Point of No Return

by Olivia Luck

  I’m not a man to admit fear, but in this instance, I’ve accepted that Violet has all the power now. The depth of my emotion for Violet scares me the most. There’s no end to this kind of all-consuming love. There’s no other woman who could captivate me—mind, body, and soul.

  Is this sort of boundless love like the love Violet has for Max? Because I know, unequivocally, there is no other woman for me.

  That’s what falling in love is, I guess. Hurling yourself at the unknown, unsure if a safety net will catch your fall. The thing is, if you don’t fall, you’re soaring. The chance to soar with Violet is way worth the risk of the unknown.

  Violet

  It’s now been three months without contacting Cameron. They have surprisingly flown by. In a way, it was like I had a piece of him because I continue to watch all of his games. If I’m being truthful, I’d admit that I ask Stella about him often. I’ll let myself swim in thoughts of Cameron after today. I’ll submerge myself in the blossoming feelings I have developed for this man.

  First, I’m going to visit Max.

  The cemetery lies on the outskirts of the city. Rows of headstones interrupt the patches of green grass, regenerating with the change in temperature. April in Chicago is the beginning of the city’s rebirth. Flowers pop up, pollen congests noses, and people have hope that they’ll be able to spend time outdoors again. The sun shines in approval as I make my way from the parking lot toward Max’s resting place. The last time I was here was his funeral. Somehow, I remember the turns to find him.

  Despite the muddy grass, I cross my legs to sit beside the headstone. I trace the letters of his name. It’s not like touching him, but it is a connection. Shutting my eyes, I just breathe.

  Inhale.

  Exhale.

  Inhale.

  Exhale.

  “Hi, Max.” A breeze carries my raspy whisper into the horizon. With one more soothing breath, I adjust closer to the headstone and smile. “It’s been too long since I visited. Don’t think it was because I didn’t miss you or forgot about you. Just the opposite, I thought about you all the time and by coming here, I would have been admitting that you were not here anymore.

  “You came into my life and made me a better person. I was driven before, but you made me strive for the best in my job and in my personal life. You gave me a family to love. And Max, they still love me even though you’re not here.” I swallow a lump in my throat. “One of driving factors that made you such a good man was your family.”

  Sniffling back the emotion, a watery smile forms on my lips. “You’d be happy to know Dom and I are getting along better. Well, not without some rough times. If you would believe it, I used my first curse word on him. It was oddly gratifying, but I don’t think I’ll try it anymore. Just like you always said, he’s not that bad. Dom and I hang out with Ben a lot. You know, I never had a brother and now it’s like I really do have one.

  “And my sister is back in my life. She’s going to move into the city and work with me on the event planning company I started. I’m my own boss and I really think you’d be proud of what I accomplished. I’m proud of what I’m doing. Every corporate event I plan has some element of charity and with the life events like weddings, I’m encouraging my clients to figure out a way to help their community. I feel good about what I’m doing and the impact I have. You inspired me to be this way, Max. You taught me the value of helping others. It’s one of the greatest gifts you gave me.”

  Physically, Max isn’t here to have this conversation with me. Yet he’s all around me. In the blades of grass prickling at my jeans, the wind caressing my cheeks, the sunbeams streaming down across the cemetery.

  “Will gave me guff about not visiting the fire station. I told him that I wouldn’t be a stranger; I volunteered to plan a fundraiser for them and I think it’s going to happen. Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. You probably know exactly why I’m here. You always had a way of knowing what I was going to say before I said it.”

  I stare down at my fingernails, building courage. “They said you’d want me to move on and be happy again. They said you wouldn’t want me to live in the memories of you for the rest of my life. Since you passed, I did what I could to pretend like it didn’t happen. I existed in this weird limbo. Straddling the line between a Violet without Max and the Violet with Max. Finally, I realized that I can’t have you back as much as I have wanted you.”

