Fractured Paths (Fractured Love Series Book 1)

by Heather Anne

  "Fuck!" I yell as I slam the door. I should have never let her be here. I shouldn't have packed any remnant of Lainey away. This place doesn't even look like my fucking house.

  "I am so sorry," I murmur to no one. Not sure if I mean Skylar or Lainey. I am so jumbled in my mind; the pain building up is unbearable. I miss my wife so fucking much at times it's hard to breath.

  Then I see Skylar and there’s this thing in my subconscious that tells me she is perfect for me. How can I be such a lucky bastard to get two perfects in one lifetime? Were things with Lainey as perfect as I thought? Can things with Skylar be as perfect as I think they can be?

  The battle in my mind is one that needs to fucking stop and there is only one way I know to drown out that noise. I go to my room, grab a hoodie and my wallet. I walk out the front door, locking it and start to walk. I pull my earbuds out of my pocket, plug them into my phone and hit play. Another Lonely Night by Adam Lambert comes on and it's the most perfect soundtrack for where I am in my life.

  I’m lonely, tired, and just don’t want to feel like this. I’m sure I could get what I need at one of the bars around here, but I really need to put this place behind me for the night. It's a quick walk to the train station. I know exactly where I’m going and who I’ll be seeing. In a little under two hours, my mind will be free and I will be in a state of obliviousness. I hope I can stay that way permanently.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  When the train stops at 125th street, I jump up and pretty much bounce off the train. I have a wad of cash in my pocket and I need to get my fix. It's the only way to fight the demons. To numb the feelings. To make myself appear somewhat normal. Not the depressed and fucked up shithead I am.

  Harlem is always bustling this time of night, especially when the weather is mild and clear. The smell of food hits my nose; if I wasn't so stuffed from Skylar's kick ass ziti, I would totally be getting myself some beef patties at the spot where I know my guy, Marco, is. He's some Italian guy Frankie introduced me to when I used to do some city runs for him to help support my habit.

  Yes, it's a habit. I can admit that as I’m about to spend a ton of money on a bunch of shit so I don't have to deal with Frankie or make several trips down here a week. I know if I get my pills, I’ll be good. I need the coke so I can function and I need the weed to bring me down from the coke so I can sleep at night. I hate mixing pot and cocaine; it feels like my heart is battling with my chest as if it’s about to fly right out of my body. As much as I hate that feeling, and often pray I won't wake up because of that, I crave to feel like that. To be in a state of nothingness. I need that. I can't deal with shit. Maybe this makes me a junkie but who the fuck cares. I sure as hell don't.

  I spot Marco on the corner; he smiles a big toothy grin, making me notice his rotting teeth. Shit. All I need's a fucking meth head on my hands.

  "What's up man?" I say and give him a one-armed hug.

  "Look what the cat dragged in! Grayson, how the hell are you?"

  "Same shit, different flies," I say.

  "You here to pick up for Frankie?" he asks.

  "Nah man. I can't deal with that fucker right now. Kristy is starting shit." I tell a half truth. The real reason is that Frankie is on Camden's radar and I can’t let my brothers see me associate with him.

  "Yeah, I keep telling him he should drop that skank. Every time he brings her around, I get a pretty good blow job, so I really shouldn’t complain, but that cunt has drama written all over her," he laughs and I nod in agreement.

  "So, can you help me out?" I ask.

  "You got cash?" he asks.

  "Plenty of it." I’m glad that I didn’t go to the bank and make my deposit today.

  "Step into my office," he says and I follow him into his black Escalade parked on the street.

  I get in and we do our usual. Drive to 110th street. Get out and walk around Central Park. It's pitch black but no one ever messes with us when we go down there. I think that Marco and Frankie have mob connections but I think not knowing is the best bet, so I never asked.

  "What do you need?" he asks.

  "2 grams, 40 ox, and a quarter." If I’m going out, I am going all out.

  He whistles. "You sure that's all for you?" he asks, wanting to make sure I won't be selling his shit without giving him a cut.

  "Yeah man. I can’t get out here as much. I got into some trouble about a month ago so I need to appear to be on the straight and narrow," I explain.

