The Change-Up

by Syd Parker

  “True. I know I shouldn’t worry so much. I just can’t help it. I’m scared, Sawyer.” Bellamy’s voice broke. “I’m scared something is going to happen, and I’m not going to be here when it does.”

  “You have to trust he won’t let it get that far. He’s a smart kid. You raised him to use his head.”

  “Sawyer, I need to know you are on my team. If he gets worse, I need you to tell me.”

  Sawyer almost refused. She respected the trust she and Kevin had, but one look in Bellamy’s eyes and she knew that if she were a mom, she would expect the same. “I promise, Bell.”

  “Thank you.” Bellamy paused to fill up her glass. She held the bottle toward Sawyer, who waved off a refill. “I never thought I would be worrying about my son’s life at only nineteen. I would give anything to trade him places.”

  “And what good would that do? Suppose something happens to you, and he’s left alone. Is that outcome any better?”

  “I guess not. He has you, though.”

  “I know. But then we are both stuck without you. That’s not an eventuality I care to think about. I have to believe we will get a miracle.”

  Bellamy smiled. She loved the use of the word “we” when Sawyer referred to them all. They’d become a family, in a way. She realized she did need to let Kevin live his life. Sawyer would be there to make sure he was okay. As to the miracle, she could only keep praying a donor would come up who matched Kevin. Prayers seemed something she was in short supply of lately. She had to admit that a small part of her faith was shaken. She knew there were plenty of folks in more dire straits than they were, so she tried to relax and just keep praying. “I’m trying to stay positive.”

  Sawyer gestured at the sky with her glass. “Look at the sunset, for example. It’s beautiful. I’m sure someone up there wants to make sure Kevin is around to see thousands of sunsets. I can’t see him cheating Kevin out of that.”

  “Hopefully so. I’m glad I came for the weekend. Not just to see Kevin, but to see you. You remind me that things aren’t as negative as I imagine they are. I need a kick in the pants, so to speak. You aren’t even religious, and you have stronger faith than me.”

  “I could be jaded, I suppose, but why? Would it get me any further in life? Make things any better? No. I have always believed you control your attitude. You can’t stop life from happening. You can’t keep shitty things from beating you up. What you can manage is how you react. Look at Kevin. He could have decided to just give up; sulk at home until something happens. But he made the choice to keep going, with a smile on his face. Sure, he’s exhausted all the time, and he’s hooked up to that piece of crap machine, but you never hear him bitching about it. Why? Because he honestly believes that every tomorrow he gets is a gift. He doesn’t look at them as his last, but as the first day of the rest of his life. Sorry for the worn-out cliché, but you know what I mean. He and I are a lot alike in that regard. We don’t necessarily like what life hands us, but we figure out a way to look at it as a gift. It doesn’t seem like Kevin being sick is a gift, so you have to find out what positives come from the situation, how you can grow from them. That’s the part that is the gift. How the trials make us better.”

  Bellamy chuckled softly. She stared out over the fence, catching the last few rays of the sunset. It calmed her somehow. Sawyer’s words soothed her soul. “I didn’t realize I was best friends with Gandhi.”

  It was Sawyer’s turn to laugh. “As much as I can’t stand organized religion, one of the common threads is faith. Not necessarily faith in a higher power, but faith in the good that is present in the world. I don’t consider myself special. I just learned to hope for the good.”

  “You make it sound so easy.”

  “It is. It’s a choice. We all have the ability to change how we think, what we focus on, and what we project into the world. It wasn’t always easy. Lord knows, there were times I wanted to just say eff this. It’s not worth it. I almost did. I won’t ever let myself be that negative again. It makes life miserable.”

  Bellamy set her glass down and laced her fingers behind her head. The first stars of the night were starting to twinkle above them. She inhaled deeply, mulling over Sawyer’s words. She knew that Sawyer was right. She needed to look for the positives in Kevin’s illness. She was trying. She could see Kevin through the sliding glass door. A huge smile was plastered across his face. Bellamy knew he was okay. He wasn’t letting the situation bring him down. She realized it was time that she started to view the world with different eyes.

