by Heather Anne
The walk home is brisk and my head won't stop turning. I have shit I need to take care of but, firsts things first, I need to calm down. I am so speedy from the coke and I really hope no one noticed. Well, my brothers and Skylar, anyway. The way Frankie was watching me, I could tell I wasn't able to hide it from him but he’s the least of my troubles.
I get into my house, grab a bottle of water and head to my bedroom. I strip down to my boxer briefs, grab the pills from my night table, and down three. I plug my phone into the charge and grab my tablet. The last thing I think of when sleep finally overtakes me as the sun is coming up, is my beautiful girl.
"Make it stop," I groan at the loud banging noise coming from the front of my house.
"Hold the fuck on!" I shout as I grab a shirt and pull it over my head.
I grab a pair of basketball short from a drawer and am hopping on one foot down the hallway to get them on.
"Open up asshole." I hear Landon as he pounds harder on the door
"Calm your dick!" I yell back and swing the door open.
"What's up?" I say as he hands me a coffee and pushes past me.
"What the fuck was that, Grayson?" Landon's turquoise eyes are shining with anger.
I shrug. "I like her, man. A lot.”
"Is that you talking or the drugs?" He glares at me.
Fuck.
"Don’t say a fucking word, Grayson. I am so pissed at you right now."
He watches me for a moment before crossing his arms over his chest.
"How long?"
"We've fucked a few times but I like her man, a lot." I try to play stupid.
"I’m talking about the drugs, asshat." Guess I lost that game.
"You don't want to know the answer to that," I grumble.
"Shit, Grayson." I hang my head. "So what was last night with Skylar? Was that just a drug induced moment of weakness?" he asks
"No." My answer is quick and he nods.
"You know if it gets like last time you’re going to lose her."
I sigh. "I don't want that."
"So what do you want, Grayson? more importantly, what are you going to do to get it?"
"I want to be happy. I stopped fighting my feelings for Skylar which shows me I can stop fighting with a ghost."
He nods.
"Did anyone else figure it out?"
He shakes his head. "I think Hudson may have his suspicions, but he and Carson were too focused on getting pieces of ass and Camden had his head so far up Lauren's that no one paid any attention. They just want to see you happy and none of us have seen you that happy in a long fucking time."
He’s right. I was happy last night and, yeah, it was in part due to the drugs but most of it was all Skylar.
"Do you want to change? Do you want to live a better, happier life?"
"I didn't think I wanted to, to be honest. I’ve been so comfortable being miserable for so long," I admit.
"Until her," he finishes.
"Yeah."
"And what do you think she deserves?"
Fuck. My brother knows exactly where to push.
"Not me, that's for damn sure."
"She sees something worth fighting for Grayson, how are you going to fight back?"
I walk around the breakfast bar and grab the decaf coffee can and pull the pills and what’s left of the coke out of it. Landon watches me with intent and follows me as I walk to my bedroom. I open my bedside table and take out the rest of the pills. He isn't saying anything, just watching me like a hawk. He follows me to the bathroom and watches as I pull a fifth of whiskey out from under the sink. I can’t look at him, knowing the disappointment I’ll find. I take a breath.
You can do this, I tell myself. Do this for your siblings. For her. Do it for yourself.
I uncap the whiskey and pour it in the sink, with a sick feeling in my stomach watching the amber liquid spiral down the drain. I open my hand and stare at the baggies of drugs sitting on my palm. My head is telling me just one more. Just one more line. One more pill. What harm will it do? I start to sweat as I place one of the bags on the counter.
My hands shake while I open the bags of pills and pour them into my hand. I walk over to the toilet and dump the pills out, watching as they sink to the bottom. The blue pills are in stark contrast to the sparkling white of the porcelain bowl. I lean over grab the coke and pour that in the toilet, too. I’m already cursing myself for dumping it, but I feel empowered as I push down on the metal lever, watching my bad decisions disappear. The sound of the flush is deafening.
