by Anna Antonia
I made the situation a thousand times worse.
Risa’s yelling cut out. Her eyes widened and hurt bruised her expression. “You think I’m incompetent.”
“That’s not what I’m insinuating. There’s no need for you to get upset about this.”
“You don’t think I can handle it.”
Her reaction proved to me she couldn’t. Yet, I didn’t blame her. No one as good as Risa should be able to naturally navigate shark-infested waters.
“You don’t need to handle it, Risa. Not when I’m here.”
“That’s just it! You don’t get it.”
“Then make me understand.”
“You’re here now but what about tomorrow? Or the day after that?” She clasped her hands on my jaw. “You left me, Damian. You walked out of the door one night and never came…back!”
Her voice broke on a sob and so did my heart.
I finally understood why my beloved girl was reacting this way. She wasn’t scared necessarily because she believed herself in danger, or pushing boundaries in the quest of controlling the situation.
She was terrified I’d leave her again.
She wanted to prevent it by knowing everything.
She truly believed she had the power to protect me.
Oh my sweet love. How to fix this for you?
I reverted back to what I knew.
36
I swept Risa upstairs, ignoring her protests and the small fists pounding on my back and arms. My throat tightened with unfamiliar sorrow. To think my Risa had carried the weight of this on her shoulders!
I couldn’t fucking stand it.
Holding Risa tight in my arms, I strode into her room and went into the well-appointed bathroom. I didn’t want to let her go for even a second. Using one hand, I turned on the faucets and haphazardly dumped half a container of salts.
“I don’t need a bath! I told you already! Quit treating me like a fucking child! Goddammit, Damian!” she yelled while arching away from me.
Unacceptable.
She continued to throw her fit as I set her down. I bent forward and pulled her shoes off. Next came her socks. Then the sweater.
Risa slapped at my arms the entire time. It might’ve been humorous in different circumstances. I definitely would’ve found joy in showing Risa exactly why this made her a naughty girl.
“You have no right to do this, Damian! None!”
While I’d indulged her in an attempt to prove myself as understanding and kind, this wasn’t tolerable.
Ever.
I growled her name and lifted Risa off her feet. Instead of quieting down, she narrowed her gaze and kicked me.
Unbelievable.
“Stop it, Risa.”
“You stop it!”
“You need to calm down.”
“And you need to quit trying to distract me from what’s going on! I deserve to know the truth, Damian! You crashed into my life and whatever is happening to you has spilled over onto me. Now tell me what I want to know!”
I’d lost control of the situation and for all my brilliance, I couldn’t discern the best way to proceed. Sex? Truth? Lies?
Only one of those options suited me but the timing didn’t.
However, the idea wouldn’t leave me.
A half-naked Risa was in my arms. It would be such a little thing to remove her bra, slide her panties off…
I could have her in the bath, on the side of the tub, on the counter, or even the floor. Maybe all of them. Memories melded with imagination and I ached in sudden obsession.
Risa loved it when she lay flat on her stomach while I crouched from behind, cock buried deep in her body while I held her hair wrapped around my fist like a leash.
Her breathy moans burned into fiery sobs as I plunged deep into her pussy or ass. Relentless, I’d shake her body with mine, rubbing her clit with each stroke.
One look at Risa and I saw she was caught up in the same storm. Anger still controlled her, but the flush in her cheeks betrayed her need.
“Damian, if you just want to fuck me then do it.”
“That’s not what this is about.” I didn’t need subterfuge to fuck Risa. I wanted to take care of her. Make her happy and see she was better off in the darkness.
One had nothing to do with the other.
“Oh yeah?” she challenged. “You know what’s going to happen once I get naked. You won’t be able to keep your hands off me. And I won’t be able to keep my mouth off of you.”
So just do it, her lips didn’t say but I heard it nonetheless.
Risa maneuvered us into the perfect situation to fuck and forget. Sex was never wrong unless it was.
I didn’t want to forget. I wanted to heal her.
Us.
But my cock wanted her. It wanted Risa’s pussy wet and open. Just a yank of my pants, and then I’d have Risa bouncing on me in no time.
Her nails dug into my shoulders, stinging my skin sweetly so much like she would when I held her up and pounded away. Risa’s dark gaze zeroed in on my mouth. Her tongue teased her lower lip. I had the urge to bite it.
Our breathing shifted to shallow. It’d be so easy to give into our shared hunger…
Steam rose up from the bath, fogging the mirrors and finally my glasses. I swiped them off my face, not wanting anything to shield Risa from me. My clothes felt heavy, unnecessary.
“Damian.”
I heard all the unspoken questions. The pleas. The begging.
Would it make me a monster to force her to say them out loud?
37
RISA
Time stretched and snapped.
Dampness clung to my brow, nape, and neck. Wetness slicked further down.
My core ached for Damian’s thick cock. My clit pulsed for his fingers and tongue.
Furious he wouldn’t answer my questions, I knew sex would only complicate everything. It was too powerful a weapon in his hands. Damian could make me agree to anything when I was under him.