  This time when I inhale, my breath shakes. “I met someone.” Saying it out loud releases some of the rigidity in my back. “You probably don’t want to know all the details, except that he respects my boundaries and he makes me laugh and he doesn’t think it’s weird that I’m a small town girl. The one thing you need to know is that even if I start dating him, a part of my heart will always be reserved for our love. You carved your way inside of me, and I won’t ever forget what you gave to me when I needed it the most. Unconditional love.”

  Wiping away the tears streaming down my cheeks, I continue strongly. “I’ll always love you and I’ll always be grateful to have been your wife.”

  After I finish speaking, my chest heaves with each cumbersome breath. The strange thing is that, all of a sudden, my chest loosens. A taut rope that’s been coiled around my heart since Max died releases. My shoulders slump and I stare at Max’s stone for a few moments longer. Moving to my hands and knees, I lurch toward the grave marker unsteadily. Then I press my lips to the cool stone in a devoted kiss.

  I leave him as I came to him, with a hushed whisper. “Good-bye, Max.”

  Pushing off the firm earth, I move to my knees then to full height. Bits of grass and dirt stick to my denim-clad pants, but I ignore them. One more heartfelt glance and then I leave the cemetery, tracing the steps I used to find my way here. A faint smile tugs at my lips. Peace is in the air today.

  The silver, small-size SUV sits in the parking lot waiting for me. A couple of weeks ago, I traded in Max’s truck for my own car. It was the first time I purchased a car. Felix came with because I didn’t want to go alone, but the decisions were all mine. I place my sunglasses on the bridge of my nose, reverse the car, and begin my trek home.

  Thirty minutes later, I’m back at Stella’s condo. I navigate my way through a sea of boxes and plop down at the kitchen table. Flicking my laptop open, I tidy my inbox and review my schedule for the week. I don’t have any work today, Saturday, so I’m on my way out to dinner with Felix and Dex. Their relationship gains strength every day. Go figure.

  Tonight, I take a taxi to meet the couple at a sushi restaurant in Old Town.

  “It’s a sake kind of night,” Felix says when I sit down where he and Dex are already seated.

  “And that’s why I didn’t drive.” I grin.

  “What did you do today?” Dex asks, his arm tossed casually over the back of Felix’s chair. They’re comfortable together and utterly sweet.

  “Went to visit Max,” I say nonchalantly.

  “She says that like she would tell me it’s raining outside,” Felix says to his boyfriend with a cocked brow. “Spill. Now.”

  “It was time to talk to him. A lot of change is happening in my life and he’s the catalyst.” My lips twist. “If it weren’t for Max, I don’t know that I’d have the courage to do all the things I’m doing now. And I wanted to see him again. As strange as that sounds, being there was like being near him.”

  Felix clears his throat and scrubs a hand across his face. “Yeah. I hear that.”

  “Does that mean you’re finally going to go after Mr. Open Heart?” Dex jokes.

  I frown. “Remind me never to tell you my secrets.”

  A waitress appears at the table and Felix orders shots of the rice wine and edamame.

  “Dex is right. Carpe diem and all that. You can’t let Cam slip through your fingers,” Felix advises.

  “I have no intention of missing out on Cameron,” I say primly. “You both know as well as I do that I wasn’t ready for him until now. It’s not proper etiquette
to start a relationship with someone when you’re crying over your deceased husband’s collection of concert t-shirts. But I’ve gone through that part and I’m standing on the other side better than before. Right?” I raise an eyebrow with the question. There’s no need for their reassurance. This is the strongest, best version of myself.

  “What’s the plan, call Cam and ask him on a date? Show up at his place in a trench coat and nothing else?” Felix asks, rubbing his hands together excitedly.

  “Nothing that small or that, um, sexual. I’ve got something in mind,” I say mysteriously. There’s a tiny voice in the back of my mind wondering if his heart will still be open when I finally get to him tomorrow. The overwhelming hopefulness blossoming in my chest overshadows the fear.

  “This deserves a toast,” Felix says when the waitress arrives with the shot glass. We clink them together, hovering over the center of the table. “To the smiley, goofy, non-swearing Violet Harper.”

