Fractured Paths (Fractured Love Series Book 1)

by Heather Anne

  As I think about watching her come undone under me and falling asleep right on my chest, panic washes over me. I feel the hand that is gently rubbing her arm tremble. My chest tightens. My heart beats at a frantic pace. Sweat beads on my forehead. I need to get the fuck out of here. I look over at her, feeling my eyes start to water. She is beautiful to begin with, but her face slack with sleep, her soft strawberry hair splayed on her pillow, her plump lips parted, makes her devastatingly so. She is my heaven. She is my hell. She is the redemption I will never allow myself to have.

  I can't be here. I knew I shouldn't have given into the pull that gravitates me to her. I never should have sunk myself into her sweet heat. I'm not worthy of what she gives me. I'm not worthy of the least bit of happiness she makes me feel. And isn't that just fucked up. Happiness and contentment should make me want to stay. Make me what to give into what she asked of me tonight, but I can't. I will only bring her down into the miserable hole that is my life.

  As my panic starts to overcome me, I suck in a shaking breath and lean down and kiss her temple, knowing this is the last time my tainted lips will touch her perfection. I gently roll her off of me. She mumbles something I can't make out and curls into herself, her back facing me. I make quick work of getting dressed and hightail it out of there.

  Once I’m in her front yard, I feel like a I can finally breathe. I take in a deep breath, the coolness of the night air stinging my lungs. I can't help but look back at her small house, wanting to run back into her bed and pull her into my arms where she thinks she belongs; no, where we both know she belongs.

  I rake my hands over my face, feeling her pull and feeling the burn of the baggie in my pocket at the same time. No high has ever been as good as having her lips on mine, my cock buried deep inside her sweet cunt, and the sounds of primal pleasure that come out of her mouth as I push her over the edge. Nothing comes close to the sound of her laugh or the way her eyes light up when she sees me, really sees me.

  I shake the thought as I dig through my pocket, find the little baggie with ten blue pills, and stare it at. I know they will make me forget. Forget my past, forget my present, forget the woman who has my head spinning, and they will numb every feeling that is going on within my heart.

  I can't feel. If I continue to feel the way I have been, it will destroy me even more than I already am. I've done pretty well at keeping the tiny piece of my heart that are left after Lainey intact, guarded in a steel case. The fact that a strawberry blonde, with the most enticing gray eyes, has started to chisel away at the walls I built, scares the crap out of me.

  In that moment, as I open the bag and down all ten pills, I make my choice. And it isn't her.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  I wake up with a start and the sun hasn't even risen yet. I am disoriented and alone. Grayson was here when I fell asleep after he made love to me and that is exactly what that was. After what happened with that reporter, Grayson gave a little more of himself. Telling me a little bit about his wife and then giving me the most sensual experience of my life.

  The look on his face when I asked him to stay gave him away. He isn't ready for us and I don't think he ever will be. I start to panic when I think about how he bolted. After what we shared, he just up and left. He couldn't do what I asked.

  Yes, there was double meaning in it. I want to know he really is in it for the long haul. I want to know everything that happened with his wife, because I could tell he was still holding back. I want him to be in this one hundred and ten percent but his leaving told me what I think my heart already knew. It was over. We didn't even get much of a chance and in the blink of an eye, he was gone.

  I need to hear it from him though. I need him to tell me that we are through. That he doesn't want this. That he doesn't love me. Because his eyes when he was moving inside me told me he does. Anger starts to rush through my veins while self-doubt clouds my mind.

  I run down to the kitchen, throw on a pot of coffee and grab my phone. It's not even six in the morning but I don’t give a fuck. My head is pounding from the attack so I grab a bottle of water and some pills and take them. As soon as the coffee is done, I pour myself a cup and when I go to the back door, I see his hoodie from the night before sitting on the chair. I take it, hold it up to my nose and inhale the musky, smoky scent that is all Grayson. I wrap the soft sweatshirt around my shoulders, take my coffee and phone outside, and I send a text.

