I glanced across the room at Ed. I could’ve sworn I’d caught him looking at me, but his head swivelled to the front of the class before I managed to make eye contact with him. I just wish he knew how desperate I was for us to be friends again.
Nan picked me up from school that afternoon.
“How was work?” I asked as cheerily as I could muster, climbing into the passenger seat and giving her a kiss on her cheek. I knew I had to be nice to her in order to get the money for the trip so I figured I should start as soon as possible.
“Do you not want to talk about last night?” Nan asked, raising an eyebrow.
I’d tried my best to clear the argument out of my head, so I wasn’t entirely sure why she was bringing it up again.
“Did you ask Mum to leave?” I asked.
“No,” she said. She paused for a bit. “Most people would have done after the way she behaved, but no. I didn’t.”
I felt a huge sense of relief. Part of me was expecting Mum to have been kicked out by the time I got home. I’d been trying to prepare myself for it all day just in case. I knew not to get my hopes up about Mum sticking around.
“Look,” she said. “I know you don’t want to have this conversation, Molly, but it needs to be said. I know she’s my daughter, and I love her dearly, but I don’t want you to depend on your mum too much.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, offended that she’d say such a thing. I felt Nan had done nothing but pick on Mum since she’d arrived and it was really getting on my nerves. “She’s trying really hard to be a great mum, and you’re not giving her a chance. She’s buying me loads of presents and everything.”
Nan looked ahead at the road.
“Hmmm,” she murmured, which wasn’t very helpful.
She was being so irritating.
“I don’t understand why you’re getting so annoyed about her driving me to Riverdale,” I said. “You’re overreacting, just like you always do.”
“It was about more than just taking you out shopping, Molly,” Nan said, starting to get annoyed herself. “She wasn’t being a responsible adult. She was… Oh, I don’t even know why I’m having this conversation with you. You’re too young to understand.”
That comment annoyed me even more. Why did adults think they could treat me like a baby the whole time? And why wasn’t Nan just getting to the point?
“I think you’re being really mean to her,” I said. “And Grandad is as well. I thought you would’ve liked the extra help around the house, seeing as Grandad makes me out to be such a burden on you both.”
“Pardon?” Nan replied. “Whatever made you think that?”
I thought back to the night when Mum first arrived.
“Grandad said to her you’d both taken on a big responsibility when she left.”
“You’ve misunderstood that entirely,” Nan said. “You could never be a burden to anyone, especially not us. We love you. He meant your mother should act like a mother and take care of you as well, rather than behaving like a child herself.”
She paused for a bit and took a big breath.
“I know you’re my granddaughter, Molly, but I see you as more than that. I see you as one of my own – another daughter. And I just worry about you. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
Why was I defending someone who hadn’t been there for me over someone who had? Deep down, I knew Nan was looking out for me. I knew that she was right about Mum needing to take better care of me. I just didn’t want to admit it. After all, who wants to admit their mum doesn’t really want them?
12
As Nan opened the front door, we glanced at one another in confusion. The smell of a roast dinner wafted down the hall and hit us as we stepped inside, the sounds of glass and metal clinking from inside the kitchen.
Mum was pottering about the kitchen in her slippers, oven gloves in hand and hair in rollers. The kitchen table had been prepared as though we were in a posh restaurant, with napkins folded neatly in place. She’d even bought Nan a bouquet of beautiful yellow flowers and placed them in the middle of the table. She could’ve easily passed as a housewife as she boiled vegetables on the stove. She looked just like the type of mum I read about in books – or at least imagined normal mums to be.
“It won’t be done for another half an hour yet,” she said, clearly a bit flustered.
Nan and I were still a bit shocked and watched her for a few minutes in complete surprise. I didn’t feel quite hungry enough for dinner yet, but I could see how much trouble she’d gone to so I told myself I’d eat it anyway.
Grandad had heard us come in and suddenly appeared behind us in the doorway, holding himself upright with his stick. He glanced at Mum from behind our shoulders, but, unlike us, he looked at her as though she was being a complete nuisance.
