by Heather Anne
"You’re coming to Biggie's tonight, right?" I ask and she smiles.
"Of course. I always have so much fun when your brothers play." She smiles that genuine smile and I reach over the table and tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.
"I like it when you come to watch them play." I smile back. I can't help but flirt with her. At times I feel so comfortable with this girl it scares me.
"It's going to be a good time. Maybe we can cut out early?"
She bites her bottom lip and my cock starts to harden. This fucking girl. "That can definitely be arranged." I make a show of adjusting my crotch under the table and the blush that creeps on her cheeks makes me feel proud.
"Skylar," Lauren calls and I know she needs to get back to work.
We stand up and I pull her in for hug. I don't do that often, but after the day I had, I just need to feel her. She pulls back and looks up at me, her eyes happy which causes that fucking guilt to start to creep in again. I ignore it and lean down, pressing my lips gently to her cheek. "See you later, sweet girl," I say and leave the coffee shop to head home.
I arrive at group twenty minutes early. It's not unusual for people to gather before it starts. I walk in the community room just in time to overhear Luke thanking Kristy for something as she walks away. I make a mental note to give him the same speech I gave his girl.
I approach Kristy and take her arm. "We need to talk." I pull her into the hallway and her eyes are full of lust.
I can’t believe how many times I let this skank suck my cock. Getting a good look at her under the fluorescent lights, her skin looks rubbery from all the fake tans she’s gotten over the years, her fake tits are set way too high on her chest, and her bleached hair looks like straw. I shudder at the memories.
"Where's your girl?" she asks.
"Not my girl and she's working. Why the fuck do you even care?"
She smiles deviously. "Well if she's not your girl and she's not here, we have ten minutes till group starts. You know I have been dying to get my hands on you again."
I shake my head. "Not happening.”
She pouts and she must think it looks cute by the way her fake eyelashes flutter, but the way her overly botoxed lips are twitching, she actually looks like a fish out of water and I can't help but laugh.
"What does she have that I don't?" she whines.
"Class," I deadpan.
"That girl must have a magic pussy. I don't what know you see in her. Besides, she won't even take responsibility for what happened."
I lose it. "Listen here, bitch. You don't know anything about her or what she went through. You need to leave her the fuck alone and keep your mouth shut if you know what’s good for you."
"Wait until I tell Frankie you’re threatening me," she says.
"Remember that agreement you signed?" She nods.
"Wait until I tell Trevor and have Skylar tell her attorney that you broke it."
She gasps and a defeated look crosses her face.
I smile with triumph. "Do yourself a favor and leave everyone alone. Me, Skylar, and the kid," I warn.
She doesn't say anything as she turns on her heels and walks away. Just like I did with Frankie, I get the sinking feeling that this is far from over.
After group, I head into the bathroom. I’m exhausted from the day and need a little pick me up. I pull out the bag of white powder from my pocket and lay my cell phone on the counter. I pour some of the powder onto my phone, and grab my debit card and a dollar bill out of my wallet.
I gently cut two lines using my card, roll the dollar bill and snort one line with each nostril. My nose stings from the burn and my eyes water. I pinch my nostrils and sniff a few times. I lick the edge of my card and the remnants of the Cocaine from my phone, welcoming the numbing it causes to my tongue and mouth.
I can already feel my heart start to beat at a faster pace and I’m pumped. I can blame my speediness on the adrenaline rush I get from being on stage and I can counter act it after with a few beers. I have hiding this shit down to a science. I look in the mirror and wipe my nose just to make sure I have no evidence of the drugs. Satisfied, I leave the bathroom and head to the bar, hoping that no one can see through me. I know I’m walking a tightrope being high around my brothers, I just hope that tonight isn't the night I fall.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I walk into Biggie's a little past eleven. I can hear the faint music coming from the deck. As I make my way back there, I hear the familiar melody of Everything by Lifehouse. This song embodies everything I want out of someone, and to hear Grayson's gravelly voice sing the words has my entire body tightening when his eyes lock with mine. It's like he could feel me before I could even see him. I freeze in place, allowing him to take me over with the words, his voice, and I realize he is that to me. He has become my everything.