  S- You didn't stay.

  I’m shocked when I get an immediate response.

  G- Sorry. Couldn't.

  S- Why not?

  I close my eyes and brace myself when I hear the ding alerting me of his response. I take a breath and look at the message. Big, fat tears fill my eyes and I have no control over them.

  G- I can't do this anymore.

  S- What are you saying, Grayson

  G- It's too much. I can't do this with you anymore.

  S- Are you fucking kidding me?

  Even though I knew it was coming, I can’t stop the anger.

  G- No, Skylar, I’m serious. I never wanted it to get out of control like this.

  S- You are breaking up with me on text messages?

  G- Would it be easier if I called you so you can hear me tell you I don't want you anymore? That it was fun while it lasted but I am over it?

  My. Heart. Breaks.

  This is not the same person who beat the shit out of someone the night before. This is not the person that took care of me in the shower. This is not the person who made uninhibited love to me just hours later. I have no response because I can't see straight through my tears. My phone dings again and I sob.

  G- Don't worry I’ll make myself scarce. I already texted Trevor that I quit group. Sorry

  After ten minutes, my phone remains silent. The sun comes up while the light in my heart goes dim. I can’t stop crying. I have never felt pain this intense. When I lost Tim, the pain was great, but not like this. This is something so different from that. So much more real. I never had anyone as intense as Grayson Davis. I know because of him; I am forever changed.

  I don't know how much time has passed when the sobs finally stop. I don't even look at the time when I scroll through my phone. I just hit send and a groggy Lauren picks up the phone.

  "Oh my god, Skylar, are you ok? Camden told me what happened."

  I choke out a sob. "Can you come over?" I start crying harder.

  "Now?"

  "Yeah."

  "Ok. Where is Grayson?" I start crying harder.

  "Did he leave?" she asks.

  I sob and barely get, "Yeah," out.

  "Well, is he coming back?" I can tell by the tone in her voice she already knows the answer to that. I let out another sob, not able to say the words out loud.

  "Mother fucker," she seethes. "Ok, Sky, hang tight. I’ll be there in a few minutes."

  "Thank you."

  "Calm down girl, he's not worth it."

  I say good bye and I can't help but think about how I could have been so wrong. He was changing. Things were different. He was the one that made that first move to turn this into more, only to toss me away. I can't breathe.

  I sit on my back porch, wrapped in his hoodie, allowing myself to get lost in the feel of the the fabric and the memories.

  "I fucking knew he was going to do this." Lauren barges into my house and wraps me in a hug.

  "I f-f-feel like an idiot."

  "Stop that shit right now. You’re not to blame here. Now, tell me exactly what happened."

  I replay the entire relationship for her from him being the asshole in the coffee shop, to the man who made love to me and left.

  "Son of a bitch! You’re in love with him.” I don’t respond. She’s right and we both know it.

  Somewhere along the way, I fell in love with the moody bastard. I really believed that I could be enough for both of us, but I was so wrong. That's what hurts the most - I wasn't good enough for Tim to talk to so he goes off the deep end, I wasn
't good enough for my family so they stop speaking to me, and I am not good enough for Grayson, so he leaves me not long after his body told me I was.

  "Hey," Lauren says. "Look at me Skylar."

  I lift my head and she gives me a soft smile. "Please don't blame yourself. What he did isn’t about you, it's about him not dealing with his shit. He has issues, Skylar."

  "He told me about Lainey."

  Her eyes go wide. "And?"

  I shrug. "Not much. Just that they were together for a long time and then she killed herself. I know he was leaving stuff out, but he opened up to me. I didn't want to push him."

  She lets out a breath. "When did he tell you?"

  "Last night, not long after that reporter attacked me."

  "So, he tells you about his wife's death and then bolts. Typical Grayson," she says.

  I raise an eyebrow.

