by Syd Parker
“Never.” Kevin sighed. “I think there is someone else that deserves a chance. You know that it’s okay to love her.”
Confusion furrowed Bellamy’s brow. “Who?”
“Coach.”
“What do you mean?”
Kevin cocked his head and regarded his mother with the look of patient understanding normally reserved for a child. “I heard you talking last Thanksgiving.”
Bellamy pulled her hand away and crossed her arms defensively. “How come you never said anything?”
Kevin shrugged. “It wasn’t my place to say before this. I want you to know that I’m okay with it, Mom.”
“That’s only one of my reasons.”
“God, the Bible – I know all the excuses.” Kevin pressed his palms along the hospital cover, straightening out the bumps. “You already love me and after tomorrow, she will be a part of me. You won’t stop loving me because the kidney came from a sinner, will you?”
Bellamy shook her head from side-to-side, but didn’t respond.
“If you can love part of her, why can’t you love all of her?”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Isn’t it?” Kevin leaned up and grabbed his mother’s hand again. “Maybe this is God’s way of letting you know that it’s okay to be with her. Can’t you at least consider that possibility? You always said everything happens for a reason.”
Bellamy opened her mouth then snapped it shut. She hated when her own words were tossed in her face, especially to prove a point.
“She loves you. Anyone can see that. She loves me, too. She is doing this for no other reason than she is a good person and she cares for me. She isn’t doing it because she thinks it will open your eyes and make you love her. She’s not like that.”
“I know.” Bellamy sat down on the edge of Kevin’s bed. “Sawyer doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body.”
“Mom.” Kevin turned his mother’s face toward him and held her gaze. “If God had an issue with Coach, he would have sent us someone else. She’s the answer to our prayers. In my mind, that means he’s okay with who she is, and he’s okay with you loving her. For me, it’s that simple. You spent months pushing her away. And for what? Because some man sits up on the pulpit and preaches about what he thinks is sin.” Kevin gestured around the room. “All of this is because she loves us. Don’t let someone else make the choice for you. It’s okay to love her.”
Bellamy’s shoulders fell. She couldn’t argue with Kevin’s logic. Anyone who would sacrifice so much for someone who wasn’t even family couldn’t possibly be condemned for who she was. The God she knew wasn’t hateful, no matter what she had been taught. Kevin was right, maybe this was his way of showing her it was okay. Bellamy kissed the top of Kevin’s hand. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re too smart for your own good?”
Kevin smirked. “Once or twice. You know, I feel pretty good right now. I can’t imagine how nervous Coach is. She could probably use some company.”
“No, Kevin. The surgery is tomorrow. I’m staying here tonight.”
“Mom, all the machines are so loud. You won’t sleep at all. Please go.”
Bellamy studied her son’s face. He was all grown up now. She looked for fear, but saw none. She remembered the one thing she wanted to do for him as he grew up. She wanted to train him to be a kind, responsible adult who could make his own way in the world. He was all of that and then some. “Thank you.”
Kevin brushed off the gratitude. He laid back against his pillow. “She needs you.”
Bellamy brushed her fingers over Kevin’s cheek. She waited as he fell asleep then stood up slowly and kissed him on the forehead. He was right about one thing. She felt infinitely lighter as she made her way down the hospital corridor, finally accepting the truth. She needed Sawyer every bit as much as Sawyer needed her.
Bellamy’s heart pounded in her chest. She glanced at her watch and almost hurried away. She needs you. Bellamy’s hand shook nervously as she forced herself to knock on the door. Several moments passed, and Bellamy started to doubt the wisdom of her visit.
“Bellamy. What’s wrong?” Sawyer’s half-asleep eyes registered alarm. “Is it Kevin?”
“Kevin’s fine. Can I come in?”
Sawyer eyed her questioningly, but she opened the door and stood back as Bellamy came inside her hotel room. “Do you want to sit down? Do you want something to drink? I have some water if you want it.”
“No. I’m good. How are you? Are you okay?”
Sawyer smiled wryly. “I’m having some separation anxiety.”