I can’t stop the tears when the realization that I can never be that for him sinks in.
When he gets to the bridge, his face is pained and it's not because he doesn't want that. I can feel it deep in my soul that he wants this just as much as I do but he won't let himself have it. A myriad of emotions pass over me. Sadness, anger, and loss are all prominent. I am overwhelmed by him. I feel like an idiot for falling for someone so unavailable. When the song ends, I can see his eyes are glassy and I can't handle it. I turn around and make a beeline to the bathroom.
I’m standing in line when my arms are grabbed and I am pulled into a kiss. A soft, sensual kiss with the perfect amount of tongue and teeth. A kiss that leaves me breathless, starving for more. This kiss tells me without words that he meant every word he sang. He breaks the kiss, take his thumbs, and wipes under my eyes. He doesn't say a word. He pulls me into him, wrapping his strong arms around me and I bury my face in his chest. He nuzzles into my neck and murmurs so soft I am not even sure I am hearing him right. "I want to give you everything, sweet girl." The small hint of hope in his words is the reason I can't walk away. I push back from him, get on my tip toes and press my lips to his. He smiles against me, both of us not knowing if we will come out of this unscathed but neither of us giving a shit.
I feel the shift between us after we break apart.
"Beer?" he asks, lightening the mood and I nod.
He grabs my hand, links our fingers, and leads the way to the bar. He positions us so I am standing in front of him, his hand on my waist. He orders us each a Corona and I feel his thumbs draw circles against my hipbone. I’m in Grayson lust. I should be used to the way his simple touches affect me. I’m not. I don't know if I ever will be. We get our drinks and head to the front of the deck, where his brothers and our friends are. Our linked hands don't go unnoticed but no one says anything.
I spot Lauren and Amy by the stage talking to Camden and I release Grayson's hand to go over to them. I’m greeted with hugs from the girls and a kiss on the cheek from Cam.
"What the hell was that?" Lauren's smile is teasing. I just shrug and take a sip of my beer. I notice Grayson at the table in a conversation with Jeffers and he is so much more animated than normal. He's so different that when he looks over at me and winks, the small feeling of hope I had earlier starts to grow.
A movement in my peripheral vision catches my eye and it looks as if one of the women hanging around thinks he’s looking at her. I roll my eyes and look over at Grayson again who wiggles his fingers at me in a come hither motion. The woman starts walking towards him and I can't help but laugh at his grimace. He shakes his head and his mouth turns into a smile.
"Skylar," he calls and my brow raises.
"Get your cute ass over here."
My smile gets bigger and I walk over to where he is sitting. He gently tugs my arm, pulling me into his lap. I laugh as my arm drapes around his neck. I am in complete shock at the display. Aside from soft, stolen touches, he has never been like this, ever.
Something is different about him. I can't put my finger on it, but I like it. He’s attentive and personable, the complete oppo
site of the closed off and broody Grayson I’ve become accustomed to.
We are looking at each other and his eyes go from hesitant to feral fuck it. He growls as he grabs me by my hair, pulling my mouth down to his. He swallows my gasp and my mind goes blank. The world around us fades. No brothers, no friends, no women, no bar. Just him and me. His mouth on mine, owning every last part of me. His hand in my hair draws me even closer. My nipples are so rigid even through my bra and clothes, I shiver at the contact of my chest touching his. His tongue is making lazy circles around mine; I want to climb inside of him and never leave. Our moment is broken when someone clears their throat and someone else whistles. Heat rushes to my cheeks and our eyes lock but I can’t bring myself to look away.
"So it's like that?" I hear Landon's smile in his voice.
"It's like that." Grayson's eyes are resolved.
