To Love and to Cherish

by Leigh Greenwood

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  Copyright © 2014 by Leigh Greenwood

  Cover and internal design © 2014 by Sourcebooks, Inc.

  Cover art by Gregg Gulbronson

  Sourcebooks and the colophon are registered trademarks of Sourcebooks, Inc.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems—except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles or reviews—without permission in writing from its publisher, Sourcebooks, Inc.

  The characters and events portrayed in this book are fictitious or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Published by Sourcebooks Casablanca, an imprint of Sourcebooks, Inc.

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  Contents

  Front Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Epilogue

  An Excerpt from To Have and To Hold

  About the Author

  Back Cover

  To Zachary Grayson Villela

  Born January 18, 2014

  One

  Cactus Corner, 1868

  Laurie stared numbly as hard, dry lumps of dirt fell into the open grave and struck the pine casket with hollow thuds. Her husband’s death had been sudden and unexpected—a shock to the whole town. The doctor said his heart just gave out, most likely brought on by stress. To everyone else, Noah had seemed like a calm, quiet, sensible man who led a calm, quiet, sensible life married to a calm, quiet, sensible wife. Not even his brother knew that Noah lived on the edge of a precipice, petrified that any moment he would be catapulted into the abyss beyond.

  Only Laurie knew that she was the abyss.

  Laurie was surrounded by her parents, her cousins and brother-in-law, and by neighbors she had known all her life, but she had never felt more alone. The ice-cold wind blowing in from the desert failed to drive away the lead-hued clouds that hung low on the horizon. Not since the day she arrived had this land of pines and sagebrush felt so little like home, so much like an alien world into which she’d been pitched against her will.

  On either side, her cousins Naomi and Sibyl gripped her hands tightly in theirs. Both knew Laurie had been forced to marry a man she didn’t love, but neither knew how many times she’d prayed for his death. It had seemed the only means of escape from a life that was an impregnable prison despite the absence of walls. Guilt battled with relief. It was joined by fear of the future and a nearly mad need to escape the past. The conflict left Laurie weary, unsure of what to do, where to go, who to trust. For the first time since the day of her birth, her life was her own. The prospect thrilled and frightened her.

  It had come too fast. She wasn’t expecting it. Despite years of aimless daydreams about possible escape, she had no plan for what to do if it should happen, no goal beyond freedom from a marriage that was slowly smothering her. Even now, she found herself breathing deeply, drinking in the dry air in great gulps and feeling the bonds loosening and falling away. Her chest expanded as the air sank deeper into her lungs, sending oxygen to clear the mists from her brain, energy to the muscles that had dragged her body through each day with wearying effort.

  Everything before her stood out in sharper detail, the colors more luminous, the textures more luxurious. She might as well have spent the four years of her marriage in hibernation. She had gone to sleep at seventeen and had awakened at twenty-one to find she didn’t know who she was or who she wanted to become. Those years had left almost no trace—just a mist through which she’d wandered without a goal beyond escape.

  “Noah would choose the coldest time of the year to die,” Norman Spencer grumbled.

  “I don’t understand why he died at all,” Laurie’s father said for what had to be the twentieth time in the last two days.

  “Doctor Kessling said his heart just gave out. It was most likely brought on by stress,” Laurie told him. “I don’t see why you can’t accept that.”

  “But he was so young.”

  “Lots of people die young,” Norman said, “but I never thought it would happen to Noah.”

  Norman believed he and his brother had been born of a superior race, one that was immune to the mental and physical shortcomings that prevented other people from achieving their same level of success.

  “They can finish filling in the grave without us standing here freezing,” Naomi Blaine said to her cousin. “Everything at Sibyl’s house will be ready by now.”

  Laurie allowed Naomi to escort her from the cemetery despite Norman declaring that it was disrespectful for a wife to leave until the last bit of dirt had been piled on the grave. That didn’t stop him from leaving, too. The wake was being held at his home. He wouldn’t have considered allowing it to begin without his presence.

  “I know you’ve been too grief-stricken to think about looking into the settlements Noah made in his will,” Norman said to Laurie as he walked alongside her. “If you feel up to it, come by the bank in the morning and I’ll go over everything with you.”

  “What’s there to go over?” Naomi asked. “Laurie was Noah’s wife, and they had no children.”

  “There is business to be discussed. I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”

  Norman refused to believe a woman could do anything beyond keep house and take care of children.

  “I’ll be there.” Laurie was eager to have the will read and Noah’s estate settled. For the first time, she’d have money of her own and the freedom to decide what to do with the rest of her life. She was certain of only one thing—she would never marry again. Nothing could induce her to put herself under the control of any man.