“You don’t have to do this, Sawyer.” Even as the words left her mouth, Bellamy prayed that she wouldn’t change her mind. That meant Kevin would go back on the national donor registry, and there were no promises with that.
“I’m kidding, Bell. I’m fine. I was meant to do this, I think. It’s why Kevin picked Delta and not the Yankees.”
“Sawyer?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you. I can never express to you how grateful I am for you giving my son back to me.”
“You gave your son to me a long time ago. I know what a sacrifice that was. I think this makes us even.”
Bellamy searched Sawyer’s face for a sign that she was teasing again, and saw none. She felt guilty for the way she behaved since she met her. “Sawyer, I’ve been so unkind to you.”
“When?” Sawyer studied Bellamy’s face, trying to figure out what on earth she was here for.
“This past year. You’ve been nothing but wonderful, and I treated you so badly.”
Sawyer put her palm on Bellamy’s arm. “You haven’t been anything but nice to me.”
“But I have been. Ever since we met, I’ve done nothing but push you away, when all I wanted was to have you near me.”
“You had your reasons.” Sawyer pulled away and sank onto the nearest bed.
“Excuses. Not reasons. And stupid ones, at that. I need to tell you something to explain why I fought so hard to keep my distance. There was someone a long time ago, before David. Her name was Sarah. We were juniors in high school. At the time, she was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I had a crush on her from the day we met. We were a lot alike. Before I knew it, I fell hard for her. I told her one day how I felt and she…”
“Pulled you into her arms and kissed you soundly?”
Bellamy shook her head. “Flipped out. She told me never to talk to her again. I was a freak, and she wanted nothing to do with me. I was horribly depressed. I’d lost my best friend, and gotten my heart ripped out in one day. I confided in my mother because she and I were always close. You would have thought I was the devil incarnate. For months after, she made me sit and read the Bible to her. All the scriptures about sin and homosexuality were written indelibly in my brain, serving to further remind me what a horrible person I was. When I met David and we started dating, I was back in my mother’s good graces. When you showed up, all those feelings I’d managed to keep buried rushed to the surface again. I could hear my mother yelling in my ear about what an abomination I was.”
“I can see why you tried to push me away. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I couldn’t. It was easier to keep my distance and convince myself I felt nothing. That way, I was still a good little Christian, who wasn’t going to hell.”
“You don’t really believe that if you love another woman, you are going to hell?”
“Not anymore.” Bellamy paused, her heart nearly beating out of her chest. “Sawyer, I love you. I fell in love with you the day I met you.”
“Bellamy. You don’t have to do this. I hope you know that’s not why I’m doing this.”
Bellamy narrowed the distance between them and stepped between Sawyer’s legs. She tilted Sawyer’s face up. “I know you didn’t. I had a long chat with Kevin, and he opened my eyes to some things. I was wrong about you; about us. All those months I spent fighting my feelings for you were based on someone else’s beliefs. Kevin
made me realize that the God I worship wouldn’t give you to us and then condemn me for loving you.”
“He knows?”
“Uh-huh. I guess he has for a while. He made another good point. I can’t stop loving my son because he has a part of you inside him. He said if I already love a part of you, shouldn’t it be okay to love all of you?”
“Smart kid.” Sawyer scooted away from Bellamy, stood up and walked to the window. She stared at the city below. From her vantage point, everyone looked so small. She glanced up, searching for the stars.
“You won’t see them.” Bellamy’s quiet voice broke the silence. “I tried.”
“I guess that’s the big city for you.” Sawyer crossed her arms over her chest. “Remember the first night we sat out under the stars together?”
Bellamy fingered the small star-shaped necklace around her neck. She’d worn it every day since Sawyer gave it to her. “Yes.”
“Are you ready to be caught, Bellamy?” Sawyer didn’t turn around. She didn’t need to see Bellamy’s face; she only needed to feel the electricity in the room to know the answer. She sensed the moment Bellamy made up her mind.
