Someone rang the doorbell, so Nan got up to answer it. Grandad’s stories were getting funnier and funnier – one time he’d even been in trouble with the police for playing Knock Down Ginger!
And then suddenly our lovely evening took a very unexpected turn.
8
“Angela!” Nan gasped, her voice sounding a mixture of surprised, overwhelmed and confused, all at the same time. “What are you doing here?”
Mum looked nothing like how I remembered. Her hair wasn’t long and shiny like it was in the photo I had of her. It looked … well … dull.
The skin around her eyes was grey and tired, and her cheeks weren’t as plump as they once were. She was wearing scruffy jeans and carrying an overnight bag, as though she was planning on staying.
Grandad hobbled out of the kitchen to see Mum for himself. It had been such a long time since we last saw her that it almost felt as though we were looking at a ghost. No one really knew what to say.
“Well, aren’t you happy to see me?” she asked, dumping her bag on the floor.
I didn’t know how I felt. I wasn’t sure how to act around her either. Was I supposed to run and hug her? Give her a kiss, maybe? I’d seen films where kids ran into their parents’ arms and then they lived happily ever after, but this wasn’t a film. It was real life, and the thought of hugging someone I didn’t know made me feel … uneasy.
Grandad didn’t say anything. He turned away and walked into the living room with his stick. There was an awkward silence where the three of us – me, Mum and Nan – just looked at one another, like a stand-off in an old Western film, but without the guns.
“I’ll make us all a cup of tea,” Nan said, and went into the kitchen, leaving Mum and me alone in the hallway together.
Even though Mum was supposed to be the adult, in that moment it felt as though I was the grown-up. She was looking at the ceiling, avoiding any sort of eye contact with me.
I noticed I was almost the same height as her. She looked a lot taller in the photo. She was small and looked a bit fragile, like she could break at any moment.
“Are you staying here?” I asked after a few seconds, glancing at her overnight bag.
“That’s what I was hoping,” she replied in her croaky voice. She looked down at the floor. “And I was also hoping we could get to know each other a bit better. You know, make up for lost time.”
That’s what I wanted more than anything. I’d dreamed about this day for years and years. I wanted someone to go shopping with and tell secrets to and help teach me about make-up, just like Chloe’s mum did with her. Nan wasn’t good with any of those things. She was always too busy working or doing boring things like ironing.
“Oh, before I forget,” she said, fumbling around in her bag. “I’ve got you a little something.”
I couldn’t remember Mum ever buying me a single thing. She hadn’t been there for any Christmases or birthdays. Some years she’d send a card, and others she’d forget entirely.
“Here you go,” she said, smiling, and handed me a gift bag. It was a bit scuffed around the edges but I didn’t care. The fact she’d got me a present was something in itself.
I rustled inside and pulled out a small box.
“A phone!” I said, gasping.
It wasn’t just any phone. It was the newest smartphone, brand new and boxed. I couldn’t believe it. No one in my class had it – it had just been released. Not even Chloe, who seemed to get a new phone all the time. Nan had always said that I wasn’t allowed a proper smartphone until I was thirteen – just the cheap one she’d lent me for emergencies – but I suppose my mum had more authority over what I could or couldn’t have.
“Nan!” I yelled, and ran into the kitchen to show her. “Look what Mum got me!”
I waved the box in front of her excitedly. I know it sounds horrible, but part of me wanted to rub in the fact Mum had got me a phone when Nan said I couldn’t have one.
“That’s … lovely, Mol,” she said through gritted teeth. I could tell she wasn’t happy but I didn’t care. “Why don’t you both sit with Grandad in the living room and I’ll bring the tea in?”
I went to show Grandad my phone and Mum sat on the edge of the sofa awkwardly. I broke the seal on the box and took the phone out delicately, holding it up to the light as though it was a priceless antique.
Grandad peered over his glasses.
“Where did you get the money for that?” he asked Mum.