  The walk to Norman’s house was short. Cactus Corner was a small place in the Verde River Valley that had been formed three years earlier when twelve families from Kentucky chose it as the site of their new town. In that short time, homes had been built, businesses had opened, and new families had come to settle either in town or in the valley. As her cousin’s husband, Colby, said, the Arizona Territory was an empty place just waiting for people to fill it up. Noah had been excited about the arrival of new settlers. That meant more customers, more business, and more money. Laurie had been pleased because keeping Noah busy meant less time with him watching her like she was a small animal and he a hawk about to pounce.

  She was relieved to arrive at Norman and Sibyl Spencer’s house because Norman was forced to pay attention to his guests rather than her.

  “How are you holding up?” Sibyl whispered as soon as she could pull Laurie aside. “Are you sure you’re up to meeting all these people?”

  “I see them every day,” Laurie said. “They didn’t like Noah any more than I did. Why should it be hard to see them?”

  Sibyl looked uncom
fortable with Laurie’s forthrightness. Naomi laughed, but that’s what Laurie expected her to do. Naomi was married to a man who loved her deeply and believed there was nothing she couldn’t do. Naomi had shocked many people when she’d insisted that they shouldn’t start building houses just anywhere—they had to organize a real town with a street for business and areas for private homes.

  Despite opposition from Norman, she took on the job of laying out the town and selling lots to the newcomers. Most men still had trouble getting used to talking to a woman about business, but Naomi’s success had given Laurie hope that she might someday be equally independent. After four years of virtual imprisonment in a marriage that had been forced upon her, nothing but complete freedom would do.

  Accepting condolences from people she’d known all her life and mouthing meaningless responses didn’t take much thought, but Laurie was relieved when everyone had spoken to her and transferred their attention to the food and each other. Norman was presiding over the gathering, which allowed Sibyl and Naomi to stay at Laurie’s side. No one would be surprised that Laurie’s parents weren’t standing with her. Her break with them was known to everyone. Laurie was only comfortable when she was with her two cousins, but there was little more that could be said today. So it was no surprise that, standing in silence with nothing more to do than watch people eat Norman’s food, she was instantly aware of a stranger the moment he entered the house. He didn’t look all that different on the outside, but she knew instantly he was unlike any man she’d ever seen before.

  He was tall and so broad-shouldered he filled the doorway. He was handsome and eagle-eyed, with a presence so arresting that it penetrated even Norman’s sense of superiority. But that wasn’t what riveted Laurie’s attention and caused her stomach to tighten. There was a sensuality about him that reached out to her from across the room. It couldn’t have been any more powerful if he’d touched her. When his gaze found hers, she felt that he had.

  “Who is that man?” she asked Sibyl.

  It was Naomi who answered. “Don’t you remember? His name is Jared Smith. He was with the traders we followed into Santa Fe after Colby left us. He bought a ranch about five miles up the river.”

  “I’ve never seen his wife in the store.” Laurie had worked there every day of her marriage. Noah had said he didn’t want to waste money hiring an extra clerk, but Laurie knew he required her to work alongside him because he was petrified she would run away if he let her out of his sight.

  “He’s not married. He just got out of the army. He worked at the fort.”

  “How do you know so much about him?”

  “I met him when he was in town setting up an account at the bank. I tried to convince him to buy a lot in town, but he said he intended to live on his ranch.”

  “Norman hasn’t said anything about him,” Sibyl said, “so he can’t be too prosperous. Norman can smell money faster than a coyote can smell a mouse.”

  Norman was tight-fisted when it came to money, but he’d been openhanded in providing loans to people to build homes and start businesses. His uncharacteristic generosity and the source of the money was still a topic of whispered conversations.

  Laurie thought Jared Smith looked quite prosperous, but she was probably confusing financial prosperity with his physical prowess. The man was a testament to Mother Nature’s ability to produce an exceptional being when she wanted. If he’d been a wild stallion, Laurie could visualize him sniffing the air and tossing his head in impatience, daring anyone to challenge his superiority. When he started toward Laurie, her whole body quivered.

  The crowd that filled Norman’s parlor seemed to make way for this man, enabling him to approach Laurie on a path as arrow-straight as his gaze. When he came to a stop before her, she felt dwarfed by his size as well as the energy that radiated from him.

  “My condolences, ma’am,” he said in a voice that was as deep as he was tall. “I didn’t know your husband, but he must have been a fine man to have the whole community turn out for his wake.”

  How could a man who could make his presence be felt from across the room act so ordinary? She struggled to find words to respond, but none came.

  “We’re a small community,” Naomi answered for her. “Many of us are related. We’ve known Noah all our lives.”

  “That makes the loss all the greater. As you know, I was in the army. I’m well acquainted with death. It’s never easy no matter the time or the manner.” He turned back to Laurie. “I’m a stranger to everyone here, so I won’t stay.”

