MARNIE
Um. Mom.
MOM
Hi, Marnie.
MARNIE
You want help standing up again?
MOM
Will you visit your grandmother?
MARNIE
Oh. Um. Okay. But she's old.
MOM
I know.
MARNIE
So. Like. She can't do much.
MOM
That's why it'd be nice if you went to visit her.
MARNIE
Yeah, okay. It's just… when I go… she just lies there and looks at me and stuff. And touches my face. And talks about Uncle Jimmy who likes guys. Which is okay. But there's not much for me to… do. Like, I can't help her.
MOM
It's nice for her just to have you there.
MARNIE
Yeah, but like I can't save anyone or anything. She'll still be old. She'll be old when I get there, she'll be old when I leave.
MOM
She has a better time being old with her family around her.
MARNIE
Don't you find it… kinda… I don't know, boring, though? I mean it's nice to go and be a nice person, but doesn't it get boring? I mean you can't even say funny things like, "Hey you're old," or, "Look at you, so old and not even young anymore!" Et cetera.
MOM
She's my mom. I love her.
MARNIE
Maybe if she loved you as much she would've stayed young.
MOM
…
MARNIE
Mom. Mom? Are you crying?
MOM
…no.
MARNIE
Your nose did a funny "I'm not crying but I'm crying" thing. I'll buy you toilet paper when you're old even if it's boring, Mom.
MOM
I hope you never have to do that.
MARNIE
Why? You do it.
MOM
No. You said it. I love you far too much ever to do you the injustice of becoming old.
MARNIE
I don't think that's an "injustice." An "injustice" would be like if you stole bread from a poor person. Especially if you weren't even really that hungry.
MOM
Look at you. Judge Marnie.
MARNIE
Ewww!
MOM
Ewww?
MARNIE
Judges have to wear those robes! Those robes are gross! But kinda cool. But also gross.
MOM
Help me stand up?
MARNIE gives her a hand.
Shall I walk you back to bed?
MARNIE
That's okay. I know the way.
MOM
Yes, but you might get lost.
MARNIE
Promise I won't.
MOM
Promise for real?
MARNIE
Super promise.
MOM
All right. Good night then.
She turns to go.
MARNIE
Mom?
MOM turns back.
I like it when the pipes sing.
MOM
They're a bit rusty.
MARNIE
Nobody could tell. Not even plumbing experts.
MOM
You're sweet.
MARNIE
Ew.
MOM
Go to bed soon.
She goes.
MARNIE
Stay strong, McPhee, stay strong!
Tinfoil in place of sheet metal, stuffed panda bear in place of engine: check, check, check!
I just need one more spaceship construction item and then we're ready for takeoff! A radio. Now where, where can I find a radio in my house…?
In her mind's eye she sees, remembering:
ALAN
If I put on my headphones, don't think I'm not listening. I'm listening. I'm just listening without being able to hear you as much as I would if I weren't wearing headphones. So don't be insulted. Okay?
And he lifts up A RADIO! Well, a jukebox. But a jukebox with radio capabilities.
Overjoyed, MARNIE sings, à la "We're Off to See the Wizard":
MARNIE
We're off to Alan's bedroom! to borrow his ra-di-o! to borrow to borrow to borrow to borrow to borrow his raaaaa-di-ooo, because we're building a spa-ace-ship, a spa-ace-ship, a spa-ace-ship, we are, we are, we are, we are, we aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrre…
She quiets down, creeps upstairs towards ALAN's bedroom on tiptoe—when suddenly she hears a noise!
From the front porch comes the clicking that we heard before, louder than we heard it before: clickity-clickity-clickity-click. And again.
Ever so quietly, holding her finger over her lips and motioning to us to do the same, she creeps towards the front door, which is ajar, and steps out onto the porch.
And there's DAD—peering into a telescope, adjusting it, with a clickity-clickity-clickity-click.
MARNIE creeps ever so quietly back into the house… but then DAD whirls the telescope around and points it directly at her!
DAD
Oh my. Oh me oh my. What's this?
MARNIE
Eeek!
DAD
Oh, it makes noise. Fascinating. A strange and distant rock formation. Is it a planet? I wonder if it's habitable. Maybe we should send a signal and see if we get a response. Yes yes, check check, sending, sending…
A sound like a seagull cawing:
Awwwk! Squaaawwk!
MARNIE
Eeek! Eeek!
DAD
Awwwk! Squaaawwk!
MARNIE
Dad, it's me!
DAD
Oh, it talks, it talks! A talking planet! McPhee to base, McPhee to base, we have a sighting of a talking planet, looks like a little girl, seems friendly but we're going to send out a crew to investigate, over.