I couldn’t believe he was asking her that kind of question. He was being so rude. She was obviously a very successful businesswoman who had made enough money to buy these sorts of things. That’s why she hadn’t been in contact with me. Businesswomen never have time to speak to anyone. That’s a fact. He was just ruining the whole atmosphere and it was starting to get on my nerves.
“Well, I love it,” I said. “It’s the best present I’ve ever, ever had. Thank you, Mum.”
I leaned over and hugged her hard. She smiled at me, though I could almost feel Grandad’s eyes staring at her through the back of my head.
Nan came in with cups of tea and biscuits on a tray, which she placed on the coffee table.
“So where’s that boyfriend of yours?” Grandad asked. “What was his name again? Mark? Michael?”
“Matt. We broke up,” Mum said. “It wasn’t working out.”
“Probably for the best then,” said Nan, trying to make polite conversation. She sat in between Mum and me on the sofa and put her hand on my leg.
“He was a total waste of space,” Grandad said. “Don’t know why you bothered with him in the first place.” He stared at the TV, though I knew he wasn’t watching it properly.
Mum looked offended.
“Are you planning on staying then?” he asked. “Or are you going to leave and not talk to us for years again?”
Mum wriggled awkwardly in her seat.
“I have nowhere else to go, Dad,” she answered quietly.
“So you thought you’d come back here like we’re running some sort of hotel? We’re raising your daughter because you’re too busy gallivanting from one man to the next. We took on a massive responsibility when you left. Where have you been all these years?”
Suddenly I felt like a burden – that Nan and Grandad didn’t really want me staying there with them.
“What are you doing here exactly, Angela?” he continued. “You can’t just waltz in here whenever your latest relationship doesn’t work out. You can’t just use us whenever it’s convenient for you. And you most certainly can’t walk back into Molly’s life whenever it suits you either.”
“Fine, I’ll leave then,” she said, and stood up.
Both Nan and I said “Stop!” at the same time.
I really didn’t want her to leave. I wanted her to stay and be my mum.
“Don’t go,” Nan said. She looked at Grandad pleadingly. “Come on, Jack. Let’s all just calm down and have a nice evening. For Molly’s sake, at least.”
“Fine,” Grandad said. “But if I get a whiff of anything dodgy going on here, I want her out.”
“I won’t let you down,” Mum said, and for the first time ever, I believed her.
9
“Wow!” Neada and Jess said in unison when I held my phone out in front of them the next day.
Chloe raised her eyebrows. For someone who always had something to say, she was unusually quiet.
“Where did you get the money from for that?” she asked, although there was a part of her voice that seemed quite impressed with me as well.
“My mum bought me it,” I replied, trying to sound as casual as I possibly could.
“You don’t talk a lot about your mum,” Jess said. “I don’t think you’ve ever said anything about her before. Is she rich then?”
“Yes,” I said. “She’s a really successful businesswoman, actually. She’s been away working, which is why I’ve been staying with my nan and grandad. And now she’s coming to live with us forever.”
“That’s so exciting,” Neada said. “Your mum sounds really cool.”
Chloe knew Mum had left years ago but she didn’t say anything. I felt as though I might be in her good books again.
Everyone in class wanted to look at my phone. They were passing it round and taking pictures on it. I was a bit worried about Ed holding it because he can be quite clumsy, but he was very delicate with it. Mrs Ingram told everyone to pipe down or she’d put the phone away in her desk until the end of the day.
But, best of all, Chloe wanted to sit next to me in class again! She passed me notes under the table and whispered jokes in my ear. It was quickly becoming the best day ever.
I couldn’t wait to get to the canteen for lunch. Since I’d started training I’d been ravenously hungry. Nothing seemed to fill me up properly. The food behind the counter looked like jewels in a treasure chest, practically begging me to taste them. I’d come home after school and eat biscuits and sweets from the treats cupboard when Nan was out of the room. I’d have double helpings of dinner and something chocolatey for dessert. Alice said I was bound to feel this way because all that exercise makes you want to eat everything in sight, especially sugary things.
