Whiskey Secrets

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  When he pulled out, he disposed of the condom in one of the small trash bags stored in the closet and used a towel to clean them both. The fact that they’d both been mostly dressed as they did this had only made it hotter, and each of them having to adjust their ruffled clothing made her swoon just a bit more.

  Swoon.

  She’d freaking swooned for Dare Collins, and she knew right then and there that she’d fallen in love with him. Deep, abiding love that scared the crap out of her.

  “We shouldn’t have done this,” he said quietly, and she froze.

  “What?” How her voice didn’t shake, she didn’t know.

  “We’re at work, damn it. And I just fucked you like a rutting bull in a fucking closet.”

  Cold, she folded her arms over her chest. “I was right there with you and, by the way, we’re still in the damn closet.” She paused, wondering where the hell all of this had come from. “What is going on, Dare? Talk to me.”

  “There’s just a lot of shit going on right now, Kenzie, and I think we’re moving too fast.”

  She blinked, an odd hollowness in her chest cascading down her body. “Excuse me?”

  His face was emotionless as he looked at her, and she wished to hell she could read him. He stood there as if he weren’t breaking her, and she had no idea what was going on. “I’m not saying what we did was wrong necessarily, and you and I aren’t wrong either. But between things going on with Nate, and then you with David, maybe we’re complicating things by doing this.”

  She swallowed hard, raising her chin like she had that first morning. “This. As in having sex? Or do you mean something more? Because what are we, Dare? I know I should have asked long before this and talked to you about my feelings as well as asked about yours, but really? And what do you mean about Nate? You didn’t tell me anything was going on when it comes to him, so how could I possibly know what you mean. And I don’t know what you mean about David either. Are you blaming me for him coming here?”

  Shock crossed his face, and it was the first time she’d seen emotion on him since he started talking. “What? No. I’m just saying there are a lot of complications right now and it’s making things hard.”

  “Hard. What things, Dare? If you’re going to act like this, you need to tell me why things suddenly need to be different.”

  “Because I miss my kid, all right? Monica might let us finally change the custody agreement so I get more time with him, but she was pretty clear that I needed to make sure I’m not playing around.”

  Part of her was so damn excited for him that he could possibly have Nate more in his life.

  The other part of her wanted to either scream at him or cry.

  “Playing around. Because that’s what we’re doing.”

  “That’s what we decided at first, right? Just for now. Nothing too serious because neither one of us was ready for that.”

  She stood frozen, unsure how it had come to this. Everything he was saying was true, but yet it wasn’t. It didn’t make sense, and honestly, she wasn’t sure she could deal with him right then.

  “You know what? Don’t. Don’t do this.” She tightened her jaw and held up her hand. “If you want to end this because you have no feelings for me and playing around will harm your chances with your son then, apparently, I had no idea what we were doing all this time. Because you know what, Dare? I fell for you. I love you, damn it. I promised myself I wouldn’t fall for you because I thought I’d had love once before and I made a huge mistake. I didn’t want to do it again. But, somehow, I fell again and convinced myself you couldn’t be a mistake. It was wrong of me not to tell you when my feelings started to change because, apparently, I just drew this out and now it’s awkward. So go do what you need to do. Be serious and don’t play around. I won’t stand in your way.”

  She pushed past him, tears in her throat and stinging her eyes. And when she opened the door to walk away, he didn’t hold her back.

  He just stood there.

  He didn’t call her name.

  Didn’t tell her he loved her, too.

  Didn’t say a damn thing.

  She’d been wrong. So damn wrong.

  And she only had herself to blame.

  Chapter 17

  “Dare, you’re a fucking idiot,” Fox said loudly from his stool at the bar. They were closed for the evening since it was a weeknight and they shut down a bit early but, apparently, Fox wanted to let the block know his feelings.

  Dare stood on the other side of the bar cleaning glasses so he had something to do with his hands. Loch sat next to Fox, not drinking, but shooting his best glare in Dare’s direction.

