Love Me, Trust Me

by Barbara Gee

  “You got it. Now can you guess what my issue is?”

  “You’re fiercely attracted to him.”

  Libby laughed at Kay’s choice of words, but she couldn’t deny the accuracy. “Yes, I am. Fiercely. How do I make it stop?”

  “I doubt you can, you just have to control it. I assume the reason you’re fighting it because he doesn’t share your faith?”

  Libby nodded, then shared her concerns with the perceptive older woman. She didn’t want to go backwards, didn’t want to pull away from the relationship with God that had changed her life so much for the better, but she feared she wasn’t strong enough to put that above her growing attraction to Ryan.

  “I’m feeling so torn right now, Kay, and to tell you the truth, I’m kind of angry. Why is it Ryan who makes me feel this way? Why not a man who is easy and comfortable and non-threatening? Surely God knows that’s what I need. Instead, Ryan Anderson shows up and makes me feel all needy and confused.”

  Kay stopped working and folded her arms, her eyes getting a faraway look. “I understand where you’re coming from, my dear, far more than you might think. Virgil wasn’t a believer when we met, and I had exactly the same questions for God.”

  “But it worked out for you guys, obviously. How did it happen?”

  “Well for starters, Virgil didn’t like taking no for an answer. I refused to go out with him, because of our differences, so he started coming to church to see me. Pretty soon he was even showing up at the mid-week services. I found myself looking forward to seeing him, and my heart would pound when I saw him coming across the room toward me, smiling that smile that told me he was happy to see me and wasn’t going to give up.”

  “When did you finally give in? And why?”

  “All that time he was spending at church started to have an effect on him. He was there because he wanted to see me, but he also to sit through a lot of good sermons and Bible studies for his efforts. Pretty soon he had a lot of questions, just like you did last year when you started your journey. When I saw he was genuinely searching, I started meeting him for lunch a couple times a week. As it turned out, our own relationship developed simultaneously with his relationship with Christ.”

  “I love that you two made it, and your marriage is a beautiful thing. But I have to ask, what if Virgil hadn’t accepted Christ? Would you have walked away, even if it seemed like he was totally made for you, except for the matter of him not believing the way you did?”

  “I hope I would have, but I’m so glad it didn’t come to that.” Kay leaned over from her kneeling position and wrapped her arm around Libby’s waist. “I don’t know what to tell you, dear. I see how it is between you and Ryan. He’s only been here a week, and yet I’d have to be blind not to see it.”

  “I’m scared,” Libby admitted. “I could so easily fall for him. And if I do—it could break me. Ryan could break me into pieces without even trying.”

  “You might bend, but you won’t break, my dear. You have more strength than you realize.”

  “I pray you’re right,” Libby said on a sigh. “I think maybe my only hope is that Ryan is too honorable to mess with me like that. He’s not looking for a serious relationship, and he won’t want to risk his friendship with Tuck on a fling with me. If he doesn’t push, maybe I can get through the next three months without having my heart shredded.”

  “As a woman who has been married for thirty-two years, here’s the most important advice I can give you,” Kay said gently. “It’s vitally important that you think beyond the moment. I believe Ryan is a wonderful man, and I can easily see why you find him hard to resist. But when you’re looking at forever, Libby, you need a man you can survive the worst of times with. I speak from experience on this. You know that Virgil’s and my only child, a little boy, died an hour after he was born. Nothing can prepare you for something like that, absolutely nothing. It was a pain like none I’ve ever felt and I pray I never feel it again. It would have destroyed me, if not for Virgil. It was our love and our shared faith that got us through not only the death of our son, but the years of trying to get pregnant again, and then realizing that it wasn’t going to happen. Love and faith, my dear, are equally important. Because love isn’t always enough on its own.”

  Libby nodded sadly. “You’re right. I needed to hear that. And Kay, I know I’ve said it before, but I’m so, so sorry about your little boy. You would have been the most amazing parents. I’ll never understand why you weren’t given the chance.”