I was queuing up for lunch when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Ed, looking scruffy as usual, his tie lopsided and school jumper covered in some sort of food stain.
I glanced around, hoping Chloe wasn’t watching. Thankfully she was too busy talking to a group of boys from our class to notice.
“Hi, Ed!” I said. He might have been scruffy but he actually looked … handsome.
I couldn’t believe I’d just thought that. I looked away quickly, hoping he couldn’t read minds.
Ed seemed more jittery than usual. He was fiddling with the sleeve of his jumper.
“I was wondering…” he said, glancing down at the floor. “Erm … well…”
I couldn’t understand why his words weren’t coming out properly.
“What, Ed?”
“What does he want?” I heard a voice say. It was Chloe, appearing at the most inconvenient moment. “Come on, Molly.”
“I’m trying to talk to Molly on my own,” Ed replied, glaring at her.
If Chloe was ever rude to Ed, he always answered her back. That was one of the things I liked most about him. Out of all the people in our class, he was the least scared of her.
“What makes you think she wants to talk to you?” Chloe replied. “If you have anything to say to her, you can say it in front of me.” She pulled on my arm. “Go away, Ed. You’re so annoying.”
She went to grab my arm to steer me away. I started feeling really anxious.
Please don’t say anything about swimming, I thought to myself.
“I was wondering if you’d like to come to the cinema with me this weekend?” he blurted out, ignoring Chloe completely. “My mum says she’ll drive us there.”
Chloe burst out laughing.
“Are you serious?” she said, spluttering. “You want to go on a date with Molly?”
“It’s not a date,” Ed replied, and turned bright red. “We’d only be going as friends.”
“Well, you’re not friends, so I don’t know why you’re even asking,” Chloe said. “And if she wanted to go on a date, it certainly wouldn’t be with you. Isn’t that right, Molly?”
I didn’t know what to say. If Chloe thought I was friends with Ed, she’d disown me forever. I just knew it. Our friendship looked like it was on the up since she’d sat with me earlier, and the last thing I wanted to do was ruin it again.
But, at the same time, Ed was my friend too.
“Molly…?” Ed asked, his eyes widening.
“I wouldn’t go to the cinema with you if you were the last boy in the world,” I said, the words trickling out of my mouth like venom.
Ed looked crestfallen. Chloe laughed. And I felt dreadful.
He looked hurt, but didn’t say anything in response. Instead he just turned round and walked away.
“What a loser,” Chloe said.
But if anyone felt like a loser, it was me.
We got our lunch and sat down with Neada and Jess. I felt absolutely terrible. I couldn’t believe I’d said something so horrible to my friend. It wasn’t even true! How could I possibly face Ed at swimming again?
I began wolfing my food down. I couldn’t stop.
“God, do you ever stop eating?” Chloe asked me, and sniggered to herself.
“Chloe,” Jess hissed.
“What?” she replied. “She doesn’t stop. She’s like a pig, gobbling food down like there’s no tomorrow. Gobble, gobble, gobble. It’s so embarrassing.”
The shame I’d felt at Chloe’s birthday suddenly returned, stronger than ever. Chloe knew I wouldn’t say anything back to her. I flushed bright red and glanced at my plate, looking guiltily at the lumps of mashed potato glistening in gravy.
“I’m trying to do you a favour,” Chloe said to me. “Stop being so sensitive, Molly. All I’m saying is that you need to stop eating so much. Do you want to be popular, or do you want to be just another fat Gabby-no-friends-Morris?”
“Chloe…” Neada said, and glanced above Chloe’s head.
“What?” Chloe snapped at her.
We looked up. Gabby Morris was standing right behind Chloe and had heard every word she’d said.
“I may be fat, Chloe,” she said, clutching her tray, “but at least I’ll never be a horrible person like you.”