I turn to Landon, my nerves shot. He claps me on the shoulder.
"That's a good start. What next?"
"Will you go somewhere with me?" I ask and he nods.
"Ok. I need my phone." I go into my room, grab my phone, and pull up my browser.
"I need to see Camden to get the keys to my bike for tonight and then I want to go here. It's at two." I show him my phone. He’s the only person I would trust with this decision. The only person, besides Skylar, who I need by my side.
"You sure about this?"
"Yes. No. I don't know. But I need to stop the bullshit."
"Admitting it is the first step my brother." He smiles. "Now go shower."
"Landon?"
"Yeah?"
"There's a bag of weed under the ashtray on the patio table," I say as I turn to start the shower. He nods with a look of pride on his face.
We get to the station at 1:15 and Camden has a smug smile on his face when I ask him for the keys to my bike.
"Where you going, brother?"
"I have a date," I admit and Camden laughs.
"When was the last time you were on a date?" he asks, and I have to think about it. Lainey and I did date night every Wednesday night. The last one I remember was the night before we found out about Jack. The guilt starts to creep in and I don’t need that right now. I’m already on edge, second guessing my decision to get rid of every mind numbing substance that was in my house.
"A long fucking time," I say.
"So what's the plan?" he says as he pulls open a drawn and pulls out my keys.
"Drive up to Oceanview, take her to Sammy’s, then the cove," I say and he smiles.
"Good choice." He tosses me the keys and I catch them in a fist.
"I’m proud of you, Grayson."
The guilt and shame come back in full fucking force. I am a fucking liar but I cannot bring myself to tell him the truth. "Thanks," I mumble.
Landon and Camden shoot the shit for a minute before we say goodbye and head over to Beans before heading to the stone church. I feel my eyes light up the minute I see her. She’s sitting at a table with Trevor, looking at something on a laptop when she looks up and her smile is huge. I would kill to see that smile every day.
"Your usual?" Landon asks. I nod as I head over to Skylar while he goes to the counter to order.
"I didn't expect to see you until later," she says as I pull her up from her chair, nodding a hello to Trevor who has a confused expression on his face. She wraps her arms around me and I pull her close to me, placing a kiss on the top of her head before moving her over to my side.
"What are you guys up to?" I gesture to the laptop.
"The counselling center lost a lot of its state funding due to budget cuts. The town is looking to sell the property." He doesn’t look up from the screen.
"That sucks. That place helps too many people to let it go," I say.
"Yeah, but whoever Gordon Sanders is, he's leading the path for demolishing the building and selling the property to some resort company or something." Skylar's voice is sad.
"So, what's the plan?"
She shrugs. "We’re trying to come up with one now."
"You will. Let know if there is anything I can do to help." She hugs close to my side at my offer.
“Of course."
"You about ready?" Landon comes over to us holding two coffees and a brown bag.
"Hi, Landon," Skylar says
and Landon smiles. I pull Skylar to my front, making her giggle. The sound is music to my ears. I want to make her do that again and again.
"Ok, sweet girl, give me some sugar." I bend down so our foreheads are touching and press my lips to hers.
"See you tonight."
She smiles. I kiss her one more time and follow Landon out the door.
When we get to the church, I take out a cigarette from my pocket and light it, letting the nicotine calm my nerves. I take a few puffs.
"You ready for this?" Landon asks.
I nod, putting my cigarette on the concrete sidewalk and stomping it out with my foot. "I need to be."
And that’s the fucking truth. When I told Skylar last night that everything was changing, I must’ve known in my subconscious that I wasn't only talking about us, I was talking about me.
We follow a few people down the stone stairs and my road to recovery begins. I attend my first twelve-step meeting.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Grayson leaves Beans and I stare at the door for a few minutes after he walks out of it. I wasn't expecting him today, which makes the reality of the night before hit me. He is mine. I smile to myself and turn to sit back down and Trevor is smirking.
"You got it bad," he sings.
