, she reached up to wrap her fingers around his chin and wiggled. "Why so serious?"

  Stone creased...then crumpled into a bewildered smile. "You go from mature adult to silly kid in the space of a few seconds. How is this possible?"

  "It's a gift."

  "I'll say." His eyebrows furrowed as he weighed what she'd told him. "Look, Cassie, I know you left a question in the air earlier about what would happen after the end of the week. I can't really answer, because I don't really have a place to live at the moment. I wasn't expecting you. I thought I'd be alone for a while, squatting until I figured out what direction I wanted to go next. I need some time to sort it all out."

  Jace paused as the beers showed up, immediately throwing up a credit card. "Leave it open, if you wouldn't mind."

  "Sure thing." The bartender nodded and moved off down the bar.

  Cassie reached for her beer with her heart in her throat. She pushed her shoulders back and sat up straight, determined not to show weakness. Determined to revel in him for as much time as she had.

  "Hmm. Predicament, all right," she said lightly as she gave him a one-armed shrug. She tried to hide her beating heart and sudden onslaught of perspiration behind a smile. "But at least we have Rio."

  "Rio? What?"

  "It's a quote. I think. Say, listen, let's settle this on the ping pong court. I have yet to make you my bitch."

  Jace put one big arm on the bar and leaned toward her. His imposing size sent pleasurable tingles down the center of her body. "That's it? You aren't going to push?"

  "I've done all I can. I hope you come to L.A. After that, I can only create one mean voodoo doll and jab the hell out of it, repeatedly, if you decide not to."

  He studied her quizzically. "You're...one of a kind."

  "That's what they say—though usually behind my back so I'm not offended. Ass." She chugged her beer to try and drown her aching heart. She made a circle in the air at Jace as she beamed the bartender with her stare—international sign for ‘another round’. She might go down, but she wasn't going down sober.

  Jace continued to stare as she ordered another round. And stared through its delivery. And stared after she'd had a sip.

  "Keep it up and you'll be staring at my fist in 3D." Cassie gave him a sideways glance.

  "I fulfilled one of your fantasies. Do you have any others?"

  Cassie choked on her beer and started coughing spastically.

  "You okay?" the bartender asked from down the bar.

  She threw him a thumbs up as she wheezed out, "That came out of nowhere. What?"

  "I fulfilled a fantasy. I want to know if I need to work on any more?" Jace moved his hand to her thigh, starting a low pulse deep in her core.

  "Enough about my fantasies," she sidetracked, her face a furious shade of red. "What about yours?"

  "What about them?"

  "Have you fulfilled those yet?"

  "Most."

  She raised her eyebrows when he didn't elaborate. "Mind sharing?"

  A smile flitted across his full lips. "I went through college and knocked a few of the less important ones out. You might say I was...less than respectable at that age."

  "Three-some? Back door? Tying a girl up? Naughty librarian? Spill—I want to hear it."

  For the first time she could remember, a red hue color
ed his face. He had a sip of his beer. "Yes. Yes. Yup. No—all the librarians were older. I didn't want to know if they were naughty."

  Her mouth dropped open. He was a bad boy. A player, too, she'd bet. Someone she would've gone for, and gotten her heart broken. The question was, had he changed?

  She gave a noncommittal answer. "Huh."

  "Cass, don't judge me. That's not how this honesty thing works."

  "Oh, I am so judging you. I'm just going to try not to hold it against you. Guys like you grossed me out in college. Even though I still had to have them."

  His eyes, deep pools of brown and honey, drew her in, connecting with her in an extremely intimate way. "I experimented. I had a lot of...willing partners. I wasn't thinking with this." He touched his index finger to his temple. "I was young and horny and out from under the watchful eyes of my father. I went nuts."

  "You used your nuts."

  "Yes."

  A tightness formed in her chest with the extensive implications. With the worry he might not have grown out of that wild streak. "Did you knock anybody up?"

  His brow furrowed slightly. "No, of course not. I was always safe. Always."

  "You weren't yesterday."

  The furrow intensified. "No. It felt right how we...went about things. I trust you. I trusted that you would stop for protection—which I had in my pocket—if you wanted it. Since you didn’t…”

  “I’m on the pill. I trusted you, too,” she said quietly.

  He nodded like he’d expected that. ”College was living without the feelings I have for you. It wasn't spent with any feelings at all, actually. My first love was in high school, and my last love fucked my best friend. Those are the only two women, besides you, that I have...made a similar decision with. That I’ve trusted enough to let her take the lead."

  If she were on a roller coaster, her stomach wouldn't have gone for any less of a ride. Her breath caught as she plunged into a free fall, vertigo and delirium making her head light.

  Did he just almost admit to loving her? Did he feel that deeply? Did she?

  All she could think to say was, "Huh"

  "Have you knocked out any other fantasies?" he asked. Trying to even the score, probably. Not feel like such a man-slut.