Saving My Submission BN

by Jenna Jacob

  Climbing the stairs, the sound of Nick’s deep, placating voice wafted from the kitchen. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but his cadence was filled with love and compassion. A wistful smile tugged my lips before a pang of envy spiked inside.

  Drying off after my shower, I wrapped my robe around me and padded into the bedroom. Savannah sat on the edge of my bed. Her cheeks were flushed in a rosy hue and her swollen lips bore a matching shade of crimson. Her eyes said it all. The look of a thoroughly satisfied woman reflected brightly.

  “So, I guess you didn’t get rice?” I snickered.

  “Uh-uh,” she replied on a dreamy sigh.

  Lucky little wench, I chuckled inwardly.

  “What the hell is rice punishment, anyway?”

  “They sprinkle dry rice on the marble kitchen floor then make me kneel on it. Sucks big ones, too.”

  Ouch! “I bet that hurts like hell.”

  “It does.” She nodded with a frown.

  “Yeah, but just think where you’d be without them, Sanna.”

  “God, don’t go there, Mel.” She shook her head, then rose from the bed with a sheepish grin. “I need to go get cleaned up. Trevor and Julianna will be here soon. They’re going to go with us. You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Of course not. They’re fun, especially Trevor. Hey, is Julianna bringing the baby?”

  “Nope, Mika is pulling daddy duty, alone for the first time. It should be interesting.” Her face wrinkled in a cringe. “Meet you downstairs.”

  An hour and a half later, Sanna, Julianna, Trevor, and I perused the aisles of a local adult toy store. Gazing at the plethora of vibrators, fuzzy handcuffs, and floggers I couldn’t help but wonder what one gave a submissive bride-to-be that she hadn’t seen or used? Was there something we could find so off-the-charts-kinky that it would make Leagh blush? Doubtful.

  “Hey, Mellie, can you grab that for me?” Trevor asked, nodding toward a display of rubber dildos while juggling an armful of latex toys and lube.

  “Sure. Which one do you want?” I asked.

  “That big double-headed sucker, right there,” he replied as his gaze zeroed in on the huge rubber cylinder.

  “What’s Leagh going do with this?” I asked, plucking it from the shelf.

  “Oh, that’s not for her… it’s for me,” Trevor replied as his cheeks blazed crimson.

  “Okayyy. Guess that’s what I get for asking,” I chuckled.

  Savannah let out a squeal from across the store. Trevor and I raced over to see what she’d found.

  “This is IT!” Sanna exclaimed. Struggling, she picked up biggest butt plug I had ever seen. Its base was at least twenty inches in diameter and the tapered tip was as big as a soda can. The damn thing was heavy as hell from the way she strained to hold it in both arms.

  “You’re kidding, right?” I gasped. “That thing’s big enough for an elephant.”

  “Lord, sister. I’m scared.” Trevor’s eyes were wide with fear. “If Daddy brought that mother home, I wouldn’t even pack my bags. I’d just run out the door like the hounds of hell were nippin’ at my heels.”

  “Why on earth would you want to buy her that?” I asked in disbelief.

  “It’s an inside joke. Trust me, she’ll get it.” Savannah winked.

  “This… can’t be… it, it… no way is this thing made for human consumption. I mean, there’s not an asshole on the planet that could stretch that much and still work the way it’s supposed to. I’m just sayin’.” Trevor shuddered.

  “Hey, did you find the lube?”

  “Yes.” He nodded. “But if you insist on buying her that terrifying monster, she’s going to need more… a lot more… like a cement mixer of lube.”

  “She’s not going to use it,” Savannah laughed.

  “No shit!” Trevor barked, still gazing at the plug in a combination of terror and shock.

  “I think it’ll make the perfect center piece for the party, don’t you?” Savannah preened.

  “Centerpiece? Oh, now I understand. You scared me,” Trevor sighed in relief before a mischievous twinkle danced in his eyes. “I think we need to shove a sparkler in the tip, and light that sucker up!”

  “Ohmigod, that’s a perfect idea,” Sanna squealed.