But…
But I didn’t want to battle him. I wanted him to come to me because he wanted me as much as I wanted him.
The hard length beneath my ass proved Damian’s hunger for me. I reached down and palmed it roughly.
A feral growl broke free from the guise of perfect control. Damian’s lips parted to give me a glimpse of perfect white teeth. I imagined them sinking into my shoulder, breast, and thigh.
I gripped him harder.
“You know what’s going to happen next, Damian.”
“Yes.”
Gruff. Animalistic.
“But I don’t. And that’s why I’m angry. You have all the cards and I’m playing with a losing deck. I don’t like it.”
Leaving off his cock with a final squeeze, I was taken aback when Damian forced my hand back.
“What good will come from you knowing every little thing, Risa? Will it make any of this different?”
I saw the anger in his face, but it didn’t intimidate me. It had the opposite effect.
“It will help me understand.”
“And then what?”
“Then nothing. I’ll just feel some bit of control.”
“It’s false.” Damian took my hand and roughly ran it up and down the thick bulge. “Just like this. You’re touching me but I’m the one really controlling things.”
My brilliant and cruel Damian.
“Maybe you are but it’s still up to me whether I help or not. I can just be passive,” I flattened my hand until only my palm touched him, “or I can be active.” I curled my fingers, gripping him tighter. “It’s up to you.”
Damian barked out a burst of laughter. “So it is.”
“Tell me. Tell me why we’re here in hiding. Trust me with the whole truth, Damian.”
He fisted his hand in my hair. “Why are the words always so important to you, Risa? I can tell you anything and you’ll be satisfied, but it could just be a lie. Actions matter. My actions are proving to you that you’
re the center of my world and that I can take care of you. I will keep you safe. Why isn’t that enough?”
Damian’s frustrations were palatable. I wished I could submit and let this roll away into oblivion. Maybe I could’ve done it when we first started.
No maybe. I would’ve done it. I would’ve done anything to please Damian. But not this time. Not anymore.
Not until the secrets and lies came to an end.
“I trust you with my life, Damian. Always.” I leaned forward, carefully kissing his brow, cheek, and then his mouth. Our lips parted. Passion ignited, but so did something better.
Love.
“Damian, I love you more than I could ever put into words. You don’t have to carry this alone. I want to help you, protect you. Please.”
I asked this, not because he couldn’t protect me, but because he needed protecting too. Damian didn’t have to be strong by himself. I could be strong too. For him.
For us.
Damian’s large body shuddered. He squeezed me hard, fingers pulling at my hair so that it would hurt if I moved. But I didn’t want to so I stayed. I stayed and waited.
His silence bred demons. I imagined them out there circling, waiting to rend our flesh the moment we showed weakness. They couldn’t be reasoned with, not in a regular, normal way.
I understood he wasn’t keeping quiet to hurt or diminish me in any way. He believed this was the right way.
I knew it wasn’t.
Reaching for Damian, I prayed he’d understand my next move. His hand released my hair, but his eyes remained shadowed and wary. Sorrow pierced me to know I’d inspired those emotions in my beloved Damian.
I didn’t want to break him down. I wanted to help him break through.
“I saw you kill a man. It didn’t make me turn from you. Nothing you say can change that because I love you.” I kissed his chin and jaw gently. Every brush of my lips was a promise of my love and fidelity. “Don’t you understand how much I love you yet?”
Damian clamped his hand on the back of my neck, as if afraid I’d pull away. I wasn’t going anywhere. No matter how angry and hurt I felt. Damian groaned when I tugged on his earlobe.
“I love you to the point of madness, Risa. Everything I do is for a reason. You know this about me.”
“I know, Sir. I do.”
His breathing changed. I’d feel like a vixen in brighter circumstances. Instead, I curled around him tighter. I let my lips linger along the collar of his shirt.
Damian was so close to giving into me. He just needed a little push. I suddenly thought back to our first date.
“You once told me lying is its own form of cruelty, Damian,” I whispered. “Do you remember?”
“It always causes unnecessary misunderstanding and pain. Yes, I remember. This is different.”
“No, it’s really not.”
Damian softened his tone. “Risa, you are not going to cage me in a logic trap.”
Closing my eyes, I felt my hope drop along with my shoulders. He was right. I’d never force him to tell me what I wanted to know.
Sensing my emotional turmoil, Damian tightened his hold on me. “I can’t share every part of my life with you, Risa. No, love. Listen. Not because you’re in any way unworthy. Never that.”
“Then why?”
My cruel love gently cupped my cheek. “There are parts of me that can’t be shared with anyone. But the rest of me, the parts that count, belong to you.”
I couldn’t hold back the rush of tears. I heard the message but I didn’t want it to be true.
“Then how can we ever be more than what we had? How can we have forever when you won’t give me today?”
Forever.
He didn’t deny the implications of the one word. Maybe it didn’t mean the same thing to him as it did to me.
Damian shattered the flickering doubt. Incredible love transformed his face into a benevolent angel. His thumbs tried to brush my tears away but they coursed down faster than he could keep up.