  Laurie found her tongue. “You won’t find a better time to meet everyone outside of church.”

  Mr. Smith smiled, and Laurie felt a response awaken inside her that she’d thought long dead. “Some other time. I don’t want to take time from your family and friends.”

  Sibyl tried to protest, saying everyone would be glad to meet him, but Laurie knew he wouldn’t change his mind. He was a man who went his own way, chose his own goals, and required approval from no one. The odd thing was that she felt there was something familiar about him. That was ridiculous. Noah had done everything in his power to ensure that she never met a man, so she was certain she’d never seen him before today.

  “Who is that man?”

  Laurie turned to find Cassie approaching and smiled inwardly. If there was anyone who could sense the presence of a handsome man, it was Cassie Greene. The wonder was that Mr. Smith had left without being dazzled by the beautiful young widow.

  “He’s a rancher,” Naomi told Cassie. “He’s unmarried, so he’s fair game.”

  Cassie laughed. “Maybe, but he’s not for me. He couldn’t see any woman in this room but Laurie.”

  Laurie didn’t think she’d ever get used to Cassie’s artlessness. There wasn’t a mean or jealous bone in her body, but she didn’t hesitate to put into words what another woman would hesitate to think.

  “I’m sure that’s only because he came to offer his condolences on Noah’s death,” Naomi said.

  Cassie’s look of wide-eyed innocence was as alarming as it was genuine. “I may have a prettier face, but Laurie has the kind of figure that keeps men awake at night.”

  Heat suffused Laurie’s face. The person her figure kept awake had been Noah, but that hadn’t benefited either of them.

  “You’ve got to stop saying things like that,” Naomi scolded Cassie.

  “Why? It’s true.”

  “I’ve told you a hundred times—”

  “I know. I’ve got to stop uttering every thought that comes into my head. I wouldn’t have said it to anyone but you.” And anyone within hearing.

  As a young girl, Laurie had been proud of her figure. She had confessed to her cousins that though she was careful to offer no encouragement, she enjoyed the looks the soldiers cast in her direction. Her husband hadn’t liked anything about her body, had said it was so grossly out of shape that he couldn’t bring himself to make love to her. He had complained that her breasts were so big they made her look top-heavy. He said her waist was so small in comparison to her hips that she looked deformed. He accused her of intentionally putting a swing into her step to attract the notice of any man who happened to walk by. She had become so paranoid she had done everything she could to disguise the shape of her body.

  “I know this isn’t a nice thing to say”—Cassie cast a defiant glance at Naomi—“but I’m glad there’s another widow in town. I’m tired of being treated like a potential threat to every woman’s marriage.”

  “We don’t feel like that,” Naomi assured her.

  “You don’t because Colby can’t see any woman except you, but not every husband’s gaze stays so close to home.”

  Laurie liked Cassie. The young woman’s candidness was a breath of fresh air in her stale life, but she didn’t intend to become a bosom friend. Once she had access to Noah’s estate, she intended to change her life completely. The fact that she didn’t know what those changes were going to be didn’t matter. She might even g
o away. She’d never been allowed to go anywhere without her parents before her marriage, or her husband afterward.

  It was hard to imagine doing anything on her own, but she was excited about the possibility and intimidated by it as well. The future was unknown, the possibilities limitless. She had never faced anything unknown or without limits. She didn’t know if she could handle it. Maybe it would be better if she stayed in Cactus Corner and continued her life as it was. She would have her freedom. That’s all she’d ever wanted.

  “Some of the guests are getting ready to leave,” Sibyl told her. “They’ll want to say good-bye.”

  That seemed pointless since she’d see any number of them the moment she stepped outside, but she prepared to say all the proper things. After all, this was the last time she would have to do that. After she saw Norman tomorrow, she would be free. The thought buoyed her spirits so much that she had to caution herself to continue to appear grave. She wasn’t going to pretend to be grief-stricken. Too many people knew about the condition of her marriage, but it wouldn’t do to appear happy about Noah’s death. Even those who knew the state of her marriage wouldn’t accept that.

  “I think everyone in town showed up,” Norman announced when the last guest had left. “But that was to be expected considering the esteem in which everyone held Noah.”

  Norman found it impossible to believe anyone could think less of him and his brother than they did of themselves.

  “Many said how much they appreciated the refreshments we provided,” Norman said with pride.

  Sibyl had been responsible for every aspect of the food’s preparation and presentation, but Norman could never give his wife sole credit for anything. It was as though doing so would diminish his value.

  “I have to get back to the bank. Noah would be the first to say I should never neglect business. Don’t forget to come by tomorrow,” he reminded Laurie. “We have a lot to talk about.”

  “I’d better go, too,” Cassie said.