How to Find Your (First) Husband

by Rosie Blake

  ‘Sorr…’ I started.

  He moved in again and my eyes remained open in surprise. In the distance I could make out a familiar blur, someone turning and walking away. I frowned and went to close my eyes, concentrate on the kiss. I was K.I.S.S.I.N.G Andrew Parker up a tree I sang to myself and then giggled once. Oh no. Don’t giggle at him, Iz. Too late, he had pulled away again.

  ‘Sorry,’ I repeated. ‘Just unexpected,’ I said.

  ‘I like you, Isobel,’ he said, one arm around my shoulder.

  ‘Me too,’ I said, nodding energetically. Was I nodding more than I should? Had I imagined kissing someone else?

  We walked on in silence and made our way down to the beach where, further along the sand, Duncan could be seen playing Frisbee with Liz. I say playing, Duncan appeared to be mostly firing the Frisbee at Liz who spent much of the time scooping it off the sand. Duncan turned, spotted us and rolled his eyes in exasperation. I gave them a half-wave and Andrew ignored them both. Turning his back, he moved in the opposite direction and I hurried to catch him up.

  ‘Shall we join them?’ I asked, sort of hoping the answer might be yes. Wow, when had I wanted to spend time with Liz?

  ‘No, they’re better off alone,’ he said, flicking out his towel in an angry snap and carefully brushing sand off its corners.

  I flapped out my towel and cringed as tiny grains of sand trickled over the area he had just cleared. He was clearly trying not to look cross, but his back shoulder muscles were all tense and his mouth was fixed in a line. I padded around, trying desperately hard not to disrupt the sand further, gently lowering myself on to my towel, dragging my bag slowly towards me and rootling around for my iPod.

  We spent most of the day reading or listening to music. There was one quite cute moment where I had offered Andrew one of my headphones and we had bent our heads together to listen to ‘Happy’ but then I had kicked sand with my tapping toes by accident and Andrew had to rear up and tidy again so the moment hadn’t lasted. Still, that had been sweet. We had looked like central characters in a rom-com for like three minutes. We hadn’t talked much the rest of the time and when Duncan had come over to say hi, Andrew had sort of growled his responses so I figured something was up. Deciding to act like the girlfriend, I broached the subject when he had left.

  ‘So what’s that about?’ I asked, clearing my throat.

  ‘What?’ Andrew played it dumb.

  ‘You two,’ I motioned down the beach with a hand, ‘are you not talking?’

  ‘’s fine,’ Andrew grunted, clearly not in the mood to share.

  ‘You can tell me,’ I said in my most gentle voice, reaching a hand across to place over his. I slightly misjudged it and I ended up holding on to his forearm which would have to do.

  ‘It’s nothing, I’m just not in the mood to hang out with other people today,’ he said, glancing down the beach where Liz was staring back at us, a Frisbee hanging by her side.

  ‘Oh right,’ I said, thinking he wanted to spend time with me. Cuuuuutttteeeee. This had all happened so quickly and I lay back down listening to the beats thump through my head, feeling the sun warm my body, my heels resting on the hot sand. I was here, in paradise, with Andrew Parker who wanted to just spend some alone time with me. This is what I’d wanted, I reminded myself. I glanced sideways at him. He was staring, unseeing, straight ahead at the ocean, his mouth turned down.

  Sitting in the shade of the cafe at lunch, I watched the tide draw in, washing rhythmically over the same sand, the darkened patch ebbing backwards as the water rolled out again, then the same process all over again like the sea gently breathing in and out, in and out. Looking at the motion settled me and the whole world seemed calmer for it. Zeb and I could do a piece on it, something about the sea, the way it makes you feel. Then I realised that Zeb might not want to. I felt my stomach tighten at the thought that somewhere out there he might be cross with me. I wondered what his surprise might have been.

  I hadn’t seen Mel or Dex all day but was pleased if that meant they were spending some quality time together. I couldn’t imagine a more perfect place for two people really in love, the places they could explore. I thought of the waterfalls, caves, the underwater world I had visited in these past weeks and grinned to myself. Andrew was chewing on the last of the baguette we had shared for lunch and grinned back, red onion marmalade stuck in his teeth. I indicated it with a finger and he picked at it before rubbing fruitlessly over his teeth with a napkin. It made me giggle and he excused himself and went to the loo.