  I’ll drink to that.

  Violet

  The formfitting jersey hits the top of my belt buckle. Luckily for me, they make this one in a female size, so I’m not swimming in the top. On the bottom, I’m wearing white converse shoes and boyfriend jeans. Nothing fancy or sexy. Just me. The leather journal is slick with the sweat on my hands, but I disregard the signs of anxiety.

  I am doing this.

  “Okay, they’re out of the locker room. Ready?” Blake pushes his phone into his pocket, obviously getting a notice from someone in the lower level of the Scrapers stadium, the Chicago Center.

  “As I’ll ever be,” I mutter.

  “Don’t be nervous,” Stella says from my side.

  “Baring my heart to Cameron isn’t scary at all.” The tone is light, but the words are sarcastic.

  “I wouldn’t know if you were giving him your grocery lists or deep confessions because you haven’t revealed what’s in that notebook.” Stella jabs my upper arm with her elbow and laughs.

  “Would you tell me all the things you say to Blake behind closed doors?” I reply archly.

  “Nope. Not happening.” Blake jams his forefinger into the elevator button. Once inside, he uses a key to unlock a floor on the lowest level.

  “I won’t share our secrets, baby,” Stella says. She moves to her tiptoes to kiss Blake’s cheek, melting his look of horror.

  Blake and Stella walk confidently through the heavily decorated hallways of the Chicago Center. The arena is home to the Scrapers and a professional basketball team. The teams share black and gold as their colors, and those hues shade the décor. Blake pushes the door open wide for Stella and me to enter ahead of him.

  The room has plush carpets, oak lockers for each player, large-screen televisions, and many side rooms that are clearly used for physical therapy and other coaching purposes.

  “Here it is.” Blake gestures to Cameron’s locker. I recognize his gym bag at the bottom of the well. Since it’s in a place he’ll obviously see, I place the journal on top of it, double-checking one more time that the little placeholder ribbon is on the right page.

  “Okay.” I turn around on an exhale and place my hands primly at my sides.

  “Let’s go. Game’s about to start,” Blake says but not impatiently. I’ve learned his tough exterior is really just a shield hiding the softie underneath. Back in the owner’s suite, Blake strides to the bar.

  “What can I get you?” he asks me, already pouring a glass of red for Stella.

  “No way. I need a clear head,” I say grimly.

  “Cheer up, V. Inside sources say you have nothing to worry about.” Blake hands me a bottle of water and gives my shoulder a squeeze when I accept it.

  Yeah, the biggest softie.

  Normally, Cameron’s games go by quickly. Watching him play has turned into one of my favorite hobbies. Except today, these minutes crawl by. It’s the first game of the playoffs, and the crowd rocks the Chicago Center with their cheers. My gaze stays fixed on the goalie.

  Nothing to do but wait.

  Cameron

  We beat St. Louis, held them to one goal. I’m lying on the trainer’s table while he stretches my legs. He’s talking about the game, but I’m only half-listening. I played well tonight; like Blake said, I’m a man possessed. The thing is, the glory doesn’t hold as much meaning as it once did. I want to share my success with someone else.

  After meeting with the trainer, the post-game shower is quick. Press mills around the locker room and I want to get my interviews done with as soon as possible and get out of here.

  Tucking a towel around my hips, I pause in front of my locker. Something is on my gym bag that’s definitely not mine. It’s a chocolate brown leather notebook. I lift my head to look around at my teammates, but no one’s paying attention to this mysterious book or me.

  I lift it and flip open the page bookmarked. The feminine scrawl is familiar. Where have I seen it before? There are about ten items listed, all crossed out.

  GET MY SISTER BACK

  Drifting through the list, the image of my brave, beautiful girl starts to come together. The notes are about selling her condo, truck, building her business, and donating Max’s things to Goodwill. My heart clenches in my chest. How did she get this in here? And then, I see the second to last bullet.