“It’s too early for dinner,” Grandad said. “We don’t usually eat for hours.”
“Jack,” Nan hissed and glared at him. She turned to Mum and gave her a half-smile – the type you give when you’re still annoyed with someone but they’ve done something nice to try to make things better again. “I think it was very thoughtful of you. Thank you, Angela.”
I could see Mum looking at Grandad for approval, but we all knew she wasn’t going to get it. He wandered off to the living room and left the three of us alone, closing the living-room door behind him.
“I’ll make us all a cup of tea,” Mum said quickly, and began filling the kettle up with water. “Sit down, Mum. You must be tired.” She turned to me. “How was school today?”
It was the first time she’d seemed genuinely interested. “It was OK,” I said, thinking of how I still hadn’t fixed things with Ed and how Chloe was still being a pain. “Oh, and before I forget, I have a school trip to the zoo on Monday that needs paying for.”
I rooted through my backpack and pulled out the now crumpled letter that had been sitting in there a while.
“This is dated from May, Molly,” Nan said as she read it.
“I forgot to give it to you,” I lied.
“Still, fifteen pounds though,” Nan said, sighing. “Never mind.”
I knew you’d say that, I thought to myself.
“I’ll pay for it,” Mum offered. “She’s my daughter, after all. It’s the least I can do.”
I kept thinking how rich Mum must’ve been to afford all these things. She seemed to have a ton of endless cash to spend. But since arriving, she also spent all her days at home not working. I didn’t know where the money was coming from.
“No, it’s all right, Angela,” Nan said. “But thank you for offering.”
Grandad’s seat lay empty over dinner, his plate left untouched. We could hear the sound of the telly playing in the background. I thought it was rude and unfair that he was putting a stupid TV show over having dinner us. He missed out on a feast though, so it was his loss.
Although she’s not the best cook, Mum’s dinner was actually delicious. It was hands down the best roast I’d ever had, but I wouldn’t ever tell Nan that. We had Yorkshire puddings and chicken, roast potatoes, carrots, broccoli and lashings of gravy. I had two portions, even though I wasn’t that hungry.
“That was absolutely delicious,” Nan said with a smile on her face. Mum stood up to tidy the table but Nan put her hand up. “No, no, let me. You sit down.”
Mum lay back in her chair and rested her hands on her tummy, tired and stuffed. I was so proud of her for making such an effort. She looked like she was proud of herself too.
“Now that I’ve got you here, I wanted to ask you both something,” she said. Nan was scrubbing the plates in the sink but turned round to listen. “I’ve been thinking about it today and you can say no if you want, but I really want to throw you a birthday party, Molly.”
I was confused. It wasn’t my birthday. My birthday had been in February and it was now the beginning of June.
“I know it’s not your real birthday,” she said, as though she’d read my mind. “But
I thought I could throw you a massive party to make up for missing it. An ‘unbirthday’. What do you reckon?”
In my head, I wanted to say she should be making up for the eleven birthdays she’d missed so far, not just this one, but I kept quiet. I appreciated the fact she was making an effort.
“Hmm, I’m not sure how I feel about a load of kids running about in the house,” Nan said, wiping up the crumbs on the dinner table with a cloth.
“We’ll have it in the garden,” Mum said. “We’ll get picnic blankets and loads of food and have some music and invite everyone you know.”
I liked the sound of the idea, but I knew one person who would probably try to sabotage it in some way.
“I don’t think Chloe would want me inviting everyone,” I said, making a mental list of all the people she didn’t like.
“Well, it’s not Chloe’s birthday, it’s yours,” she said. “And if she doesn’t like who’s invited, then she can get lost.”
I smiled. I knew Chloe wouldn’t mess with me if Mum was about. Suddenly I liked the sound of the party even more.
Mum looked at Nan and put her hands together.
“Pleaassseeeee?” she said, in the same way I had done with her at Riverdale. “Come on, Mum. Let me show you I can be responsible. It won’t be anything too crazy. I won’t let you down, I promise.”