  He laughs. "Sucks for you, man. I’ve been there and that shit is not fun."

  "You are preaching to the choir," I laugh back.

  He takes out his phone and makes a call. "4x10 O, 2 g, 1 q," he speaks in code and hangs up. "Ok, since it's been a while, I’m cutting you a deal. Seven fifty," he says. "Just make sure you come back to me when you run out."

  I hand him eight one hundred dollar bills. "Just put the change on my tab," I say and he barks out in laughter.

  "I'll do that, son," he wheezes and we head back to his car. "Johnny is working the patty cart. Just ask for two beef patties, extra beef and extra spicy. He’ll hand you a brown bag and you are good to go," he instructs and reaches his hand for me to shake.

  "Thanks Marco, appreciate it,” I say as the car slows to a stop. I get out of the car and head to the cart.

  Johnny smiles. "Hey, Gray, how have you been?" he smiles.

  "I'll be even better when I get my two beef patties with extra beef and extra spicy." I smirk and he winks.

  "That's to go, right?" he snickers.

  "Always a comedian," I say as he hands me the bag. "Take care of yourself, Johnny." I walk across the street and into a Starbucks.

  I go straight to the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I look in the bag and make sure I have everything. I take three pills and swallow them dry. I grab a bottle of water on my way out and head back to the train station. As the train pulls out of the station, my head feels light. I close my eyes, letting that euphoric feeling of floating take me over. I put my music back on and zone out, enjoying the quiet of my mind.

  I get home and hide my shit, except the weed. I grab a beer from the fridge, flip the back light on and head out to my deck. I love sitting out here high, with the smell of salt invading my nostrils, the lulling sounds of the ocean and the feel of the slight breeze tickling my skin. I place my beer and the weed on my patio table, take my smokes, my phone, and lighter out of my pocket. I pull the ashtray I have out here closer to me and take a cigarette out of the pack. I carefully rip the filter off and tear the paper at the seam, discarding the tobacco in the ashtray. I roll a small joint using the paper and light it.

  It's almost one in the morning and I don't need to be anywhere until Camden's at four. I pick up my phone as I continue to smoke the weed, loving the way it was already hitting me and a text comes through from Landon. Son of a bitch. I swear that guy has Grayson is fucking up radar or something.

  L- How'd everything go?

  G- Fine.

  L- Fine?

  G- Yeah got rid of some shit, got some new shit, talked to the kids and that was it.

  L- How's Skylar?

  My chest tightens seeing her name. I know I fucked up, but I don't know how to fix it without telling her everything, and I just can't do that. She can never know that I was the cause of my wife's death.

  G- Eh. I fucked up but what else is new

  L- Don't tell me you couldn't handle her being in your house

  G- It was weird. It felt right and wrong all at the same time

  L- You should give it a try with her

  G- I told her I wouldn't stick my dick in anyone else

  L- She your girl then?

  G- Nah. NSA.

  L- You’re an idiot.

  G- As I have been told many times

  L- She'll be at Cam's tomorrow. Don't be a dick.

  G- I make no promises.

  L- Asshole.

  I leave it alone after that. Not only is he right, as usual, but my
brother is ruining my high. Bastard. I down the rest of my beer, finish the joint, grab the ashtray along with my phone, and move over to the chaise lounge on the other side of the deck.

  I lay down, place the ashtray on my chest, and I smoke a cigarette, trying to not let Landon's mention of Skylar get to me. I’m trying not to feel guilty for the way I left things with her. It's like every other time we say goodbye I do it all wrong.

  Maybe I shouldn't be doing this thing with her at all. I don’t know how I can stop it though. She consumes every fiber of my being. She's more addictive than the drugs that are in my system. She has the power to destroy every wall I have built over the years. As a matter of fact, I know they’re already starting to crack.