  Chapter Seventeen

  December 2014

  Sawyer rapped on Kevin’s door softly. She couldn’t believe it was winter break already. The first semester literally flew by. “Hey.”

  Kevin wheeled backward slowly as Sawyer sauntered in. “Hey, Coach.”

  “You excited about being back home for a month?”

  “Might be longer.”

  Sawyer gave Kevin an odd look. “What do you mean?”

  Kevin hem-hawed around for several seconds, trying to come up with the best way to break the news. He had gotten much worse over the last month. He finally made the tough decision to leave school until he got better. “Coach, I need to be home. I’m getting worse. I don’t know how long I am going to have to wait, but I think the best place for me to do it is at home. I’m sorry, Coach.”

  “You don’t owe me an apology. Your health is the most important thing.”

  “I already told Mom. She’s driving down today to move me out.”

  “Ah.” Sawyer sat down on Kevin’s bed and studied his face. He looked like he was about to burst into tears. She knew his decision was not an easy one. She didn’t agree, but realized he knew himself better than she did. “You don’t have to leave, you know. You have another option.”

  Kevin shook his head from side-to-side. “I can’t do it on my own anymore, Coach. At least this way, I have my mom to help on the really bad days.”

  “Let me get tested to see if I’m a match.”

  “No, Coach. I can’t ask you to do that.”

  Sawyer covered Kevin’s hand with her own. “You’re not asking. I’m offering. You and your mom have given me so much. Let me give something back.”

  “I can’t.” Kevin pulled his hand away. “No matter how bad I get, I can’t let you do this. It’s too much.”

  “What do you do when you’re down a run in the top of the 9th and you’re behind in the count?”

  Kevin chuckled softly. “Throw the change-up.”

  “This is us throwing the change-up. Let’s turn the game around.” Sawyer stood up slowly, noting the look of resignation on Kevin’s face. “Will you at least talk about it with your mom? I know you both said no, but I want to do this. Please.”

  Kevin could only nod. He knew Sawyer meant well, but he couldn’t let her make the sacrifice, even if she were a match.

  Sawyer bent over and hugged Kevin tightly, afraid she might be saying good-bye for the last time. As much as she tried to keep a strong front, she felt the worry welling deep inside. She pulled away finally, brushing a tear from the corner of her eye. She squeezed Kevin’s hand tightly. “Just think about it.”

  Kevin watched Sawyer leave. He felt an immense feeling of sadness wash over him. Hours later, as he and Bellamy carried the last of his things from his room, he let his eyes sweep over the small area that had been his home for the past five months. It looked as empty as he felt. He felt as though he was letting his dreams go without a fight.

  The look of relief on Bellamy’s face was almost his undoing. He knew she wanted him home, where she could look after him, but it signified the final step in giving up. He knew he wasn’t technically giving up, but it felt like it. He took one final look and pulled the door shut behind him. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

  “That was the plan.” Bellamy wished she could put a smile on her son’s face.

  “But moving me home wasn’t.”

  “It’s a welcome surprise.
” Bellamy forced a smile. Honestly, when Kevin told her his decision, her heart dropped. She knew that he would only opt to leave school if his illness had progressed to a point he no longer felt he could manage. “That big, old house has been so lonely.”

  Kevin was quiet for most of the ride, his mind a jumbled mess of thoughts. He was grateful his mother hadn’t pushed him to carry on a conversation. It gave him an opportunity to seriously consider Sawyer’s offer. More than likely, it would be a wild goose chase. The odds that she was a perfect match were small. But what if she were? It would mean Kevin no longer needed to wait. He could get his kidney now. But he couldn’t do that, could he? The fight continued in his head until his mother’s voice broke the silence.

  “Penny for your thoughts, kiddo.”

  “Just thinking about Coach. I feel like I’m letting her down.”

  “You don’t honestly believe that, do you?” Bellamy’s eyes left the road, noting the sadness in Kevin’s voice. Bellamy’s mind went to Sawyer. She was disappointed not to see her when she picked up Kevin. One, to see how she was taking the news, and two, because she needed to see Sawyer. “I am sure she doesn’t feel that way at all.”