10
Ed wouldn’t look at me in the car when Mr Davidson picked me up the next morning. He barely opened his mouth the entire journey, except for a few grunts or murmurs, and spent the majority of the time staring out of the car window.
“You’re awfully quiet today, Ed,” said Mr Davidson. “Everything all right?”
But Ed didn’t say a thing.
He didn’t talk to me during swimming class.
He didn’t talk to me at breakfast club.
He didn’t speak to me in school.
And it was all my fault.
I tried approaching him in class when Chloe went to the loo, but he looked at the whiteboard and pretended I wasn’t there, blocking out anything I was saying to him. At swimming practice on Wednesday night I tried talking to him in the pool, but he swam away. I’d completely ruined our friendship and I didn’t know what to do to make it better again.
I wanted to tell Nan about what happened with Ed, but I knew she’d be so disappointed at what I’d said to him. It still wouldn’t be anywhere near the amount of disappointment I felt in myself. I’d glance at him across the classroom, hoping to catch his eye, wondering why I’d been so horrible to someone who had been nothing but kind to me.
Mum was still staying with us in the spare bedroom. Sometimes it felt as though she was a house guest – her overnight bag lay on the carpet for days and her clothes hadn’t been taken out and put away properly. I’d often take a peek through the door as I walked past to see whether her things were still in there or not. I was convinced I’d look in there one day to find all her belongings gone.
But a week and a half later Mum was still there. It didn’t seem like she was planning on leaving at all. She was really trying to make a good impression with Nan and Grandad and to help around the house in whatever way she could. She’d pick up the food shopping while Nan was at work and tidy up the kitchen and living room. She wasn’t a very good cook (she admitted so herself), but she did try making us all fish finger sandwiches one night. Even Grandad seemed to be appreciative of her efforts – though he didn’t tell her that, of course.
One night, when she was in the shower, I sneaked inside her room to take a look at her stuff. I wanted to know more about her and the things she liked.
I rooted through her bag and found a leopard-print skirt, an old leather jacket and some posh pink lipstick. I put the leather jacket on my shoulders and swiped the lipstick across my lips, standing in front of the mirror and pretending to pose like the mo
dels I saw in Nan’s magazines.
I looked ridiculous. I hated my giant legs and arms. Why wasn’t I dainty and pretty like the others? My legs alone looked the same size as some of the models’ bodies.
Mum, on the other hand, started to look much better. Nan took her for a new haircut and she began to look pretty again. Her cheeks were looking rosier, and the grey around her eyes seemed to fade. She was looking more and more like the photo I had of her in my room. She was looking more and more like my mum.
Chloe was making an effort with me too. She’d started being nicer to me since I’d been mean to Ed, as though I’d somehow proven my loyalty towards her. I hate to admit it, but I quite liked being in her good books, even if that had meant doing something horrible. It was much better than being on her bad side.
She was being really horrible to everyone else though – a lot more than usual, and that was saying something. She wouldn’t hide her disgust towards Gabby Morris, making pig noises as she walked past us in class. She stopped doing her homework and would get in trouble with Mrs Ingram for constantly chatting. She even kept calling Neada “thick” when she got the answers wrong in class.
I started to hear a rumour that the younger kids in school were scared of her. I couldn’t blame them – I often got the impression that some of the teachers were scared of Chloe too.
“You’ve seemed a bit down the last few days,” Mum said on Thursday evening, sitting at the kitchen table and reading a magazine. My arms and legs were aching from that week’s swimming practice, and on top of my falling-out with Ed, I wasn’t exactly in the best of moods. Nan and Grandad were having a quick nap in the living room, in front of the early-evening news, the light from the telly flickering on the walls. “What have you got to feel so glum about?”
“I fell out with a friend,” I said, which wasn’t a lie, but wasn’t the entire truth either. The truth was that I’d been horrible to someone who’d done nothing to deserve it.
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