  I can't call her toxic because she isn't. She has the power to do the one thing I’m most afraid of doing and that's heal me. She's already starting to dig her way under my skin, and I don't know if I want to get her out, even though it's the right thing to do. I think back to the back room earlier today, remembering the last words she said to me. You're worth it, Grayson. She truly believes that and I want that to be true. I want to be worthy of her but, after everything I have done, I can't be what she needs, what she deserves. I put out my cigarette, place the ashtray on the floor and close my eyes. The last thing I picture in my mind is Skylar's beautiful face as I drift off to sleep.

  I wake up to the blaring sound of my phone ringing. I groan, squinting my eyes to shield myself from the vibrant rays of the sun. I didn’t mean to fall asleep out here. I grab my phone and answer it.

  "Hello," my voice is still thick with sleep.

  "What the fuck did you do to Skylar?" Camden's angry voice pierces my ears.

  "I don't know."

  "Did you just wake up?"

  "Yeah, my sleeping patterns are still fucked up," I lie.

  "Well, why doesn't Skylar want to come to the barbecue today? She gave me some lame excuse and I’m not sure if it has to do with you or what the news broke today."

  "Things got weird when she was at my house last night. Wait, what news?" I ask and Cam sighs.

  "Those fucking idiots are trying to bring some kind of lawsuit against the Department of Veterans Affairs having to do with her husband's treatment and they need Skylar to sign off on it and she won't."

  I let out a string of curse words as I get up and head in the house. "Shit, Cam. When is this going to stop?"

  "I don't know, man, but for some reason, she seems to have taken a liking to you. Maybe you can convince her to come. She should know that she has people here who aren't going to hold someone else's actions against her."

  I get the feeling that he isn't only talking about Skylar. "I’ll call her. She's safe here, right?" I ask, feeling concerned and oddly protective of her.

  "As far as I know, no one knows where she moved to except for her attorney. She is using a PO Box as well, just to be safe."

  I know that they’ll eventually find her and when they do, heads are going to roll. "Do me a favor, if you hear anything that may put her in harm's way, can you give me a heads up?"

  "Do I want to know why?" I can picture his smug ass smirking.

  "Nope."

  "Ok Grayson, will do. And see you later?"

  "Yep. Bye."

  I hang up and call Skylar. It rings a few times before she picks up.

  "Hey," she says sounding sad.

  "I heard the news. Are you ok?"

  "I just want it to stop," she sniffles.

  "They can't do anything without you and I think you’re doing the right thing."

  "Thanks." Her soft voice guts me.

  "Listen, I think you should come to Cam's. Get out of the house and out of your head."

  "Are you going to kick me out of there, too?"

  I smile at her bluntness. "Nah. I shouldn't have been like that with you last night. I’m so sorry, sweet girl."

  She sighs. "It seems like you say that a lot, Gray."

  "And this probably won't be the last time either, Sky. I’m a fuck up. It's how I do things. I don't mean it and I feel like an asshole if that makes you feel any better."

  "You aren't that much of an asshole," she laughs.

  "So, will you go to Cam's?"

  "Yeah, I'll be there."

  We say our goodbyes and I get into the shower. I try not to think about hiding everything I did last night, and will continue to do for a while, from my siblings and from Skylar. I won't be high for the party, but when I get home, I know I’ll need to because of the feelings Skylar invokes in me. She brings everything to life when I wish it were dead.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I smile as I think about the call from Grayson. How he has the ability to make me go from pissed off and crying, to calm and smiling, I will never know. His phone call was a pleasant surprise and I can’t help the fluttery feeling in my stomach. He says he doesn't know how to care, but that phone call proves him wrong.

  It means a lot to me to have Grayson and his brothers on my side. From the conversation with Camden earlier, he assured me that he would do everything in his power to protect me and also informed me that he doesn't want to know what Grayson would do if anyone came here to mess with me. That took me a little by surprise but I think back to yesterday and the creeper at the coffee shop. Yeah, I’d hate to see what happens to anyone who messes with me, too. I feel more safe and protected than I ever have in my entire life, yet I can't help but feel the most vulnerable too.

  Opening up here has been pretty easy, Grayson can just look at me with that smirk and I’ll tell him anything he wants to know. He has a power over me and I know this is all a mistake. I should stop with the no strings bullshit because on my end, there’s a string and, with Grayson’s erratic emotions, I feel like a goddamned yo-yo.