MARNIE
Dad?
DAD
Now it appears to be talking directly to me, over.
MARNIE
Dad!
DAD
…yes?
MARNIE
What are you doing?
DAD
Oh. Nothing. And you? Why are you still up? What were you doing?
MARNIE
Oh. Nothing.
They stare at each other for a moment.
DAD glances up at the night sky.
DAD
If we lived in the country you could see way more stars than here. Hundreds. There's so much light pollution in the city. And pollution-pollution. People shouldn't be allowed to drive their cars. We sacrifice the infinite for the Honda.
MARNIE
Um… I think people need to drive… to drop their kids off at school. Et cetera.
DAD
That's true.
MARNIE
But… yeah… of course… you wouldn't want to lose the, um… the infinite.
DAD
They should teach you the map of the sky in school. Do they teach you that?
MARNIE
Sure. Um. That's the moon. And I know how to find the sun, during the daytime. And Alan showed me how to find Uranus.
DAD
Oh yeah? How? It's difficult to spot in urban environments, depending on—
MARNIE
Never mind.
DAD
You should learn the stars. Or at least a handful of important ones. The North Star. Ursa Major, Ursa Minor. The archer. You should learn where the stars should be. The star Maia, for instance, should be right there. But you can't see it from here. Which is a bit terrible, if y
ou ask me. But what's more terrible is that most people don't even know it to miss it.
MARNIE
Show me where it should be.
DAD gets behind his telescope, adjusts the angle, the focus. He finds the spot he's looking for.
DAD
Here.
He leads MARNIE behind the telescope. She looks.
MARNIE
I don't see anything.
He adjusts the telescope, prompts her to look again.
DAD
I've been staring at this all night.
MARNIE
It's really beautiful.
DAD
What does it look like?
MARNIE
Colour. Fiery colour.
DAD
Do you know what it is?
MARNIE
…a star is dying.
DAD
It'll be doing that for hundreds of hundreds of years. It'll keep dying beyond the deaths of all our friends, everyone we know. But most of the time we can't see it. It's too far, the light's wrong, the earth's orbit is off. But it's pretty amazing, isn't it?
MARNIE
I think it's scary.
DAD
Me too. But also exciting. But also exhilarating. Because it says that there too, where we think there's fixity, eternity—is mystery. There too, things come into being and pass away.
MARNIE
It makes me sad.
DAD
Yeah. Me too.
MARNIE
…do you really think it'd be all that great to see the stars close up? I mean… do you really think it'd be so different? Like after a few minutes, I mean?
DAD
It was what I wanted. I would've practically built my own spaceship to get there.
MARNIE
Why didn't you?
DAD
What, all by myself?
He laughs.
I didn't have the right tools. Good night, sweetie. Go to bed soon.
He goes inside.
She gazes up at the stars.
MARNIE
He really does seem to love the stars, huh? I thought Dad was just weird, but is it possible he's not weird at all but actually… awesome…?
She shakes her head furiously.
No, no, no!
It's a trap!
I can't let them trick me into thinking it's okay to be like them! I have to be different! I have to be special! More of a super-human-being than they are! Or else I'll grow up and be—no! There's only one solution! It has to be tonight, tonight! I have to finish building my spaceship and get out of here before the sun's up!
To Mars! To anywhere but here!
I'll wait till they're asleep, borrow Alan's radio, and be gone.
I'm going… I'm going… I'm going…
4
Three A.M.
ALAN's bedroom.
MARNIE, creeping, singing under her breath, again à la "We're Off to See the Wizard":
MARNIE
We're inside Alan's bedroom, in the midd-ddle of the niiiiiight, in the mid-dle, mid-dle, mid-dle, mid-dle middddddle of the night, to borrow to borrow his radio, la la la la, la la la la…
She spots his radio, glowing like a Holy Grail (or not) above his bed. She leans in, reaches for it, smiles as she has it in her grasp—when she hits a button by accident and the radio turns on and country music blasts out!
ALAN flies out of bed!
ALAN
Thief! Thief!
The noise draws DAD and MOM; they rush in and see MARNIE!
DAD
The thief looks familiar—!
MOM
Marnie, what is this—?
ALAN
It's three in the morning—!
MARNIE
It's nothing! It's… you are still dreeeeeeaammmming…
ALAN
I don't think that'll work, Marns.
MARNIE
Oh! Eek! Bye!
She runs away. They wait for her. A moment. She returns.
Oh hi, everybody! Ah. What's everybody still doing up? It's three in the morning!
They stare at her.
MOM
Explanation, Marnie?