  “No, she wouldn’t. It’s just how I feel.” Kevin stared out the window.

  “Anything else you want to talk about?” Bellamy could tell Kevin was preoccupied with something more than the feeling of letting Sawyer down. “Seems like you got something you want to talk about.”

  “No. Yes. Coach wants to get tested.”

  Bellamy didn’t respond immediately. It didn’t surprise her that Sawyer would offer to get tested again. Previously, Bellamy refused to entertain the idea. She would not let Sawyer make a sacrifice that big. It was one thing for a family member to donate an organ, it was an entirely different thing for someone outside of their family to give Kevin a kidney. Still, as she studied the pallor in her son’s face, she remembered Sawyer’s words about gifts. “What did you tell her?”

  “I said no.” Kevin turned back to his mother, seeking her feedback. “That was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?”

  “I’m not so sure anymore. You could be on the waiting list for years. What if the wait is too long?” Bellamy didn’t want to think about the outcome if a match wasn’t found.

  “She’s probably not a match anyway. I don’t want to get my hopes up.”

  Think of it as a gift. The words played in Bellamy’s head. Sawyer was the gift. She came into their lives at a time when they needed it most. “What did she say when you told her no?”

  “She cried, even though she tried to hide it. She wanted me to promise to talk to you about it.”

  Bellamy could believe that Sawyer would be visibly upset. She also decided Sawyer wouldn’t stop pushing. She realized that they needed to decide this once and for all. Bellamy pulled her phone from her purse and searched her contact list for Sawyer’s name. She pushed the call button and waited for the call to pick up on her car’s Bluetooth.

  “Hello.”

  The sound of Sawyer’s voice made Bellamy smile. “It’s Bellamy. Kevin and I need to talk to you.”

  Sawyer paused, not missing the serious tone in Bellamy’s voice. “Okay.”

  “Kevin said you talked to him before he left about getting tested.”

  “I did.”

  “He said he told you no.”

  “He did, Bellamy. Just like you have multiple times before. I asked him to think about it and talk to you.”

  “We talked. Now, we’re talking to you. Why do you want to do this? The chances are you won’t be a match.”

  Sawyer pinched the bridge of her nose. Bellamy was as stubborn as usual. “Don’t you want to know? What if I am a match? I can give Kevin a second chance.”

  “Assume you are a match; you are putting yourself at risk. Things could go wrong during the surgery. You could get sick down the road, and having only one kidney could hurt you.”

  “Yes, both of those could happen, or neither of them.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  Sawyer was silent for several seconds. “Because I love Kevin. He’s like family to me. I want to do whatever I can to help. My life wouldn’t be complete if I died with two good kidneys and I could have helped him. Put yourself in my shoes, Bellamy. What would you do if my child needed a transplant and you were a match?”

  Bellamy knew her answer immediately. She would do the same thing in the reverse position. That’s what you did when you loved someone.

  “Bellamy?”

  “I would do the same.”

  “So, let me do this. Besides, like you said, I may not even be a match.”

  “Yes.”

  “What do you think, Kevin?” Sawyer knew she had Bellamy’s okay, but at nineteen, Kevin had to agree. “What do you say we give it a shot? If we’re lucky, I get you on the mound next fall.”

  Kevin smiled. He knew that having him pitch wasn’t his Coach’s reason for doing this, but it helped lighten the serious mood. He met his mother’s eyes, realizing she was leaving the decision up to him, despite her acceptance of the plan. “It’s cool.”

  “Good, it’s settled then. I can drive out there this week.”

  “Sawyer, thank you. Even if nothing comes of it, I can never repay you for your kindness.”

  “Bellamy, a gift doesn’t need to be repaid.”

  Bellamy couldn’t contain the tears that threatened to fall. “I’ll contact the…”

  “Bellamy.” Sawyer could hear the tears, and she interrupted quickly. “You guys get home and relax. You need it. We will talk about the details tomorrow.”