I shrug. "I think he does, too." And I really do. With everything he said to me last night, plus the way he was just moments ago, shows me that. The fact that he didn't fuck me when he walked me home proves how much more this is to him and I am beyond elated that we are on the same page.
"So, when did that happen?" Trevor eyes me with a look I can’t pin point.
"We've been hanging out for a while now but last night, things changed." I can’t hide my smile.
"In what way?"
"We are giving it an honest shot."
Trevor sighs. "Just be careful, Skylar."
"What's that supposed to mean?" The defensiveness in my voice causes him to raise a brow.
"Nothing. Not my story, but he's been through hell."
I’m so curious as to what happened to him but I haven't pushed him too hard.
"We all have, Trevor. Besides, I’m sure he’ll tell me at some point."
"What if he doesn't?"
Shit. I don't have an answer. I think that whatever it is made a huge impact on his life, but I’m just assuming he’ll tell me. Trevor is right, though. What if he doesn’t? Can I live with never knowing? Can we build our relationship if he’s keeping something that seems to be so big from me?
"He has to," I affirm and Trevor just shrugs.
"Go in with no expectations, Sky. That is all I can tell you."
I nod, appreciative of his advice.
"So, what do we do about this?" I point to laptop, desperate to change the subject.
"Well, we can apply for grants and see what we can get, but…”
I cut him off. “It won’t be enough.”
“No, it won’t.”
"What if the center went private as a nonprofit?" A feeling of resolve hits me so strong, that I firmly believe this is what I’m meant to do with Tim's money.
"Well, we’re looking at a lot of money to pull that off. Where are we going to find an investor or someone to put up that kind of money for a non-profit?" he asks, looking at a spreadsheet, pointing to the bottom line.
It's high but nothing I can’t afford.
"You’re looking at her." I smile while his eyes go wide.
"What?"
"Aside from the scholarship, I haven't done anything with Tim's money. I want to do this," I plead.
"Ok, so what do you have in mind?" I go over my ideas for turning it into a full blown community center with lots of programs offering services for children, adults, and families.
"I only have one request, at least for now. I stay anonymous. With everything going on with that fucking lawsuit I don't want to draw attention to myself."
"That we can do. Ok, let's look at the numbers. Are you able to put an offer on the table in time for the town council meeting on Thursday?"
"Yep. Let's crunch some numbers and I'll email my attorney," I say and Trevor and I get to work.
I stand in my closet thinking about the text message Grayson sent me earlier, saying we are taking the bike. No flip flops. That was it. No indication of where we’re going. I knew how to dress for a bike. I think I loved Tim’s Ducati more than he did and, for the first time in a long time, I smile at memories of my late husband.
I decide on cropped leggings, a belted, sky blue V-neck ¾ sleeved t-shirt dress, and a pair of black canvas wedges. I curl my hair with the flat iron and tie it in a low ponytail. I go light on my make-up, finishing with a spray of Pink Sugar and a coat of strawberry lip-gloss.
I hear the rumble of a bike in the distance and my heart starts beating in anticipation. It has been so long since I’ve been on the back of one and I can't wait. I haven't been on a first date since Tim, and though I should be nervous, I’m not. It's not like I don't know Grayson. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, then last night happened and, well, that was something. It was intense, intimate -just plain perfect. I hope tonight will be the same, too, but all I know is that we were taking the bike somewhere.
The doorbell rings and I open the door to be greeted by a perfect specimen of a man. His dark hair is going in every which direction from the helmet, and the pale green Henley stretched tight across his chest not only shows the definition of his pectorals and shoulders, but it brings out the green flecks in his eyes. His strong thighs are encased in light wash jeans that are slung low on his hips. He looks absolutely delectable.
"Hi," I croak out, feeling the blush rise to my cheeks as the nerves that were hidden earlier come to the surface.
"Damn, girl. You look amazing," his eyes are full of lust as he pulls me in for a sweet kiss that is too short. I get up on my toes, reach around his neck, and pull his mouth back to mine. I’m not done with him, not yet.