MARNIE
Me no speakie English.
ALAN
I'm going back to bed.
MOM
You woke your brother, Marnie.
ALAN
That's okay, I don't sleep anyway, I'm an insomniac, remember? God. People these days.
MARNIE
Sorry, Alan.
ALAN
Oh, it's not your fault. You're innocent.
MARNIE
Thanks, Alan.
ALAN
It's the adults who are corrupting what's pure in today's—
DAD
Weren't you going back to bed, Alan?
MOM
Please, do we have to do this in the middle of the night—?
ALAN
My night started three days ago, because I HAVE INSOMNIA, Mom—
DAD
Maybe you're falling asleep and dreaming you're still awake—
ALAN
Great, Dad, so I'm not an insomniac, I'm just an idiot who can't tell dreams from—
MARNIE
Stop stop stop!
They stop.
Your interrogation methods are horrible! Okay—I'll show you what I'm doing. But only if you promise you won't make me stop doing it.
MOM
Well, what is it you're doing?
MARNIE
No, promise me first.
MOM
How can we promise if we don't know what the promise entails?
ALAN
Mom's a logician, Marnie. It's like a magician, but less fun.
DAD
I promise you I'll promise if it's a promiseable promise.
MARNIE
And if it isn't?
DAD
I promise I'll hope it is.
ALAN
Don't worry, Marnie, they'll probably forget about it within a couple of days anyway.
MOM
That's not true. Why would you say that?
ALAN
Because your short-term memory is starting to fail. It's perfectly natural, if a little sad—
DAD
Very nice, Alan—
MARNIE
Arrêtez!
Ils arrêtent.
Come with me. It's in the basement.
She leads them into the basement.
Now, I don't want you to be shocked. Or alarmed! So don't be. It's not what it looks like.
They stare at her. She goes over to her would-be spaceship and pulls away the sheet that covers it, and…
Silence.
Her family doesn't gasp or shout. So MARNIE gasps for them. Dramatically. She looks for a response. Gets none.
Well?
Silence.
So?
Nothing.
Sew?
That is: "sue"?
MOM
…it's pronounced "so."
MARNIE
Aren't you shocked? Or alarmed?! Ahhhhhh! Ahh.
ALAN
What…
MARNIE
Yes?
ALAN
…oh never mind.
DAD
I think what your brother wanted to ask is—
MOM
What is it?
MARNIE
…what is it?
DAD
Yeah.
MARNIE
Have
n't you ever seen a spaceship before?
Silence. They look at her. They look at it. They look at her.
ALAN
I'm going back to sleep. Or not sleep.
MOM
Me too.
MARNIE
But aren't you… upset?
MOM
Upset? I'm relieved this is just playing pretend. For a moment there you really had me worried.
MARNIE
But… but…
ALAN
Send me a postcard from the moon, okay?
MARNIE
You're… you're laughing…?
MOM
We're not laughing—
ALAN
We're laughing a little. It's cute.
MARNIE
Cute?
MOM
Cute when it's not in a pile that anybody can trip over. We'll keep it over in the corner, okay, Marnie?
MARNIE
But I… I… CUTE!?
MOM
We'll talk about this when I'm more awake.
MARNIE
And you!
ALAN
Me?
MARNIE
You! I didn't laugh at you, when you told me about your—
ALAN
Shh.
MARNIE
Your—
ALAN
Shh. Okay. Sure.
MOM
Your what?
ALAN
Yawn. I'm tired. Me no speakie English. Bye bye.
He leaves.
MOM
(to MARNIE) You and I. Conversation about this. Later.
She goes too.
MARNIE looks very small, bewildered, defeated. Pause.
DAD
You want to build a spaceship?
MARNIE
Never mind. I'm just… playing pretend.
DAD
But you really want to build a spaceship?
MARNIE
Forget it. I'm just being cute.
DAD
Because if you were really trying to build a spaceship… maybe I could help. If you tell me why you want to build one.
MARNIE
…that's simple. To be independent. To be alone. To be in outer space, where you're happy because you're all on your own, not counting the Martians, and you're not surrounded by grown-ups who…
DAD
You don't like it here?
MARNIE
No, I do, I do, I think I do, sometimes, but…
DAD
But you want to know what it's like to be alone.
MARNIE
Yeah.
DAD
I understand.
MARNIE
You do?
DAD
Let's build ourselves a spaceship.
5
The next day: Saturday.
DAD and MARNIE are in the basement. DAD's hard at work on the spaceship, his tool kit beside him. MARNIE watches in gratitude and awe.
The Remarkable Flight of Marnie McPhee Page 3