  “At some point you have to stop questioning and just accept how things are. When Virgil and I were finally able to get to that point, we shed the bitterness and embraced the blessings we’d received in other areas. One of those blessings was being an honorary aunt and uncle to you and Tuck. And now you’re both here, along with our dear Maddy, taking over the ranch. That brings me more happiness than I thought it was possible to find at this stage in life.”

  “Thanks, Kay,” Libby said. “For your advice and your love, and for never giving up on me. I’m not going to give up on Ryan, either, but I’ll be careful. I’ll try to take my own personal desires out of it and just focus on helping him get through this tough time. I want to see him happy and whole. He deserves that.”

  “We’ll all help. He’s one of us now.”

  Libby nodded. “He helped Tuck save Maddy and me last year. Now we have a chance to do the same for him. I just hope he lets us.”

  CHAPTER 11

  Ryan felt like he’d aged several years since morning. First the news from Clara about the letter, then getting Libby’s call about the man watching her. That had given him some bad moments. Then, when she was safely in the car beside him and he was finally beginning to relax, she’d started talking about God and praying. She had no way of knowing that the mention of spiritual things inevitably took him back to a mountainside in Afghanistan, and into a battle he wished he could forget. He didn’t hold it against her, she knew nothing of his struggles after all, but that mountain was a place he didn’t want to be.

  Lucky for him Libby wasn’t the kind of person to subject him to an unwanted mini-sermon when he made it clear he didn’t want to talk about it. That would have probably led him to saying things he shouldn’t. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt her, but he really didn’t want to have that discussion. Ryan didn’t begrudge others their faith, but it wasn’t for him. He could take care of himself. That was far easier and more reliable than counting on someone or something that would only let him down when he was most needy.

  Instead of pushing and prodding, Libby had given him space, diving into her bags in the back seat to find the four pounds of fudge she’d bought. She’d been so happy about the treat, flashing that beautiful smile at him. Soon thoughts of the mountainside and the letter at Clara’s had faded, allowing him to just enjoy being with her. She was somehow able to calm him, make him laugh, make him happy.

  With each day spent on the ranch, he’d become more and more aware that Libby Simon was everything he wanted, but couldn’t claim. He made it a point to frequently remind himself of all the reasons she was off limits. It looked like he was going to have to come up with a few more reasons to add to that list, though, because the ones he already had didn’t seem to be quite as compelling as before.

  He sighed and sprawled out on his bed, clutching his phone. If nothing else, Libby and the events of the day had served as a distraction while he waited for Olivia to get the letter from Clara. He knew she would call as soon as she had it in hand, but this waiting was killing him. For a man used to taking charge, being thousands of miles away and helpless was frustrating, to say the least. Truth was, Ryan didn’t do helpless very well. He never had.

  Finally, just as he was leaving the cabin to head over to the main house for dinner, his phone rang. His heart began pounding painfully when he saw Olivia’s number on the screen. Did she have the answers he so desperately needed?

  He stepped out onto the porch and answered the call. “Hey, O
livia. Did you get the letter?” he asked tersely.

  “I did, and I opened it. But it’s weird. It’s most likely related to what’s happened, but it’s not the easy answer we’ve been hoping for.”

  As Ryan walked toward the ranch house, she read the message to him. It was short and handwritten, with no identifiers whatsoever.

  We need to talk. Call me at this number and I’ll explain. Very, very important.

  “That’s it? That’s all it says?” Ryan asked, feeling let down and defeated.

  “Yep, that’s everything. Just that short message and a phone number. What do you think?”

  Ryan rubbed the back of his neck and rolled his shoulders, trying to ease the tension that was giving him a pounding headache. “I don’t know what to think. It could be a valid lead, or it could be someone trying to draw me out.”

  “The mail stamp shows that the processing center was Charlotte, so it came from somewhere close by.” Olivia noted. “The postmark date is two days after you left here.”