“We have forever. Here. Now. You are the only woman I want. Ever. I love you and because I love you I want to remake the world. For you.”
I took the hit to my heart. We loved each other so very much but still misunderstood one another at the core.
We were doing this for love but our love was hurting.
I stared deep into his beautiful eyes. One silver. One gold. One for the night. One for the day. One for the light. One for the dark.
Divided and forever distinct.
Did Damian’s eyes betray his view on the world? On himself? On me?
“Don’t you get it yet? I don’t want the world, Damian. I just want you.”
38
DAMIAN
Risa wanted me because she didn’t know the whole me.
I rarely regretted my decisions in life, but if I could go back in time I wished I really could be the kind of man who didn’t have to keep secrets from the woman he loved.
My father knew this pain and now I did too.
Unlike my parents’ tragic love story, ours would have a happy ending.
Even if I had to sell my soul to do it.
I mentally sped through different scenarios. Each one was weighed by what lies I’d tell versus Risa’s probable reaction. I couldn’t convince her to abandon her mad but sweet belief she could protect me.
Therefore, whatever I said to her would need to satisfy certain conditions.
It was hard to construct the optimum scenario when Risa looked at me this way. Her eyes, glassy with tears, still managed to let me feel her love and precious trust.
My thumbs swept along her cheekbone. I’d seen her cry so many times, but never like this.
It…hurt.
I wished for the impossible even as I came upon my decision. Once I uttered the words, once I went down this path, there was no turning back.
Risa leaned into me. Placing her hand over mine, she searched my eyes. “What are you so afraid of, Damian?”
“I’m not afraid.”
But I was. Terrified. Sickened.
Alone.
“I need your respect, Damian. I told you what being together meant now. If we can’t be equals then we can’t be together.”
Risa meant it. She loved me, yes. However, the last few months had given her greater strength. As much as it broke my heart, she learned to survive without me.
She’d proved to us both there was life after Damian Black-Price.
That was why Risa wouldn’t go back to how we were. Even though I brought her into this room specifically to seduce her into compliance, I now realized it wouldn’t work.
My little love craved more than dirty sex.
It hurt to know yet another piece of our life was gone forever. More than ever, I wanted us to go back to France. There Risa was happy to be on my lap, to look at me as if I was the universe personified.
I didn’t want to let this moment go but I had to.
Risa needed to step forward to a future where she walked by my side as an equal. Where her power equaled mine.
She wouldn’t accept anything less.
And I couldn’t give it to her.
I couldn’t take the chance of what might happen if this all fell apart. If I didn’t survive Risa had to have a life she could go back to. Knowing anything about my heritage would take that away.
Pieces were on the board and while Risa saw things she never should’ve, there was still a chance Risa could escape this unscathed.
I made my decision.
“There is a particular company in Luxembourg that lost a contract to one of my subsidiaries there. The oldest grandson bribed a director to reach out to me concerning a warehouse fire. That’s why I left you that night. Of course, there was no fire. Only a gunman. Luckily, I survived.”
The memory of what really happened sharpened into unforgiving focus. I wished my story was true. I came close to layering a truth in this lie. I formed the words to tell Risa how the last thoughts pushing throu
gh the hole in my head were of her.
But I couldn’t. Not when Risa’s mouth trembled and more tears welled up to spill over her pale cheeks.
“You can’t cry, my love. I forbid it.” The slight tremor in my voice betrayed me. I wanted to end her suffering, but I couldn’t deny how much of it I’d brought into her life.
She swallowed and let out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. Please keep going.”
“You know much of the rest. I couldn’t remember anything. The scene looked like I’d been a victim of a random carjacking, so we leaned towards it but needed to be prepared in case it wasn’t. Elaine hired a firm to handle security while we were in Europe.”
Risa nodded. “I remember them from that night. Outside the house. It was the same firm, right?”
Sloppy. I should’ve worded that better. Luckily for me, Risa trusted my words were true.
She’ll never trust them again if she finds out.
“Yes. We don’t typically use American security when abroad. Coming back home meant I hired more.”
“Elaine mentioned the increased security when we went to New York. It makes sense why Gretchen had Leon and I had…”
Me—until I turned her out.
Fury at my weaker self strengthened my resolve. Everything I did was for her and I would not fail.
Curling my fingers around her jaw, I said, “Because I hadn’t shared I’d been hospitalized, I broke major SEC rules. We are on alert for anomalies.”
“A leak.”
“Yes. Nothing came out and we thought it was over. We were wrong. The grandson grew desperate. He found out about you.”
“And that’s why he sent someone after me.” Risa stopped crying. Her gaze hardened. “His hired killer crashed into me on purpose the night of the event. He probably put on tracker on me. For all we know he heard us later on…”
Risa didn’t have to finish her sentence. I knew she wasn’t thinking about our privacy being potentially violated. No. She was remembering how I ended things between us.
Before I could force her attention away from my shame, Risa said, “That’s probably why I was safe in Denver until we met.”
Until I brought danger back into her life by seeing her and then turning her out.