  “I found the penis sippers,” Julianna sang out as she hurried toward us waving a handful of plastic cock-tipped straws in the air. “Oh, and I also found this lovely, albeit tacky bridal veil. It’s got a real imitation rhinestone tiara. She’ll be so excited. Plus, get this. The veil lights up with flashing neon dicks. They’ll see her coming a mile away.”

  “Oh, I want one of those,” Trevor giggled.

  “Two rows over on the left,” Julianna pointed with a chuckle. Blinking, she stared slack-jawed at the massive plug.

  “It’s the centerpiece,” I laughed.

  “I’m speechless,” Julianna gulped.

  After doing damage to our credit cards at the toy store, we stopped for lunch at a Mexican restaurant. I suggested a pitcher of margaritas, and was adamantly shot down. Not only was Julianna breast feeding, but I learned that my sister, Trevor, and Leagh had spent a memorable afternoon at Maurizio’s consuming copious amounts of wine. Evidently the three got so wasted, their Doms had to come fetch them… from the ladies room. I’d have paid money to be a fly on the wall that night.

  Savannah wrinkled her nose. “It wasn’t pretty.”

  After lunch we decided to go window-shopping—which of course turned into power shopping—and I soon discovered my sister had grown into quite the shoe whore. Of course I had no room to talk, especially after finding a pair of sinfully sexy red satin designer stilettos. Perfect for the red backless gown I intended to wear to Joshua Lars’ gala the following night.

  Julianna was first to throw in the towel, not because she was tired of shopping, but Mika called her cell phone. Once she heard her baby squalling in the background, motherhood superseded shopping.

  “Tristan won’t have a thing to do with the bottle of breast milk I left. I swear it’s like I’ve given birth to a clone of Mika… neither one of them are truly satisfied unless they’ve got my tit in their mouth,” she laughed.

  We quickly drove home and said our good-byes, then Savannah and I spent the rest of the day wrapping Leagh’s gifts. When our task was done, we sat out on the deck, sipping wine while Dylan and Nick prepared dinner.

  “Mel, do you ever think about living somewhere besides Phoenix?”

  “Sometimes, but not often,” I replied. “Why?”

  “I just wish you lived closer. I know the winters here scare you. After Mom and Dad’s accident I understand you wanting to move someplace without ice and snow. It’s just that the fear doesn’t have to control you. You can grow past it. I did. I know you can too. Besides, I know it’s selfish, but I miss you. I mean all the time.”

  Guilt tingled at the tips of my toes and crawled up my body like a cold, slippery eel. I’d used the death of our parents to spin a web of lies, concocting an excuse of being afraid of ice and snow to run away like a spineless wimp.

  “My first winter here, the three of us went out to dinner, but before we could get back home, the weather turned horrible. The road was a sheet of ice and it took all the strength I had not to have a full-blown panic attack. I told them I was scared and do you know what they did?”

  I shook my head, still unable to look her in the eyes.

  “They comforted me…reassured me. They actually talked me down off the ledge and ever since that day, I’ve been fine. They helped me conquer my fear. I don’t have a phobia about dying the way Mom and Dad did anymore.”

  Sweet Savannah, trying so hard to sort out my life. What would she do… what would she say if she ever found out I’d lied to her? I’d kept my dirty little secret from the one person on the planet who I loved more than life. If I ripped open the lid and spilled my guts, it would scald her to the core, but dammit, I couldn’t keep hurting her this way. I had to tell her the truth.
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br />   “That’s not the reason I left Kansas City,” I mumbled.

  Sanna set her glass down and stared at me with a shocked expression. Her gaze all but burned my skin. “Then why did you leave?”

  “I had to get away from someone.”

  “Me?” she whispered, her words slathered in rejection.

  “Oh god, no!” I shook my head as her words stabbed my heart. Did she honestly think I left because of her? “No! No! Not you. It was because of a guy.”

  “Who?” She gasped. “Did someone hurt you?”

  “Physically? No. Emotionally? He crushed me,” I confessed on a shameful whisper.

  “Tell me who, Mel. Tell me right now,” Savannah demanded.

  “You don’t know him. He was a Dom I met at a club in Kansas City. He called himself ‘Chain Master’,” I scoffed derisively. “He was my Master for nine months.”