  “I know I’m a fucking idiot,” Dare spit out. “Why are you yelling it at me?”

  “Seems to me you don’t get it, so I’m yelling.” Fox sipped his whiskey but didn’t take his eyes off Dare. “What the fuck happened?”

  “She left me. That’s it.” Now that was a damn lie, but Dare couldn’t put his thoughts into words without growling.

  “You’re lying.” Loch stared at the glass of water in his hands, but he was still talking to Dare.

  “I’m not lying.” Dare went back to cleaning glasses, his head lowered so he could focus on something mundane rather than his world crashing down around him. “She left.”

  “Yeah? And what did you do to facilitate that? What did you say? Because Kenzie fought so fucking hard to be where she is now, and I don’t think she’d have walked away from something that was good for her so quickly.”

  Dare looked up at Fox and frowned. “So it’s my fault then?”

  Yes.

  “Yes,” his brothers said in unison.

  He dropped the glass in his hand into the soapy water, thankful he hadn’t smashed it against the sink.

  “Jesus, okay, fine. It’s my fucking fault. And I have no idea how it got that way. My brain wasn’t catching up to everything going on, and I kept saying the wrong damn things. I’m still saying the wrong damn thing.”

  “So, tell us,” Fox demanded. “Maybe we can fix it.”

  “Not that either of us are role models for relationships,” Loch added in.

  “True, but maybe the three of us can figure this out.” Fox shrugged. “You never know.”

  Dare studied his brothers and held back a sigh. Neither of them had been in many successful long-term relationships—including Loch’s ex and Misty’s mother—but they were always good at working with what they had and trying to find a solution to a problem.

  “Monica told me she wants to try something different with custody and maybe give me more time.”

  “Are you serious?” Fox asked. “That’s amazing.”

  “What’s the catch?” Loch narrowed his eyes, and Dare sighed.

  “She told me I needed to make sure that I knew what the fuck I was doing with Kenzie first. Because she’s right, I can’t hurt Nate by having Kenzie as a part of his life for long and then have her leave and fuck shit up for all of us.”

  “And you told Kenzie this, so she left?” Fox asked, confusion on his face.

  Dare growled. “No. I didn’t say anything. I’m a fucking idiot. Kenzie told me she loved me, and I said nothing. Nothing. Like my tongue had been cut off, or my mouth was sewn shut. I did nothing. Actually, no, I did say something. I told her that it was a mistake that we’d been sleeping together like we were and not figuring out what we were to each other. But I’m pretty sure the words came out like I thought everything we had done was a mistake. So I’m a damn idiot, and because my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders, I lost the woman I love.”

  Loch stood up, and without a word, walked around the bar. Fox just blinked up at both of them, and before Dare could take a breath, Loch punched him in the face.

  “What the fuck, man?” Dare rubbed his jaw, grateful that Loch hadn’t put much force behind it. “What was that for?”

  “You’re telling me you both love each other but she was the only one with the strength to say it? And t
hen when she did say it, you let her walk out, thinking you don’t feel anything for her except that it was a mistake? And you’re telling me that you made her feel like she would be a hindrance in you getting to keep Nate for longer? Because that sounds like you’re a dick. I might have to punch you again.”

  Dare held up his hands. “I know. I know. I was too much in my head, and I’m such a fucking idiot. When I was trying to think about what to do about Kenzie, I didn’t know she felt that way about me. I. Didn’t. Know. We both went into the relationship thinking we were in it for just the short-term and it would all be sex. I don’t know when it changed for me, and I damn well didn’t know it had changed for her.” He paused. “No, that’s not right either. I thought maybe it could have changed for her because of the way we slowly evolved, but I wasn’t sure. And the fact that Monica came at me with this new idea, well, it fucked with my head. I was trying to make sure everything was coming together in my mind, but I was too slow to understand what I needed to say. I was honestly shocked when she told me she loved me. I didn’t think she’d ever be able to love another person because of what had happened with her ex, yet she was way stronger than I was when it came to that. Hell, when it comes to anything. So, yes, I’m a damn idiot, and I know I need to try and fix this, but I have no idea how. I’m giving her space. It’s been a fucking day, and I’ve tried to give her space. But all I want to do is go up there and make sure she knows I want her to be mine. Yet, at the same time, what right do I have? I hurt her, you guys. I fucking hurt her. What if I go up there and try to tell her what I feel and why I was so damn slow trying to explain what was going on in my head and I only hurt her more? Because I’d do anything not to hurt her again, yet I have a feeling no matter what I do, I’ll keep hurting her because yeah, I’m a damn idiot.”