Holy shit. My heart starts to beat fast and I drop my head to his shoulder, the magnitude of what he just did hitting me hard. He claimed me in front of everyone, making a huge move in this little game of push and pull we have been playing, and I hope this is his checkmate.
My mind starts messing with me - what if it's the alcohol, what if it was just a play to get the women in here to leave him alone? What if he’s just toying with me to get more of what he wants? I feel like he can make the biggest fool out of me and I have no control over it whatsoever. I need to get out of here. The panic rises. I need space. I need to clear my head. I need answers but have no idea what the questions are.
I must have a look of fear on my face because Grayson's jaw starts ticking just when I get up and run/walk towards the steps at the back of the deck that lead to the beach. I hear him calling my name and I move my legs faster down the wooden steps, passing a crowd of people walking further down the beach. I hear my name again and the burning starts in my eyes.
"Skylar, wait!" He is breathless, grabbing me by the upper arms.
"Stop." His voice is stern but laced with worry.
"What is going on with you tonight, Grayson?"
His brow wrinkles. "Nothing."
"Oh, really? Because you are acting so different, you’re giving me whiplash. One minute it's no strings and the next minute it's that," I spit out and point back toward the deck. "What can possibly have changed?"
He steps closer and grabs my face in both his hands "Everything." He drops his forehead to mine. "Tonight, everything changes.”
"What does that mean?" I whisper.
"I was singing that song and all I thought about was you. With each lyric, it became crystal clear that you are becoming everything to me and it scares the shit out of me. Then I felt you before I even found you in the crowd and when our eyes locked, I knew I had to stop," he says
"Stop what?" My voice cracks with the fear that he’s talking about ending whatever dance we have been doing over the past few weeks.
"Stop fighting against this and start fighting for us."
I gasp, tears coming back to my eyes.
"You make me crazy, sweet girl. I don't know if I am coming or going when it comes to you. As much as I’ve said this is just sex or I don't do strings, well sweetheart, there are strings and for the first time in a long time, I don't want to cut them."
I choke on a sob as he pulls me into his chest. The ocean air is cool but his body is warm. His scent comforting.
"I’m probably going to fuck up so many times. I haven't done this in a very long time, but I want to try." He pulls back, his hazel eyes gleaming with hope; a small smile plays on his face.
"Are you sure, Gray? Because I don't know if I can handle being pushed away again."
"Just be patient with me, but I want this. I want us. I want you. Just you. So what do you say, Skylar? Do you want this?"
I lift on my tip toes and wrap my arms around his neck. "I want it so much," I say as I cover his mouth with mine.
The smile against my lips is enough to tell me this is right. This is real. He traces kisses along my jaw and nuzzles into my neck. "Mine," he growls.
"You know that goes both ways, buddy." He pulls his head from my neck.
"Since you came into my life, I can't even look at another woman, and the thought of another guy going anywhere near you makes me want to break things." He scoffs and I laugh. I wrap my arms around him and he holds me tight, with his chin on top of my head
“So, we good?"
"Yeah, Gray, we are more than good."
He lifts me up and spins me around. I squeal and he laughs putting me back on the ground before he kisses the shit out of me and asks, "Ready to go back?"
"Yeah, I need a beer." I smile and he takes my hand, leading us back up the beach to the bar.
"Hey, order two buckets for the table. I have to use the men's room." He hands me a few bills and kisses me on the cheek before walking away.
The bar is packed and the line is at least ten people deep. I feel my phone vibrate and it's a text from Lauren
L- Everything OK?
S- Yep. Just at the bar grabbing more buckets.
L- K. I want details btw
S- LOL k
I’m looking at my phone when I feel fingers trail up my bare arm. I cringe because, without even looking, I know it's not Grayson. This touch is unfamiliar and creepy.
"Damn, aren't you fine?" an unpleasant voice says. I pull away, turning to see a short, stocky guy with beady eyes and greased back hair. I give him a look and turn back towards the bar.