  “What did he do to you?” Her voice quivered, and tears filled her eyes.

  “Why are you crying?” I asked, choking back the emotion clogging my throat.

  “Because whatever he did must have been horrific and vile, if it made you leave your home and… me.”

  The walls inside crumbled, and tears spilled down my cheeks. Savannah knelt in front of my chair and held me as I sobbed out. “I’m so sorry. I had no business leaving you alone when you were so young. God, you must think I’m the most selfish bitch on the planet.”

  “No. I don’t think that at all. Stop that. I turned out just fine,” Sanna declared as she held me tight, rocking me in her arms. “You’re scaring me, Mel. Please tell me what happened.”

  I didn’t know where to start, but as the memories began flooding through me, along with the slick ugly revulsion I fought for months after, I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes. “I met Davis right before your senior year of high school. I found the club not long after I moved back home, after Mom and Dad… anyway, Master walked in one night and swept me off my feet. He was suave and sophisticated; well, he wore the persona. Supposedly he’d been a well-respected member of a club on the east coast.”

  “Didn’t anyone do a background check on him?” Sanna asked.

  “Oh, I’m sure he was vetted like everyone else. He was liked by many in the club. I thought he was the real deal, until he uncollared me like he did.”

  Pausing for a moment, I stared at my sister. Worry etched her face and her eyes brimmed with anguish. I didn’t want to tell her the gory details, but I’d opened the lid on the shit box. I couldn’t close it up again until I’d confessed everything. Staring off at the horizon, the fateful night came rushing back in full living color. Every sight, sound, and smell filled my brain.

  “I walked into the club one night, anxious to see him. He was sitting at a small table in the back of the social area with a young redheaded girl. She was giggling and batting her big blue eyes at him like he was a damn god or something. A hush fell over the crowd, and everyone stared, as if they knew something I didn’t. It’s funny, I always thought they were my friends, but no one ever pulled me aside to tell me what my Master had really been up to.”

  “What had he been doing, Mel?”

  “He’d been scening with her, dominating and fucking her behind my back.” I shrugged. “For a Dom to play with another sub isn’t any big deal, but the fact that he never told me about her, and instead hid it all from me felt like a knife to the heart. I trusted him, believed in him... in us. But I should have known something was up, things between us had started getting strained. I’d chalked it up to him being stressed out about work, so I just focused more on pampering him and trying to make him happy. God, I was such an idiot.”

  “Stop saying that. It’s not your fault the bastard lied to you, and your so-called friends didn’t bother to tell you what he’d been up to, either. How the hell were you supposed to know?”

  “I shouldn’t have ever trusted him, but hindsight is always twenty-twenty, right?” I scoffed. “Anyway, I walked up to the table. He looked up at me like he’d seen a ghost. His shock turned to anger instantly and he looked down at his watch and started barking questions at me… ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were coming to the club early, bunny? – You’re supposed to let me know everything, or did that fact slip your tiny little brain? - I don’t appreciate you sneaking in and checking up on me, slut. That shows a real lack of trust on your part.’

  “We both knew I’d busted him, but he tried to put the blame on me, to save face with the members and look like some bad-ass Dom in front of his fuck toy. He totally stunned me. I had no idea what to say to him, because he’d never verbally berated me before. The whole room was thick with tension and that’s when the redhead asked if she could leave the table. She actually asked his permission,” I scoffed. “I wanted to knock her teeth straight down her throat.”

  “You should have, Mel. Dammit,” Sanna groused.

  “Suddenly he flipped off his anger and turned to the girl, smiling with a stupid, fake syrupy grin, took her hand and escorted her to the bar, leaving me standing there like an invisible, dumb, deaf mute.”

  “What a douche bag.”

  “Mega douche bag,” I agreed. “My heart pounded in my chest, and I stood there fighting back tears. Hell, I didn’t know what to do, so I turned and started walking toward the door. He yelled at me from the back of the room in a hateful tone. ‘Where do you think you’re going, whore?’ The club fell deathly silent, and I froze. Everyone turned and stared at me, waiting to see what I was going to do. Then Master ordered me to strip and get my ass up against the cross, that I needed to be taught a lesson. I should have just kept on walking, but I wanted to prove he didn’t need the other woman. I was also afraid the members would think less of me as a sub if I challenged him. So, I did what he ordered me to do.”