  Loch glowered down at him, while Fox blinked, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.

  “That…that was a lot,” Fox finally said.

  “Yeah, yeah it was.” Dare ran a hand over his face, wincing when he pressed his jaw. “And I don’t know what to do.”

  “You love her.” Loch’s voice was low. “So go get on your knees and grovel for being an idiot and thinking with your dick and not your brain. There’re no guests tonight since we’re on that odd part of the year right before the big season starts, so go and make sure the woman you love knows you know you’re a dumbass.”

  Fox slid down from his stool. “We’ll head out. Finish cleaning and breathing so you can collect your thoughts and then go up and talk to your woman.”

  “Just don’t be an asshole,” Loch added before heading out of the bar with Fox at his side. That left Dare staring at the glasses in front of him, wondering what the hell he was going to do.

  Why hadn’t he said anything when she left?

  Yeah, he’d been shocked speechless at first, but damn, he’d been screaming in his mind the whole time, yet he hadn’t been able to move fast enough. He’d hurt her, and he’d never be able to forgive himself.

  But he knew he couldn’t live without her.

  Dare blinked.

  He couldn’t live without her.

  Sucking in a breath, he practically ran out of the bar and up the stairs. He’d thought Kenzie was at home, but she could be out since there were no guests. When he reached the door, he let out a slow breath before knocking.

  He’d grovel.

  He’d go down on his knees and beg.

  He’d do anything to make sure that Kenzie knew she was worth far more than a man who couldn’t get his head out of his ass long enough to make sure she knew she was loved and cared for. He’d do anything to prove that she was worth far more than him.

  Kenzie opened the door, surprise on her face for a brief moment before she frowned. “Dare?”

  And because all he could think of was the pain of not having her in his life, he did the only thing he could do.

  He went to his knees. If there had been glass beneath his skin, he’d have taken the punishment.

  “I’m so fucking sorry, Kenzie. I should have said something. Hell, I should have said something from the beginning. I don’t want to just be whatever we were. I started falling for you the first time you made me laugh. Hell, I think I knew there could be something between us the first moment you walked into my bar in that damn green dress that made your legs go on for miles.”

  “Dare…” She bit her lip and went to her knees in front of him. “You don’t need to grovel. I left without letting you speak because I was afraid of what you would say. It’s just as much my fault as it is yours. If I had talked to you at all about where my feelings were headed, maybe I wouldn’t have freaked out like I did. You have Nate to think about, and because I was too scared about telling you how I felt or how I could feel, I made you think I didn’t want more.”

  He cupped her face but didn’t lean forward. “You shouldn’t be on your knees, baby. You don’t need to grovel to me. That’s my job for you.”

  “No, we grovel for each other. And we talk to each other. Dare, I was so afraid of what I was feeling because of what happened with David that I almost didn’t let myself feel. I should have told you. I should have talked to you. Instead, I almost walked away because I wasn’t sure I deserved happiness. Or maybe it was because I was worried that since I’d made a mistake before, I would do it again. I don’t know, really, but I do know that it was dumb of me to not tell you. Because since you didn’t know, you couldn’t be sure about where I fit in your life with Nate. And for that, I’m sorry.”