  VISIT MAX

  Tilting my head toward the ceiling, I shut my eyes and exhale a heavy sigh. The full body exhaustion coursing through me has nothing to do with the game. The emotional battle I’ve been fighting is almost done. Then I let myself read the last line, no line through the text.

  TELL CAMERON HOW I FEEL

  Dressing in record time, I whirl around to bust through the crowd but am caught by a crush of reporters, a swarm of microphones, and bright lights shining from video cameras.

  “What do you think of St. Louis’ offense?” someone shouts.

  “How are you going to maintain the electricity the Scrapers generated tonight throughout the rest of the series?”

  Seriously, dude?

  Gritting my teeth, I file through answers as quickly as possible. Well, I respond to two reporters. That should be enough to keep Coach from bitching at me for dodging the press. This is part of my duties as an assistant captain, and it’s not my way to blow off responsibilities. But two questions are enough. These two minutes separate me from finding Violet and finally claiming her as mine. Smiling stiffly at the reports, I make my polite excuses, grab my things, and rush out of the locker room. If Violet left me this message, she must be in the arena. I tear through the hallway and into the greenroom where the family waits after the games. Tonight, being a playoff game, I know Stella and Blake will be there. I burst through the door and then time stops.

  Her back is to me, but I’d know the curves of her body, the way her auburn hair falls across her shoulders and into the middle of her back anywhere. She’s wearing my jersey. My fucking jersey. If that isn’t a sign of where we stand, I don’t know what in the hell is.

  With each step, I gain more confidence. This woman is mine. All of my teammates, their families, the organizational brass, and anyone else in this room is about to know it. I place a hand on her shoulder and she jerks around. She’s nervous, the apprehension shows in her deep navy eyes. The bag I’m holding falls dully to the ground and I make my move.

  My arms twine around her waist like a vise. I yank her to me while simultaneously crushing my lips against hers. At first, her arms hang there limply, her body unmoving. I stroke my tongue along the seam of her lips until she gasps, granting me access. Her hands move up to my biceps, gripping tightly enough to cause half-moon indentations from her nails. There’s no way she can be close enough. Pressing the length of her soft body against mine, I’m aware of the stark contrast between her feminine curves and my hardness. Everywhere.

  I need all of her. Now.

  A smattering of applause diverts my attention momentarily, but only enough for me to end the kiss. My forehead drops to meet hers, chests brushing together with
each breath.

  “Idiots,” I grumble, referring to the crowd that’s likely watching us.

  Violet isn’t concerned with spectators. “From that reaction, I guess you liked my new list?” There’s still an edge of concern in her tone and I chuckle.

  “Do you really have to ask that?”

  Then she smiles and it spreads through me slow and sweet, like honey. God, I want to taste that honey for as long as she’ll have me.

  “No.” She’s grinning now, and I can’t resist her.

  “This is a family operation. Settle down.” Blake slaps me on the back with a flat palm, but I don’t flinch. I shift Violet so that she molds against my side. Her arms slip around my waist, and out of the corner of my eye, I see her cock her head back to gaze at me.

  “Give it a rest, Campbell. We’re on our way out.”

  With a dopey grin, Stella looks back and forth between Violet and me a few times. “Hurry up and go. Call me,” she says to Violet.

  Violet glances over her shoulder, calling a good-bye out to Stella and Blake while I steer her from the room. “Where are we going?” she asks breathlessly.

  “My place,” I respond gruffly.

  “You sound awfully uncomfortable.”

  Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dial my driver and ask him to bring the car to the player’s entrance. “The last time I saw you, I told you exactly how I want you. Then you show up at my game in my jersey and expect me not to be hard to the point of pain. Violet, do you truly have no idea the effect you have on me?” A shiver runs through her shoulders and she digs her heels in. I could continue at a half jog down the hallway, but I pause because I want to hear every word she utters. Soak up every statement, understand every aspect of her.

  “I had a speech. Kind of figured you wouldn’t accept me back with open arms,” she admits.