  Ryan asked her to email a copy of the letter to him, and he promised to keep her posted on what he decided to do. Then he went up the porch steps and inside.

  The great room was empty, although the large dining table was set, awaiting people and food. He heard voices in the kitchen, so he went there.

  “Hey, Ryan,” Tuck greeted. “Any news?”

  “I just got off the phone with Olivia.” Everyone looked at him expectantly, but he found his gaze drawn to Libby’s blue-green eyes. “It’s short. No name, just a phone number. It says, ‘We need to talk. Call me at this number and I’ll explain. Very, very important.’”

  He saw Libby’s shoulders fall in disappointment, and he was pretty sure she had been hoping for an answer almost as badly as him.

  “Is it a North Carolina phone number?” Tuck asked.

  “No, I don’t recognize the area code, but that doesn’t mean much in the cell phone world. Numbers are ported all over the place, and a strange area code doesn’t mean the person doesn’t live in North Carolina. It’s probably a burner phone anyway. Which means we won’t be able to trace it.”

  “True. Are you going to call it?”

  “I don’t think I have a choice. I know it could be a ploy to try to find me, but it’s the only lead I have.”

  Tuck nodded agreement. “Use my work phone. It’s secure and untraceable.” He took it out of his pocket and entered the passcode before handing it to Ryan. “You can use Virgil’s office if you want.”

  “Thanks.” Ryan said. “Let’s hope someone answers.” He walked toward the office, dialing the number he had memorized. When it started ringing he went automatically into cop mode. No emotion, matter of fact, don’t indicate surprise or give away your intentions. As he settled into the chair at Virgil’s desk, his call was answered.

  “Ryan Anderson?” a male voice said tentatively.

  Since he was using Tuck’s phone, Ryan knew caller ID hadn’t revealed who he was. “How did you know?” he asked.

  “You’re the only person who has this number. It’s a disposable phone—I wanted to make sure no one could trace it.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I have some information for you, and someone is trying to stop you from getting it. Thank God you finally called.”

  “Who are you?”

  “I’m an attorney. I found the information in a client file.”

  “One of your clients?”

  “No, a colleague’s client.”

  Ryan ran a hand through his hair and sat back, all of his senses alert. “Let’s start with you telling me who you are.”

  “If I tell you that, you’re going to run a background check on me and someone might get wind of it and realize I have what they’re trying to get. I don’t want to take that chance. Can we meet somewhere? I’d rather tell you everything face to face.”

  The request made Ryan wary. “I need more than that,” he said. “For all I know you’re the one who burned down my house.”

  “I’m not, but I heard about it,” the man said, his voice sounding weary. “I didn’t want to get involved in this, Mr. Anderson, but I think it got my best friend killed. I don’t want him to have died for nothing. I don’t want his killers to win.”

  “You won’t give me a name?”

  “I’d prefer not to. But you can choose where we meet, and I’ll come to you. I’ll be alone, but you can have as many people with you as you want, as long as you don’t mind them hearing what I have to say. You can have the whole police department there if you want. In fact, that might be best. I’m pretty sure you’re being watched. I’m not, at least not yet, because they have no idea I found what they’re looking for.”

  “I’m not being watched. I left the area and they don’t know where I am.”

  The other man let out a shaky breath. “I’m glad to hear that. Will you meet me? Like I said, you can choose the place.”

  Ryan’s lips curved into a wry smile. “How about the FBI field office in Fargo, North Dakota?”

  There was a long silence. “Did you say North Dakota?”

  “I did. Is that a problem?”

  “Um, no,” the man said. “No, that’s doable, I suppose.” His voice got stronger. “Actually the farther away from here the better. You don’t have to worry about me being followed, I’ve been extremely careful, and they don’t know about me. I’d know it if they did. It’ll be a couple days until I can get there, though. I’m going to have to come up with an excuse to clear my schedule.”