  "Listen, Skylar, maybe this is for the best. His wounds run deep, deeper than you can even imagine. Maybe it's a good thing it happened this way. You weren't together that long, so mending your broken heart may not be so bad," she says and I want to hit her.

  I don't voice my feelings though. I’m too exhausted, too pissed off to defend my feelings for Grayson. Yeah, things moved pretty fast, but they were working. At least, I thought they were.

  "Look, I don't mean to sound insensitive. I get that it took a lot for you to open your heart to someone after what happened with Tim. I really did hope that Gray would prove me wrong. He isn’t a bad guy, he's just not emotionally available. Maybe one day he will get there. Maybe when he realizes what he lost with you, he’ll make some changes. I don’t know. I have never seen either one of you so happy. I really hope the dickhead comes to his senses. Truthfully though, I don't think he will be able to until he deals with what happened in his past, Skylar."

  "What aren't you telling me, Lauren?"

  "You need to hear all of that from him, honey."

  I nod. She is right.

  We spend the rest of the afternoon cuddled up on the back porch.

  I wake up feeling like I have been hit by a truck, still wrapped up in Gray's hoodie. It's been two days and I miss him like crazy. I need to go to work. I know that I am going to have to face our break up in one way or another, and I am dreading it. Everyone was used to us being together, even some of the women backed off. I could tell they were giving me mental high fives for snagging the broody, alpha asshole.

  I’m standing at Beans with my back to the counter, making a fresh pot of coffee, when I hear a familiar voice

  “I need the shop’s usual and half dozen salted caramel muffins." I suck in a breath, turning to see Carson with an apologetic smile on his handsome face.

  "You got it, Carson." I try not to make small talk and just do my job, but he's not letting me.

  "You doing alright?" His blue eyes are sincere and I just shrug.

  “He's not doing much better. In fact, he’s a fucking mess" I should be glad that he is hurting but I am not.

  "Yeah, well, this was his choice, not mine." I try to tone down the anger but I fail.

  "I mean it when I say I never saw him that happy before. Usually he's moody and surly, but he hasn't been since he met you."

  "Why are you telling me this, Carson?" I put my hands on my hips to show that I am done with whatever game he is playing

  "He's got a fucked up past, Skylar. He has a shit ton of heavy baggage," Carson says and I growl.

  "What the fuck is it that you all are keeping from me? I know about Lainey so what the fuck else is there?"

  Carson leans in over the counter. "He told you?" His eyes are wide with shock and I nod.

  "Damn. My brother really is an idiot."

  "How so?"

  "He never talks about them."

  "Them?"

  "Shit," Carson says under his breath

  “Her. He never talks about her." I narrow my eyes and he shakes his head "The first person he gets close enough to even let in a little bit, he goes and fucks it up."

  "I gather that's his pattern?"

  "No. If it was a pattern, this would have been repeated. You are the first person he has ever talked about her with that isn't a family member." I am shocked but he continues, "Yeah I know, Sky. I wish I could tell you to give him time, that he’ll come around, but I don't know if that will ever happen. He has lots of demons that I am afraid are going to resurface. He is a broken man, Skylar."

  "Just because he is broken doesn't mean he can't be fixed."

  “True. But he needs to believe he is worth the trouble and he doesn't." I just nod because I know Carson is right. I know Grayson well enough to know that he has this self-loathing part of him that won’t allow him to have good things in his life.

  "Hang in there, okay?" He leans in and kisses my cheek after I hand him his order.

  "You too, Carson."

  I ‘m getting ready to meet Lauren, Amy, and the gang at Stein's. I am walking because I plan on getting as drunk as I can possibly be. I need to not think about Grayson for a night and just let loose. Get over him and maybe even get under someone else. Fucking him out of my mind doesn't seem like such a bad idea, but who am I kidding? I know me. That is one thing I know I would regret and I can't handle any more of that.

  Just as I’m about to leave the house I get a text from Lauren.

  L- I don't think you should come

  S- He's there isn't he?

  L- Sky, you don't need to witness this.