  Dare let out a harsh chuckle, shaking his head. “We’re so much alike sometimes, it’s scary. Babe, if I was so worried about what would happen to my son with you in our lives, why didn’t I just ask? Because I was a damn coward and scared about what the answer would be.” He kept his hand on her cheek, this time leaning forward so their foreheads touched. “After losing Jason and all the crap that came with that, I almost felt like I didn’t deserve the life that came with connecting with another person.”

  He paused so he could let his heart slow down just enough so he didn’t hear the echo in his ears. It was hard to do that with her right in front of him, though.

  “I love you, Kenzie. I love you so damn much. And I’m so fucking sorry I hurt you. But if you’ll have me, I want to be in your life. I want you in my life. I want to tell you more about everything. And I want you to know Nate, too. I just want you, Kenzie. If you’ll have me.”

  Tears slid down her cheeks, and she smiled. That smile was the best damn thing he’d seen in his life.

  “I love you, too, Dare. And I want all of that, too. But from now on, we talk more.” She snorted, and he grinned. “I need to know what you’re feeling, and I need to be strong enough to tell you the same.”

  He kissed her then, needing her taste, her touch. “I can do that, Red. I want to do that.”

  He pulled her close, a little hard to do since they were still kneeling, and kissed her hard, their tongues slid against one another, and their lips moved in a passionate caress.

  He was just about to stand them up when he froze, the scent of smoke on the air, filling his nostrils.

  “What is that?” Kenzie asked, her face scrunching.

  Dare stood quickly. “It smells like something’s on fire.” Adrenaline pumping through his veins, he tugged on Kenzie’s arm and pulled her downstairs. “No one else is here?”

  Kenzie ran alongside him, barefoot and in her pajamas. “No guests, but I don’t know about the restaurant or bar. What is going on? Where’s the fire?”

  “I don’t fucking know where it is. I was the last person down here, but I’m getting you out.” Smoke filled the air coming from the back of the building, so he pulled Kenzie out the front door. “I think it’s coming from the back.” He tossed her his cell phone. “Call 911. Someone might have spotted it already, but be sure. I’m going around back to see where the fire is coming from.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “You’re baref
oot.”

  “I don’t care. You’re not going alone.”

  Knowing it was not only useless to argue, but that they were running out of time, he started running, even as she was on the phone. As soon as they got to the back, he cursed.

  Someone had broken one of the kitchen windows so smoke could billow into the building. The three trashcans beneath the window were on fire, flames and smoke pouring out of the plastic containers.

  “Jesus.”

  “Oh my God.” Kenzie was still on the line with 911, but she’d come right to his side. “They’re already on their way, Dare.”

  “I need water. Or something. Shit. The building’s not on fire yet, but that smoke is going to fuck everything up if we don’t get it taken care of.”

  “You fucking bitch!”

  Dare turned on his heel and tucked Kenzie behind him, his senses on alert. “Are you fucking kidding me, David? You started this shit?”

  “David…” The anger in Kenzie’s tone matched his own, though the surprise there made him want to kill the fucker for daring to come back and trying to hurt her.

  Kenzie’s ex stood on the other end of the small alley with a red gasoline container in his hand. Dare honestly couldn’t believe what the fuck was going on, but he was done with people coming into his life and hurting those he loved.

  He’d lost Jason because of an asshole.

  He’d almost lost his kid because he’d been so lost.

  And then he’d almost lost Kenzie for the same thing.

  He wasn’t about to let anyone touch Kenzie or the building he loved that was part of his family because some guy was an abusive asshole.

  Sirens rang in the distance, and he knew the cops and fire trucks were on their way, but Dare only had eyes for David.

  “Stay here,” he growled at Kenzie, then ran toward David.

  The other man stood there, his eyes wide with anger and a hint of insanity, but the man didn’t move. Instead, he dropped the gas can, the empty tub making a hollow thump as it hit the concrete.

  Dare punched the man in the face as hard as he could, and without a fight, David went down, out like a light. Dare would have thought it was anticlimactic, but his bar was on fire, and the love of his life was still near it.