  Feeling guilty for laughing, I sucked on the last of my strawberry and banana smoothie, hearing the gurgle of air in the straw and then the silence that followed as I waited for him to come back. This was going well, wasn’t it? I mean, we were bound to not have loads to say as we were still getting to know each other. And it felt nice, him sitting across the way from me, eating companionably. I mean, we had shared a baguette which boded well. I was sure there was a phrase about people who share food having successful marriages or something. I hopped up when I made out Mel walking past on the track.

  ‘Mel,’ I called, shading my eyes with one hand as I emerged into the sunlight.

  ‘Hey.’ She grinned, punching me good-naturedly on the top of the arm. ‘You’re here,’ she said.

  ‘Er yes,’ I said rubbing at the spot. ‘No need to slap me round the face to double-check.’

  ‘I missed you.’ She grinned.

  ‘Hardly.’ I laughed, recognising the rosy glow in her cheeks, the glint in her eye. ‘I take it you and Dex are back on form?’

  She grinned even more widely, her white teeth flashing. ‘Hell yes, I had forgotten how brilliant he was in bed too, we’ve been at it all morning. I can barely walk straight.’

  I clapped both hands over my ears in mock-protest. ‘Mel,’ I whined. Then I noticed something – a spark, a momentary glint. I lowered both hands slowly, eyes trained on the spot. Mel shifted on to one foot, a shy, uncertain smile now waiting for my reaction.

  ‘What,’ I said, holding up her left arm, ‘is THAT?’ I peered forward and took in the beautiful ring. A diamond seemed to be suspended in a ring of silver. It was stunning. ‘It’s gorgeous,’ I breathed out. ‘Does this mean…?’

  Mel bit her lip and then nodded once. ‘We talked and talked and well then he did that thing I love with his tong—’

  ‘Melissa Conboy!’ I shouted.

  ‘Ha, ha, he didn’t, Iz, he didn’t. It was amazing, actually, he walked me down to the beach this morning. I was sooo annoyed as it was like the middle of the night and he had made me sit on the sand and as the sun came up I saw he had lined up all these pebbles that said “Just Marry Me” and then he got down on one knee with this whole speech planned about my mum and my fears and the fact that he never really wanted anything to change and I just found myself saying “Yes, YES,”’ she repeated laughing as I squeezed her tightly.

  ‘Yay, yay, oh WOW!’ I said, holding her at arm’s length. ‘That is brilliant. You two are completely perfect and it will be fabulous, I know it, I know it.’

  ‘Yes, so do I,’ she said, the happiness bursting out of her every pore.

  ‘I’m glad, I’m glad, I’m so GLAD.’

  Mel laughed and hugged me again then, drawing back, she looked strangely serious all of a sudden. ‘And where have you been?’ she asked.

  ‘With Andrew.’

  ‘Oh.’

  The air felt thick with something I couldn’t put my finger on. ‘What?’ I asked.

  Mel avoided my eye. ‘I thought. It’s nothing really.’

  ‘Mel,’ I whined, knowing when she said it was nothing it was always, ALWAYS something.

  ‘Well I bumped into Zeb earlier. What happened with you guys?’

  ‘What did he say?’ I bristled.

  ‘Not a lot.’ She sighed. ‘Did you guys fight?’


  ‘No. Nothing happened,’ I said, crossing my arms over my chest. ‘Why? What did he say?’

  ‘Not much. Well, he made a comment about you and…’ She jerked her head over towards the cafe. ‘So,’ she dropped her voice to a whisper, ‘is it on?’

  I scraped the floor with a toe. ‘Yeah I think so, he seems different, keen.’ I looked up at Mel needing reassurance, a big grin. I thought I detected a momentary flash of something else but then she took my hands and squeezed them. ‘Well if it’s what you want,’ she said, excited for me. ‘That’s great.’

  I nodded quickly as she said it. ‘Great,’ I repeated. It was great, wasn’t it?

  ‘Zeb said he was heading back,’ Mel added in a rush. ‘Said goodbye to me.’