“The day you came into my life, I knew you would change it forever. I never dreamed it would be this big. You sacrificed everything and wanted nothing in return. I can’t expect that your feelings are still the same. I’m not naïve enough to think that. I’m hoping there’s a part of me still inside your heart, and maybe you will think about giving me another chance.” Bellamy’s hands wrung together nervously. She couldn’t see Sawyer’s face, and she couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
Finally, after an indeterminable length, Sawyer spoke. “There’s not.”
“Not what?” Bellamy’s voice wavered.
“A small part.” Sawyer put her hands in her pockets and spun around slowly. “You’re everywhere inside me. I couldn’t make you leave. You’re in every corner of my heart, Bell. I will love you until my last breath, and my soul will love you for eternity.” Sawyer winced, and her eyes teared up. “But I wasn’t allowed to have you. There were days I wanted to rip my heart out, so I didn’t have to feel you. You can end my suffering with one word.”
Bellamy had never seen Sawyer look more vulnerable than she did in that moment. Every emotion she felt for the last year came tearing to the surface. Her eyes watered before she even spoke. “Yes.”
Sawyer froze for a millisecond, the reality of Bellamy’s words not yet settling in her conscious mind. She crossed the room before her knees gave out and pulled Bellamy into her arms. She could feel her body shake against Bellamy as months of longing found their release. She remembered this safe, wonderful place she’d once stood. A brief moment in the light, its warmth returning as though never forgotten. Sawyer broke the embrace and cupped her palms against Bellamy’s cheeks. She brushed her thumb across Bellamy’s cheek, drying her tears. “I love you, Bell.”
Bellamy nodded, unable to speak. Emotions welled in her throat. She leaned forward and kissed Sawyer’s lips lightly, relishing in the softness of them. “I…Sawyer, I love you so much. I’m sorry I wasted so much time.”
“Shh, honey.” Sawyer brushed her hand along Bellamy’s face. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” Sawyer gathered Bellamy into her arms again, her touch silently telling her everything she didn’t have the words to convey.
Bellamy pressed her face into Sawyer’s neck, inhaling the scent that had been a comfort for as long as she could remember. “When Kevin got sick, everything in my world up-ended. Then we couldn’t find a match. After a while, I found myself looking at the stars again. Only this time, I wasn’t counting them. I found myself wishing on every star for a miracle. You’re my miracle, Sawyer. You’re our miracle. I think Kevin knew it all along. I was just too blind and too stubborn to see.”
“Bell, I’m not anyone’s miracle. I’m just the one in a hundred thousand girl who was in the right place at the right time with the right tissue type.”
Bellamy pulled away and studied Sawyer’s face. “You’re wrong, you know.” Bellamy placed her palm on Sawyer’s chest. “You’re just a one in a million girl with the right heart. No one knows that better than Kevin and I. I finally understand that the stars were pointing to you all along. I just had to follow them.” Bellamy nestled her head into the crook of Sawyer’s neck. She felt at home for the first time in her life. Everything in her life led her to this woman. This gift. Their gift. She and Kevin’s future. She knew she could never repay Sawyer, but Bellamy promised herself that she would devote every breath to loving Sawyer, realizing that was all Sawyer ever wanted.
Chapter Nineteen
Bellamy brushed her knuckles over Sawyer’s jaw, amazed at how protective she felt. She watched as Sawyer’s eyes fluttered open. Bellamy’s heart melted at the tired smile that touched the corners of Sawyer’s mouth when she realized it was Bellamy. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Sawyer’s voice was low and raspy from the breathing tube. She searched Bellamy’s face for any sign of regret from last night’s conversation. Her chest heaved in relief when she saw none. Instead, she finally saw all the love she felt mirrored in Bellamy’s eyes.
Bellamy slipped her hand over Sawyer’s and squeezed it reassuringly. She didn’t need Sawyer to tell her where her thoughts were. She could sense she was worried Bellamy would take back everything she said last night. There wasn’t a chance that would happen. As a matter of fact, the uncertainty in Sawyer’s eyes made her fall even more in love. “I meant every word I said, Sawyer. I never meant to fall for you, but I did. I’m in love with you; nothing can change that.”