Nan looked at her and then over at me.
“Go on, then,” she said, sighing, and Mum squealed with excitement.
Mum drove me to school early on the Monday morning. We had to be in the car park by eight thirty, ready to board the coach that would drive us all to the zoo.
Mrs Ingram was by the bus and checking everyone off the register, looking a bit stressed. We were running behind because Mum woke up late, so by the time I got there everyone was already on the bus.
“Here, put some lippy on,” Mum said, rooting through her bag and passing me her pink lipstick and a small mirror.
“I’m not allowed to wear make-up to school,” I replied. I was getting frustrated at how relaxed she was being when we were embarrassingly late.
“Well, in ten minutes’ time you’ll be on a school bus outside of school,” she said. “And I’m your mum and I say it’s fine.”
I did as I was told, even though I didn’t think she was right. But in all honesty, I did feel very glamorous after putting on the lipstick, smacking my lips together like I’d seen Mum do in her bedroom mirror. Nan never let me wear make-up, so it felt like a treat.
Mum had helped me get changed into my new outfit before we left – a mini-skirt, a pink T-shirt with “LOVE” written across it and a denim jacket – and, along with the pink lipstick, I felt the prettiest I ever had. It was so great having a mum who knew about fashion.
Mrs Ingram waved at me to hurry out of the car.
“Have a fun day,” Mum said, winking at me. “I’m gonna get working on your party invites.”
I stepped out the car and headed towards the coach as fast as I could.
Suddenly I realised how short my skirt was. It kept riding up my legs as I walked, so I tried hoisting it down in an attempt to make it look longer. I saw my classmates’ faces press up against the window as I walked on over. Unlike Chloe, I hated being on display like this.
“Hurry up, Molly,” Mrs Ingram said. She glanced down at my outfit disapprovingly. “It’s not a fashion show, but never mind. Get on the bus.”
“Oi, oiiiii!” yelled some stupid boys as I climbed up the stairs. I went bright red and tried searching for the girls as they wolf-whistled. I spotted Ed near the back. He stared back at me but didn’t say a thing.
“Molly! Molly! I saved you a seat!” Neada yelled, and I sat down next to her as quickly as I could. Chloe eyeballed me as I walked down the aisle, her blonde waves glistening in the morning sunlight. She looked like a supermodel sat next to Jess, who was dressed casually in jeans and a football shirt.
“God, attention-seeking or what?” Chloe hissed to Jess, but loud enough so I could hear.
“You look lovely, Mol,” Neada said, turning to me. “I’ve never seen you look so glamorous. I wish I looked as good as you.”
“You look ridiculous,” Chloe snapped, turning round in her seat. “Why are you trying to upstage everyone? And why the hell are you wearing lipstick?”
“You’re wearing lipstick,” I replied, looking at the pink on her lips. Chloe didn’t know what to say.
“I’ve always worn it,” she said after a few seconds. “You’re just trying to be cool and copy me. Make-up is my thing.”
“It’s no one’s ‘thing’, Chloe,” Jess said suddenly. “Molly can wear whatever she likes. I think you look amazing, Mol.”
Chloe looked like she wanted to hit me, but I just smirked back and stuck out my tongue.
We were on the coach for what felt like hours. All the boys were being loud and hyperactive, waving at people in the cars driving past. Mrs Ingram looked like she was going to have a heart attack with all the commotion going on. Chloe sat in silence the entire time, taking selfies on her phone or texting, and ignoring Jess completely.
“Where’s your phone?” Chloe asked me. “Or has your mum had to take it back because you’re so poor?”
Neada squeezed my hand, as though code for “ignore her”. It was nice sitting next to her. I knew she was Jess’s best friend but I sometimes wished we could all be a gang of three best friends without Chloe.
Once we arrived, Mrs Ingram told us we needed to be in groups of four. Everyone teamed up with their friends, huddling together and being louder than necessary.