  Jerking my head as I heard the words, I felt a sharp sting in my chest. He had said goodbye, to Mel and not me. He was going. My brain was clouding with images and ques­tions again and I was slow to respond.

  ‘Leaving? He didn’t say.’

  ‘I think he came to find you earlier but you were er…busy.’

  I knew for certain Zeb had been the figure I had seen in the distance. He had seen the kiss. He knew I really was with Andrew. I held a hand up to twiddle with my necklace, rubbing the pendant back and forward like a worry bead.

  ‘Oh,’ I muttered, feeling a gloom descend over the day. Why was I feeling this now? I knew I had made the decision this morning and, anyway, maybe the feelings I’d felt weren’t reciprocated, I might have read too much into things. And Andrew was here, offering what I had come all this way to find. I had to give it a chance, had to believe in it.

  I swallowed slowly, plastering a smile back on my face. ‘Well hopefully I’ll see him before he goes.’

  ‘Yeah, I liked him,’ Mel said, pursing her lips as if she was about to say more.

  ‘Look, I better get back, Andrew will think I’ve run off.’ I laughed, the noise sounding hollow. ‘We’ll catch up later today?’

  Mel nodded. ‘Definitely.’

  ‘Now, go be with your fiancé,’ I grinned.

  ‘Oh I am so not using that word.’ She shivered.

  ‘Okay, babe!’

  Laughing, I turned back to the cafe and pushed through the door, my eyes readjusting to the shady interior, two silhouetted figures standing opposite each other with their hands on their hips. It was Andrew and Liz. I sidled over, feeling my forehead crease as I took in Liz’s expression. She looked like someone had stolen her Sunrise Muffin.

  ‘Hi,’ I said, waving both hands as if to emphasise the point.

  She didn’t look at me but continued to glare at Andrew.

  If looks could kill he should be clutching his stomach right about now and keeling over.

  Andrew was staring back, his face set, a steely look in his eye. I hadn’t seen him like that, so fired up. I stood next to him and he put his arm around my shoulder. It still felt a little foreign, but I tried to relax into it. It seemed to have broken the spell as Liz looked at the arm, back at him and then turned quickly and left, wiping her face as she walked back on to the beach.

  ‘Was she okay?’ I asked. I mean, Liz and I were never going to be best friends but she looked upset.

  Andrew didn’t reply.

  ‘Has anything happened between you guys?’ Andrew wasn’t looking at me, seeming to be sneaking a peek in the direction Liz had left. ‘Andrew,’ I said gently, reaching for his arm. ‘It’s okay, if something’s happened you can tell me.’

  He looked down at my arm as if it were something he had never seen before. ‘It’s nothing,’ he said after a pause.

  It was clearly something.

  I took a breath. ‘Well if you need to tal—’

  ‘She’s all over Duncan,’ he said, an unpleasant sneer to his voice I’d never heard before.

  ‘I’m sure not,’ I said, surprised. Liz had never shown an interest in Duncan. I realised, with a flash of guilt, she had only ever had eyes for Andrew.

  Did Andrew like Liz? Was he only here with me to make her jealous?

  ‘Hey,’ I continued. ‘What happened between you two?’

  ‘I really don’t want to talk about it,’ he said, his mouth still in a thin line.

  What was going on?

  ‘So!’ I clapped my hands, realising I had better change the subject. ‘What shall we get up to this afternoon? Snor­kel­ling? I know a great place,’ I babbled, determined to break this strained silence.

  He seemed to jerk out of his reverie for a moment. ‘Snorkelling.’

  Thank goodness, I thought, glad for a second to have an excuse to leave this atmosphere. Oh that couldn’t be good.

  ‘Great,’ I said, ‘I’ll get my things.’

  Things stayed the same for much of the afternoon. We had stopped the boat in a deserted bay around the corner from Juara. Andrew seemed to be in the same mood, answering questions and throwing me smiles but not really present. I began to wonder whether I had read all the signals wrong, had misunderstood him this morning, but he kept repeating that he wanted to be there when I checked.

  ‘So, seriously, what was that with Liz earlier?’ I said in the middle of a never-ending conversation about sea algae.

  ‘What?’ Andrew looked at me sharply, brown eyes piercing.

  ‘Well I wondered if anything had happened. I thought she looked cross.’