He groans and his mouth closes over mine, our tongues starting their seductive dance. I moan while he growls, kissing the corner of my mouth, working his way to my neck with velvety kisses, stinging nips, and soothing licks. He makes his way up to that one spot behind my ear that drives me wild and I moan pulling him even closer.
I feel his heavy breath at my ear. "Fuck, Skylar, if we don't stop I’m going to take you right here and I won't bother closing the door this time."
I laugh and start to pull back. "That's ok, Grayson. I don’t put out on the first date anyway." I smirk.
He pulls me back to him grinding his hard shaft into me, causing me to let out something that is a cross between a squeak and a moan. "Don't tease me, Skylar. We both know how this night is going to end."
I grind back against him. "How's that?"
"With me buried deep in that sweet pussy and you screaming my name until you are hoarse."
"Damn." I can’t find my words. The arousal coursing through my system is like nothing I have ever felt. He has barely touched me and I am ready to come undone. He finally releases me and grabs my hand after I get my purse and keys from table by the door.
We get outside and his bike is gorgeous. An older Harley but well maintained; all red, black, and chrome. He takes my purse from me, puts it in the saddle bag on the side and grabs the spare helmet he brought.
"You ever ride before, sweet girl?"
"Yep." The excitement in my voice is loud and clear.
He lets out a small laugh and kisses my nose before securing the helmet over my head. He puts his on and all of a sudden, I jump when I hear him in my ear. "These have Bluetooth so we can communicate," he says as he gets on the bike.
He turns, offering his hand, but I shake my head as I climb up behind him. I scoot forward so my thighs squeeze his hips and the minute he starts up the bike, I moan. Between Gray working me up and the vibrations of the motorcycle, I’m two seconds away from combusting. I feel a hand squeeze my thigh.
"Don't you fucking dare, Skylar. The on
ly thing that’s going to make you come tonight is my hands, my mouth, or my cock," he growls.
Holy shit that was hot.
"Got it," I mumble. I wrap my arms around him and laugh when he takes off up the coast.
We drive for about 45 minutes; it's a gorgeous night. The wind whipping around me, the sound of the open road, and being surrounded by the one man who can bring me to my knees, has me smiling like an idiot. I’m not even paying attention when we pull to a stop in front of what seems like a secluded beach, but it's hard to see over the dunes.
"Where are we?" I ask as I fumble with my helmet. Grayson helps me get the helmet off, places it on the seat, turns back to me and starts messing with my hair. I feel heat rise to my cheeks.
"I have helmet head," I laugh and he kisses my cheek
"Nah, you look gorgeous." He squeezes my hand, turns to secure the helmets, get my purse from the saddlebag, and I notice he has a blanket or a towel tucked under his arm as he grabs my hand, pulling me towards the ocean. We cross over a dune and I look down to see white twinkle lights outlining what looks to be an old boat house with a sign that reads Sammy's Seafood Stand.
"Hope you like seafood."
"It's my favorite." Now I’m the one pulling him.
When we get inside, I’m surprised by how small this place is. The hostess ogles Grayson as he gives his name for a reservation but he pays no mind. He only has eyes for me and if that doesn't just make my heart swell. We are lead through the back, up a set of stairs, and onto an outside veranda overlooking the ocean.
"Wow. Grayson, this is amazing."
"Yeah, it's so peaceful here. One of my favorite places and the food is amazing." The waitress comes and again with these chicks eyeing my man. I’m not a jealous person by nature but, with Gray, I feel possessive in a way I’ve never felt before.
"Can I get you some wine? Tonight's white is a dry that goes with our fresh catch combo," she says and for a split second, Grayson looks uncomfortable. He rubs his forehead
"Nah, just sweet tea for me. How about you, sweet girl?"
"The same, please."
"You sure you don't want wine?" he asks, sweat beading on his brow.