  “I’ve waited this long,” Ryan said, resigned. “Let me know when you’ll be arriving and I’ll make sure you’re picked up at the airport. Better yet, I’ll call you back and get your flight information. I’d rather not give out my phone number.”

  “I don’t blame you, and it makes me feel better to know you’re a careful man. I’m going to head out and find a public computer to make my flight reservations, and I’ll set up a new email address to get my confirmation. It might be overkill, but I don’t want to take any chances.”

  “Let’s hope it is overkill,” Ryan said grimly. “I’ll call you in a few hours.”

  “Talk to you then, Mr. Anderson.”

  Ryan hung up, his mind cycling back through everything the man had said, looking for red flags. He had seemed sincere, and genuinely frightened. Was he really risking his life to get information to Ryan, a complete stranger? And if so, what was so important that the man thought the risk was worth it?”

  The attorney, if he was telling the truth about his profession, hadn’t exactly been forthcoming, but if he was on the up and up and his friend had truly been killed because of the information he held, then Ryan couldn’t blame the man for holding back. Neither of them had much reason to trust the other at this point, but Ryan’s need to know was greater than his trepidation. If the man was willing to come all the way to North Dakota, the least Ryan could do was hear him out.

  He rubbed his eyes wearily, composing himself before going to talk to the others. He found them waiting tensely in the kitchen and he filled them in, not leaving out anything the man had said.

  “I hope it’s okay that I offered your office as the meeting site,” he finished, looking at Tuck.

  “It’s the best place. I’ll get it approved. Just let me know when he’ll be arriving and I’ll have someone pick him up at the airport and bring him to the office.”

  Ryan nodded, then looked at each of the five people surrounding him, seeing the concern in their eyes. “You’re all welcome to be there when we meet. I don’t know what his ‘information’ is, but I don’t want to have any secrets from you all. You’ve put yourselves out there for me, and I want to keep you in the loop, no matter what this guy is going to hit me with.”

  “Do you want us there, Ryan?” Maddy asked gently. “If you do, we’ll be there, but if you’d rather talk to this guy in private, please don’t feel obligated to include us.”

  “It’s totally your call,” Libby add
ed. “There are no conditions to you staying here. We trust you to do what’s best, with or without our input.”

  Tuck put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder. “Take some time to think about it. As Libby said, you can stay here as long as you like, regardless of what you find out and whether you tell us about it, and I for one hope you’re here a good long time. You’ve made my life a lot easier this past week.”

  Ryan let out a slow breath, touched by the selflessness of this group of people, his friends.

  “I don’t have to think about it,” he said. “I’ll tell you everything anyway, so you might as well hear it directly from him.”

  “Just let us know when,” Maddy said.

  Ryan found his gaze drawn to Libby, but he looked away when Virgil clapped him on the back. “Kay and I will let you four meet with this fellow, but we’ll be anxious to hear about it. You’ll be in our prayers, young man.”

  “We hope you get some answers, Ryan,” Kay said, reaching up to take his face in her hands. “I want the shadows gone from these eyes. That’s what I’m praying for.”

  ***

  After dinner, Ryan and Tuck went back into Virgil’s office to discuss the phone call at greater length. The big question was whether the letter was legit, or an effort to trick Ryan into revealing his location. They discussed the possibilities, and the ramifications.

  “If it’s a trick, they haven’t learned much. They already know I’m most likely in North Dakota, because of the UPS mailbox. The only new information they have is that I’m going to be in Fargo for the meeting. If there’s really going to be a meeting. If it’s a set-up, no one will actually show.”

  “Not for the meeting, but they might bring someone in to stake out the FBI building and try to follow you once you leave. I don’t want you anywhere close to the building until we know for sure the man arrived on the flight he gave you, and he’s safely in one of my agent’s cars and on his way to the meeting.”

  “I agree. But my gut is telling me the guy is telling the truth. There’s something he believes I need to know, and he wants to tell me in person.”