  Andrew grunted something in response, mumbling into his chest.

  I took a gulp. ‘I thought maybe Liz liked you, you know, that’s why she was getting upset?’ I suggested quietly, the realisa­tion creeping over me more and more. All those times they had been whispering, walking together, eyes catching.

  He didn’t respond, looked out to the sea not meeting

  my eye.

  ‘I obviously picked up on something that wasn’t there,’ I said, forcing myself to let out a light laugh.

  Again he didn’t respond. Then, after a moment, he shook his head. ‘She likes Duncan,’ he said in a quiet voice.

  ‘How do you know?’ I asked, realising I was getting somewhere.

  It should hurt more than this. Andrew liking Liz should hurt me more. And if it doesn’t then…I let that thought be swept away as Andrew continued.

  ‘I saw them together laughing and she says, well it doesn’t matter, it’s obvious…’ He tailed off, perhaps embarrassed that he was sharing so much.

  ‘I don’t think it is,’ I said slowly, realising that what I was about to say was going against everything I had rushed out here to achieve. ‘Look,’ I said, turning to him. ‘This,’ I said pointing to him and to me and having a horrendous Randy-related flashback as I realised it sounded like I was about to dump him.

  Andrew obviously realised it, too. ‘Don’t, Isobel.’

  ‘No, I think we both know I need to say this,’ I continued, swallowing quickly. ‘We were great friends in the past, lovely, lovely friends,’ I said, my voice softening as I remembered our shared childhood, the boy I had so loved. ‘But we are different people now and we don’t have a great deal in common.’ I laughed looking round at the boat.

  ‘But I was thinking about England, about when we go back,’ Andrew said.

  We I thought. He said ‘we’. We were never going to be

  a ‘We’.

  ‘Who do you really want to go back to England with? It’s not me Andrew, is it? I can tell you like her, and it’s okay, she likes you.’

  I let that thought settle, watching his face lift a fraction. He did like her. ‘Do you really think?’ he asked and in that moment I felt we were finally connecting in the way we used to. We were finally swapping each other’s secrets. I took his hand. ‘I really do, and you are perfect for each other. Truly.’ And as I said it, I knew with certainty it was true. They were suited to each other.

  Andrew’s face split into a smile and he looked at
me, the boy with the wave in his hair pulling me in for a hug. ‘Thanks, Isobel,’ he said and I felt we could be back in Southsea, our skinny legs dangling over the side of the pier.

  ‘My pleasure,’ I said next to his ear.

  ‘What about you?’ Andrew asked, as he revved up the engine to move on.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I asked, knowing perfectly well what he meant. To avoid talking about it I laughed at him. ‘Anyway, before I think of someone else, I should probably ask you to take back your curse.’

  Andrew’s eyebrows joined together. ‘What curse?’

  I looked at him, aghast. ‘I can’t believe you don’t remem­ber that. You cursed me. Just after we got married in the playground. And then you married Jenny.’

  He chuckled. ‘Oh my god, I remember those weddings. Wow, we were weird kids.’ He snuck a look at me. ‘Er about Jenny…she meant nothing.’

  ‘I know,’ I said solemnly. ‘I forgive you, BUT a curse is a curse.’

  ‘Well,’ he said, squaring his shoulders and holding out a hand to place on the top of my head. ‘I take it back. I absolutely take it back and hope you find the perfect someone.’

  ‘Thanks,’ I said my voice smaller suddenly, my chest expanding with a feeling of foreboding. I knew who my perfect someone was, was it too late?

  ‘And that someone might be…Duncan?’ Andrew hinted with a smile at the same time as another face filled up my whole head, stopped my breathing. Was it too late?

  I shook an answer. ‘No, god no.’ A laugh, a click of a camera, a pair of blue eyes. I realised with growing panic that I might have lost them.

  ‘Do you mind if we go back?’ I asked suddenly. ‘I think I need to see someone.’

  ‘Of course,’ Andrew said, turning the boat around and heading back round the coast.

  I sat back, listening to the engine turning over, the bounce of the waves, the spray from the sides as we skirted the island.

  ‘Hey…’ Andrew said a few minutes later, squinting as he stared at the shore. ‘Is that Melissa?’