  Bellamy shook her head yes. “Goodnight, Sawyer.” She ended the call. The immediate relief she felt made her believe she’d made the right choice, no matter how hard it was. “You okay with this?”

  Kevin nodded. “It’s good, Mom. I’m too tired to keep saying no.”

  Bellamy saw Kevin’s eyes close, and she sighed softly. She felt a glimmer of hope, while quick to remind herself that the odds were slim to none. Still, there was a chance, and that was more than Kevin had twenty minutes ago.

  Chapter Eighteen

  January 2015

  Bellamy glanced at Sawyer, not surprised to see trepidation in her features. “You okay?”

  “As okay as I can be. I don’t love knives.” Sawyer winked playfully. “And I faint at the sight of blood.”

  “Thank goodness you will be asleep.” Bellamy laid her hand on Sawyer’s shoulder protectively. “I’ll ask them to keep the blood-letting to a minimum.”

  “Make sure they take the right organ, too. I would hate to wake up heartless.”

  “I think your heart is too big for them to mistake it for anything else.” Bellamy said the words in jest, but she meant them wholeheartedly. When the tests came back indicating Sawyer was a match, Bellamy half-expected her to withdraw the offer, but Sawyer stood her ground. At no time did Bellamy believe that Sawyer wasn’t 100% committed to her choice.

  Sawyer nodded at Kevin, who was listening to his headphones and playing video games on his phone. “Look at him, completely chill. How can he be so relaxed?”

  “He’s a teenaged boy. I think they are hard-wired to be cool. Besides, he’s been poked and prodded so much already, this is just another thing to endure.”

  “Reckon it is.”

  “Are you ready?”

  Sawyer shrugged. “As ready as I can be. I’ve taken all my vitamins. Been eating right. Exercising. Getting plenty of sleep. That kidney is in better shape than I am.”

  “Thank God, I wouldn’t want Kevin’s second-hand kidney to be less than perfect.”

  “Second-hand? That’s funny. Just think, this time tomorrow, I’ll be half the woman I am today. Well, not half exactly, but less of a woman than I am today. I’ll be a shell of my former self.”

  “You being half the woman you are today, is still twice what most people are. You’re a good woman, Sawyer. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”
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  “Good, but not good enough.”

  Bellamy frowned at the odd tone in Sawyer’s voice. She wasn’t sure what Sawyer meant by the comment, but she believed it had to do with her. “It’s the world that’s not good enough. Not everyone deserves you, Sawyer.”

  Sawyer nodded resolutely. She glanced at her watch. “I’m going to head back to the hotel and try to get some sleep.” Sawyer paused at Kevin’s bedside and dropped a kiss on his forehead. She pulled the headphones off his ears. “That stuff will make you dumb.”

  Kevin laughed. “It keeps me sane.”

  “Only until tomorrow. Then you have to start studying again. Can’t have you failing out of school.”

  “I know, Coach.”

  “Later, kiddo.”

  Bellamy grabbed Sawyer’s hand as she walked by. “Sawyer.”

  Sawyer pulled Bellamy’s hand to her lips and kissed it softly. “Get some rest, Bellamy. Everything is going to be okay.” She let Bellamy’s hand go. “See you in the morning, Bell.”

  Bellamy’s hand tingled, and she touched it to her lips. It was as close to a kiss as she would come. She flicked her eyes to her son. One month ago, she was counting the days he had left. Now she was counting the years he’d been given. If everything went well, and his body accepted the transplant. He would be on meds the rest of his life, but it was a small price to pay.

  “Stop worrying.” Kevin admonished his mother.

  Bellamy half-cried and half-laughed. “I can’t help it. In six months, I’ll stop worrying.”

  Kevin squeezed his mother’s hand reassuringly. “I’m going to be okay. This is my second chance.”

  Bellamy smiled hopefully and brushed the tears aside. “I know. It’s what we’ve been praying for. I just never thought this day would come.” Bellamy’s voice broke as the tears welled in her eyes anew. She swallowed the lump in her throat, her emotions plastered on her face. “I thought I would lose you.”