  S- Yeah, I think I do.

  I walk out the door, ignoring the ringing of my phone. I need to get this over with. Get my closure and move on.

  I walk into the bar and I feel him right away. Even though he hurt me, I still feel a pull to him. It shouldn't comfort me, but for some reason it does. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up; I can feel his stare penetrating me.

  I turn my head at a slow pace, afraid of what I will see, but when our eyes meet, I see nothing but bloodshot anger. He’s holding a glass of what looks like whiskey and he is drunk as fuck. He stumbles over to me.

  "What the fuck are you doing here, Skylar?" He doesn’t slur which is surprising.

  "None of your business." He is going to be belligerent, I can feel it. For a split second, I wonder what the fuck I ever saw in him.

  "Go home, Skylar."

  "What the fuck, Grayson! You have no right to tell me what to do, especially after breaking up with me through a fucking text message."

  He takes a sip of his whiskey and shrugs. "I knew you’d freak out, so I did it the easy way, that way that I didn't have to hear your irritating voice bitch at me for doing what both of us knew was inevitable."

  I feel my eyes sting. "I can't believe after everything we went through in such a short time, you did that. That you couldn't talk to me."

  He scoffs. "Been through? We haven't been through shit." He takes another sip.

  "The other night, Grayson. What happened between us. What you said."

  "That was just sex, Skylar. It meant nothing to me." His eyes narrow. "See, this right here is why I needed to end it. You’re making it into something that it wasn’t, something that it’s never going to be."

  My tears start to fall and, for a split second, I see a flash of remorse cross his face but he rolls his eyes. "Jesus Christ, Skylar, get over it already. We had sex. We hung out. Nothing more."

  I am shocked. "Wow, Gray. I knew you were a lot of things, but I didn't think a liar was one of them."

  "You don't know shit about me." He raises his voice enough to catch the attention of the bar.

  "Because you wouldn't fucking let me, damn it!"

  I see a skinny arm snake around Gray’s waist and that syrupy voice I loathe. "Come on, Gray, I have that thing you wanted." Kristy leans in and kisses his neck. I lose my fucking mind.

  "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? AFTER WHAT SHE DID?" I scream, feeling strong arms grab me from behind. I turn and see Carson. "I can't fucking believe you, Grayson. How could you?"
>
  "How could I not? She sucks a mean dick." He pulls her close to him and whatever little piece of my heart that was left, shatters.

  He never cared. He didn't love me. We were nothing and the realization causes my body to shake. Carson holds me up. He goes to turn me, to walk me away, but I break free and step close to Grayson. Kristy tries to block me but Lauren steps around and pushes her out of the way. I look into his eyes, searching for something, anything. All I see are the grays of his irises and it almost looks like he has no pupils. No emotion. Just an endless sea of nothing.

  "You are a coward. You felt it and I fucking know you did. You should be a man and admit it instead of hiding behind her death."

  "Don't you fucking dare bring her into this."

  I shrug. "It's the truth. It's the reason you always thought you weren't worth it. Congratulations, Grayson Davis. You just proved yourself right." I turn and walk out the door, not looking back.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Fuck. Watching her walk away from me is killing me. I want to tell her I felt it, too, but I can't. I’m high as fuck, drunk as shit, and have a skank hanging all over me.

  Her words cut deep. Told me what I knew all along. I’m not worth it, but hearing it from her does something to me. It empties me of any trace of anything within me worth salvaging. Her words turn me into the shell of a man I always knew I was, but I never felt this empty. Never felt so lost.

  FUCK.

  I grab Kristy by the arm, in the middle of Lauren telling her off, and pull her out the back door.

  "What the fuck, Grayson?" she whines and I am two seconds from losing it.

  "Give me the shit now," I demand.

  Instead of giving me the drugs, she finds the button of my jeans. I grab her wrist with more force than I should. "NOT THAT, YOU DUMB SKANK!" I yell and she flinches. Good.