“I love you, too.” Sawyer’s eyes misted briefly. She had worried that the emotional stress of the surgery made Bellamy say things she wouldn’t have said otherwise. She knew now that Bellamy wouldn’t change her mind. She swallowed, mustering up the strength to speak. “How’s Kevin?”
“They are closing him up. The surgery went great. No complications. The first month will be critical. We will know if his body is going to reject the kidney.”
Sawyer shook her head from side-to-side. “It won’t.” She wasn’t sure how she knew that. Probably the same faith that made her believe she would be a match.
“Only time will tell.” Bellamy’s faith wasn’t as strong as Sawyer’s. Doubt drifted into her thoughts like the cacophonous sounds of summer wafting through an open window. “I wish I had your faith.”
“One day.” Sawyer squeezed Bellamy’s hand. She fought to keep her eyes open.
Bellamy’s heart caught in her chest. “Rest, darling.” She leaned over and kissed Sawyer’s mouth softly. She watched Sawyer drift back to sleep, amazed at the gift she and Kevin had been given. “Thank you, Sawyer. You shared your heart and your soul with me. No one can ever take that away from us.”
Bellamy wasn’t sure, but it almost felt like Sawyer squeezed her hand. She lingered as Sawyer rested, her face looked almost angelic. Bellamy knew differently, but considered her their angel. She wondered at what she could have done to deserve this. Did it matter? She didn’t think so. She knew for certain that when she looked in Sawyer’s eyes, she saw her future. For the first time in more years than she cared to remember, Bellamy actually wished for tomorrow.
Chapter Twenty
March 2015
Bellamy leaned over and kissed Sawyer on the lips. She put her palm on her cheek and looked deep into her eyes. She still couldn’t believe how lucky she was to have found this beautiful soul. “How did it go with the transplant coordinator?”
“She said I’m fit as a fiddle. I am free to resume all normal activities.” Sawyer raised her eyebrows suggestively. While she and Bellamy had finally been able to speak freely as to how they felt, they had not been able to do much more than make out since the surgery. Needless to say, Sawyer was eagerly anticipating being released from medical restrictions.
“Honey, it’s been six weeks. Are you sure you heard correctly?” Part of Bellamy was just as eager to have Sawyer get a cle
an bill of health, but there was a small part of her that was more anxious than she cared to admit. Once Sawyer was completely healed, she knew that their relationship would be moving to the next level. If her body was any indication, Bellamy was more than ready. She just wasn’t sure she would know what to do.
“I checked to be sure. She said I can start back on the treadmill…slowly. She said I can try a few pitches, see how they feel. She specifically said sex was on the list of acceptable activities.”
“She did not?” Bellamy looked horrified. “You did not ask her that!”
“Well…not exactly. But, I figure if the treadmill is okay, sex should be, too.”
“Good lord.” Bellamy shook her head and shot Sawyer a what am I supposed to do with you look.
“Hey, Coach.” Kevin sauntered in and handed the keys to his mother. “I parked in the freight zone. We’ve got about…” He glanced at his watch. “…eleven minutes to get out of here.”
Sawyer hugged Kevin tightly, feeling just a slight tenderness in her left flank. Kevin looked better than she’d seen him in months. “How ya feeling?”
“Pretty good. Doc says another couple of weeks, and he’ll release me for light exercise. I can’t wait to get back to school.”
Sawyer eyed the mound of paperwork on her desk. “Enjoy the break while you can. August will be here soon enough.”
Bellamy shook the keys impatiently. “You ready?”
Sawyer grimaced. “I was hoping you forgot.”
“Not a chance. We may be a few days late, but we are celebrating your birthday, whether you like it or not.”
“Okay.” Sawyer groaned loudly. “Oh. Ow.”
“What?” Bellamy looked immediately concerned.
“My side. It hurts.”
Bellamy saw the twinkle in Sawyer’s eyes, and she shot her an evil eye. “Nice try, Coach. If you aren’t feeling up to a birthday celebration, I don’t think you will be able to participate in any other strenuous activities.”