  I finish making a big bowl of potato salad and put it in the fridge before getting dressed. I decide on a long, black and white striped skirt and a white wife beater since it's supposed to be warm. I try to do what Cam and my attorney said; just ignore all the bullshit the media is spouting.

  I arrive at Camden's at four on the dot and am surprised by the lack of people. It seems to be an intimate gathering. I see Camden manning the grill with Lauren by his side. Hudson is talking to a stunning woman with dark hair and the bluest eyes I have ever seen. I hear a high pitched squeal and I see Landon holding an adorable little girl upside down by her ankles.

  "Uncle Lanny, don't be a butt head, put me down!" the girl screams.

  "Amber! Language," the woman Hudson is talking to warns and I realize that is their sister Madison.

  Jeffers and Amy are chatting by the beverages and I see a few uniformed officers busting Camden's chops about the food not being ready. Landon spots me and waves me over to where he is now talking to Hudson and Madison. I say my hellos and get introduced to Madison.

  "Skylar, it's so nice to meet you. I‘ve heard so much about you. I have been curious to meet the girl who caught my oldest brother's attention." She has the same Davis smirk as her brothers.

  "Oh.” I avoid her comment. "It's nice to meet you too."

  "Here, let me take that,” Hudson says as he takes the bowl out of my hands.

  I focus my attention on the little girl, crouching down to her level. "And you must be Amber," I say as her button nose scrunches.

  "Who are you?"

  "I'm Skylar. I am friends with your uncle,” I say.

  "Which one? I have a lot of them, you know."

  I can’t help but laugh. "Well, all of them," I say.

  She looks like she is about to say something when a booming voice echoes from across the yard.

  "Amber! Get your cute little as- I mean butt over here and give your favorite uncle some loving."

  Amber turns the minute she hears Carson's voice. Her eyes widen and the grin she’s sporting fills her entire face, but she's not looking at Carson. She takes off at full speed, launching herself at Grayson who sees her coming and bends down to catch her.

  "U
ncle Gray! I missed you!" she cries and plants wet kisses all over his face.

  "Really, kid? Not cool," Carson says in mock hurt and Amber rolls her eyes.

  "I saw you yesterday, Uncle Car. I haven't seen Uncle Gray in for-ever!"

  Both the men laugh at her dramatics and I can’t help but feel a burn come to my eyes as I watch Grayson with his niece. The love shining in his eyes is something I have never seen before. You can tell that little girl not only has Gray, but all the Davis men, wrapped around her finger.

  I make my rounds saying hello to everyone as I head toward the food to help Lauren set everything out. I release the top from a bowl of fruit and I feel his touch before he even makes contact. He places his hand on my waist, reaches over me, and steals a strawberry. He kisses my cheek.

  "Hey," he says and pops the red fruit into his mouth with a smirk.

  I feel a surge of pleasure at my core just from his innuendo, and damn it if he doesn’t know how he affects me.

  "You doing ok?" Concern is shining in his hazel eyes.

  "Yeah, hanging in there. How about you?"

  "I’m fine." He releases me and I notice his stance becomes somewhat defensive. "Why wouldn't I be ok?"

  I sigh. "I don't know, Gray, you seemed off last night and you seem off right now."

  He runs his hand through his hair, trying to decide what to tell me. I see this struggle with him a lot. Like he wants to open up but the fear is too great. I get it, I really do, and as much as I wish for him to trust me with his pain, I don't force it.

  "Luke and Allyson brought up some old shit for me. Stuff I haven't thought about in a long time."

  His honesty both shocks me and offers me a little bit of hope that maybe this thing between us goes beyond friends; maybe there is a little bit of string hanging from his end too.

  "I didn't realize you had kids," I blurt out and his mouth forms a tight line.

  "I don't," he grits out.

  "I’m not going to push, Gray. I know you have a lot of shit in that complicated mind of yours. If and when you are ready to talk about some of that, get it off your chest, I’m here," I offer and his look of relief must match mine.