"What’s wrong, babe? Cat got your tongue?" This guy is gross and giving me really bad vibes.
"Nah, I was taught never to talk to strangers."
"Feisty. I like that," he croons. I feel him move into my personal space and I am about to cause a scene, but I relax when I feel a strong arm wrap around my waist, and my back moves against a strong chest.
"There you are," Grayson says and kisses my temple. "Frankie," he grits out.
"Davis." He eyes us.
"Frankie, where's my drink?" I groan when I hear Kristy's voice.
"Oh, hi, Gray." She smiles but grimaces when she sees me. "Skylar."
My name sounds like a curse word the way it comes out. It's my turn to order, thank god. I unwrap myself from Grayson's hold but he grabs my hand. I lean on the bar and shout my order. Grayson pulls me to his side.
"You guys come here together?" Kristy sneers and before I can say anything Grayson says, "Yep."
She scowls and Frankie looks pissed as he slings his arm around her shoulder.
"I thought you didn't have a girl, Gray." Frankie's voice is accusatory and I make a mental note to ask Grayson about him later.
"Things change," he answers and places another kiss on my cheek when I turn back to pay for the beer. We both grab a bucket with our hands still linked.
"See you two around," Frankie's voice sounds in warning.
"Whatever," Grayson answers.
I can barely keep up with Gray as we head back to the table. There are two empty spots as Carson and Hudson are nowhere to be found. I go to sit in a chair and I harrumph as Grayson plops me in his lap. He opens two beers and hands me one.
The night goes well. No more incidents. Gray still seems nervous; he's fidgety, and his leg is bouncing up and down like crazy. His jaw ticks a few times and even though I notice Landon eye him funny, I pay no attention to the behavior. It's been such an odd night. A great night, just so unexpected as I sit here shooting the shit with friends and my boyfriend. Boyfriend. Damn. Never thought that word would come out of my mouth and I feel a sense of pride knowing he's mine.
A nagging voice inside says I wonder for how long.
Chapter Twenty-Five
As I walk Skylar home, holding her small hand in mine, I am content despite the rapid beating of my heart. I should’ve never done that extra line in the bathroom after we talked on the beach. Everything about tonight was out of left field. Nothing I had planned, but nothing I could ignore. I’ve been fighting my feelings for her for so long. As long as I ca
n keep my past in the past and not have to share it with her, we will be fine. She can never know what happened with Lainey or my part in it.
We get to her house quickly and when she goes to unlock her door, I turn her around so her back is against it. I plant my mouth on hers, licking at the seam of her lips. She opens immediately, both us groaning when our tongues touch. I taste every inch of her sweet mouth and by the time I pull back, she is panting.
"Let me get the door. We can finish this inside."
"I'm not coming in."
Her nose scrunches in disappointment. I kiss the tip of it before placing my forehead against hers and grasping her hands in mine.
"I meant what I said. I want to be with you but I want to start this out right." I bring our joined hands up to my lips and place a small kiss on her knuckles looking into her eyes.
"I’m picking you up tomorrow at seven and we are going on a date," I inform her and she laughs.
"A date?" Her smile is bright and I can't help but smile back, nodding my head. I place a soft kiss on her waiting lips.
"Thank you."
"For what?" Her confused face is adorable.
"For believing I’m worth enough to give this a chance.”
She kisses me this time. "Of course you are worth it. I hope one day you’ll see that, too."
"Me too." And that’s the truth. Even though part of me knows I’ll never be good enough, I would like to believe that maybe one day I will just be enough.
I kiss her again with a little more bite and pull back. "Sleep well, sweet girl.”
"You too, Gray." She turns and unlocks her door, blows me a kiss, and disappears inside.
Everything I said to her tonight I meant. I want to see myself the way she sees me. I want to stop living with these demons, I just don't know how. I am tired. Tired of not only fighting my feelings for her but tired of fighting with myself, with my past.