  “Oh, Mel. You should have told him to fuck off, or at least kicked him in the nuts and walked out. Wasn’t there a DM or an owner around? Someone to protect you?”

  “No, I wore his collar and I didn’t use a safeword to stop it. I should have, but…” I took a long sip of wine and sucked in a deep breath. “He stormed up to the cross, dragging his flavor of the month behind him, sat her down and told her to watch a real Dom in action.” I let out a humorless laugh. “If I’d been braver, I would have turned and asked him if he knew any real Doms, or how long I’d have to wait until one arrived.”

  “That’s the Mellie that should have been there with you, sis.”

  “I was still trying to play by the rules of the lifestyle, Sanna. Not just to represent him in a good light, but myself as well.”

  “I know, I get that, but once he’d turned into a raging asshat, no one would blame you for tossing the rules out the window.”

  “Maybe… maybe not. It doesn’t matter now.”

  “Tell me the rest,” Sanna whispered with a nod of courage.

  “He cuffed me to the cross and fired up my ass, fast and hard. I tried not to cry out. I wanted him to see I was a better sub than the other girl, but the pain got too intense. I couldn’t take anymore, so I called out my safe word. The DM came up then and asked me if I was fine. Master scolded him and told him. ‘Of course she’s fine. I know what the hell I’m doing.’ Then he laughed and told me I was useless and pathetic. When he un-cuffed me, he didn’t so much as give me a hug. He just threw my clothes at me and ordered me to get dressed. After I put my clothes back on he told me to kneel, so I did. That’s when he took off my collar. He told me I didn’t deserve it anymore and that he’d grown tired of fucking the same worthless cunt night after night. He said I was nothing more than a waste of his precious time.”

  “Good god. I can’t believe he put you through all this,” Sanna sniffed as tears slipped down her cheeks.

  “He taunted me, and told me that if I wanted his collar back, I’d have to beg for it. I finally told him I didn’t want it back. With a shrug he turned and instructed the redhead to kneel at his feet. She jumped right out of her chair, giggling like a moron. I m
ean, honestly, she’d just witnessed how callous and cruel the man could be. Didn’t she realize he’d do the very same thing to her, eventually?”

  “Don’t feel sorry for her. She deserves everything she gets from that asshole,” Sanna spat. Anger had replaced her tears.

  “He fastened my collar around her neck and kissed her in front of the entire club. Everyone was looking at us with either absolute shock or pity in their eyes. The pity flipped some inner demon inside me and I went off. I tapped the son of a bitch on the shoulder and when he turned around, I slapped him right across the face. I told him he was a worthless piece of shit and hoped he rotted in hell. Everyone gasped, but I didn’t care. I lifted my chin and walked the fuck out… and I never went back.”

  “Good for you, Mel. I bet that felt ubër empowering.”

  “It did, for a couple of days, but then I kept running into people from the club, and none of them even asked how I was doing. They just looked at me like I was a lost puppy. The amount of pity in their eyes was devastating. It seemed everywhere I went someone or something reminded me of the whole damn mess. I couldn’t escape it, so I did the cowardly thing and I ran away.”

  Savannah downed her wine and stood. Fuming, she paced back and forth along the wooden deck, clenching and unclenching her fists. I’d never seen her so angry in my life.

  “If I ever get my hands on that mother fucker, I’m going to rip his dick off and shove it down his goddamn throat!”

  “Kitten!” Dylan growled.

  Sanna and I jumped and turned. Dylan glared at my sister as if she’d lost her mind.

  “Sorry, Master, but… ohhhh, I’m so pissed right now, I can’t see straight. Give me a pass on my language or toss out the rice, because right now, I really don’t give a shit. I’m so far from any semblance of submission it’s not even funny,” she railed, planting her hands on her hips and tossing her nose in the air defiantly.

  “I can see that,” Dylan hissed, his lips drawing in a tight line.

  I placed my palm on his hard chest. “Please don’t punish her,” I begged. “She’s upset because someone hurt me… and I let him.”