Then I spotted Ed on his own.
“Ed!” I yelled across the tarmac before Chloe could say anything. He looked up at me.
“What are you doing?” Chloe hissed at me angrily.
“He’s on his own,” I replied.
“So? That’s not our problem,” Chloe replied. “Let him find someone else to tag along with.”
“Oh, that’s kind, Molly,” Mrs Ingram said, catching me mid-wave. “Hurry up now, Ed. You team up with the girls, sweetheart.”
Some of the boys sniggered but I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to leave Ed on his own. Besides, this was the perfect opportunity to try to talk to him and apologise for everything.
“I’m never going to live this down,” Chloe said, and raised her hand to her forehead in a dramatic fashion.
“Oh, be quiet,” Jess said. “Stop being so dramatic. It’s not fair to leave someone on their own. You wouldn’t like it, Chloe.”
Ed walked over to us awkwardly, brushing the hair out of his eyes. His trainers looked beaten and he was wearing a jumper that looked far too big for him.
“Just so you know, loser, I don’t want you here,” Chloe snarled, as Mrs Ingram passed some maps of the park around.
“Trust me – I don’t want to be here either,” Ed replied.
“Oh, can’t we all just get along?” Neada pleaded.
“There’s no way I’m hanging round with him,” Chloe said. “And you’re both not either,” she said to Jess and Neada. She turned to me. “You and your little boyfriend can hang around together for all I care.”
I’d had enough of Chloe by this point. I wasn’t going to let Neada and Jess’s day be ruined by Chloe’s behaviour though, so I decided I would go around with Ed on my own. Jess and Neada looked at me desperately, like they wanted to get rid of her, but they didn’t say anything. No one ever does when Chloe acts this way.
As we walked to the entrance, Chloe checked to see if Mrs Ingram had stopped looking, then grabbed Jess and Neada before they had a chance to say anything.
“See you later, losers,” she yelled, and pulled them in a different direction towards the lion enclosure.
This was the first time since the canteen incident Ed and I had been alone together. We stood there in silence, not knowing where to look.
I knew I had to be brave and to apologise, just like Mum had with Nan. This was my chance to make thin
gs right again. I took a deep breath and hoped for the best.
“Ed—” I began, but he’d spoken at the same time.
“Why do you want to be friends with Chloe?” Ed said. “And why are you always trying so hard to impress her?”
I glanced down at the floor.
“She’s my best friend,” I replied, though I wasn’t convinced she was any more, or had been for a long time.
“Well, she’s not a good friend to you. Or to Neada and Jess, for that matter. She’s horrible to you all and you don’t say anything. No one likes her.”
I decided I should be as honest with Ed as possible. I hadn’t been honest with anyone else about how I’d been feeling recently.
“I’m worried that Chloe won’t be my friend when we go to secondary school,” I said, and went bright red, partly because I knew I shouldn’t care if someone as mean as her stayed my friend or not.
Telling Ed my biggest fear felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
“That’s the honest truth, Ed. I feel like I’ve got to keep her sweet so that she’ll stick around and like me. She’s been like a sister to me since my mum left. We’ve always done everything together. And I don’t want that to end.”
“Sisters don’t treat each other the way she treats you,” he said. “And you’ve still got Neada and Jess, so I don’t know why you’re so worried about not having anyone.”
I knew Ed was right, but the idea of not having Chloe around made me feel like a baby whose blanket had been taken away. Chloe may have been a pain, but she was also weirdly a comfort.
“Yes, but Jess and Neada have got each other. Those two have always been best friends in the group, and then Chloe and me.”
“She’s not a friend!” Ed repeated, getting frustrated. “Can’t you see that? She’s a bully. A nasty, horrible bully who puts you down the whole time. Friends wouldn’t do that.”
We sat on a bench together, looking out in front of us. In the distance I could make out signs for the seal enclosure. It made me think about swimming again – how I used to pretend I was a dolphin when I was little, diving under the water without a care in the world.
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